Simply different

My names Lydia and this is my first ever blog. I will be writing about life experiences mostly and how desolate it feels to graduate from University and not be where you expected, that shit is painful. People aren't real enough with themselves, so I'm here to get a bit real. With myself and others. I hope I can help anyone or even someone, in fact, and shed some light on their life.

[wedarkacademia]

[simplydifferentlydia]

Pitfall

What is that?

What is that you feel?

That's the pain,

That's the pain my dear,

It's eating you alive every day,

Every day you say?

Every day, hidden away,

Until you look in the mirror and see the pain pulsing through your veins

That IS the pain

That is the pain

When you see others living,

& you have to look away

That is the pain

That is the pain

When you see others love

& you have to run away

That is the pain my dear,

That is your pain

..

How do I help it fade?

[simplydifferentlydia]

"That girl... with an edge"

Haven't blogged on here in like forever now? I prefer to write on paper instead, but I like to catch up on here every now and then.

Who ever is reading this, I do hope you're well, and hope you've gotten through the anxious stages of this pandemic that the world is still facing. I know I am still going through it that's for sure.

I'm actually a little nervous about the world regaining it's normality again, and by that I mean humanity returning to the hustle and bustle, the spilt coffees on shirts due to the threat of being late, the traffic jams including the loud noises from the horns when someone in front isn't moving quick enough and the intrusive thoughts whilst looking at the time questioning "Am I going to be late for this lecture?", "what if I'm late and everyone stares at me entering the huge lecture hall?" whilst I try to find a decent enough seat away from the potential judgement. Ha, those thoughts used to go through my head in my foundation year, I used to be incredibly anxious and insecure, the pandemic has definitely taught me to love myself more and accept certain things, though I do have a lot more self work to do, I still get those thoughts from time to time, but I can relax a little bit more and believe in myself when certain situations arise, which will happen more and more.

Though today I have woken up and feel very odd within myself. I completed a breath work session for the 29th day in a row, and It's had a HUGE impact on my life (I will link it down below). The breath work itself is supposed to move stale and stored energy known as 'pain' that has been sat there within you for a long time. The first time I tried it, a lot of resistance came up and I didn't know if I was able to carry on the breathing pattern, it felt so uncomfortable, that's all I can describe it as, and still to this day, I feel uncomfortable, more on my down days (like today) I feel it more in my stomach, the black, filled with darkness, pit at the bottom right at the bottom. The anxiety riddled Lydia ages 14 - 21, where I really didn't know myself at all, or what I had buried within me at that time, yet this morning more painful experiences arose to the surface and I cried for a good 10 minutes about certain situations that I haven't let go of, which I am now learning to.

I feel like I can breath a little better since doing this breath work and I 112% recommend it to anyone who is struggling with past painful experiences or feeling anxious about the world coming to again.

If anyone does read this and feel that way, please reach out, I am more than happy to speak about this stuff to anyone, I love to help.

Here's the link for the breath work: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-2d2vYsHSI

Lydia x

[simplydifferentlydia]

Third lockdown

Gaaad daaayum, it’s been a while since I’ve wrote anything on here, these last few months have been yet again, a whirlwind! Time has gone so fast. 

Today I’m feeling kinda tired, with some brain fog, I have my exams coming up in 2 weeks and I have yet to revise 3 other topics! already gone through two, very exhausting! Especially when you don’t have a lot of motivation, but at least there’s nothing else to do, right? So I could potentially get a lot more done, right? Nope! I don’t think I’ve ever been so busy if I’m honest, but I wouldn’t have it any other way as I do love my life right now, (apart from the whole pandemic thing going on) it’s going pretty well! I have a lot going on, I’m virtually writing with my band and we’re getting a lot of songs down, I’m revising a hell of a lot, I’m also starting up my own Etsy Business soon and starting to film more YouTube videos, that I will be uploading in Mid Feb - beginning of March! 

So life is pretty sweet right now! I’ve started a new workout routine, and a new diet! Feeling so much better, but I do still occasionally get the odd day where I don’t feel energetic (today is definitely one of those days), can’t be bothered to get anything done, but I have to push myself more on these days, even though it is hard, I feel a lot better after I have done something. 

Today I need to complete my assignment which is due in on the 18th of January, and do a bit more revision on the topic ‘Anatomy and Physiology’, so hopefully journaling on here will push me more! who knows? I just know I’ll feel much better after doing the tasks today!

 Have a good day! (to who ever is reading my life story) 

Signing off now,

Lydia x 

[simplydifferentlydia]

It’s Christmas season yo! 

Hope everyone is doing well and continuing to be their best selves. Keep going, and stay strong, we are all in this together!

[artistic-potato]

[simplydifferentlydia]

Learning to say ‘NO’

To who ever is reading this, I hope you’re well! 

