something, someday
pt.2
tags: this is (not) who i am, 2000s au
read pt 1. here
author's note: so it's been a minute...sorry about that. but i told y'all i will give them their someday, and i did! lowkey, this might get another part cause i have no self control and i always have to add another part to my multi parts (no promises tho, i just have ideas). i tried my best to follow timelines and keep everything kinda accurate, but i definitely missed something, don't hang me for it. lindsay whalen and seimone augustus erasure, i'm SORRY, i needed space for two starting guards on the lynx. there's a kid. i don't claim to know how kids are supposed to act. so again, suspend your disbelief. yeah this'll probably get a third part. fuck my life.
tw: swearing, children, and an author who should be doing lab work rn
–––––– ––– ––––––
2017, january
"come on, lindsay. tell me something i want to hear."
her agent sighed, used to paige's incessant pestering. "bueckers, you are a pain in my ass."
"yeah, but you love me anyway," paige says, tucking her phone in between her ear and her shoulder as she spreads peanut butter on a piece of bread. "you're the best agent in the country. i know you have good news."
"you're damn right i am," lindsay says. "took all of my charm and a three way deal, but i am getting you out of dallas."
paige pumped her fist in the air, flinging a bit of jelly off of her butter knife, which she rushed to wipe up.
she can't believe she actually got a trade out of dallas. it was actually happening. a fresh start for both of them.
"have i told you how much i love you lately, lindsay?"
"save it, bueckers. just send me an expensive bottle of wine."
"will do," paige says, zipping up the lunch box. "so which lucky team is getting me?"
"minnesota." paige freezes. "it'll be a good fit, they're a championship contender, plus they need a point guard..."
lindsay's voice drifts out as paige tries to focus on keeping her hands from shaking. she knew she needed to leave dallas, for her kid more than anything, but it never even crossed her mind that this could happen. which was stupid, really. there was only one team in the league that both needed her and could afford her right now, and that was the lynx. she should've seen it coming.
she should've seen a lot of things coming.
and now she was going to be on a team with azzi fudd.
fuck.
–––––– ––– ––––––
"mommy!"
paige turns the moment she hears the voice of her daughter (she was still getting used to that.) she can barely react before jordan's barreling into her, wrapping her tiny arms around paige's thighs. paige laughs, gently patting the top of the little girl's head. "hi, peanut."
the whole jordan calling paige mommy thing has been a fairly new development. paige was new to that too, to the idea of being someone's mother. jordan has been in her life for a year now, and while she'd always felt like her mom, the word hadn't come of the kid's mouth until about a month ago. paige had nearly broken down when she heard it that first time, tears streaming down her face silently. jordan didn't eveen blink, just waddled over and asked, "why are you crying, mommy?" with an innocent smile on her face. paige rushed to wipe away her tears before scooping jordan up, pressing a kiss against her temple, and whispering "nothing, baby" into her skin.
she'd never expected this for herself, but now that she's here, she can't imagine anything else. no person has ever felt so right.
but there was someone, a long time ago, that was a close second.
jordan grabbed onto two of her fingers and started dragging her towards the car. paige let herself be pulled, laughing to herself.
"how was your day, peanut?" paige asked as she buckled jordan into her carseat.
the young girl shrugs, the motion a bit stiff and awkward, but still adorable. she looks over at the other side of the car, avoiding eye contact.
paige sighs. despite her best efforts, jordan was moved from school district to school district when she was finalizing the adoption process, and now it felt like the little girl didn't feel safe putting down roots anywhere.
she just hoped a new city could help fix all of that.
"hey, do you remember when i told you i was going to ask for a trade? and we'd go move to a new place? somewhere with a big house, and a backyard, and space for all your new toys?"
jordan blinks up at her, eyes wide. "yeah?"
"well, it went through. we're moving to minnesota."
"we're moving?"
"yeah, peanut."
jordan smiles, and it makes paige melt. she watches as the idea of a new home settles into her daughter's mind, but then jordan's eyebrows knit together and paige almost stops breathing, paralyzed by the fear that she might've stressed her baby out.
"where's minnesota?"
"oh," paige lets out a nervous chuckle. "it's further up, actually. it's gonna be a lot colder there than it is in texas."
jordan's nose scrunches. "i don't like the cold. it's makes my face hurt."
"i know, peanut," paige says, rubbing her shin comfortingly. "but you know the cold means snow, right?"
"snow?"
it's unfair, the way jordan's face lights up at the mere mention of snow, like the notion of it can take away all of her worries. and paige can't stop herself from thinking about late nights in storrs, watching another girl's eyes light up at sight of it.
"yeah, it snows in minnesota. sometimes a little too much," paige whispers, poking jordan's stomache and capturing the giggle jordan lets out. "we're gonna have so many snowball fights."
"and we can make snow angels? and snow men? and drink hot chocolate after?"
