Demolition Lovers - Ⅰ you touch me once again and somehow it stings cause i know it is the end
DISCLAIMER: This fic is a long slowburn with multiple chapters, still being updated.
also on AO3
my masterlist (all the chapters are linked there)
PAIRING: young!Carol Denning/fem!reader
OVERALL SUMMARY: An exploration of your and Carol's relationship through the years.
CHAPTER SUMMARY: You and Carol reunite after a long time apart.
CHAPTER TAGS: angst, fluff, friendship, complicated feelings, reader plays soccer, high school, developing relationship
A/N: no clue how to add footnotes on tumblr but Engie is a Nickname for Engine Room, which central midfielders are often described as.
also english isn't my native language so mb for any mistakes. im just a desperate lesbian in a world with not enough carol x reader insert fanfiction
“Carol! Carol, slow down!” You panted, quickly trying to sneak in shallow breaths in between your pleadings.
“I told you already, we don’t have much time!” She spoke up ominously, not even turning her head around to look at you, just focusing on running straight ahead with slight twists and turns here and there, still holding your sweaty hand tightly. She guided the both of you through the humid, pine scented, and slightly foggy forest of a small, West Virginia mill town where somewhere, underneath all the trees’ crowns, your hiding spot was.
“I see it!” Carol exclaimed, using her lungs' full potential. She briefly turned her head to take a short glimpse at your breathless and distraught self, your only reply was a slight smile of relief.
The two of you finally reached your destination. You immediately slid down the huge pine tree with your and Carol’s initials, a bunch of silly stick men and other drawings messily carved into the trunk, finally able to take a proper, deep breath.
Carol was still pacing around, hands fidgeting, occasionally tapping her foot like she was in distress, or anticipating something bad — those weren’t the signs that particularly worried your 8-year-old self, though. Upon further reflection, you recognized the pacing around as something to be concerned about, because your older sister would do the same thing whenever something unpleasant happened. What was most noticeable was her sudden change in mood, from running maniacally, smiling, to shutting down. Maybe it could’ve been from exhaustion? Why didn’t she just sit down then? You pondered.
You looked up at her, at the same time as she was looking down and when your eyes met, you were sure that something was indeed wrong. The look Carol gave you was dull, like she was trying to detach herself from whatever was happening. As your eyes locked, Denning’s began glistening, and she was clearly trying to hold back weeping by plastering a fake grin, with no success. She pulled up her glasses to wipe the tears away with the sleeve of her sweater.
“Care, what’s wrong?” You stood up, not even brushing the dirt off of your corduroy overalls, then taking Carol’s hands in yours. There was no way you could stop her crying now, and some teardrops fell on the back of your palms.
“You can tell me.” You added softly, furrowing your brows in a confused, yet clearly worried manner. You spoke with the intent of reassuring Carol that in this exact moment, the both of you were safe and sound in each other's presence and no one would be able to hurt you.
You weren’t breaking eye contact for even a second.
“Mom… Well….” At this point, Carol’s tears transformed into a full on stream, her vision turning blurry. “Not mom… I mean probably but…” Carol stuttered. She attempted to collect herself before continuing, sniffling.
“Barb… she told me that we are going to Illinois…” She tightened her grip, almost digging her nails into your hands, fully breaking down.
She was being serious about this.
Carol couldn’t hide it anymore, and even if she tried you could see everything written all over her puffy, red face. You were startled, almost frozen in place, the only sensation you felt being the occasional gust of wind and Carol squeezing your palms more and more with every second that passed by. You weren’t sure why, but it was somehow pleasant, reminding you that both of you are still alive and breathing. In this moment of silence, only broken by you sniffling and Carol gasping for air, everything hit you all at once.
The Denning's were moving out. Carol was moving out. Your best friend was moving out.
You tried to keep your cool as best as you could, so as to not upset her even more — you knew she didn’t like pity. Your attempt was unsuccessful, and you could feel your lips quivering.
Care threw herself into your arms and hugged you so tightly like she never did before, laying her head down on your shoulder. You took this as a chance to bawl your eyes out, hugging her back.
“You’re my best friend… And this may be the last time I'm going to see you.” She stuttered through the tears. After a moment of silence, you slowly let go of Carol, the both of you looking like a mess. Her hair was stuck to her sweaty, wet face, eyes puffy as if she had an allergic reaction, meanwhile your runny nose and bloodshot eyes made you look like you were ill, and you certainly felt like it.
“I’ll wait for you.” Your voice cracked, and you were frantically digging through the pockets of your jacket, eventually pulling out a jawbreaker candy and handing it to Carol.
Both of you smiled through the tears as she took the candy and hugged you for the last time in years.
The gym, covered with school representative dark blue and yellow banners, or posters with cheesy motivational quotes plastered on the beige walls, echoed with the principal asking something along the lines of “Is everyone excited!?”. Shockingly, a few people actually were, and rather loudly too.
He went on to boast about the many achievements of the school, about how great we all are, almost starting an inspirational speech. Before he could go on further, the more empathetic vice principal cut him off. “Let’s welcome MHS Band!”