I feel kinda weird today, how about you?

I am having a few weird days, if I’m honest. I feel very drained, my head feels very light headed and heavy, at the same time which is a very weird feeling! Not sure what’s triggered me, but I’m feeling pretty mundane as if everything’s the same, though I have been asked to do a few things, but haven’t had the motivation to do them, not sure if I just need more time for me? because that’s how it feels, I think that’s what my gut is telling me, it’s not anxiety as that feeling is horrible, I just get this feeling that I just need to chill out this weekend and be by myself, and actually say ‘NO’ to people, without feeling guilty once I say it! 

There is always a little bit of guilt once I say it though, and I need to realise that I have to take time for myself, in order to be on top form, other wise I will end up burning the candles at both ends, and what I’ve realised, it kind of just boils down to wanting to please people, people pleaser, hello? ugh. I LOVE helping people and I want a career in it, but I find myself constantly checking in on people who don’t bother with me, wanting everyone to like me (which is not possible in this world) and running myself down for it too. As soon as I let go of wanting to please people and wanting everyone to like me, all of this anxiety and tension, would all disappear!

I have the tools to make it easier, and one of the tools is the breath! which is amazing! and I know that it’s a continuous journey, and it isn’t going to be easy, but I am going to be the best version of myself and I will continue to rise and get there day by day, especially through my band. 

Signing off now,

Lydia x

[simplydifferentlydia]

Whirlwind 

The last few months have been a whirlwind, so many emotions, and so many moods, up and down constantly, especially with what’s going on in the world. 

I’ve recently come out of something that made me feel so unworthy, so down and made me question myself and my sanity, it helped in a way with how I had to deal with my emotions alone and past trauma that I hadn’t dealt with, as I was on my own a lot of the time. I had never felt more alone in this situation and it took me a while to realise what it was doing to me until recently.

I spent a week with my mother and it was so helpful, it really got me to uncover situations that I hadn’t dealt with and she helped me through them too which made things easier to do. 

After this situation, I feel better within myself and actually have time to focus on me, I must say I do feel a tad lost because It’s been months that I suppressed myself and I guess this is why I feel a bit confused and gut wrenched a little, but it’s for the best. 

I feel a bit exhausted with everything that’s going on and I feel very frustrated also, the band isn’t doing much at the moment either as we’re going through a bit of a rough patch, so that’s even more of a downer, I honestly think lock down hasn’t helped with this at all, and it’s really getting a lot of people demotivated (including me) but i’m trying to keep my head above water and not to drown as some days I feel like i’m drowning in my thoughts some days, meditation and EFT can’t fix that some days and it’s really hard to over come it. 

I hope I can over come this anxiety and lost feeling as it doesn’t feel good at all, 

I’m gonna sign off now

Lydia x

[simplydifferentlydia]

Triggers - Original song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMZXZP_-qlc

My own song! check it out :D 

[simplydifferentlydia]

YouTube Covers

Hi guys! who ever is reading! 

I’ve started doing covers on YouTube, if you’re bored and need some entertainment. 

Check out the link :) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gbb_tlu4Hgk

[simplydifferentlydia]

Disliking Chemistry

Wow, so I have just finished the chemistry test that I had to complete, and oh wow it was hard. Goes to show how little I know.

I’m going to have to start getting my head around it, even though it’s my least favourite subject, I am a massive fan of Biology, but I guess you can’t have everything. 

I have a lot of anxiety about it because we have our exam for it on the 18th of May which I’m so scared about, but hopefully if I can just focus on it throughout April up until mid May, then maybe I will pass, there’s just a lot of pressure. 

I have to find a way to motivate myself to start liking it, even if it’s the slightest bit.

Isolation will make it easier, as there’s not much else todo.

Signing off now

stay safe and stay home everyone.

Lydia x

[miamidadeprincessxx305]

Tumblr, meet Sushi 

[simplydifferentlydia]

Candles on

Hi to anyone who’s reading this and hope you’re doing okay through out this tough time. 

I am writing from my desk and had quite the whirlwind of a day, spoke to a lot of people today and haven’t really stopped. It’s been quite exhausting.

Found out my mum may have the virus which is completely shit, but I’m dealing with my worry by meditating, writing on here (journaling), yoga and eating healthy, those tips always keep me in check with myself no matter what. If I let it slide, then I will fall out of place again so have to make sure I don’t do that this time, although it is easier doing it in isolation as you haven’t really got anything to distract yourself with apart from the TV (which I don’t normally watch anyway) 

Something else happened and my friend ranted to me, it’s put me in a bit of an awkward predicament because I want what’s best for the whole thing (which I don’t want to state on here) and best for them, but It’s a bit at a loose end right now and can’t see a clear vision on what’s to come, but I have to accept the situation for what it is and decide to leave it alone, fate always takes it cause in this sense. 