"yeah, baby," paige says, smiling softly.
paige climbs into the drivers seat and takes a second, resting her forehead on the wheel. she looks up and spots jordan in the rearview mirror, who was completely invested in the way her fingers left prints on the car window.
contrary to what her friends believed, paige never expected jordan to fill the hole in her heart. she knew what it was like when parents tried to use their children to absolve themselves of their own pains and insecurities, and she never wanted to put another kid through that.
no, jordan was just hers, in a way that nothing else was or could be. it wouldn't matter if she had found jordan when she was 20 or when she was 70, she knows that jordan is her kid in the same way she knows that rain will always fall to the ground and the sun will rise in the east. it was simply true.
jordan wasn't something she added to her life to fix it, jordan was her life. she was an innate part of her that's always been there, just waiting to be accepted.
but paige is self aware, and she knows that she's still waiting for something, something that she knew a kid, or her family, or the love of the game would never fix. that large, gaping hole in her heart was probably still waiting for the soft doe eyes that used to look at her like she held the stars in her hand.
the same soft doe eyes that'll probably destroy her the second she steps foot in minnesota.
–––––– ––– ––––––
when news of the trade hits, the women's basketball world basically implodes. with paige at the center.
some dallas fans were upset, but considerate, wishing her well in all her future endeavors. some were less kind, calling her everything from a traitor to a bitch, claiming that she abandoned them to create a super team with the defending champions.
it couldn't be further from the truth, honestly. paige would've liked to live and die with the team that drafted her, but at the end of day, her family matters more.
and yeah, the prospect of another championship didn't exactly hurt things.
lynx fans everywhere were smug as hell, high on the pontential of what one of the only guards to win mvp could do for their already championship caliber team. the rest of the w fans just cursed god, their dreams of a half decent playoffs up in smoke.
all of this basically went over paige's head. she was too busy trying to wrangle all of jordan's toys into boxes. she doesn't know how the girl amassed this many possessions in just eight months, but it's probably partially due to paige's internet shopping addiction.
paige let out a breath, blowing a piece of blonde hair out of her face and plopping her hands on her hips. she admired the product of a whole afternoon's worth of work, a bunch of poorly taped together and mislabeled cardboard boxes. paige shrugged. this is a problem for minnesota paige.
suddenly, her phone rang and paige fished it out of her jeans pocket, quickly checking the number and picking up even though it looked like a spam call.
she liked to live life on the edge. "hello?"
"paige bueckers?"
"yes?"
"hi, i'm allison smith, i'm a writer for sports illustrated. if you've got a second, i'd like to ask you some questions."
"yeah? did you run it by my agent?"
a beat passes. "uh. no."
"sorry, i don't talk to journalists that don't go through the proper channels."
"wait, wait, wait--" paige paused, her thumb hovering over the end call button.
"look. i'll level with you. i've had this job for maybe a month, and i thought getting an exclusive with the paige bueckers right after a high profile trade would be enough to, you know, break the glass."
paige wilts at that, ever aware of the invisible wall that cages her in too. she recognizes the light in allison's voice, the one that comes with feeling young and indestructible. paige knows what it's like to hear that ticking clock follow you, waiting for you to make that mark on the world. she sighs. "fine. but publish anything i don't want you to, and i will sue your ass so hard, you won't be able to find it under the legal bills. everything is off the record unless i approve it."
"yes! oh my god, thank you, paige."
"yeah, yeah," paige said, dropping onto the pink beanbag in jordan's room. "ask away, smith."
they cycle through the basic questions that paige could've predicted, and all of it is so transparent in it's need to capture something dramatic. but paige had gone through cd's media training, and it's all light work for her.
"what are you looking forward to about playing on the lynx the most?"
"probably no longer being on the receiving side of big syl's hits."
allison lets out a small chuckle. yeah, you still got it bueckers.
"okay, last question," allison says, the sound of notes being scribbled on a piece of paper leaking through the phone speaker. "azzi fudd."
paige's heart stops.
azzi.
fudd.
"you two were teammates at uconn, more than a decade ago, where you were deemed the 'best backcourt in the nation'. you haven't played together since, aside from the olympics, and now there's a lot of buzz about your reunion. what do you have to say about that?"
come on, heart, start up again. she coughs and hopes she doesn't sound like the rug has been taken out from under. "azzi's an excellent shooter, one of the best to ever do it. anybody would be excited to work with someone like her. and we've already seen what the two of us can do together, so i'm ready to replicate that in the w."
paige hears the click of the recorder and lets out a sigh of relief. "okay, interview officially over. thank you again, miss bueckers."
"next time, call my agent, allison."
–––––– ––– ––––––
"this room? it's mine?"
paige looks over at her kid, mentally committing the look on jordan's face into her memory.
she looked at a ton of houses in minneapolis, trying to find the perfect fit for her small family. when she toured this house, the first thing she noticed was the large bay window in one of the bedrooms. it drew in so much sunlight that the wood was warmed by it, even in the middle of winter. paige could picture it then. jordan growing up in house just like this. it was the perfect place for a kid, especially a kid like jordan, who left her heart outside her ribs.
she'd signed the papers and booked the movers right after.
"it's all yours, peanut."
jordan looks back at her, tears rimming her eyes. paige has learned not to freak out when jordan cries and just make space for her daughter feeling the things she needs to feel. "thank you, mommy," she says, voice soft.
paige crouches down so she's eye level with jordan. "this is our home, now. both of ours. and i want you to feel safe in it, okay?"
jordan nods and then immediately runs off to explore the rest of the house, not even sparing a second glance.
