The promotional advertisement on your phone screen reflected into the pupils of your eyes as you skipped down the hallway to class 1 at the end of the corridor.
You slid the door with a thud as several students looked at you but paid no attention as you skipped over to the desk next to Sieun, your lover, as rested your chin onto your palms.
"Sieun, there's a promotion at Sooho's workplace for frozen beef rolls, you said that we could go this week, right?" You asked the stone-faced boy as he tapped on his earpieces once, muting the music, and turned to you with a sigh.
"I can't. I have to study for the mid-terms," Sieun responded as he tapped on his earpieces and continued writing mindlessly onto the paper in front of him.
The smile that was on your face a few seconds ago had dropped into a disappointed look as you got up to leave the class, not sparing the boy another look.
This wasn't the first time. If it had been, maybe you would've let it slide. Twelve times. Twelve times this has happened within the span of two months, and your patience was beginning to break. Excuses after excuses, and it never seemed to end. He never made time for you, and it looked like the future of the relationship was bleak.
You dragged your feet down the hallway as you looked at your phone screen, seeing the texts from your friend, Jinsung, whom you had rejected to go out with due to your prior 'plans' with Sieun.
"The invite is still here! I'm still up for the cafe! Haha, it'll be good to spend time with someone who actually speaks instead of someone who would rather stare at a textbook than have a proper conversation with you!" Jinsung joked over text as you gave it a thought.
Sieun never really cared about where you went and it's not like he could dictate where you went, so why not?
You couldn't help but have a small smile on your face as you twirled in front of the mirror. It had been a while since you got to dress up and go out. Your hair was curled, and your lips were pink. The golden rays of the sun were already reaching your bed, and in a few hours, the sun would set. You grabbed your purse and switched off the lights in the house, taking one last glance at the quiet house before twisting the door knob to the front door and opening it.
"Sieun?".
The boy was about to walk past your house to get to his house but stopped in his tracks when he saw your door open.
"You're all dressed up, I thought we already cancelled plans?" Sieun asked as he stared at your face, waiting for an answer.
"I'm going out with a friend," you answered, looking around, feeling awkward in front of your boyfriend.
"Who? The one that plays basketball every day and doesn't have a single care for his studies or his future?" Sieun asked sarcastically, scoffing as you stood up straight, processing what he had just said.
"Watch your mouth Sieun, today is the only day he's not going to the study room to hang out with me," You responded, looking at the boy in the eye as his gaze became sharp.
"You're dressed so nicely just to go out with him?" Sieun asked as his lips were stuck in the line that resembled the line that was beginning to crack into the relationship between the both of you.
"At least he made the effort to find time to spend time with me, Sieun! Every day of every week of every month, I ask you to spend even just a little bit of time with me, and you can't even do that! I get that studying is important, but you can go out with Sooho, but never with me. What's wrong with me to the point that you don't want to spend even one phone call with me?!" You couldn't help but shout at the boy in front of you as you shoved your finger into his chest with every word you said.
You meant it. You meant every single word.
It hurt. It hurt to be the one that he would turn to whenever it was convenient. To be the second choice, but to him, you were 'his first choice'. You never were, and you never felt that way either.
By then, tears had already begun sliding down your cheeks as your heart practically shattered in your chest. Everything you tried to keep together, to seem like you had everything under control came crashing down.
Sieun was shocked at your outburst. You were his first choice and he was sure you knew that.
"You know that I'd choose you every time," Sieun tried to console you, reaching out for your hand as you snatched it away, already feeling the hurt engulf your entire being.
"Knowing is different from feeling, Sieun. You can't expect me to understand your love language when it isn't mine, because I will never understand it."
You couldn't take it, just his face was enough to make more tears stream down your face as you slipped back behind the door and locked it behind you.
The loud knocking behind you was evident that he was still there, looking for you, but why did it take such drastic actions for him to finally be the one to reach out? The one to give any speck of effort? To finally make you feel like you were even a thought in that academic-filled brain of his. It was too late.
- in which sieun assumes you'll understand in the future.
"You'll understand in the future, why I'm doing this and I never ask you to go out with me, and especially, why I always say after the college entrance exams," Sieun said as you stared at him, feeling the familiar squeeze in your heart.
It was like this every time, and slowly, you feel like you don't understand him anymore. It felt like you were in a dark room, with the one person who could save 6 it was all a blur. You could see his face, stoic as ever. Always refusing to show even a glimpse of what he felt, just for the sake of 'not being pessimistic'. It hurt. It hurt being one of the people he was supposed to lean on for support, but you just felt like another passerby in his life. He was almost indifferent to you.
It was always about the future, what about the present? The current moment that you were in, with him. It's always the same reason over and over again, "After the college entrance exams".
You would be lying if you didn't envy your friends. Seeing them with their partners, spending even 30 minutes sounded like a luxury. To sit down and have a conversation after a hard day at school, or even a phone call seemed like a million dollar dream that you wouldn't be reaching anytime soon with Sieun.