“God damn, why does this shit always take ages?” The defender complained, slamming her locker over the sound of trumpets and drums in the distance. Someone from the team chuckled at the question. Other girls were spraying their hair, fixing their makeup, changing into uniform and whatnot.
“It always takes this long. You oughta get used to it.” Veronica walked up to Jennifer, who was painting little scorpions on the team members’ cheeks, to get hers done.
Tonya narrowed her eyes. “Well, yeah, but it doesn’t make it less annoying.”
The band went quiet, and the cheerleaders took over to the sound of Voulez-Vous by ABBA. “I can’t believe people actually listen to this European disco shit.” Rachel scoffed, and Veronica started singing it off-key incoherently just to piss her off, dancing with her hands, swaying to the rhythm of the bass boosted by the schools’ speaker's song.
She forgot she was getting her face painted and swung her head around to elevate her performance, which caused Jennifer to slip her hand and draw a straight line across her face.
“Ronica! Take a chill pill!” The attacking-midfielder rolled her eyes and let Jennifer clean up the mess, sneaking in a quiet “Sorry.” The team captain reflected, “Also, it’s not that bad. At least they used a song that’s not, like, 50 years old.” The goalkeeper raised an eyebrow in approval after giving it some thought.
“Ronica’s singing is, though.” You cut in and the teammates that could hear you over the loud music laughed.
“You wouldn’t know good singing if it hit you in the face!” Your friend defended herself, continuing the back and forth teasing for a while.
The team's striker finished painting the midfielder’s face and peeked out of the locker room to see what was going on in the gym. The cheerleaders were packing up their routine with a round of applause, and the scorpion school mascot ran out of the boys’ locker room.
You and Rachel were on your way to the mirrors, as you passed by you had a look at the slightly dirty, grody, blue, fluffy mascot and a chill went down your spine.
“Fucking hell man, that thing gives me the creeps.” You turned your attention to Jennifer and the goalkeeper, the latter tilting her head to get a better look. “Yeah… yeah, I see where you’re coming from.” She raised her upper lip and wrinkled her nose.
As the three of you were staring at what was going down at the pep rally, the principal spoke up again.
“And now… For the team that needs no introduction…” The whole group had gathered now. “…Let’s make some noise for the Regionals Girls’ Soccer Team Champions, go Scorpions!” He stretched out the “go” until the A/V kid put on Call Me by Blondie.
Students were crammed into the wooden bleachers, showing all the varieties of enthusiasm you'd expect from a required school event. The other jocks' encouraging yells, the burnouts' eye rolls, and everything in between.
The first moments were always awkward, since, well, not many people were that excited about a girls’ soccer team. The girls’ boyfriends and friends would start chanting, pumping their fists for all they’re worth, which usually worked in hyping up the rest of the school. As the applause built up and feet rumbled against the bleachers, you all jogged onto the court, with the beat-up school mascot jumping around and high-fiving the front row.
The whole team stood in a straight line, Jennifer put on an act of excitement, smiling triumphantly and waving. You didn’t like pep rallies very much, but honestly, most of the school didn’t either. The principal began announcing a speech about your success at the Regionals, but you drowned him out with irrelevant thoughts. “At least this is better than going to Biology…”
Your eyes lingered around the gym, recalling a pep talk from your coach about how you should always hold your head up, so you don’t come off as uninterested or ignorant.
You turned your attention from the banners to the bleachers, looking out for some interesting action. Maybe a kid kicking someone in the back and then pretending that it wasn’t them, a couple making out, just anything to make time pass faster.
As your eyes wandered, you noticed a new face in the midst of the crowd, squinting to get a better look. She looked familiar, but you couldn’t exactly make out her features since she was focused on rummaging through her bag.
You looked away for a moment, continuing the search.
Who knows, possibly it was just your mind playing tricks on you, and it wasn’t anyone new but a classmate who just got a new haircut.
Something felt off, though. You felt a weird sensation, like someone was directly staring at you — normally, you would've just brushed it off, but this was prolonged staring, the kind that made you uncomfortable.
You searched for the culprit amongst the crowd, and you immediately locked eyes when you found her. You were right; there was a new addition to your high school, and you knew why she looked familiar. You’d recognize that gaze anywhere.
Your face went pale, eyes widened, and your whole body stiffened, unable to form a single thought. Everything went silent, and your ears were ringing. From what you could see, Carol was just as shocked, only moving her hand ever so slightly to pull up her glasses.
You could make out clapping in the background, muted by your shock, and out of the corner of your eye see teammates acting all buddy-buddy, like all of you would always do at the end of every pep rally to raise “team spirit”.
It didn’t register that it was time to pack up until Gina nudged you, and you snapped back to reality.
“Yo, it’s time to go L/N.” She reminded you, immediately running to catch up to the other girls, while you just stood there for one more second before also sprinting to the locker room.
You stormed in, squeezing through the crowd to get to the bathroom, and you slammed the cabin door. You sat down on the closed toilet lid and grabbed the roots of your hair in distress, glancing at your feet.
