[11:38 AM] oikawa bursts into your room with a grin on his face. you're on a zoom call, chiming into a class discussion concerning the literature that was assigned for you to read.
you both never had the best timing, though, so your class not only hears your noisy, noisy boyfriend surprising you with his presence instead of being across the world at a training camp, but also sees him pulls you away from the screen in your rolling chair.
"surprise, baby!!" he practically yells, smothering your cheeks with kisses.
"oikawa, i'm in class-professor i am so sorry, uh, if i can continue my point in a few moments?"
your professor, thankfully, chuckles and allows you to carry on at a later time, though the chat blows up and you're sure someone probably filmed it for a tiktok.
you click to mute yourself and turn off your camera, and oikawa sheepishly stands by the doorway.
"sorry," he bashfully murmurs, rubbing his feet against the carpet. "i just missed you so much, baby."
you shake your head, smiling at him, before giving him the tightest hug you can. you feel his smile against your skin, and the way he visibly loses all of this tension in his body as he holds you and allows himself to be held by you.
"i love you, toru. i'm so glad you're back. after this we can go hang out and do whatever you want."
"i think that i just want to stay with you."
you never end up finishing your thought in class. you stay cuddled up with your boyfriend, only getting up to sign out of class, and spend the day together, never being away from the other's side, pure, unbridled happiness never leaving either of your hearts.
synopsis: [ 1.1k ] — in fear of waking your sleeping boyfriend, you leave to have your oncoming panic attack in the bathroom. but oikawa knows better than to believe you when you say you’re fine.
tags: gn!reader, comfort/fluff, panic attack, anxiety and mentions of sadness (although depression is not explicitly stated)
Oikawa’s breath was soft against the back of your neck, one of his arms thrown lazily across you. You hoped he was asleep by now.
You didn’t know what time it was though; blinking a few times to get the tears out of your eyes only did so much. Through blurry vision, you tried to read the time. 11:12 shone in red lights, you thought so at least. It had been over half an hour since you and he had gone to bed — he had to be asleep by now, right?
If he wasn’t, you were sure he would be able to hear you cry. You tried your best not to, telling yourself everything was fine, but the suppression of your tears only caused your body to shudder.
It was always the middle of the night when you got so… anxious? Upset? You weren’t sure what to call it, all you knew was that you wanted nothing more than to cry right now.
Slowly, you slipped out from under his arm and out of the bed. You thought if you could do that, you could get through the night without alerting Oikawa to how you felt.
“Are you ok?” He said, sitting up. There wasn’t any hint of sleep in his voice, you knew then that he’d been awake. Your hand was almost on the door handle, you had been so close. All you could do was hope he hadn’t noticed your sniffles or the way your body shook.
“Yeah,” you spoke quickly, and hoped again he hadn’t noticed the difference in your voice.
You opened the bathroom door and then quickly shut it behind you. There was only a wall separating the bathroom from his room, so you know you couldn’t fully break down like you felt like doing.
A bathroom floor was never really a place you had pictured yourself crying in. Especially not like this, hand clasped over your mouth and trying to hold your breath so as not to cry so loud.
You told yourself to be calm, that your worries were unfounded, that the sadness would pass, that in a few years you wouldn’t even remember or care about this moment. It didn’t help as much as you had hoped.
You must have lost track of time, you didn’t know how long you’d been in the bathroom. A few small taps on the door drew you back to reality. Asking who it was wasn’t going to change who you knew was already there.
Oikawa would be, of course, and you’d have to tell him why you were crying. It seemed stupid now that you had to burden him with it — although, truth be told, Oikawa would rather help you than know that you were going through something alone. Besides, the last thing he saw you as was a burden.
He wasn’t even upset when you’d cut off contact for a few days. He knew you didn’t feel well, and though he worried about you, he didn’t try to push you into a conversation. Maybe he couldn’t put himself in your exact shoes, but he wasn’t immune to feeling too drained to respond to text messages.
That was one thing you liked about him; even if he didn’t completely understand, he’d do whatever you needed him to in order to help you.
“Can I come in, angel?” He said when you didn’t answer his knocks.
