#ohpoorpoems

[oh-poor-you]

my heart isn't even racing. it's as though I know this is too much to bear so I'm distracting myself with everyday tasks, no. everyday distractions. I should be reading and re-reading and focusing on passing these classes but I'm sitting here. passing the time texting everyone I know, hoping someone might give me a better distraction than scrolling through my phone,  I need attention. no. I want attention. I need to read, I need to focus I need to re-learn English. when I graduate I want to do things with my life, for myself I want to work towards getting a degree in law, as a human rights lawyer, and as a criminal lawyer. I'm going to reach that goal with poetry, and English and all the rest. learning about other cultures. and then I'll buy a cute run down store and turn it into an environmentally friendly cafe. but for now... I'm stuck here, unable to fall asleep unable to realize I need to be up in 6 hours and 25 minutes. unable to realize that the exams to follow are the only ones that actually matter for me to reach my dreams, and they are the only ones I haven't bothered to study for. I know that when I get my final mark back from English, it will not be something I like.  and it will most likely hurt depending on how much effort I put into the essay, how much of my heart I rip out in the exam room and tape to my paper. I will try not to tear myself apart anymore for this dumb class.

school and dreams (via @oh-poor-you)

[oh-poor-you]

i wrote a song so pls go and give it a lil lovin

[oh-poor-you]

i'm calling you. it's been 2 hours and i'm calling you again. you said you'd be home. you said you'd call me 1 hour ago. i'm calling you. you're letting it ring ring ring ring ring i'm calling you. you don't have a voicemail set up so i can't even hear your voice next day- and i'm still calling. at first i just wanted to catch up on life but now it's in a failed attempt to prove to her that you really do love me that maybe  just maybe, you love me more than drugs more than your new girlfriend i'm calling you and you said you'd call me back. but it's been 15 years and i haven't heard anything. dad, i'm still waiting on that call.

drugs>daughters (via @oh-poor-you)

[oh-poor-you]

i'm trying to see from your perspective. you've lost so much. i try to look through your eyes. i want to crawl into your brain, full of mystery and kiss your thoughts. you are so beautiful and so full of hurt. you never wanted to make me cry, so i don't tell you how i feel on the dark days when i know you've been looking at her lips wondering if they still feel as soft as they did before. i want to draw maps of your constellations, lose sleep discovering what every inch of your body means. i want to suck the smoke from your lungs and make it so each breathe you take feels as though you were just born and oxygen is a beautiful thing. i want to be okay when i know you're lying to me, when i see the photos, the artwork, the scribbled notes. i'm pushing the flags aside because i think you're so beautiful and i want to see what else you hold inside of your soul.

soul tripper (via @oh-poor-you)

[oh-poor-you]

you can hear them from miles away, my ears ring and I am hoping one of two things may occur in this moment. either the ringing will grow so loud it drowns out the screaming or my eardrums will break so that I will live my life in silence and so when my love starts to scream and throw our photos against the wall, I will walk away. I shut my eyes and I can see the stage, beauty is before me as well as pain but they hide it so well.  it reminds me of how it all felt before the screaming started. some say it is funny but this is not a joke, I do not think it is funny how you can love something so much that despite all the pain, the teeth gritting, bone breaking pain. you can stay, because when you love something you are all in or all out. 4:07-am now it’s just mumbles and sobs or perhaps my eardrums are almost completely shattered.

(via @oh-poor-you)

[oh-poor-you]

I am sitting in this coffee shop It's too early and I am alone Without a drink cause I forgot my wallet And my mind wanders back to you P.S "I'm sorry for everything" I wear my issues and baggage like a cloak and so does my brain Maybe my heart does too Each beat pulses a roller coaster of emotions through my veins My mind wanders back to you  And why I am the way I am No not because you raised me You didn't raise me It's what you fed my soul while I was still a fragile fetus in the womb Unknowingly I fed into my own demise Maybe I was born so small and fragile because you rarely ate You fed us both with your mistakes I have a habit of breaking myself Setting myself on fire and continuing to jump into lakes, pockets full of rocks forgetting how much it hurt last time getting murky water pumped from my lungs. You see, this coffee shop is just rocks in my pockets, the lake is a boy who didn't reply. So far I am okay. Having rocks in your pockets while you're still on the ground isn't so bad. I've been living with heavier baggage for longer. The last boy left because he wasn't willing to help me carry the boxes. The boxes you packed so carelessly. Almost all the China is shattered now after years of it being dropped from the unsteady arms of others.

Dear Mum (via @oh-poor-you)

[oh-poor-you]

I'm in love

I'm in love with him, maybe it's an impossible crush. Tomorrow I hope I come home in a relationship. my best friend, the one I can tell everything. who I trust with my soul and my heart and who I will support throughout anything and everything- is leaving for 3 weeks. when she gets home I leave for 3 weeks. I don't know when I'll see her next, but I love her so much and I know that time cannot break our connection. today there is so much love in my soul

[oh-poor-you]

1 cup. 1 cup is in fact enough, to hold my head up for at least the day. 2 cups. But 2 cups will taste so good, my frail fingers might quiver, but not shake because 2 cups does not mean- 3 cups. I need this last one I swear. Not just because it's there, well maybe. But I promise I won't shake, not yet..not yet. Maybe now. 4 cups. 4 is my lucky number! Isn't it? I can't remember, through the sound of my heart pounding so quickly against my ribs. Maybe I should go for a run, blow some steam but- 5 cups. 5 cups sounds like an excellent idea because he hasn't yet arrived to pick me up for our date..is it a date? I don't know, but I can't ask him. But to calm my nerves, I'll just drink one more cup of coffee.

how many cups of coffee will kill me? (via @oh-poor-you)