"That girl... with an edge"
Haven't blogged on here in like forever now? I prefer to write on paper instead, but I like to catch up on here every now and then.
Who ever is reading this, I do hope you're well, and hope you've gotten through the anxious stages of this pandemic that the world is still facing. I know I am still going through it that's for sure.
I'm actually a little nervous about the world regaining it's normality again, and by that I mean humanity returning to the hustle and bustle, the spilt coffees on shirts due to the threat of being late, the traffic jams including the loud noises from the horns when someone in front isn't moving quick enough and the intrusive thoughts whilst looking at the time questioning "Am I going to be late for this lecture?", "what if I'm late and everyone stares at me entering the huge lecture hall?" whilst I try to find a decent enough seat away from the potential judgement. Ha, those thoughts used to go through my head in my foundation year, I used to be incredibly anxious and insecure, the pandemic has definitely taught me to love myself more and accept certain things, though I do have a lot more self work to do, I still get those thoughts from time to time, but I can relax a little bit more and believe in myself when certain situations arise, which will happen more and more.
Though today I have woken up and feel very odd within myself. I completed a breath work session for the 29th day in a row, and It's had a HUGE impact on my life (I will link it down below). The breath work itself is supposed to move stale and stored energy known as 'pain' that has been sat there within you for a long time. The first time I tried it, a lot of resistance came up and I didn't know if I was able to carry on the breathing pattern, it felt so uncomfortable, that's all I can describe it as, and still to this day, I feel uncomfortable, more on my down days (like today) I feel it more in my stomach, the black, filled with darkness, pit at the bottom right at the bottom. The anxiety riddled Lydia ages 14 - 21, where I really didn't know myself at all, or what I had buried within me at that time, yet this morning more painful experiences arose to the surface and I cried for a good 10 minutes about certain situations that I haven't let go of, which I am now learning to.
I feel like I can breath a little better since doing this breath work and I 112% recommend it to anyone who is struggling with past painful experiences or feeling anxious about the world coming to again.
If anyone does read this and feel that way, please reach out, I am more than happy to speak about this stuff to anyone, I love to help.
Here's the link for the breath work: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-2d2vYsHSI