A shaky “yeah” left you as you began to wipe at your face. Oikawa wasted no time in opening the bathroom door, not caring who else was asleep in the house as he let the door hit the wall.
He stood just inside the bathroom, looking at you with worried eyes. It was the middle of the night, he had a reason to be half-asleep, and yet somehow you could tell his hesitation wasn’t born from sleep deprivation.
It was because he didn’t know what to do. Though he knew you probably wanted to be alone — hence you trying to slip out of the room so quietly — he didn’t want to leave you alone.
So he took a deep breath and calmly moved over to join you on the bathroom floor. He sat beside you, staring at the opposite wall.
“Do you want to talk about it?” His voice was soft, quiet but not a whisper.
“No.”
“Ok, that’s fine,” He leaned over on to you, his head resting on your shoulder, “do you want to talk about something else then?”
You hummed a no this time, not trusting your own voice. Why, why tonight of all nights. If it were any other time, you wouldn’t have to upset your boyfriend, you wouldn’t have to keep him awake.
Oikawa lifted his head then, and finally turned to look at you. You still wouldn’t look at him, you knew it would only make you want to cry more.
“Hey, hey,” He still spoke softly, but this time grabbing gently at the sleeves of your shirt and coaxing you into his lap, “everything is gonna be ok.”
Yet you still found yourself struggling to breathe, your lungs feeling as though they were on fire and yet your body was cold and numb. Even so, you were still wiping at the steady flow of tears in your eyes and muttering about how you were fine.
“Y/n, look at me. Hey, look at me, in the eyes.” His voice was more firm this time. Still calming, still sweet, still quiet, but this time his words held a little more desperation.
And you listened to him. Though your breaths were shaky and your vision was still blurred with tears, you looked at him.
“That’s good,” He smiled. “Now I want you to breathe with me, ok?”
You listened to him again. His hand was still on your shoulder and his thumb rubbed little circles — whether soothingly or absentmindedly you couldn’t tell. He made you breathe in and out for five seconds each, and after a few rounds of that you no longer felt as though air was being pulled from your lungs.
Worried eyes still watched you, Oikawa’s arms pulling you into his chest. The two of you stayed like that for a moment, letting everything else drift away.
“You need sleep,” You muttered eventually, sniffing and sitting up from where you had your face buried into his chest.
“So do you,” He said, smiling and laughing in hopes to cheer you up.
The next time you woke up it was three in the morning. Oikawa was in the same position as before, arm tucked tightly around you and his face buried between your shoulder blades.
This time you actually had to use the bathroom. Maybe Oikawa making you drink water before you went back to bed, saying that crying made you dehydrated, wasn’t such a good idea.
You slipped out from his grip once again, this time a little more surprised when he sat up. Had he really woken up that easily?
“Are you okay?” He asked, this time there was a lot more worry in his voice than before.
“Yeah? I gotta piss.” You said through a giggle.
Despite your reassurance, you found him waiting tentatively outside of the bathroom when you were done.
the sand was warm, and the sound of the ocean waves out in the distance calmed over you like a soothing embrace. one that felt so familiar to you, almost like the tight hugs that your boyfriend would give you. giggling always sounded in the air, and you'd feel his soft lips press against your cheek as he wrapped you up in his arms from behind before being met with soft brown hues that never failed to remind you of all those late night memories you shared.
"whatcha thinking about?"
"honestly?" you paused, curling your toes into the sand with a tender smile, "you."
he laughed at that, shaking his head as his hand easily found yours. bringing it to his face, he kissed each and every knuckle. "why are you thinking about me, silly? i'm right here!"
caught in a web of your memories.
shoving his head away playfully, you turned your head back to watch the crashing waves. those high-school days were always so much easier. never having to worry about what would come tomorrow, or where your life would be taking you next. you didn't have a set path, and you had no idea what the move was next. oikawa tooru, though? well. he was so much better than you. even back in high-school, he had it all figured out. a future olympian volleyball player, taking on the world one game at a time. you admired that about him.