"hey, i still need your help unpacking!" paige shouts, and the only response she's met with is the sound of jordan's laughter echoing through the halls.
paige smiles to herself, shaking her head. a couple of months ago she could barely imagine a life like this, and now she was here. it was all finally working out for her.
she's about to head down the stairs and unpack some of the boxes in the kitchen when the doorbell rings.
that's strange. she was pretty sure no one except her coach and the taxi driver had her address. unless the mailman decided to start delivering on a wednesday.
"mommy! the door!"
"yeah, i heard it!" paige calls out as she turns the door handle.
she freezes.
"hi."
azzi fudd is standing at her doorstep, in front of her home, dressed in a pair of pajama pants and a black winter jacket that was unzipped to reveal a loose lynx crop top. her hair is piled on top of her head in a haphazard bun and a couple curls have fallen out, framing her face in a way that made those goddamn eyes of hers sparkle even more. and just like every other time paige sees azzi, all the air in paige's lungs disappear and she nearly to asphyxiates in front of the prettiest girl she's ever known.
"hi," paige says, without her voice cracking, mind you. she mentally pats herself on the back.
azzi holds up the metal tin in her hand. "i just wanted to welcome you to city. these are brownies, by the way."
"thanks, az."
her favorite. azzi still remembered. she shakes her head and wills her brain to start working again. "how'd you know my address?"
"what? you don't appreciate me dropping in randomly?" azzi says jokingly, but paige knows her well enough to recognize the insecurity behind it.
"no, of course not. drop in any time, fudd. especially since i probably won't be able to stop you," paige says. "i'm just asking cause the only people who know where i live is dad, drew, and coach."
"yeah...i called up cheryl and she forked over your address pretty easily."
"huh. guess coach isn't immune to the princess thing either."
azzi reaches out and pushes paige's shoulder lightly, like she used to in paige's high school bedroom. like they were familiar again.
"your princess propaganda has haunted me my whole life, bueckers."
"can't be propaganda if it's true, princess."
"you asshole." azzi laughs slightly and her face settles into that incredulous smile that always finds her when paige is being annoying in that endearing way. paige forgot how much she loved seeing that.
and so, she makes a terrible decision.
she opens the door wider, leaving space for azzi to come in. she lets the reason for every heartbreak she's had since she was 23 into her room. into her life.
azzi slips off her sneakers and paige takes the coat off her shoulders. she tries not to get to caught up in how there's only a couple inches between azzi's skin and her fingers. she fails.
"it's a beautiful home, paige."
paige blushes. "thanks."
"so. minnesota, huh?"
"yeah, " paige lets out, somehow breathless. she's still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"i should probably get down on my knees and thank you for coming here," azzi says and paige doesn't picture that very scenario, doesn't imagine azzi tilting her head up and looking at her with the kind of love she never should have left.
paige gulps. "really?"
azzi shrugs. "god knows we needed a point guard. badly. and you're the best one in the league."
she smirks. "i didn't know you were a fan, azzi."
azzi lightly pushes her arm again and paige is about two seconds away from exploding. "shut up, paige, you know what i meant."
"no i don't think i do, you should probably repeat it so i can be sure i understand."
"wow, you really haven't changed, have you?" azzi says, trying to look cross, but her smile betrays her. paige takes that as a personal victory.
a beat passes. the silence moves slowly, thick with everything that still needs to be said.
"mommy!"
oh shit.
azzi's eyes widen, and paige thinks this is the perfect moment for an anvil to come out of nowhere and crush her to death.
"did the world's youngest burglar break into your house or something?"
paige rubs the back of her neck. "uh, no. can you, um, give me a sec? i'll be right back."
she doesn't wait for a response and hightails it out of the front room into the kitchen, where she finds jordan opening and closing cabinets like it's just something to do.
"yeah, peanut?" paige whispers.
jordan looks over at her and tries to raise one eyebrow but she doesn't have enough motor control to do it properly so it looks more confused than suspicious. "why are you whispering?"
"cause i thought it would be fun?" and also because i don't know how to explain to my ex-girlfriend and future teammate that i have a kid now.
"okay," jordan whispers back at her, content with that flimsy reasoning. "i'm hungry," she says, rubbing her stomach for emphasis and dramatic flare.
"right, that makes a sense," paige sticks her hand in her pocket and grabs a fruit roll up. jordan's eyes light up (cause her kid has taste) and she almost grabs it before paige can even remove the packaging. "hang in there, kid. i'm going to order some pizza."
"yes!" jordan says, pumping her tiny fist. paige giggles.
"paige? is everything okay?"
right. azzi's still here. shit. that's probably all the stalling paige could get away with. time to face the music.
"yeah! um, can you come in the kitchen?"
jordan looks up at her, her cheeks puffed up from the entire fruit roll up she stuffed into her mouth. she got her patience from paige. "did we stop playing the whispering game?"
"yup. now we're playing the 'mommy picks you up and twirls you in a circle' game'" paige reaches down and lifts up jordan before she can react, spinning around before settling her on paige's hip.
just in time for azzi to walk in. game time.
"jordan, this is azzi. she's mommy's new teammate. or well, uh, she was an old teammate, but that was a long time ago."
paige is rambling. azzi hasn't moved.
