#on parenthood

[girlfictions]

Yiyun Li, from Things in Nature Merely Grow

[nephtheless]

I just want you to know that Nova (really the whole of Refraction as well) has my whole entire heart and every time I see a post of them years get added to my lifespan 😁!! Thank you for the lovely art and fic!

I’m curious about a couple things; is there a story behind that patch on Gabbro’s beanie in the latest art? I don’t think it’s been there before, right? And I’m also curious what Reg’s relationship with their hatchling is/how they take after them as well as Gabbro 👀 Feel free to share as much or as little as you want, I’ll eat up anything you provide hehe 💙

Oh and happy birthday to Refraction of course!

Hello!

Thank you so much!! 😭😭 It makes me giddy that Nova (and Refraction) has received so much love! Here, just for telling me that, you get more of them 🥰

(baby doesn't know they're about to be tongue-whipped between the eyes)

Also, thanks for the questions! Gabbro's beanie simply became a bit threadbare from overuse and needed a patch up haha. Nothing special there :3

As for Reg! I realize that in the end of Satellite and Refraction, they're not shown interacting with Nova as much, so it's hard to gauge their dynamic! That was purely for story-telling reasons, but I'd be happy to elaborate 😁 I hope you're ready for a long yap...

Let me start with Gabbro: Never wanted kids, is really awkward around kids, and now they have their own kid 🤣 Gabbro's unexpected/unplanned venture into parenthood has by no means been an easy one! And while they're trying their best, there are some avenues they just don't excel in, eg. being 'playful' (as in engaging in energy-demanding activities), and enforcing rules/boundaries/discipline when Nova steps out of line (Gabbro absolutely cannot bring themself to do anything that makes Nova upset).

That's where Reg picks up the slack: having helped to raise their younger siblings, caring for infants/hatchlings is pretty easy for them, and so when it comes to things like playing games (and changing dirty diapers and wiping snotty/gobby faces), they're quite comfortable. They're also the one who's most often strapped with meting out consequences for naughty behaviour when it's necessary (dw, this usually just entails Nova being made to clean up their mess or getting banned from extra marshmallows). They take the lead in this because, while Gabbro is more often than not left completely baffled by Nova's sass or tantrums, Reg can actually match it. Conversely, despite Reg being the 'strict' parent, they're usually the one Nova runs to first when they're scared or upset or feel sick.

But there are times when even Reg gets too fed up (read: overstimulated) to handle Nova's meltdowns, and that's where Gabbro steps in again (because they know what it's like; Nova has taken after them in the sensitivity department, and what they lack in sternness they make up for with patience). Sure, they're more likely to try distraction techniques than sing Nova lullabies or rock them to sleep, but it works (for now).

That said, by the end of Refraction, Nova is only the tender age of 4 years old, and so both Gabbro and Reg still have a lot of time to learn the necessary skills and to grow into the kind of parents they want to be. They both have moments where they doubt how well they're doing, when they stop and go 'Oh crap, my parent did/said that when I was a hatchling!', and will come to realize that parenting is a lot harder than any words do justice (there's nothing quite as humbling nor that reveals your true nature as becoming a parent ☺). But they'll also have the satisfaction of giving Nova the things they always needed but never got as kids themselves: nurturing, unconditional love, validation, tenderness etc.

PLUS, Nova has a bunch of aunt/uncle equivalents, and four (living) grandparents: Rutile (the 180 meemaw), Esker, Gossan and Slate (yes I know the last two aren't technically related, but Goss and Slate were bigger parent figures for Reg than their own parents were) to help distribute the load and guide Reg and Gabbro along the exciting and unnerving path that is parenthood 💕

Thank you so much for the kind words, whoever you are 🫂 And for allowing me to ramble hehe

[typewriter-worries]

This Be The Verse, Philip Larkin

[notgivenlightly]

Ada Limón, “The Raincoat” | Mary Cassatt, Young Mother Sewing (1900) | Robert Hayden, “Those Winter Sundays”

[village-skeptic]

Sleepover asks: Hit me up with some fiction recommendations!

Oooh GIRL, you KNOW I can do this!

Miriam Toews, All My Puny Sorrows - trigger-warnings a mile long, and I cried my face off, but I also laughed at parts, and the language is JUST SO beautiful. I’m in the library queue for her latest, Women Talking, which I suspect I will say the exact same things about.  Sheila Heti, Motherhood - this book, devoted entirely to the author-character’s meditations on whether or not to have a child, is kind of a total mind-fuck. I found it frustrating at points, but I also kept screencapping parts that really really resonated! If anyone read(s) this, please feel free to hit me up in the comments to share your thoughts. 

(Side note: Reading all the reviews of this book that I could find ALSO led me to this amazing essay about writing and motherhood by Rufi Thorpe - “Mother, Writer, Monster, Maid.”)

Karen Russell, Vampires in the Lemon Grove: And Other Stories - I really enjoyed this collection of short stories, and I just brought her newest collection home today!

[a-labyrinth-of-stories]

Black Boy Smile, D. Watkins

[intoxicatedfandom]

The Red Hand Files

ISSUE #283 / MAY 2024

My wife and I are expecting a baby boy next week. All the tests are normal but I seem to swing from terror to euphoria and back again by the minute. Mostly terror! [ ] No real question, I just wanted to let you know.

MARIUS, LOCKPORT, NY, USA

Dear Marius,

Last Saturday morning, I walked out of the Park Hyatt in Melbourne into a dazzling sun-filled day, having been awake all night anxiously waiting by my telephone. I headed into town and bought a coffee and a sandwich from Pellegrino’s, then walked past Parliament House and up by St Patrick’s Cathedral to Fitzroy Gardens, where I sat on a bench and considered your question.

Of course you are oscillating between terror and euphoria, I thought, because what you and your wife are about to embark on is perhaps the most substantive course of action two people can take – to bring a baby, that fragile interwork of spirit and atoms, that squalling metaphor of conjugal love, that emissary of hope and potential, that boy of joy, into what is, by any measure, a deeply troubled world. I thought about what a defiant and outrageous act of positive intentionality it was, of courage and faith in the human adventure itself, of resistance against cynicism, of pure, undiluted trust in things, and I felt a very real affection for you both.

As I drank my coffee and ate my sandwich, I thought of my son, Luke, and his wife, Sasha, who had welcomed their own baby boy into the world last night, and I experienced a wave of great elation. A breeze rippled across the lawn, the birds cawed, the sun shone high in the sky, and the great gum trees seemed to burst from the ground – all for my own momentary enjoyment, for a new grandfather, sitting on a park bench, on this most happy day. A child is born and the world continues wildly upon its way.

I send you and your wife all my love and admiration, Marius.

Love, Nick