#ognqs

[nightquills]

realistically, i know that shane would be capitulating to all of ilya's netfllix-and-chill advances if he's not the one coming onto ilya first within 15 minutes of turning the TV on. but i do think it would be really funny if ilya tries to initiate during a movie shane really, actually, genuinely wants to show him.

shane is slapping ilya's shoulder like "get your hand out of my pants and watch the fucking movie, my favorite part is up next" and ilya is poutinggggg. but shane is right! the best part is next! and ilya gets engaged despite himself to such an extent that there are tears running down his face during the movie's climax.

shane asks ilya what he thought of the movie afterwards. ilya is still sniffling a little bit as he says how much he loved it. and that is when shane pounces and rides his dick about it ❤️

[nightquills]

ilya would be having a bit of a crash out over the pacific marine mammal center naming a rescued sea lion after his husband.

firstly, why does shane get an animal named after him but ilya doesn't? this is a cosmic injustice. they need to name one after him immediately so that sea lion hollander has a rozanov and isn't lonely so that the best men's hockey player is properly represented!!!

secondly, sea lion hollander is so small. criminally tiny. ilya is very proud of his big hockey player husband, thank you. they couldn't have picked a more size-accurate animal to name after him? (though admittedly the big brown teary eyes are fitting. he will give them that.)

and THIRDLY, why did they name a hurt baby after shane when there is a possibility she might not make it through surgery? what kind of fucking emotional manipulation is this? if sea lion hollander dies, there will be hell to pay. (ilya is donating a frankly absurd amount of money to the rescue. he is urging the centaur front office to send all the workers there hollander merchandise. he is publicly yelling at people to not leave their fish hooks in the ocean on social media.)

[nightquills]

the idea of them sitting down at a restaurant for lunch with shane's parents and shane was running late so ilya's already done the whole allergy check by the time he gets there, and the waitress is waiting to take his order and shane is a little ruffled because Late and Person Is Waiting On Me, so ilya ever so helpfully, "the chicken sandwich loves you" "ilya please" "the chicken *burger* hates you, though. she is slut for sesame seeds." "can you please just be normal about this ONE time." yuna from across the table: "the salmon salad loves you, too, if you get it without croutons." "i swear to GOD i will move to another table."

(referencing this post)

this is so cute and so funny and i am enjoying shane's embarrassment and despair at the hands of his concerned and loving family so much

david very helpfully volunteers that "the tilapia, uh.... cheated on you? since last time? they said they changed the recipe for the breading and now it has almonds."

shane puts his head in his hands like "maybe anaphylaxis would be better than this. i'm not even that hungry."

"shane! there's no need to be so dramatic," yuna says.

ilya, ever the helpful menace, has a suggestion. "lyubimyy, we ordered loving appetizers for the table to share. you and i could split a main dish as well? it will be like a threeso—"

shane stands up, tells the waitress "i am so sorry for the delay. i'll have the salmon salad without croutons," and goes to use the bathroom for A Moment Of Peace, Please God Above

the waitress has so many questions, and she is getting no answers. but she very carefully logs the order and notes that it's because of allergies, and she gets a very nice tip at the end of the hollander-rozanov family's lunch.

[nightquills]

another little thing that shane thinks of and handles for his husband: rotating clothes based on the seasons. it's finally spring, it's warming up, and all of ilya's winter clothes are still at the front of his closet. shane puts away ilya's winter coats—making sure to check the pockets before he does so, because ilya is always leaving things behind there—and pulls out the lighter jackets and sweaters instead. he carefully cleans and stores ilya's snow boots. he brings the shorter sleeves and less heavy fabrics within easy reach. shane knows these are silly little things, but it's just another way of showing his love and care for ilya.

[nightquills]

if shane and ilya went on an aquarium date together, ilya would be super freaked out by the rays at the touch pools. (he knows what fucking happened to steve irwin. it does not matter that steve irwin's case was a freak accident under extenuating circumstances, nor that these are not the same kind of rays, nor that their barbs have been trimmed.) shane would have to coax ilya into putting his hand in the water. and then ilya would actually touch one of the rays and let out the loudest fucking yelp as he flinches backwards into shane.

[nightquills]

when ilya learns that the largest t-rex in the world is named scotty, it's fucking over for scott hunter

[nightquills]

the vampire marleau, reacting to ilya's gladiator costume from TLG on social media: my sworn brother! this is not the garb of a true warrior. had you craved a return to our martial roots, i would have unearthed armor for you from my war trophies—nay, i would have dug up your own grave to find the suit of a true fighter to inspire fear this hallow's eve! ilya, depressed as fuck and completely out of it: thanks marly. maybe we can plan matching scary costumes for next year.

[nightquills]

“haha hollander do you have enough pillows on the bed” except under the mountain of decorative throw pillows, shane actually has quality supportive pillows. with like the cooling technology and stuff. ilya is so comfortable he is actually trying to discreetly look at the labels so he can buy some for himself, but shane has cut all the tags off because he can feel them through the pillow cases otherwise. and actually asking about the brand of pillows would be a concession ilya does not feel he can make during the hookup years, but after the cottage? he frames it like he’s trying to make his boyfriend more comfortable while he’s visiting, but make no mistake—ilya is conked the fuck out on his side of the bed with the exact same pillows for himself.