"azzi, this is jordan. my kid."
jordan tries to wave her hand before getting shy and tucking her head into paige's neck. paige rubs her back.
"oh."
paige locks eyes with azzi. "yeah."
azzi walks around the kitchen island, towards jordan. paige sucks in a breath, bracing herself.
"hi, jordan. it's nice to meet you." jordan picks up her head, looking at azzi warily. azzi just smiles, and paige can feel jordan relax in her arms at the sight. azzi points to jordan's head. "i like your hair. the beads are super cool."
"mommy did it for me." paige feels a wave of pride wash over her. braiding jordan's hair has been the hardest thing for her to learn, especially since jordan's texured hair is very different from paige's fine blonde. but she had persevered, thanks to all the youtube tutorials she watched and the number of times azzi let paige try to do her gameday braids in college.
jordan lifts one of the braids, showing it to azzi. "she let me pick the beads though. pink's my favorite."
"no way, it's mine too! that's so cool."
it surprises paige how comfortable she feels right now. most people change their voice and talk down to jordan which always rubs paige the wrong way, but azzi simply nods along, absorbing every word like it's fascinating and responding with her own geniune interest. the way they click, like them, together just makes sense, muffles all the warning bells that are usually blaring in paige's head.
"i wanna show you my room. can i show azzi my room?"
"yeah, of course—" paige starts but jordan's wiggiling out of her grip and grabbing azzi's hand before she can finish. azzi laughs and lets herself be dragged.
azzi looks back one last time, before the both of them disappear around the corner. paige sighs.
she doesn't know what to make of all of this, if she's completely honest. when paige had first heard of the trade, there was no way to define the complex swirl of emotions in her gut, which made it easier to be in denial about it all. but as time went on, it was getting harder and harder to hide the hope bubbling up in her heart. she'd always been like that, especially with azzi. she falls too fast, and wants too much. always desperately waiting and wishing for more of her, no matter how many times she tells herself she's needs to stop holding on so tightly before she leaves more claw marks behind.
paige still remembers that one day azzi had nearly blown up at her, when she had gotten a little too caught up in what it would be like if azzi went to uconn and they could play together. her mind was moving a mile a minute, listing all of the things they needed to do when they were on campus together and completely unaware of the way azzi had gone quiet. eventually, she yelled (which azzi never does), saying that she hadn't decided yet and paige needed to stop putting so much pressure on her. paige didn't say anything. she just left like a wounded dog.
a half hour later, azzi had found her, huddled up in some corner of the fudd house. she took paige's arms and wrapped herself up in them before whispering a soft "sorry." paige couldn't stop thinking about how azzi could probably smell the salt from her tears and just tucked her face into azzi's neck, leaving a thousand apologies of her own pressed into her skin.
paige had promised herself that she would never push azzi like that again. and she hadn't. mostly. except for a couple notable exceptions. like new york, her second year. the 2008 olympics. 2015 all star. and she'd paid the price for it.
this time was supposed to be different. she was supposed to take it slow, try to be teammates or maybe even friends first. and paige was definitely supposed to wait at least a week before dropping the bomb that was jordan.
well. that was all out the window.
paige ran a hand through her hair, pulling out a couple blonde strands out of her ponytail and letting them fall in front of her face.
great fucking job, bueckers.
she pushed herself up from the counter, shaking out her hands as she set off in search of the two girls.
at least azzi didn't run away, she thinks to herself. unless she's just waiting til she's closer to the door.
the door to jordan's room is slightly agar and paige gently pushes it open, bracing herself for what she'll find.
azzi's sitting on the ground with one of her knees propped up and jordan was leaning against her as she dutifully described the toys in her hands while azzi nods along. she has one hand resting on jordan's waist, keeping the young girl balanced, and the other perched on her knee. paige hasn't seen azzi look this relaxed and comfortable in years, and the sight of it warms her heart.
neither of them have noticed paige, too caught up in their own little world, so paige knocks on the door gently. azzi looks up first, locking eyes with paige for a second before jordan realizes that she lost her audience.
"mommy!" jordan says. " i have a question."
paige walks over to them. "fire away, peanut."
"can azzi stay for pizza? please?"
"oh. uh." paige looks over at azzi who is already looking at her, eyes wide and smile caught. "um. i don't know if–"
"come on, mommy, you always order too much anyway," jordan says, pouting.
azzi gently squeezes jordan's waist which makes her giggle. paige's heart is about to melt and then burn through her insides like some evil, hormone induced lava. "well, i can believe that."
"hey!"
"come on, bueckers, you're going to tell me you didn't order twelve pizzas for the entire team at uconn?"
"i wanted us to have leftovers!"
azzi shoots a knowing look at her. "for two whole weeks?"
"jordan, back mommy up here."
jordan puts a finger to her chin. "i think you should listen to azzi. she's really smart."
"i guess you don't want pizza for breakfast then?"
jordan's eyes go wide, arms reaching out towards her mom."no, no, no, i love pizza for breakfast!"
"hey, you made your decision," paige says, crossing her arms.
"you were giving her pizza for breakfast?" azzi questions. "that's some excellent parenting right there."