"Why not now?" Your voice was weak, but Sieun definitely heard it as his eyes were stuck onto your eyes that were beginning to water. You sighed as you lowered your head and wiped the tears with the sleeves of your jacket. This wasn't the time to cry, definitely not infront of him.
It sounded crazy. You didn't even feel like you could shed tears in front of him because it felt like he would tell you you're being sad over nothing, or he'd simply say the same statement;
"You'll understand in the future".
"Stop repeating it, Yeon Sieun."
Your voice was harsher than it should've been, but the pent-up anger was spilling out, and if you couldn't catch it, it would spill, and he'd know. Even so, even if he did know, would he do anything?
He spoke about the future the both of you would share. A house with nice decorations, a house with five children running around, and he'd have a good job and spend his breaks at home. He'd have to leave, but he'd constantly text and send gifts for the children's milestones. He'd miss their milestones, but he'd always come back to spend breaks with you and the kids.
He would bring you to places you'd never been to, and the both of you would grow old, and you'd take care of each other.
It felt like a sick joke that you were living through daily. He treated you like you were some fragile piece of ceramic that would fall and shatter at any time, but all you wanted were answers.
You could barely focus on your examinations anymore, feeling the pain crawl up your spine everyday as you stared at the papers given in class.
"Repeating what? That you'll understand in the future?" Sieun asked as you looked up at him, feeling your hands turn into a fist as you held the hem of your skirt in your fist.
"Why can't you tell me anything? You feel like an absolute stranger to me now. You don't want to talk to me in school nor interact with me in school because you're so worried about what other people have to say. Are you shamed of me? You don't want to call, you don't even ask me to call anymore. It's always me making an effort, what about you? Why is it always me? I give up, I'm so tired, Sieun. I want you to make an effort too, to call me 'just because', to walk with me to the bus station 'just because', instead of treating me like the last option and seeing me as someone you'll only put effort in after examinations. I'm hurt too, Sieun. I have feelings too, Sieun." By this point, your face was covered in tears as they fell down your cheek, hot. You still couldn't get close to him, still only being able to say everything from a distance. An arm's length at most.
"We have all the time in the world to do all the things you want to do. Why are you in such a rush?" Sieun questioned, seriously not understanding why you were so upset over such a minor thing.
You let out an exhasperated sigh as you wiped your tears. He would never understand. He treated you like a child that would never understand the world, and you would never get the answers you wanted, even if you begged the Lord above to help you.
"Nevemind. Whatever." You stated, as you turned and got ready to leave.
"Why nevermind? Are you mad again?" Sieun asked as he walked forward to reach out to you.
Yeon Sieun wasn't just a schoolmate. You wouldn't have considered him a friend or someone you hate. The two of you acknowledged each others existence, knowing that the other person existed simply because of one piece of paper that was pasted on the signboard of Byuksan Middle School's notice board every few months.
"First : Yeon Sieun," That was what the board would read every month from the first year of school, but somehow by the third test of the fourth year, yeon sieun's name was not first.
"Did you hear? Yeon sieun got knocked off first place!" Students began gossiping as yeon sieun stood in front of the noticeboard, face blank, but his eyes showed anger.
To say he was angry would be an understatement. He aas furious, his heart pumped faster and he could hear ringing in his ears as he walked back to his seat, acting as he would on a normal day as the students in the class looked at him, muttering and whispering to each other.
"Congratulations! I can't believe you did so well for the mock exams! You'll definitely ace the exams by CSAT year!" The sound of female students congratulations caught Sieun's attention as he raised his head to look at the window in the corridor.
You were walking with four other female students, a large smile plastered onto your face as you shook your head at your friends' words, shy from their compliments.
For the first time in a long time, Sieun felt the feeling of inferiority creeping up his neck like a silent monster. His grip on his pen became tighter as his eyes were glued onto the notebook in front of him, not wanting to think about the result slip on the noticeboard.
"Sieun," You called out his name as you held your tray of food. The boy looked up from his English textbook as he looked at you, his earpieces still in his ears as you exhaled, feeling the awkwardness creeping up your arms.
"Could I sit here? I wanted to talk to you about certain subjects because I'm still not at my best," You asked until you realised that he was ignoring you, eyes glued back onto the text on the book in front of his face as you sighed, turning to walk back to the table with your friends.
That was over a year ago, and by the actual examination, sieun was back on top, with you being in second. That didn't bother you. You weren't aiming for the top, just high enough to get into a good school later on in life.
By the last year of school, the teachers saw that both of you were high academic achievers, which led to their decision to make both of you seatmates.
The air was tense at first. You never knew if you should talk to him or wait for him to start a conversation. You chose the latter, thinking back on your only other encounter with him the previous year.
Over the course of half a year, you were still struggling with Additional Mathematics, and you could never really understand it. You would've asked your classmates but only one other student took Additional Mathematics with you, and that was, lo and behold, Yeon Sieun.