it wasn't that you were scared, it was that you felt you weren't living your life to its fullest potential yet. opportunities were surly passing you by; yet, you were reminiscing about how life used to be. weekends spent sat in the corner at ramen shops with your friends, sharing dumb stories and laughing until there were tears bubbling in the corners of your eyes. quiet nights spent wrapped up in barely lit blanket forts, sharing whispered words and secret 'i love you's'.
like the way we would talk, we were seventeen.
now days, you sat on the beach in argentina, watching oikawa practice his serves in the sand, or cascaded in moonlight as he finally collapsed overtop of you and loved you like it was his life's purpose.
leaning your head on his shoulder, you hummed quietly to yourself. "just thinking about our high-school days… it all seemed easier back then, tooru. no worries, no questioning ourselves-- just us, our friends, and the payment underneath our feet as we ran for miles to get away from the security guard chasing us down when we went sneaking around."
that was your fondest memory. iwaizumi had told you all it was a bad idea, but makki and matsukawa convinced the group to sneak into that old abandoned building outside the city one weekend. surely, no one knew there would be a patrol officer. your hearts pounded hard in your chests, and your breath was shallow and quick as you ran. everyone laid on the floor that night, laughing and making fun of one another. years later, your lockscreen was still a shared kiss you had with oikawa that makki snuck of you two that night.
"that was a great night…" oikawa sighed, his arm wrapped around you only before he pulled you straight into his lap. you squealed, and smacked his shoulder, to which he scolded you and you shared a kiss. "we can't go back to those days, anymore… but we'll share a thousand more memories together. we're only twenty something, we aren't slowing down from here."
we're only twenty something.
the waves washed a little higher than the last, completely soaking you both. with a scream from you, oikawa quickly stood and tugged at your hand to bring you with him as you both ran from the freezing cold water of the night ocean. the stars shined down on you, and in that moment; it all made sense. maybe you didn't have a plan yet, but maybe that was the point. living life a day at a time, and enjoying the little things.
with another stolen kiss, you melted into oikawa tooru's essence. you were no longer those seventeen year old kids, but you were still enveloped in your youth… you weren't awaiting a life altering event, no. you were basking in new memories you would one day look back on.
we aren't slowing down from here...
a/n: i listened twenty something religiously while writing this. it didn’t go the exact way i wanted it to, but i missed writing soft oikawa timestamps
hi ma'am yes hello I'd like to make a request for Oikawa x Reader "A breathy demand: 'Kiss me.' and what they other person does to respond." thanks, love you, kithes
sorry I was listening to lover please stay this morning
warnings: panic attack, does this count as hurt/comfort??? I think so lmao; angst but like a good kind
「2:17am」
The space next to you was empty; the mattress cold.
You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and rolled over to check the time. The numbers glared back you, the red glow the only source of light in the otherwise dark bedroom.
It was too early for him to be up getting ready for practice, so where was he?
You tugged a sweater on and softly shuffled out into the living room of your shared apartment. When you saw the tv off and still no sign of him, you wondered if maybe he just couldn't sleep and went out for a jog to tire himself out.
As you turned around to return to the warm solitude of your bed, a hitched breath stopped you. You spun around and followed the sound, a slight urgency to your feet as they padded against the floor.
Oikawa lay shirtless on the cold tiles of the kitchen floor, shivering and hyperventilating as he crumpled in on himself. You rushed to his side at an instant, curling your body around him as you cradled his head to your chest.
"Shh, hey, Tooru, what's wrong baby?"
He wasn't crying, but he wasn't okay. He trembled, his shallow breaths shaking through his freezing body. His eyes were unfocused and he clung to you as you raked your fingers through his hair and whispered affirmations through lips pressed to his forehead.
The two of you stayed on the floor as long as he needed, his breaths slowly beginning to align with yours while you filled the silence with mundane stories to help take his mind off of whatever plagued him.
He moved his head to look up at you, and you saw tears rim his eyes as they bored into your own.
"Am I enough?"
The question startled you, and you felt yourself scoff in disbelief as you cupped his cheeks and brought your face closer to him, brows pinched together with a frown.
"Tooru, you are more than enough. Never forget that." He nodded, weakly, and you felt the tears hit your fingers as he nuzzled into your touch. You used your thumb to wipe them away and pressed your lips against his brow in silent affirmation.