"yo, my kid loves me, that's all that matters."
azzi smiles, one of her dimples on proud display. "yeah. she does."
paige looks up and down a couple times, nervously twiddling with your fingers. "you're welcome to stay, by the way. if you want to."
azzi just looks at her then, coffee brown eyes soft and open in a way paige hasn't seen in years. or decades. it felt like the whole room was covered in all of paige's previous mistakes, but here, in azzi's eyes, she felt absolved. like there was a chance. an olive branch to save her from drowning.
or maybe paige is just imagining things.
"i'm sorry, i can't," azzi says, as she lifts jordan to her feet before getting up herself. paige feels her heart drop a little, but she doesn't know what she expected. azzi barely knew her, at least this version of her. it made sense for azzi to be a little wary of the picture in front of her. paige pushed herself up off the floor.
azzi pat the top of jordan's head. "i promised maya i'd swing by later today. but maybe another time."
"aww," jordan whines.
"that's okay. yeah. maybe another time," paige says, trying to look less flustered then she felt. she looks back at jordan. "baby, why don't you finish unpacking your toys while i walk azzi to the door."
jordan crossed her arms, clearly not happy with the situation. azzi turns around and gives her a little high five that she happily returns. "i'll see you later, okay? i'm sure you're going to be court side, watching mommy and i destroy all the other teams, right?"
"right," jordan says with a bright smile.
paige walked azzi to the front door, stuffing her hands into her pockets as azzi put on her winter jacket.
"so. i, uh, guess i'll see you at practice."
azzi nods. "yeah. can't wait to hit a three over your head again."
"again? you have never hit a three while i was guarding you."
"really? did you forget about—"
paige shook her head. "come on, i was sick. that doesn't count."
"what about—"
she raises her hands in defeat. "okay, okay, let's not dwell on the past."
azzi smirks. "that was only last season."
"like i said," paige turns the door handle. "the past."
azzi pauses, fiddling with her fingers. "hey, paige, you know i was kidding right?"
"about what?"
"about what i said back there. i know you're a good mom," azzi steps over the threshold. "i always knew you would be."
paige doesn't know what to say to that. she probably never will. she sniffs, stuffing her hands further into her pockets. "well, jordan's a great kid."
"yeah. she is."
the seconds stretch out between them and paige can't help the way her heart races as it flips through every maybe they could've had. azzi won't stop staring at her.
paige takes in a deep breath. "bye az. i'll see you later."
"bye, paige."
–––––– ––– ––––––
the lynx gym was quiet in the mornings. well it was quiet a lot of the time, since most of the players were still overseas, and there was no one here to create any ruckus. paige likes it like this, where the sound of the basketball hitting the shiny wooden floor was the loudest thing in the room and in her mind.
it's the only place she can just be.
paige has planned to shoot around a little bit and get used to the new facilities. nothing too crazy, just enough to get the feel of the game back in her blood.
it takes her no time to find that flow between her hand and the ball, before a voice at the door breaks it.
"paige!"
her hand goes limp in the middle of her shot, the ball airballing so badly that she would've been embarrassed if she wasn't completely focused on the way azzi was leaning against the door like it was second nature.
"azzi." she chases after the ball. "what are you doing here?"
azzi crosses her arms. "same reason you are, probably."
she chuckles awkwardly, dribbling the ball just to keep her hands busy. "makes sense."
"i'll rebound for you," azzi says, setting her bag down and wiping her hands on her shorts, a nervous tick azzi never got rid of.
"okay."
it doesn't take them long to find a rhythm between the two of them, both of them reminded how their late night high school shoot arounds were baked into their bones. the whole process runs so smoothly, that they barely need to say a single word. that doesn't stop paige though.
"come on az, that was a terrible pass."
azzi glares at her. paige feels a little giddy. "it was a fine pass."
"you really need to work on that."
"shut up and shoot the ball, paige. you won't always get good passes."
paige just smirks, releasing the ball with an easy flick of the wrist. it clanks off the rim, with a harsh enough sound to make paige flinch.
azzi chases it down and tosses it back to paige with a glimmer in her eye. "you work on that, and i'll work on my passes," she says, which paige responds to by sticking out her tongue.
"nice," azzi sighs, "very mature."
paige shoots the ball. it goes in this time, a straight swish. "it's what i'm known for."
"it's what i'm known for," azzi repeats, mocking, and follows by sticking her own tongue out, which surprises paige enough to bring a bright, limitless laugh out of her.
they run through a couple more drills until the sun is a little closer to the middle of the sky. both of them are breathing a little heavy, with sweat dripping down their foreheads. azzi uses the bottom of her shirt to wipe her face, and paige has to stop herself from letting her eyes track over the planes of her abs. it requires a herculean effort, but she manages it. barely.
she drops the shirt and looks back at paige. "i've got an idea."
"shoot."
azzi takes the ball from her hand and paige is stuck watching. which she is not complaining about. "1v1."
"really?" paige chuckles, "you wanna go against me?"
she shrugs, but there's something about her stance that exudes a kind of confidence that makes paige want to dare her even further. "yeah. thought i'd remind you who won every match up back at uconn."