You were confused as to what you were feeling; you were happy because your childhood best friend is back, but also shocked and nervous because, what if Carol isn’t the same person anymore? It makes sense; it’s been, what, 7 years since you last saw each other? It’s only reasonable that she changed, but you were afraid of the possibility of Carol and you not getting along anymore. Fuck.
You missed her greatly. You used to call each other, but only for the first few years after she moved out, when you were still kids. You recalled that one time, on a random evening after not hearing from Carol after a while, you rang the phone, but no one answered. Then, you called again. Almost every day for a month, until a high-pitched, squeaky female voice answered one day to tell you that the previous tenants had moved out.
Back then, it hurt. It hurt a lot, but you got over it with time. Still, the thought of carving “Y/N and Carol BFFS 4 EVER” into a tree with a pocket knife that Denning snatched from her dad, just one last time, lingered around.
You were torn apart; should you come up to her in hopes of becoming close again, and risk the pain of losing her again, or just pretend she doesn’t exist? After giving it more thought, it would be impossible to avoid her without it being awkward after the staring contest that just happened. “Fuck this.” You gave up, and opened the cabin door, just to be greeted by Veronica with her arms crossed.
“So, what’s eating you, Engie? 1” You jumped, and your heart sped up for a second.
“Fuck off! You made me spazz out!” Your brows furrowed, and you let out an exasperated sigh, walking away without an answer to change out of your uniform.
‘Ronica just threw her hands up in the air in annoyance, “That’s what I get for trying to be a supportive friend.” she mumbled. In some moments, the girls’ locker room wasn’t the most pleasant environment to be in.
You didn’t mean to blow up at Veronica like that, thinking about it, you probably could've used a piece of advice, a shoulder to lean on.
You packed up your bag, shut your locker and went to the mirrors to wash off the little scorpion on your cheek.
The attacking midfielder was leaning on the sink, listening to Rachel, Jennifer, and Nicole talking about a get-together to celebrate your success.
“Can we be civilized now?” She turned to look at you and fixed her hair.
“Yeah, you bet…” you smiled, “… I didn’t mean to explode at you like that.”
“It’s whatever, now, onto other, more important manners.” Vee joined in on the conversation about the party, as you picked at your face. School was out for today, so you could linger around until the janitor would make you leave.
Jennifer announced the gathering before anyone could leave, so that none of you would have an excuse not to go. Most of the time, she didn't care about your team interacting, which isn’t the best trait for a captain, but you all got along rather quite well (for hormonal, teenage girls), so she didn’t really bother with it. She must’ve been really excited about going to the State Championships.
As you said your goodbye’s and were about to leave, the striker stopped you. “L/N, I very much expect to see you there, and remember, no excuses!” Jennie mimicked your coach and you both laughed.
Still, what went down earlier today wouldn’t leave your mind. Your duffle bag was hitting your hips as you passed by the front of the school. You saw Vee sitting down on the benches by herself, and decided that you do need to talk about Carol. She scooted, you took a seat, and lit up a cigarette.
You were afraid of starting the conversation, and Veronica sensed that. “So, what fucked your day up, then?”
You took a drag. “You remember how I talked about that childhood friend of mine?”
“I think so?” She gesticulated and you passed her the cigarette. “Her name starts with C, right?”
“Yeah, Carol…” You hear your friend whisper a quiet “Ohhh, yeah, yeah.”
You continued. “… She was at the pep rally today.” As Veronica was about to put the cancer stick to her lips, she dropped her jaw and raised her eyebrows. “You serious?”
“Deadly serious, fortunately or unfortunately. I’ve got no clue what to do, ‘Vee.” You bounced your leg and nibbled on the inside of your lip. “Should I come up to her or something? I can’t even ignore her after the fuckin’ staring contest we had.” Ronica, once again, handed the cigarette back to you and you took another drag.
“Well, I think only Mother Theresa could help you with that.” She tried to joke as an attempt of lighting up the mood, but only got a stern look of disapproval from you.
“Okay um, well. Maybe wait until she comes up to you…” Vee thought more about her answer. “…and then you’ll know that she also wants to talk or something, reconnect, whatever… And I guess if she doesn’t, and you still miss her, you could make the first move?” Her voice went up an octave in uncertainty.
“That’s actually some solid advice, thanks, ‘Ronica.” You smiled at her, and she threw an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into a hug. “No prob.”
The two of you sat in comfortable silence, only broken by chatter of other students, Vee reminding you to put out the cig, and cars speeding by. A beige, 1978 Cougar honked with your friends’ dad in the driver's seat. You said your goodbyes, and after Veronica left, you picked up your duffle bag and walked off in the direction of the school bus stop.
You closed your eyes and leaned against a tree, massaging your temples, trying to reduce the tension and stress that built up over the course of the day. You heard someone flickering a lighter, and you slowly opened your eyes in curiosity.
“Who would’ve thought you’d end up as a fuckin’ jock?” She stopped playing with the lighter, which was clearly a ploy to get your attention. “I mean, you could barely run half a mile without getting outta breath back when we were kids.” A way too familiar voice teased with a big, genuine smile.