He unwound himself from you then, picking himself up so he was more upright than before. He took your face in his hands and you relished in the feeling of how gentle he was with you - how he always handled you like you were made of glass.
"Kiss me," he whispered, still choked up and breathless, and you were more than happy to oblige; hands resting on his forearms as you leaned it to capture his lips with your own.
You felt him smile against your lips, and you sighed into him, soaking in the love that seemed to seep out of him through every kiss, every touch, every soft 'I love you' that fell past his lips. He peppered you with kisses as the both of you fell into a fit of soft, breathy chuckles, and you felt him melt beneath your touch as exhaustion washed over him post panic attack.
You helped him back to bed, and he pulled you down into the warmth of the sheets, enveloping you into his arms with a soft "Thank you, Y/n." You hummed, lulling him to sleep, and you smiled at the sound of his steady breathing, relishing him for all he was, all he is, and all he will be.
Yours.
a/n - I hope this didn't ruin you too much, I tried to make sure it ended alright, I just want to hold oikawa and tell him he's good ;-;
he hadn’t talked to you for weeks. focused so much on practice that you hadn’t tried to reach out either, knowing that he just wasn’t in the right headspace to make time for you and you accepted it, even if it hurt.
he was one of your closest friends and you wanted to support him with all your heart but him pushing you away like that made it difficult. out of anger and frustration you avoided him, too, wondering if he even felt your absence as much as you did. and despite all that you still hoped he would be successful in his ambitions.
he wasn’t.
“tooru?”
the puff of air dissipated before your lips as you murmured his name. his head hang low, brown strands of hair concealing his eyes beneath the gleam of a nearby streetlamp. the gym bag sat close to his feet, his elbows propped on his knees as he stared at the ground.
maybe he didn’t hear you. maybe he did but didn’t want to move, fearing to lose his composure once he’d face you. dear you. it had been so long.
your bag from the convenience store dropped to your feet when you stepped closer, stepped behind the bench to slowly wrap your arms around him, your cheek flush against the back of his head. his hair was soft, a little damp. you had missed him so much.
“oh, tooru..” you said again, your voice soft and comforting. you didn’t know what else to say. you really only wanted to hold him, let him know that despite all the ghosting and avoiding you still deeply cared for him.
he raised a hand, slowly taking hold of your arm in a firm squeeze as you felt him shake slightly beneath you. mumbling something you couldn’t quite hear but it only made you nuzzle your head closer to him.
you didn’t know what to say but he didn’t want you to say anything. just holding him like this was enough, a sign that you still accepted him as the failure that he was. he hadn’t talked to you for weeks so he could fully focus on practice and yet he was defeated, his goal out of reach.
as though you could hear his thoughts, your embrace tightened, your warm breath meeting the skin of his neck. god, he’d missed you so much.
in a way you did read his thoughts. you’ve known him long enough to know how he’d beat himself up after losing, especially after giving his all, again. he always gave his all, even more than that. it was no wonder iwaizumi and you worried so much.
you didn’t know how long you were just standing there, bending forward to hug him from behind, pulling him close to you as though he’d slip away again if you loosened your hold on him just a little.
he moved at some point, patting the seat next to him with a mumbled, “c’mere.”
and then the two of you sat there even longer, your arms around his shoulders, his head in the crook of your neck while you softly ran your fingers through his hair. the night was quiet and the air was cold but you had each other and that was all that mattered for now.
“this isn’t some romance novel, tooru. i’m gonna make you pay if you break my window.”
the one night you decided to not stay up on your phone, you were unpleasantly disturbed from your sleep with a suspicious pitter-patter coming from your window.
“i couldn’t sleep, so i figured i’d come bother you. aren’t you always up?”
“what a convenience that the one night you don’t get your beauty sleep, i go to bed at 10.”
you could hear a sigh from the other end of the line. “sorry, i didn’t know you were going to sleep. i’ve just... been stressed is all.”
“about graduating?”
“yeah.”