"not all of them," paige whines. azzi glares at her and she rolls her eyes. "okay. first to eleven. i'm a gentleman, so i'll let you start. but you should still get ready to lose."
azzi dribbles toward the top of the key, lowering herself into position. her voice is sugar sweet when she answers with a "sure, paige."
she settles into her offense quickly, too quickly, handling the ball fast enough to set paige off balance and create enough space (not that she needed any) for her picture perfect jumpshot. the one that always ends the same way. swoosh.
3 - 0.
azzi smiles, proud, carefree, and vaguely reminiscent of the easy smiles she still had when she was sixteen. paige doesn't have the heart to be upset at the shot make, too wrapped up in this version of azzi that she hasn't seen in nearly a lifetime.
she looks at paige before running after the ball. "you were saying, bueckers?"
"nice shot," paige says, the compliment geniune. azzi blinks and paige hallucinates that on her cheeks blush getting a little deeper. "you're not going to get to make it again."
1v1 is a tiring endeavor on it's own, but when two players that have spent more time on opposite sides of the court than together and were used to feeding each other's competitive fire, it reaches a whole new level. each miss is hard won, the product of the constant, suffocating defense uconn drilled into both of them. and each shot made is answered with another one. neither of them go on a run, matching bucket for bucket.
The score is 10 -9, in paige's favor. whoever made the next shot, won.
azzi had the ball again, with paige sticking to her like glue, determined to not let her pass. azzi dribbles, steping back as if she was going for a three. paige leans forward to defend it, leaving enough of a gap for azzi to drive forward and float the ball into the bucket for an easy two.
game over. 11-10.
"some things never change," azzi pants, her hands on her knees. paige doesn't have the energy to say anything, so she pushes azzi's shoulder.
a slow clap starts up near the door and the two of them snap up, turning towards the source. the minnesota head coach is sitting by the bleachers with a very smug grin on her face. which paige knew was basically what cheryl would look like if she won the lottery.
"hey, coach," paige breathes out, walking over to great her.
cheryl looks up at her, taking her in, eyes as warm as they were years ago. "paige."
"didn't think you'd get stuck with me again?"
she purses her lips, but paige can see the amusement behind it. "hoped i wouldn't," cheryl says, "but turns out you're still the best pg in this league."
paige smirks. "some things never change."
azzi jogs over, looking between the two of them. "you guys know each other?"
"hey, fudd," cheryl says, with a smile that is surely reserved for the princess. most people have one of those. paige knows she definitely does. "yeah, i did a stint with paige's team a while ago."
"back when the team was at detroit," paige hums, "we're such oldheads now."
"speak for yourself," azzi murmers.
paige side eyes her. "you're only one year younger than me, azzi."
"one year's enough," azzi slips out. her hands lock behind her back as she rocks back and forth on her feet.
paige is about to fire back with something equally immature, but cheryl beats her to it. "nice game, you two," she says as she crosses her arms over her navy blue zip up. "it's a good sign."
"for what?" azzi asks.
paige opens her mouth before cheryl can. "that we're still what we started at uconn."
azzi doesn't look at her, but she can hear the way her breath stops, inhaling quick before anyone notices. except paige does. at least when it comes to azzi. "you can tell from a 1v1 game?" azzi asks, her voice almost too light.
"i could tell the moment i saw you two on the court together," cheryl says, shrugging, "and now i've got the best backcourt in the country on my team."
paige doesn't say anything, just sticks out her hand towards azzi for a high five, who reciprocates with a roll of her eyes and a bitten back smile.
cheryl smacks her hands on her thighs and stands up. "okay, i've got things to handle, free agency is a bitch. i'll see both of you later."
azzi does that thing that paige is obsessed with, where her face doesn't really smile, but you can see her dimples anyway. "bye, coach."
cheryl squeezes azzi's arm as she passes by while walking to the door. "see ya, big c!" paige calls after her, which earns her a middle finger.
"i think she likes me," paige whispers to azzi, who has already started to pack up her practice bag. she stuffs her hands into the stretched out pockets of her basketball shorts and sits down on the bench by azzi's bag, leaning back far enough to catch the light of those brown doe eyes.
"only as much as i do."
"so she's half in love with me then?"
azzi freezes, and paige curses herself and her stupid, never-thinks-before-it-jumps brain.
"az, i'm so–"
"wanna get lunch with me?" azzi asks, all rushed like the words were scraping their way out. paige can't do anything but blink at her, the apology dying on her tongue and leaving a bitter taste behind.
"sure," paige answers. azzi stares at her, as if she doesn't quite believe it. "sure, yeah," she repeats, hoping this time it sticks.
"great. i know a place nearby."
–––––– ––– ––––––
paige should've made a bet.
azzi's sitting across from her, drizzling vinagrette over her bowl, that contained chicken, sweet potato, cucumber, avocado, a couple other vegetables that paige can't be bothered to remember, all topped with some feta. she can recall at least ten seperate times azzi has eaten the exact same thing in front of her. so yeah, she should've made a bet. could've earned some money, because they both seem to be old horses that refuse to learn any new tricks.
paige raises an eyebrow. "you still eat the same, huh, az?"
azzi stops, looking pointedly down paige's burger and fries. "looks like you do too."
"yeah, cause i actually eat things that taste good," paige argues, earning an eye roll, "unlike whatever that is."
azzi hums, spearing a chunk of sweet potato with her fork and bringing it up to her cold and teeth bitten lips. "you probably still have uncrustables on your grocery list."
paige's eyes widen and that's enough indication for azzi to break out into laughter.
she narrows her eyes at azzi. "jordan likes it."
