#ohmailove

[ohmailove-blog]

So I tore a piece of my heart, and threw it into the ocean. Only to have it washed ashore a few days later. Maybe it's telling me that somethings can't be easily given up or forgotten.

[ohmailove-blog]

For nights, I had recurring dreams of you. Dreams of us. Visions of a happily ever after clouded my thoughts and filled my head with a delusional falsified love story. Dreams that pulled at my heartstrings and I felt like I was falling, crashing into webs of thoughtless dreams of us together, happy as a family. I jerk awake to only be drown in my own disappointment.

[ohmailove-blog]

Even within these four corners, it no longer provides a safe haven. I can feel a sense of disarray as I roam the streets of this city. Even with the wind flapping through my hair, it feels surreal that I am here and not there. So far out from my comfort zone, away from what I thought I will never leave. Negativity pokes at my nerves, and confusion begins to blur my vision. I paused and remind myself that I am where I suppose to be. I take a deep breath and its those reassuring moments that save me from drowning in my own thoughts. I have come so far on this journey, the thought of turning back terrifies me. Back there doesn't exist anymore. This is a new home. This is where I shall build myself again. 

[ohmailove-blog]

Give me a reason to believe that this will be fine. Give me a reason to believe that everything will be fine. Convinced me that this is all worth it. Show me that this piercing heartache, this sleepless night, these swollen eyes are worth it. Tell me that this heart of mine won't go breaking.

[ohmailove-blog]

Perceptive

It is all about perception. The way we view ourselves, how we view others, how we view the world around us. Sometimes things seems so insignificant…almost annoyingly irrelevant. Whether it’s a dead-end 9-5 job that you deeply despise, or the annoying relationship that mentally breaks you down, we all have at one point mistakenly view these situations as a colossal of great importance; thus, making it a problematic hindrance in our life. We lose sleep over it, we burned bridges because of it, and we kill ourselves stressing about it. What we all fail to realize is that, if we are not directly involved, then it simply does not mattered—like most things in life. At the end, we all will die and that is when we all shall come to terms that we have lived a satisfying life. But nothing is really irrelevant. Just when you think you have or deserve it all, it is the losses that remind you that you do not. Something triggers your mind reminding you that one thing—it is the losses that remind you there are other players in the game of life that actually does. It is all about perspective. The way I view you, the way I view them, the way I view the world, and most importantly, the way I view him. There was nothing significant in meeting him but that is not what made it irrelevantly important. There was significance in the fact that I have met him, and that alone, is all that matters. 

[ohmailove-blog]

Drink On It

The pungent fume of hard liquor stains her peppermint breath. The probing vapor of cigars soiled her designer dress. Lifting the neck of the bottle to her lips, she tilted her head backward and ease the liquid content into her mouth. She swallowed and choked, wincing at the bitter harsh taste of cognac. Another gulp and  she began to savored the harsh bitter taste until the pit of her stomach was burning with the fire of it. Streams of tears cascade down her pigmented cheeks. She takes another gulp, indulging in the aching pain, consuming her sorrows, overwhelming her minds with shattered dreams. Settling the bottle onto the table, she wiped the tears off her face with the back of her hands. Her eyelashes fluttered the last flick of tears. She opened her purse and pulled out a small silver round tube embellish with gold trimming. Taking off the cap, she twist the tube in circular motions to reveal a bold shade of red lipstick. Silently but confidently she reapplied the color to her swollen lips. "Never again. I promise," she uttered to herself. 

[ohmailove-blog]

Ambivalence

She turned to him, seeking for some solace. She gazed into his light brown eyes and was lost for words. She searched but could not find the right words to express her sudden dismay. Her eyes were filled to the brim with tears. Her face showed that she was "hesitant" - unsure if this was the life for her, pondering if he was the one for her. She had spent countless hours twiddling her fingers trying to understand the inevitable conclusion of a destitute love.  

She was emotionally despondent whenever she contemplated the odds of marrying into a life of poverty and struggle, and it was putting too much strain upon her love that she even began to fathom the idea of forfeiting any possible relations with him. 

But somewhere along the lines of forever, time was lost, emotions was drained, and love was wasted. She eventually grew exhausted just like everybody else. 

A year later, he had heard that she had gotten married to a man who dwell much of his affections on her, spent a great abundance of money enameling her and decorating her with titles. 

By then, a kind of pleasant melancholy had set in which no amount of vodka or tequila could cure. He was immuned to disappointments. 

All in all, he was just glad that she was finally able to be with a man that would love her in ways that he could not. 

[ohmailove-blog]

I still wear your sweater wishing to embrace your withering warmth once again.

I still wear your shirt hoping to catch any last sniff of your musky scent. 

  Although I miss you so much, all that is left are blankets of memories to comfort me on raining days. 

  As the turbulent rain beat against my windowpane, I painfully count. 

Counting the days that you, my only love, shall return.

Silently only then--in my own solitude--do I realize the misery of my loneliness.

Only then, do I tearfully understand that you are somewhere that does not hold a place for me. 

Yet, I still wait. 

Counting the days till I'll see you again.

Counting the years till I'll meet you again.

Far across the horizon, I can see flash of thunder striking against the gloomy clouds.

Could you return to my side again? The memories that you left me with does not alleviate the fervent pain that scorched my heart. The anguish of missing you agonize my soul.  

Till then, I will continue to the count the raindrops on my window and count the passing days till I'll see you again under sunny sky.