It was break time, and on a usual day, you would've been at the snack bar with your friends deciding what to eat, but today wasn't the case. You had to figure out how to do the hard questions before the exams, and you were still struggling. The teacher was no help, simply telling you to check with Sieun. If you could, you would've.
"The shoelace method."
You lifted your head up from the paper as you turned to see sieun still writing in his notebook, despite you having just heard his voice.
"The shoelace method...?" You questioned him again as he turned to you, his face with his signature cold look, but he was offering help, who were you to reject that?
Sieun adjusted his seat as he moved slightly closer to your table, his chair slanted in your direction.
"I assume you already know the formula?" Sieun asked, not looking at you as his head was tilted slightly, reading the question carefully as he clicked his pen, writing down in blue ink as he explained.
"Take the points in the anti-clockwise direction. The first point chosen must be repeated..." Sieun explained as he wrote down the formula and numbers for the polygon.
You should have been focused, but somehow... having yeon sieun so closd to you made your heart jump. You gulped as you blinked, hard, focusing on the problem at hand.
"You can use the numbers in the motion of a shoelace, x1 with y2, so on and so forth, and eventually, you'll get this answer," Sieun wrote down the final answer as you looked at him, feeling starstruck.
Everyone knew he was smart, but getting to experience his academic ability first-hand made you feel a newfound respect for him. He knew his work, and he made sure he did.
That single event with both of you led to a more comfortable atmosphere as the days passed. Sieun didn't act like you didn't exist, and you could talk to him easily, most of the time.
A simple 'good morning sieun' and a nod back was a more usual occurrence between the both of you and the teachers were more than elated by that.
On that particular day, you didn't seem yourself, even sieun could see it. You didn't speak nor look at anyone in the class as yoj entered, head hanging low as you sat in your seat. You took out your books and placed them on the table, placing your head on them as you closed your eyes, feeling the lack of sleep beginning to seep in.
Your situation at home led to your current state, but you couldn't tell anyone. It's normal academic pressure, it was nothing to worry about ; you chose to believe it. Your grades were beginning to slip, slowly like a snake creeping up with its venom. Your parents weren't happy, a screaming match ensued the moment you arrived home at the start of the week and it was already Friday. You were exhausted. Emotionally and physically, you were done.
"Wake up. The teacher's here," Sieun muttered as he tapped on your shoulder, causing you to flinch as you woke up from your five minutes of sleep.
"I'll be announcing the winner of the additional mathematical olympiad competition that was held recently," The homeroom teacher spoke, but you were to busy beginning to doze off as the teacher's sudden mention of your name caused you to wake up once again.
"Congratulations, this prize is awarded to this student for achieving first place in the additional mathematics olympiad." The teacher announced as you stood up, walking to the teacher to receive the certificate, before plopping down on your seat once again.
"Yeon Sieun, second place," The teacher announced as loud gasps were heard around the room.
You opened your eyes as you saw Sieun at the front of the class, taking the certificate half-heartedly as he gave you the same glare he had given you a year ago, over the mock exam results.
"Now, now, settle down class," the teacher shouted over the muttering and chatter in the class while you were trying to grasp a few more minutes of sleep.
Everyone had gone for their lunch, and it was just you and sieun in the classroom.
"Was it fun?" Sieun suddenly asked, he was seated, facing the board as you turned to him, confused and exhausted.
"What?" You questioned back as sieun turned to you, his eyes glaring at you ad he continued, "Did you just want help because you wanted to surpass me? To get first place?"
You were too tired for this. Everything was becoming a blur in your head.
"Look, if you wanted to win that math olympiad, you could've said so. I didn't even want to take part in it, the teacher in charge signed me up," you muttered as sieun suddenly slammed the desk with his arm, causing it to turn red with each second that passed.
"You're lazy, and all you do is leech off of others. You ask me for help in everything, but can't even do such a basic concept like polygons." Sieun scoffed as you turned to him, eyebrows furrowed at his sudden aggresiveness.
"What is wrong with you? Just because of a stupid math competition, you're attacking me? Watch your mouth yeon sieun," You spat back at him as he turned to face you, his anger reaching its limits.
"You're pathetic," Sieun stated heartlessly as you stood up, grabbing your textbooks, shoving them into your bag, not caring if the covers or pages were bent. You made your way out of the class, walking down the hallway as you made your way to the main office.
"I'm not feeling well. I need to go home," you told the receptionist as she handed you the form to fill out to leave school early.
Sieun's words were echoing in your head as you thought about his harsh words. He was just like everyone around you. Your parents, always telling you to work harder, unsatisfied with everything that you did for your academics.
You walked down the path from the school gate to the bus stop as you quietly wiped away the tears that were threatening to fall. Floodgates were about to be released, but with the many people at the bus stop, that would be embarrassing. Your vision was still blurry from the lack of sleep, but you kept repeating in your head that it was nothing to worry about.