"yeah, i'm sure she does."
"and if i eat one every now and again because i'm a tired, single mom, that's nobody's business."
azzi puts her hands up in mock surrender, and it's ridiculous enough for paige to answer with a smile of her own.
the minutes pass a little slower, with the sun a little too low in the sky for the time, and paig can't help but feel like she's being watched by something bigger than her, like the sky chose today to snoop. it's ridiculous, she knows that, but there's a shiver in her spine that's yelling at her not to make the wrong move, like there's something at stake here that she can't bear to lose, and she doesn't want to find out what happens when she doesn't listen to it.
she clears her throat. "this is nice."
"it is."
the space between the seconds start to grow again and paige is about to pull all the hair out of her head.
"azzi?"
"yeah?'
"what–what are we doing?"
she looks at paige, face soft and open. "we're having lunch."
"yeah, but–" paige stops herself, struggles to put years of history into words. she doesn't know if confrontation is the right move here, but she knows what the consequences of keeping words in the back of your throat can do, and she's willing to risk it. "we haven't had lunch in years. we haven't done anything in years."
"you're right." azzi puts her fork down. "i'd like to change that."
paige looks up at her, eyelashes fluttering over ocean blue irises. "you'd–what?"
"i wanna be friends again," azzi says, like it's not a confession worthy of something better than a cafe in the middle of minneapolis. "seems like the perfect time for it. we're on the same team again, and i…i wanna try."
"really?"
"yeah, paige," azzi whispers,"i missed you, more than anything. i missed my best friend."
paige inhales, and the sun lowers a little more, peaking through the store window.
"and now, i've got a chance to get her back," azzi continues, "if you'd like to?"
"yeah," paige breathes out, "i would."
later, after a meal filled with second chances and lovingly meaningless conversation, paige drops azzi off at her apartment. azzi squeezes her forearm before opening the door, a silent goodbye, just like she used to, and paige's heart flips an embarrassing number of times.
"hey, i forgot to ask," azzi says as she climbs out of the car, "who's looking after jordan?"
"my dad. he's staying with us for a while to help with the beginning of the season."
"oh. cool."
"why?"
"just wondering." azzi smiles. "i owe your kid a pizza night."
–––––– ––– ––––––
the next couple of weeks, they fall into a routine without even realizing. paige had tried to take it slow, but she's always been horrible at being careful when it came to loving azzi fudd. so she just lets herself be, without questioning every move she makes.
after the first couple of days of bumping into each other at the lynx facilities, paige starts to pick up azzi before heading over and working out together. they stay there until their lungs and muscles burn, and they decide that's enough for one day, slipping out into the cold winter air for some food and something to waste the time until paige had to pick jordan up from school.
one time, they lose track of time and paige can't drop azzi off first, so they both go to pick up jordan.
when paige pulls into the parking lot, she checks her watch, and curses, taking off her seatbelt and pushing open the door as fast as she can. she doesn't notice how azzi hasn't moved until she slams the door.
paige opens the door again. "uh, what are you doing?"
azzi fiddles with the edge of her shirt, quintessential nervous azzi. "you pick up jordan, i'll wait here."
"what are you talking about," paige says,"just come on, fudd."
"paige, i don't think–"
paige looks at her, really looks, and azzi snaps her mouth shut. "come on, azzi," she says, softer.
that seems to wake her up, and they both jog out of the parking lot. they find jordan waiting with one of her teachers, all swaddled up in a pink puffy jacket and matching beanie.
"hey peanut," paige calls out, reaching her hand out, which jordan immediately runs up and takes. she apologizes for being late, and is met with a look that says "you being late was the least of my problems today," which paige answers with an awkward smile.
paige turns and jordan follows, her small, teetering steps falling in step with her mother's strides. she looks back at jordan, who seems more focused on her own feet than anything else. "jordan, you remember azzi?"
jordan looks up at her and then at azzi and doesn't say anything.
"don't take it to heart," paige whispers to azzi, "she's like that with most people."
"i wasn't going to. she's just a kid," azzi deadpans. "besides, i'll win her over."
paige smirks. "you always do."
when they reach the car, paige opens the back door and moves out of the way, tilting her head towards the car as if to say, "you try." azzi steps closer, helping jordan into her car seat, and putting on her seatbelt. jordan looks at her, eyes wide and curious, like azzi's a puzzle piece and jordan's trying to figure out where she fits into her life. once the seatbelt clicks, azzi looks back at jodan and puts her palm out. jordan takes the bait and high fives her, but you'd think she hit a three point shot if you saw the way paige pumps her fist because of it. azzi shakes her head at the blonde before slipping into shotgun, but nothing can tamper the grin on paige's face.
history should stop paige from hoping so much, but it never has before, and it doesn't now. it knows that paige's heart has never listened to anything or anybody other than the only person that holds it.
soon enough, jordan's added into their daily routine, and they make it a habit to pick her up together. it doesn't take long for jordan to get used the new setup, if the way she starts running up to azzi without even noticing paige is any indication.
