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dear mum,

I think you broke me.

I’m not entirely sure what it means to be broken, but to say that I haven’t felt that way would be a lie. I’m now realizing that I’ve never been enough for you and that I never will be. I wanted to feel loved and be able to go to you for anything, but the truth is I hide so much because I know if I tell you, you will react in a certain way.

I know if I told you of my accomplishments, you would say your proud and happy, but genuinely I don’t feel it. I don’t feel like you are proud. Something in me tells me that I could’ve done better or more to be what you wanted. But I think no matter what I did, it still wouldn’t matter in the end.

Sometimes I feel like the crumbs on the table after dinner. At the end of the night, I just get swept onto the floor.

I tell you my feelings and you simply turn it back onto yourself seeing as a flaw within you not me. As if I’m not the one struggling, but you are instead. I could be breaking down crying on the floor telling you how much I hate myself and you would think it was a failure on your end. That I’m the failure in your life. Even after it all you continue to the next day like nothing happened.

I already feel like a disappointment to one mother, but why did you go and make it another one.

You tell me I worry too much, but one of my biggest fears is failing you. I know that no matter what I do with my life you won’t approve. You’ve already made my biggest fear come true.

A while ago my therapist asked me if I could name one time you were proud of me and that’s when I realized that I couldn’t think of one. I’ve never, not once felt like I met your expectations.

#im sad lol #dear mum #letter #sad poetry #i hope we get better #for I love you

insulting me is one thing but insulting my leather jacket is another thing entirely

#dear mum #lol #leather jacket #clothing #fuck her #gay #pansexual

On Ignorance And Looking Away

This is a journey that has only just started for me and I already feel like I'm running into concrete walls.

“You're doing this to spite me” and “You don't know what you're talking about” and “You're not the morality police” and “This is my personal choice” and “Don't mess with my freedom”.

Granted, it is hard to hear. It doesn't sound pretty but guess what; it isn't. I'm not telling you how to live your life, all I ask is that you let me speak long enough to give me a chance to explain how I want to live mine.

The fact that you are taking personal offense in me telling you about my research, shows me that not only there really is an issue, but that you know there is. You just find it too uncomfortable to think about. Too horrid a thought to realize its reality. Those documentaries aren't staged and you know it. The facts and studies aren't made up and you know it. It is unhealthy and even dangerous to consume animal products and you know it. It's perfectly safe to not only live but thrive on a whole food plant based diet and you know it.

So what is it? Why are you so aggressively trying to defend yourself when I never attacked you in the first place? If your conscience wasn't bugging you, would you feel the need to forbid me from bringing up animal abuse ever again under your roof?

Because you choose not to know.

And all you achieve is frustration where an open mind is needed, and resentment where there could be a conversation. But since I am forbidden to speak up about this, I suppose trying would be treading water.

You say you want your freedom. Your freedom of thought, speech, and choice, and you say this is non negotiable. But the freedom of one person ends where it begins to compromise that of another. Forbidding me from speaking up will not silence me. Forbidding me from speaking up will not make any of the data less factual, it will not make any of the animals suffer less. Yes, it is your life. Yes, it is your choice. But you're not just choosing eating meat over eating plants; you're choosing ignorance over education. You're choosing your own carelessness over not only the lives of innocent animals, but the environment, as well as major human rights issues and to top it all off, you choose ignorance over your own health- and as your child, that worries me.

I would never try to take away your freedom, and I honestly don't think I could if I tried.

You showed me you don't care, and you like it this way. I will accept that, because I have no other choice, but I certainly won't respect you for it.

None of this would be an issue if you just listened. But whether you do or not, I'll still have something to say.

So go on then, silence me. I would really like to see you try.

#dear mum #vegan #veganism #discourse #fight ignorance #fight injustice #speak up #animal rights #human rights #no planet b #change #mine #thoughts

art inspired by @lovehigher‘s Tell My Mom series

#shes a very big inspiration to me #my art #home #dear mum

I am sitting in this coffee shop It's too early and I am alone Without a drink cause I forgot my wallet And my mind wanders back to you P.S "I'm sorry for everything" I wear my issues and baggage like a cloak and so does my brain Maybe my heart does too Each beat pulses a roller coaster of emotions through my veins My mind wanders back to you And why I am the way I am No not because you raised me You didn't raise me It's what you fed my soul while I was still a fragile fetus in the womb Unknowingly I fed into my own demise Maybe I was born so small and fragile because you rarely ate You fed us both with your mistakes I have a habit of breaking myself Setting myself on fire and continuing to jump into lakes, pockets full of rocks forgetting how much it hurt last time getting murky water pumped from my lungs. You see, this coffee shop is just rocks in my pockets, the lake is a boy who didn't reply. So far I am okay. Having rocks in your pockets while you're still on the ground isn't so bad. I've been living with heavier baggage for longer. The last boy left because he wasn't willing to help me carry the boxes. The boxes you packed so carelessly. Almost all the China is shattered now after years of it being dropped from the unsteady arms of others.

Dear Mum (via @oh-poor-you)

#poem #extrasad #poetry #mom #mum #dear mum #dear mom #rocks #baggage #love #hate #ohpoorpoems

you wouldn't believe this but, i just got shamed for actually liking my natural appearance

#My mum says i look better with make up #and told me that im too ugly so everyone else lies and says im beautiful #like #dear mum #sorry i like my face the way it is #sorry i dont hate my appearance #txt

dear mum,

when we meet eye to eye, are you met with your daughters or your own?

with fewer wrinkles, shallow smile lines, eyes who lack the twinkle of memories, and hands who haven’t felt true love.

no matter which face you’re met with, you would turn away first.

does she act the same, tell the same lies, and reach for the same dreams?

i understand resentment, as any daughter would. with each time, you are compared to me.

“prettier than her mother” they’d say, for i, think is untrue. your skin holds a eternal glow, and your eyes are the warmest of all. the same pair you have shared with me.

their words, i fail to understand, it was you that blessed me with your beauty. to have given up a piece of yourself for my selfish sake.

i want to apologise, to you, for having me. you’ve lost your identity, your individuality. now inherited the crown of a mother, nothing else. there is no throne, no servants, no silver platter, like you were promised.

nothing but a wailing baby in your arms, a gnawing wish to return to your youth, and the persistent questioning of why you left it.

dear mum,

i wish to hand you my adolescence, rolled up neatly in my palm like a ball of yarn, like you have handed me your life. yank on the thread freely, and experience your youth again, no tangles, no knots.

i am sorry, for everything you have lost, all for my gain, and i hope one day, you will feel like yourself again.