That was until your legs gave out, and the next thing you knew, you were on the floor, your head facing the road as you felt people calling out to you. They sounded mumbled, as if you were underwater. The world seemed to become a whirlpool as you inhaled deeply, before blacking out, the last thing being the sound of the ambulance.
The next week came, and Sieun walked into the classroom, waiting patiently with a box of milk, patiently waiting for you to arrive. He had thought about his actions over the weekend and realised he had lost his cool over something minor, and he had definitely hurt you. He tried to convince himself that he did the right thing, but he couldn't. Remembering how you looked at him, face full of hurt and hands trembling, he couldn't.
The bell rang, and the boy looked up from his notebook to see the seat next to him empty. You didn't arrive. Maybe you were late? He told himself as he placed the milk under your desk for you to see when you arrived.
"I have news to share with all of you," the teacher started as she walked into the classroom with a vase of white flowers, the atmosphere becoming heavy. The teacher was barely ever serious unless something bad happened, and that wasn't a good sign to sieun.
"Our classmate has passed away on Friday. I would like everyone to remember our dear friend as someone who was hard working and could be relied on."
Sieun's ears seemed to ring. A high-pitched ring with a buzzing feeling in his head as he turned to look at his classmates. Only your seat was empty.
"Sieun," the teacher called him as he snapped out of his daze, realising she was standing beside your table.
"I hope you're alright. I know the sudden news shocked you seeing as the both of you were quite close," The teacher said as she placed the flowers on your desk, leaving it as sieun couldn't help but stare at it.
You were gone, and the last thing he called you was 'pathetic'. He was so caught up in his inner turmoil that he was so blind as to not see you suffering right in front of his two very eyes.
Sieun reached out his hand, his hand grazing the clear vase as he thought of when he'd pat your head when you'd sleep in class. He didn't expect that the next time he'd see you, you would be in a casket, with a large potrait of your school photo in front of it.
"You must be yeon sieun." a voice called out as sieun turned to see an old woman in a black hanbok, a chief mourner badge around her arm as sieun nodded.
"You were always spoken highly of. My grandchild would always come home and excitedly tell me about how she talked to you more with each day that passed." the old woman told sieun as he looked to the ground. He felt ashamed, as if he shouldn't have been there. Even in death, you'd still find a way to clench his heart.
Sieun sat at his desk at home, staring at the wall. He felt as if his soul had been removed from his body. He always felt void of emotions, but somehow, he felt like there were too many emotions.
One drop, two drops.
Sieun felt his tears running down uncontrollably, not being able to keep himself together. Sieun never had many friends, but somehow, he always found you sneaking into his heart as someone dear to him, as someone he'd want in his life.
But it was too late. You were no longer a rival, but a friend.
---
MY ASS BRUH I WORKED ON THIS FOR 2 HOURS AND IT TURNE DOUT LIKE SHIT IM SO MAD AT 4:38AM AND ITS JFJFJRWBWJ
also the math part was kind of entertaining to write other than the fact i couldn't write the formula in so pls imagine it
; in which Sieun values his academics over his partner.
warning: argument, breaking up, ignoring.
eva notes! : yo this kinda hit home a little.. :] enjoy
The day seemed like the usual days. Youngbin was busy messing with Sieun and you were sitting in the seat next to him. You took the chance to glance at your significant other next to you as his ears were filled with music and the tip of his pen busy on the notebook infront of him.
"Sieun, Sieun, Sieun!" You tried to whisper-shout to get his attention as he finally took off his earpieces and turned to you, his body language calm as he waited for you to continue.
"Isn't Miss Yeon returning the test papers from the weighted assessment tests the other day?" you asked him as he nodded, his eyes still as dull as when you first met him in school.
It definitely did not go unnoticed. His cold demeanour signalled that his stress levels were over the roof once again, and he definitely was not in the mood for Youngbin's shennanigans or anything happening today.
"Everyone, please return to your seats. Let's begin with checking our assessment papers," Ms Yeon began as she walked over to the podium at the front of the class with stacks of papers, marked with red ink and big numbers on the front, the total scores.
"Miss Yeon! Who got the highest score?" A voice questioned as another student scoffed loudly, "God, you're asking that as if Sieun hasn't topped the last 20 exams since we entered this school!".
Miss Yeon took a look at the stack of papers infront of her as she smiled.
"Actually, we have a new top scorer this examination, Y/N achieved the highest score for this assessment!" Miss Yeon said with a smile as a round of applause was heard.
You looked around, ears red as you'd never have expected to be the top scorer, much more against your own boyfriend.
That was until a bang was heard.
You turned to see Sieun, hands in fists as his eyes burned holes into your face. You've never seen him this angry before, even when Youngbin had thrown a sandal at him.
"Sieun, are you alright?" Miss Yeon asked as Sieun turned to her with a blank face, and responded plainly, "Yes Miss Yeon."
You ran up to catch up with your boyfriend after school as you realised he had left without you, walking to the cram school that you both entered back in your first year of high school.