I haven’t done any uni work today as I’ve been very busy socially, and I have managed to do 2 yoga sessions, one meditation and played on the guitar for a bit. I created a song but have no lyrics yet, not sure where it’s going to go but it’s a start and i’m slowly getting better at it (guitar). 

I feel exhausted even though I haven’t done much, but it’s just all mental I guess and what’s happening in the world right now has obviously taken an effect. 

Anyway, I feel like I’ve ranted enough and it does feel good getting it off from my chest, it’s a relief. 

Hope everyone is staying home and staying safe.

Lydia x

[simplydifferentlydia]

A healing world

Three things that I am super grateful for that I made happen today:

1. I managed to study Action Potentials, which is super interesting. So lucky to have enrolled on an awesome course which I’m super excited about/so nervous about at the same time.

2. I forced myself to go for a walk today, as much as I didn’t want too, I felt so much better after it and got to witness the amazing weather and the sun on my face.

3. I meditated about 15 minutes ago using the Calm meditation app on my phone (which I’m very lucky to have), and actually had quite a restful mind, which was very settling. I also got to listen to waves in the background which made it even better. 

In this dark time that’s happening for humanity right now, I can honestly say that maybe we can see beyond this, work together and for ourselves to become better versions of ourselves and to not take things for granted when this is all over. The earth is also healing in this time so I’m thankful for that also. 

[simplydifferentlydia]

Daily gratitude post

I’ve had a good day today, studied from 10:30 AM, until 16:00 PM. I learnt all about the respiratory tract and finished off Cardiovascular system too, it was so interesting, yet seems like it all goes in one ear and out the other sometimes but I have learnt some things at least. 

I have almost completed YWA’s calendar ‘CREATE’ for March, I’ve been doing it everyday since January! which is so good for the soul, believe me I’ve noticed! I highly recommend. 

I’ve eaten tasty food even if it has been properly carby, it was one of those days! I had a jacket potato with beans for lunch and pasta for dinner! Very tasty. 

I am now settling down having a green tea and playing Sims 4, whilst I watch a new series on Netflix, pretty chilling tonight.

Hope everyone is staying safe and staying at home, I’m finding it ok at the moment but it is hard some days, with the mind going over board and stuff. 

I am just watching my new candle (which is a replica of the Yankee make) burn and it smells so so nice, it’s pear and Pink Rhubarb, Make a difference when you brighten up your home with small little bit’s. 

Signing off now,

Lydia x

[simplydifferentlydia]

All glasses full here

This was taken the day before the UK went into lock down, I really did take going out for granted and spending time with loved ones also for granted. 

Today I feel like an utter, piece of crap. I feel so low that I have had quite the dark thoughts again, this happens 2 weeks before it’s my time of the month, I think there is something associated with it, called PMDD? something like that. 

Well I have all the symptoms but I haven’t been diagnosed and been wondering for a while if I should go to the doctors about it, but it’s too late for that for a while.

I have had lots of sunlight this week, and getting some more today, but I did drink quite a lot on Thursday night, which has major effects on my mental health as I don’t drink often. So that might be adding to the hormonal changes i’m going through right now. It takes me about a week to get back to my ‘normal’ ‘breezy’ self, after drinking. 

I keep finding myself looking at other people’s lives and comparing myself to theirs, no matter who it is, I still do it. I guess this is why I was so much happier back in 2018 without the social media, it did wonders for me. 

I want to take myself off it and just stick with this, YouTube and Instagram, but then again Instagram is bad enough and I have to stay on social media for all sorts of promotions etc with the band. 

I also keep thinking that I’m alone in feeling so empty all the time and no one knows what it’s like, I obviously know that I’m not the only one feeling like this, but I feel as if i’m the only one feeling like this out of who I actually talk to/who i’m friends with. I want to talk to someone who is feeling exactly the same, and in the same mind set as me, I’d feel a bit relieved in that sense, as we could talk to each other or how ever many are feeling the same, we could all chat to each other and help one another. 

I’m not sure how to over come all of this, I’m just feeling really confused on what’s making me feel like this, and how I can get over it. Isolation really isn’t helping, but in a way it might make me overcome the fear of being all by myself. 

Who knows?

Lydia x

[simplydifferentlydia]

I have been living for these sunny days and sunsets, I never want them to end! If the weather stayed like this I wouldn’t mind being in isolation for so long, but it is what it is. 

Hope everyone is staying safe and staying home.

We’re in this together I guess, we’ll just have to bite the bullet and do the best we can to keep each other safe and to fight this. Appreciate what you have everyday and find gratitude in the smallest of things, that really helps. 

Lydia x