“i thought we went through this. when you become a big shot in argentina, i was going to move there with you so you could be my financial support.” you laughed quietly at the thought.
it had been a joke between the two of you for the longest time, but with graduation around the corner, you were afraid of being the only one debating on the reality of the situation.
“you know i’d never disappoint.” you were surprised with the sincerity in his voice. “for you, anything.”
“don’t—don’t get all sappy on me now.” your voice grew in a slight panic, walking towards the window with a huff. you opened it and saw none other than your best friend sitting on the concrete with his phone to his ear, bright eyed and energetic as can be. “you still ruined my sleep.”
he heard the creaking of your window and his face darted upwards, grinning when he saw you peering down at him. “i’ll make it up to you,” he replied. “come down and we’ll go get milkshakes. it’s on me.”
“damn you for knowing my weakness. i don’t know how my parents haven’t forbidden me from going out with you yet.”
you could hear a light-hearted laugh from the other end of the call.
oikawa is absolutey sure of himself as he approaches you after the last bell of the day. he exudes the confidence of a boy who’d spent several hours rehearsing his words in front of his mirror- and a very disturbed iwaizumi- as he proposes you spend his Monday off from practice at a bakery with him. alone. just the two of you, oikawa and you, a table for two. he’s sure to make this part very clear.
he reeks of triumph when you rather speedily agree, bidding your friends goodbye and falling in step with the proud setter as you finish gathering your things; however, tooru realizes just as quickly that he’s flown far too close to the sun, as the startling reality of being alone with you, the apple of his eye, the light of his life, his obnoxiously long term crush, for the first time ever leaves any remnants of confidence blowing away with the leaves on the schoolyard. he thinks he can vaguely hear iwaizumi’s promise that if he didn’t make a move today, he’d be pinning his arms down while matsukawa shaved his eyebrows off. subconciously, he brings a hand up to rub at the strip of hair while the two of you walk in a painfully awkward silence.
it leaves him a stumbling, blushing, and uncertain mess-- giving you your very first glimpse at what laid beyond tooru oikawa’s typical faux demanor.
it’s endearing, of course, it’s utterly sweet knowing that you of all people have managed to pick away at some of the fabricated layers he kept wrapped snugly arround himself, but admittedly it’d be a little sweeter if the sneak peek hadn’t come at the cost of your nasal cavity.
nearly two hours after the two of you sat down, the thick jelly of awkwardness once surrounding the pair of you now melted down to a puddle beneath your feet, the brunette decides that- yeah, he certainly has to make a move. his cheeks ache from the smile you managed to keep plastered on his face, and he likes the way you talk with your hands, and how you flush and apologize each time your feet touch beneath the table or your hands touch on top of it as if it weren’t painfully obvious you were doing it on purpose.
you couldn’t flirt to save your life, you don’t know much about volleyball, or aliens, and you haven’t seen any of his favorite movies; but he’s a little glad, because he gets to walk you through the aspects of his life he held closest to his heart.
so oikawa tooru decides beneath the setting sun that he is going to kiss you, effective immediatley.
he’s sure he has the trajectory right as he begins to lean forward, a warm hand skillfully pulling your face a tad closer-- but then, oh, had you gotten new shampoo?-- and your faces were clashing like something out of every “worst date ever” reddit thread.
he screeches out apologies as he clamps his hands over his eyes and prepares for the worst. he says goodbye to his eyebrows, but supposes that such a drastic change to his appearance was rather suiting for his “change name and flea country immediatley” plan. he pleads that when heopens his eyes you’ll be gone and this will all just have been some skillfully crafted nightmare, but when a pair of softer hands manage to pull his own away from his red face, he’s instead met with your smiling lips pressing against his own.
this has been sitting in my drafts for a hot minute, so I figured I’d post just a short n sweet little piece for oikawa’s day <3 it’s not good, but it’s posted so. hurray! im literally posting this as I walk out the door 2 avoid the embarrassment of posting.
he listened to your steady heartbeat, felt the soft rise and fall of your chest, and the gentle touch of your fingers threading through his locks. his arms were wrapped tightly around your waist, head pressed to your chest as he let you massage his scalp. he felt your love pouring out through the gentle caresses.