"Sieun!" You shouted as you ran to reach him, but realised he had his earpieces in, causing him to not hear you. You tapped his shoulder but was met with no response as he continued walking as if you were never there, as if you never existed. You grabbed your phone from your skirt pocket and pressed on his contact on your phone.
"Sieun, are you mad? Let's talk it out?" You texted and sent the message as you followed behind him to the bus stop to the Cram School.
Even at Cram School, he blatantly ignored you as his eyes only switched between the notebook and the large blackboard at the front of the room, ignoring any signs of you trying to get his attention. You tapped his arm, tried to move his notebook, and tried to hold his hand, and still he did not respond. It was as if he changed overnight as it was. . . terrifying to say the least.
"Sieun!" You called out to him as he walked down the path from the cram school to the bus stop to go home.
You'd had enough of him ignoring you the whole day and act as if he didn't know you. This needed to stop.
"Sieun! Stop it." You stated as he stopped in his tracks and turned to look at you.
"What do you want?" He asked for the first time in the many hours you've spent together in school and cram school and all the time in between.
"You blatantly ignored me the whole day, and you have the audacity to ask me what I want? What's wrong with you? You ignored my messages, ignored me, ignored my existence, and treating me like trash. God, even trash would have to be picked up and discarded," you spoke as he stared blankly at you, as if he was, bored.
"You did this," He stated as your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Did what exactly?" You questioned as his gaze became sharp.
"You knew. You knew that this was everything I had. My studies, my grades, they're all I have. Yet, you take them away from me like you don't even know me," He spat out as your jaw dropped from the absolute audacity he had to say what he said.
"You think I chose to score higher than you? Well, sorry, mister arrogant, but I studied just as hard as you did, and you knew that. Just because I scored higher than you in one assessment, it gives you the right to treat me like garbage? You're insane," you responded as you tried to remove your gaze from the stranger in front of you.
"Let's break up." Sieun stated as your eyes widened.
"Just like that?" You questioned as he turned, not bothering to answer your question at all.
He wasn't worth it anyway, right? That's what you tried to tell yourself for the next 4 weeks as days passed by like hell. You requested Miss Yeon to change your seat, away from Yeon Sieun. You did not want to associate yourself with such a jerk, and your academics shouldn't suffer because of a piece of trash like him.
A new student joined the class, and soon, Sieun was buddies with Sooho and Beomseok. Maybe a month ago, it would hurt seeing him having company with other people other than you, but now you were strangers, nothing more.
in which beomseok becomes someone you can't recognise.
[paragraphed weirdly because i wrote this on my notes in between study breaks]
-got this idea while chatting my new friend, @slytherinshua
The physics worksheet on your desk was covered with scribbles of different coloured pens and highlighters as you tilted your head, questioning the various questions to be answered on the worksheet. It felt as if a ghost ran past you as someone placed. a smalm carton of milk with bread on your desk, before attempting to dash away from you, not giving you even one look.
The person didn't get far as they halted in their tracks and turned to walk back to your table, nervously scratching their neck as they began, "I... saw that you didn't bring breakfast today, and you seemed to be having a tough time everyday, so I hope this will cheer you up!". The boy in front of you explained as he smiled nervously before walking away from your desk to his desk next to Yeon Sieun. The boy who had nervously come up to you was none other than the new transfer, Oh Beomseok. He had a rough time with Youngbin and his hooligans, but it seemed that he had found his group of people. Strangely enough, those people had to be Sooho and Sieun, two very perculiar individuals, but matched as if they had known each other in a previous life.
Beomseok continued to bring you milk and bread every single day without a fail, until you decided to question him. Not that you were complaining, but there must have been a motive behind his actions.
"Here's your milk and bread!" Beomseok said as he began walking away from your desk, but you caught his wrist just as he was about to leave.
"Beomseok, could I ask you something? It's nothing serious, I'm just curious about something," You asked as Beomseok looked up to see Sooho giving him a thumbs up, while Sieun remained expressionless with his signature look.
Beomseok dragged over a chair as the rubber dragged against the tiled floor, making a loud sound. The boy took a seat across from you as you cleared your throat, a little nervous being in front of him.
"The milk and bread, I'm not trying to sound ungrateful or upset, I'm just curious as to why you would suddenly give me milk and bread. I mean, we've never talked before and you aren't obligated to get me them and I feel a bit bad because you've spent a lot of money to get me food. I'm just curious, why do you get me milk and bread everyday?" You questioned as Beomseok seemed visibly nervous.
The poor boy's glasses had sweat beads on the bottom side and his fingernails tapped against each other as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes before muttering something which you couldn't catch.
"I'm sorry, what was that? I couldn't understand you-"
"I've liked you for a while now and I didn't know how to confess my feelings so Sooho suggested I give you snacks because you like them!" Beomseok blurted out as his eyes widened, and his hand cupped over his mouth as if trying to keep anything else from spilling from him.