paige tries to act neglected by it, but she can't deny how content she feels watching them together. there's a quietness, a trepidation to jordan, that she's never been able to understand, but it is something azzi that picks up on and responds to immediately. sometimes, paige feels like she can push jordan too much in the wrong direction, but azzi, she seems to have a second sense for what jordan's thinking. probably because it's exactly what a younger azzi would be thinking.
maybe she should be a little jealous of the way they fit, but she only finds herself warmed by it.
by the first week of march, the bueckers family has gotten used to azzi fudd being there for every part of their day. paige lets herself fall into deep brown eyes all throughout the morning and afternoon. and once they pick up jordan, the little girl steals her away from paige, happy to just be around azzi, even if they weren't playing together. azzi even becomes part of the night routine. they find out the hard way that jordan becomes very whiny if azzi leaves without giving her a kiss on the cheek and letting her give one back. so whiny that jordan won't go to sleep, no matter what paige does.
it's another dead night of winter and the routine hasn't changed. paige has had a long day, one where she's been steadily reminded that she is getting older and her knees know it, so she'd like to get to bed as soon as possible.
she picks up jordan and places her on her hip. "okay, peanut, give azzi her goodnight kiss so we can all go to bed."
azzi gently rests both of her hands on jordan's arm and leans close enough for jordan to reach. jordan places her kiss with a loud smack that makes azzi giggle. azzi places hers with a bit more care, but it brings that same smile onto jordan's face. paige realized a couple days ago that her daughter has developed a princess smile of her own that was only reserved for azzi. like mother, like daughter.
"bye azzi."
azzi's eyes shine. "bye, baby."
"okay, great," paige rushes out, "night night time."
she drops a kiss on jordan's cheek and, without thinking about it, does the same to azzi.
paige freezes with her lips still pressed against azzi's cheek and she immediately pulls back, heart hammering in her chest.
turns out the muscle memory stays, even after more than a decade. paige should feel guilty, but she thinks her heart has been waiting for this breach too long to second guess it anymore. her mind, on the other hand, loses it.
"shit–uh–"
azzi puts a hand on her shoulder and it burns. she brushes her lips on paige's cheeks just like paige had just done a second ago, and paige has to stop herself from melting into the touch. things slip back into place, exactly where they're meant to be, just for a second. and for that second, paige can breathe.
"don't curse in front of your kid, bueckers" azzi whispers. "good night."
"good night," paige says, half a second too late.
the door closes with a decisive click. jordan pokes her cheek and leans closer. "mommy, why is your face so red?"
–––––– ––– ––––––
2017, march
"did you know that it gets quieter when it snows?"
they're at the park, taking a stroll in one of the last snows of the season. when they stepped outside after practice, paige saw the way azzi's face lit up before she even noticed the snow. she was standing there, in track pants and an oversized tee, face tilted to the sky as snowlakes dusted her hair, and paige could feel all those promises and wishes and wants in the bend of her ribs, trying to break out. paige didn't even ask, just drove them down to the park with the lake and the wilting trees, so azzi could watch the snowfall before it leaves them for the year. and paige could watch her.
azzi looks over at her. "yeah. i do."
"it's something about how the snow is better at absorbing the sound, i think. lessens the vibration, and doesn't leave many sound waves that can come back to us."
"i'm surprised, bueckers," azzi says. "didn't know you stayed awake in class long enough to learn anything."
"actually, i learned it from jordan," paige says, fiddling with the sleeve of her jacket. "she was asking me a ton of questions, so we spent a whole afternoon reading through wikipedia pages."
"oh."
there's a faraway look in azzi's eyes, one that even paige has never seen before. she's been noticing it more often the last couple of days.
"anyway, i brought that up because," paige continues. "my whole life, everything's been so loud. always."
she looks azzi in the eye, crystal blue leaking into the daytime sky, and dares herself to jump one last time.
"you're my snow. you make it quieter."
snow keeps falling, disappearing into the clouds, blanketing everything in a layer of white. paige's nose has reached a level of numb that should cause concern, but she's too caught up in the rosiness of azzi's cheeks to notice.
azzi doesn't say anything at first. she simply reaches down and intertwines their hands together. both of their hands are covered in gloves, but paige swears her skin burns anyway.
suddenly, minneapolis isn't minneapolis anymore, it's some random city in the middle of conneticut. and suddenly, paige is thirteen years younger, wishing for forever with the only girl she's ever loved.
god, life had taken so much from that version of herself. it had pushed and pushed and pushed until she was something that was nearly unrecognizable, until she was forced to let go of every chance at happiness she had.
but now, it was different. now, she could take it all back.
"we've been given a second chance, azzi," paige whispers into air, blanketed by the snow. "and god help me, i want to take it."
azzi stops and pulls paige closer. she inhales, searching paige's face."then take it."
"you'll let me?"
she nods. "i will. i promise."
and that's all she's ever needed. all she's ever wanted. a chance. an open door. a promise.
paige lifts her hands, cradling azzi's face in her hands and wiping away some of the wetness left behind by the snowflakes that feel strangely reminiscent of the tears she's wiped away before. she leans in and azzi meets her in the middle, breath warm in the cold, and paige remembers what it's like to believe angels were real.
a decade later, she remembers what it's like to be whole.