Your expression mirrored him as you coughed, trying to hide your cheeks that were turning red. You felt shy, and did not know what to say. You thought that you should just focus on your studies for the last mile of your journey in Eunjang High School, but it seemed that there were other things in store for you.
Over the course of a few months, Beomseok had become the best boyfriend you could ever ask for. Sometimes, it seemed like an understatement. Beomseok would wait outside the school gate patiently, waiting for you to arrive safely as the both of you would walk down the hallway leading to the class and talk non-stop about the future and your aspirations. Beomseok talked about how he wanted a future with you, and how he'd never had the chance to like anyone in his old school and nor were there anyone worth having feelings for there, but when he transferred to Eunjang High, he knew you were the one for him.
Beomseok being the hopeless romantic, would give you handmade paper flowers and would always ensure that you had your proper meals. Beomseok would make sure you arrived home safely, before leaving in his fancy family car.
You never knew more than what you were supposed to about his family, but you held onto the firm belief that you'd know one day.
That week was, strange to say the least. Beomseok seemed more distanced from not only Sooho and Sieun, but you. Beomseok had never acted this way before and it worried you, a lot.
The next day, walking up the hill to the school gate, you didn't see Beomseok, who would usually be waiting at the rusting iron gates that allowed students to enter the school. He wasn't there.
So you waited. Waited for minutes, worrying if he had gotten into trouble or maybe he felt ill and wouldn't be coming to school again. Before you knew it, you were dragging your feet to the classroom, disheartened that you wouldn't see him for the entire day.
"Thanks for paying for our drinks Beomseok!" Lee Jungchan yelled as Beomseok sat on the seat that once belonged to Youngbin. To say your heart dropped would be a drastic understatement. Beomseok was in school, but he seemed like a different person. His usual black rimmed glasses weren't on his pale face and the way he spoke, almost seemed foreign to you. It was almost like you were being tricked into thinking this stranger in front of you was your boyfriend.
"Hey Beomseok, your chick is here!" Han Taehoon said as the group of uncivilised teenagers split apart, revealing your 'boyfriend', Beomseok.
He looked at you as a wave of shock came across his dark eyes, he'd forgotten to meet you after school, especially with the banging hangover headache that was consuming his crown. You were shocked and absolutely refused to speak to him while he was in the company of Youngbin's dogs.
You turned away from the sight in front of you and made a beeline for your seat, that had been next to Beomseok, but it seemed that he had already moved seats. You turned to look over at Sieun, who was seated next to Beomseok's old seat. You wanted to ask him a million and one questions.
'What happened? Is he crazy? Did he lose it?' all types of questions ran through your head as you pulled the chair out from Beomseok's old seat and sat down, looking in Sieun's direction.
"Sieun, sieun! I need to ask you something," You whisper-shouted in Sieun's direction as he took of his airpods and turned to look at you, obviously bothered by your presence next to him.
"What's the matter with Beomseok? I mean, he's mental. It's as if, I don't even know him," You questioned as Sieun's eyes flickered to his desk before looking straight at you once again.
"I'll tell you later...at cram school," Sieun stated as he return to his work, giving Beomseok one last glance.
Cram School was never something you enjoyed since you sat next to Sieun and all he ever did was stare at the blackboard before scribbling in his notebook repeatedly for three hours. Today would be different, you took a seat next to Sieun as he began, telling you the truth.
"Sooho and Beomseok had a misunderstanding at the karaoke room and apparently some bullies from his school found him and he beat them, but Sooho held him back from causing too much harm. Beomseok was not happy with that and got angry with Sooho, which led to this point. He began joining Youngbin's old group of friends and he began vaping and paying for their alcohol. He's being used by them, I'm sure of it, but Sooho says Beomseok is using them," Sieun explained as it felt like someone had thrown the entire blackboard in your face.
You couldn't believe it and you wouldn't believe it.
He can't have changed that much, right?
Maybe he was just angry and would come around soon.
Cleaning time had never been your favourite and if you could turn back time, maybe you should've just rest at home.
"You slept with her? Yunhee! God she's so hot, and she's a senior!" One of the guys buzzed as another student kicked the mop that was being held by one of the students that were cleaning.
"Clean better, alright piggy?" The guy stated as the group broke into laughter.
"But you know who's hotter? Rina! I swear she has something for me, she looked into my eyes and- bzz! I felt the connection!" Jungchan stated as Beomseok smirked.
"I texted both of them! They both have a thing for me~" Beomseok happily stated as the rest of the guys huddled around the boy as he showed them a photo of him with them at a night club.
Your eyes widened as you stood at the door frame of the boy's toilet, having looked for Beomseok everywhere. You dropped your broom as it fell with a loud thud, grabbing the attention of the boys in the toilet.
Beomseok was pale, but his face at that current moment, was paler than even colour white. He dropped the electronic cigarette in his hand as he put his phone in his pocket and looked around nervously.
You were a patient person, everyone knew that, but never in your life have you ever encountered someone as vile and sickening as the boy who stopd before you.
Your feet seemed to take you forward as you raised your right arm and swung at his face, slapping him. His head faced the other way as he held the cheek that suffered the hit, watching the tears begin to well up in your clear eyes, causing them to turn red.
"We should break up. I have no idea who you are but, you're definitely not the Beomseok I loved. I wish you the best of luck," You stated tearfully as you turned to leave the bathroom, calmly walking to the hallway before you made a run for it. You could practically hear his footsteps as you ran out the school doors and out the school gate. He wasn't worth it anymore.
He was a foreign creature that had taken the form of your boyfriend and chose to spread pain to everyone around him.
"Wait!" That voice couldn't be mistaken for anyone else in the school, even if you tried to act as if you didn't know whose voice it was, you knew.
"No. You're sickening, absolutely sickening. First you get into fights and I get it, you want to defend your friends. This is totally different, you're smoking, drinking, sleeping with women, cheating and you've just completely changed! I have my dignity too Beomseok, and I won't let you step all over it. Maybe we were once lovers but now, I have no idea who you are or what type of being you are but please stay away from me. It's for my safety and wellbeing." You stated as you walked away, not wanting to face him again.
Beomseok ran his fingers through his hair as he shut his eyes aggresively, feeling a headache creeping up on him as he watched you leave. Leaving him physically and emotionally. If he felt lonely before, he might as we be alone in a coffin at that point. Nobody was there for him anymore. No one to text him good morning, no one to scribble smiley faces on his notes, no one to go bowling with him and no one to sit next to him and hug him while he cried out his feelings. No one to be his emotional support pillar and no one to say I love you to him.
The sun was beginning to set as your body hit the wall, feeling your a sharp pain in your shoulder as your head hung low. Your hair covered your face as you felt the side of your lip, moist with blood.
"Your little boyfriend left you to get the beatings by yourself? What a coward," The girl before you laughed as she grabbed a handful of your hair, not holding back her strength as you couldn't help but yelp from the pain.
"Your useless boyfriend abandoned you so he could escape. I heard he's having so much fun with his new friends. They play pool together and they go out after school, but what are you doing?" She told you as she released her grip on your hair, turning to leave, before turning and kicking you right in the jaw.
You were on the brink of passing out. The taste of iron filled your mouth, the smell of the blood filling up your lungs.
"You're still here being our little bread runner, and you don't even have any friends. What a bummer," The girl before you spat as her minions behind her laughed in agreement. It was a routine.
One day, you'd have to run within a minute to the snack bar to get snacks for them with your own money. If you were late, you'd be in the exact position you were in. On other days, they'd do the same if you scored the highest marks for a test. There was no escape. Back then, you had a small escape from the world of their bullying and taunting, but that world left you to fend for yourself.
You were angry. Angry at the world and angry at everyone on it. Everyone turned a blind eye from the teachers to your classmates.
Your breathing was heavy as you stumbled down the pavement to the nearest pharmacy, entering it as the pharmacist was alarmed by your bloody appearance.
"Student... are you alright?" The woman asked as you nodded, grabbing a pack of oilment and gauze wrap. Placing six thousand won on the counter, you walked out with the products, knowing that would be more than enough to cover the cost of the items. You couldn't be late for cram school, no matter how many beatings you took, you'd never miss it. Good grades were your only escape from the monsters in that school. Once you graduate, you'd go to a top school, far away from the monsters who would fail in life.
Your steps were unbalanced, as if you were a newborn child learning how to walk. Your steps were heavy as you stumbled down the brightly lit shops, their neon signs shining in your eyes as you looked at the pavement, not looking ahead of you as you crashed into someone.
"I'm sorry..." You muttered as you bowed, continuing to walk until you heard a voice behind you.
"Are you alright?" A loud voice called out to you as you ignored it, but you were forced to stop when a hand grabbed your shoulder.
"Hey, you have blood on your neck... did someone beat you up?" A tall boy with short hair asked as you looked at the logo on his uniform, Byuksan Middle School.
"I'm alright, why does everyone ask? It's not like you're going to do anything about it," You answered as you shook off his hand.
You would've turned. You should've turned, but the sight of someone over his shoulder caught your attention.
"Beomseok...?" You muttered as you squinted, your blurry vision not helping. The boy stopped next to the boy with short hair as your suspicions were proven right. The nametag with the name 'Oh Beomseok' and his glasses on his face proved it.
"You know her?" Another boy asked, his uniform covered with a grey jacket as Beomseok nodded, not knowing how he should act in front of you.
"Sieun and I need to go! Nice meeting you but we'll leave the both of you to talk! Beomseok, we'll be at the game store!" The short-haired boy suddenly announced as he slung an arm around the boy with the gray hoodie, sieun, as the duo turned around and walked to a random store down the street, which left you and Beomseok.
"They still... go after you?" Beomseok asked, unsure if he should talk to you after what he had done.
"With you suddenly disappearing on them, who else would they go after?" You asked, venom evident in your words as you looked at him. He was exactly as the girls had said. He was wearing a Byuksan Middle School uniform with a cream coloured cardigan over it. When both of you were beaten at the back of the school, he would always have wounds on his cheeks and arms, but he was clean. He was like a porcelain doll at peace.
"I'm sorry," Beomseok stated. His eyes wouldn't meet yours, he couldn't, the guilt was eating him alive. He didn't expect to have to face his past so early on in his new school life, but you were here.
"You were supposed to be by my side. You were supposed to protect me, to make sure that we would escape together. Why did you do that?" You questioned as you felt the tears beginning to well up in your eyes, all the emotions from the past few years beginning to leave.
"Did you know how bad it was that day? When everyone found out you transferred? I couldn't go to cram school that day. Heck, I never arrived home. I ended up in the hospital, a gas mask on my face because they kicked my chest so hard that my lungs were at risk. Did you know?!" You shouted at the boy as you lifted your arm, about to punch him.
Beomseok closed his eyes, but the punch never came. Instead, your arm went limp, having no strength to even throw a punch at him.
"When you confessed to me, you said you'd find a way to protect us both. To get us out of there, together. So why did you get out yourself?" You questioned him. His lack of answers was starting to irritate you, your blood pressure rising as you waited for him to answer.
"My father... he said he couldn't let people know that a politician's son was being beaten at school, so he transferred me. I tried to go against him, but..." Beomseok didn't have to finish. You knew what that cruel man did to him, but you were mad.
Mad that he could escape so easily, escaping as if you never existed.
"Were you going to live as if I never existed?" You asked him softly, as your eyes were glued onto him.
"No, I swear. I was trying to contact you but you never responded," He said as you scoffed.
"Did it never dawn on you that they broke my phone? Shattered it so you wouldn't be able to contact me?" You questioned him, your tone becoming more aggressive by the second as you wiped your tears with your hand.
"I still love you. I want to get you out of there, and I will, I promise," Beomseok said softly as he took a step forward to reach for your hand but you were quick to move away as you stared at him, "Don't touch me. You know what I hate the most, and it's being abadoned. You disgust me. We were over the moment you transferred, don't worry about me. "
You walked past him, ignoring him calling your name repeatedly, trying to get you to turn to look at him, but you weren't taking anything from the person that abandoned you when you needed him the most.
"Did it go well?" A voice asked you from your right as you ignored it. It was Beomseok's short-haired friend from before, and you didn't want anything to do with Beomseok, not at that moment, never again.
"Did you sleep well?" The bully asked you as you were on the floor, your blood painting your white uniform red as your back was to a wall. They were playing dirty today. Something pissed them off and they made sure to let you know that.
"Your stupid boyfriend won't respond to our boyfriend's calls... so we obviously have to make sure his girlfriend gets it, right?" The girl said as she kicked your side, making you groan. The kick was harder than usual, which made you end up lying on your side as you felt the pain creep up your body.
Their anger was for Beomseok, but yet you got the beating. He wasn't there to save you there either, so what was the point? The world felt pointless at that point. Would you even survive to graduate?
The world seemed to spin as you heard the group leaving, your arm extended to the sky as you whispered out, "Beomseok..."
The room was silent. Not the classroom. The classroom was filled with the usual laughter and chattering of students as white flowers laid on your desk.
The hospital room was silent. The continuous, sickening beeping filled the room as you held onto your life. As if you were a bird, about to be released from its cage, your life depended on the continuous beeping.
The door slid open as your parents looked up from their palms, having cried from the worry consuming them each day. A boy with dark hair and a fruit basket in one hand.
"Oh Beomseok...?" your mother asked softly upon seeing his familiar appearance. You would always talk about him, your face lighting up and your demeanour changing as you told them about your adventures with him each day after school. He made you a different person, a better one, and that was all that mattered to her.
"Yes ma'am," Beomseok said softly as he saw your cold body on the hospital bed, fighting for your life. You didn't do anything wrong, and yet you were on the bed owning for Beomseok's mistakes.
Your father took a glance at the boy, who looked as if he was on the verge of crying, and took his wife's hand, leading her out of the room as Beomseok dropped to his knees, his hands grazing your cold hands as he sobbed into the side of the bed.
"I'm sorry. It's my fault. it's all my fault! You were right, I abandoned you, I caused this. I should've stayed by your side, I should've stopped them, I should've protected you!" Beomseok whispered between sobs as his face was covered with tears, his nose becoming runny and his throat becoming sore as he placed your hand on his cheek, wanting to see your eyes open, looking at him. It didn't matter if you looked at him with hatred, but to know that you were on the brink of life and death, he couldn't take it. Knowing it was his fault caused him to begin breaking down slowly.
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ok i was too into it . anyways, beomseok has me torn like idk if he was a sad character or like a complete villain atp
