#ooc:stitches

[scardnbroken]

// Hello to all my followers. On this blog and on my other blogs as I will be reposting this to my other blogs to keep followers updated on things.

Firstly this will be long so let me cut it here and add a quick sum behind it before going full on vent mode.

In short: I have been struggling with work and today finally hit hard and my depression has hit an all new low once more so I am making this one of my final posts and I’m debating on making just one simple main blog thats all about art and what not..idk just yet.

Ok now for the vent part.

I have hit an all new low and I did see this coming but I was trying my best to manage things and prevent it from getting to this point but unfortunately other people who had to power to prevent it have done nothing but sit by and watch the train wreck or literally enable it.

So here it goes.

Starting off with things from the start. I realized last night that I no longer have any form of emotions of affection. At least not towards men. I spent time with a friend who was probably my biggest regret and he had everything that I normally would find amazing and great and be the one oogling over them but instead I found I had no attraction, no interest what so ever. I felt a little bad for him because he seemed to want to develop a relationship but I had to be honest with him and told him it was just good to be friends and chat and catch up from time to time.

Thats where I think most of this has kind of started because I realized last night that I probably don’t have a soul mate or anyone and if I did that my experience from past relationships has left such a bad taste in my mouth that I nolonger feel anything anymore.

Then there is the situation at work which I have been nothing but professional about and instead of venting I have tried to follow the proper protocols but I’ll put it this way. One girl has started her own little gang group, and yes they are like a gang, that have done nothing but bully my sister and myself. It got to the point that it started to affect my anxiety and depression and when I went to management I found that they were not interested in listening or helping me but rather happy to enable the ones that so obviously enjoy gaslighting everyone they can. 

Today though hit hard. There was a work meeting and in short everyone was told our hours would be getting cut back. I’ve already been given a drafted idea of what my next rostered shifts will be and I will literally be earning less then $1000, thats not enough to live off when we are talking about a fortnightly payment.

Things have just gotten so ridiculous there that I’ve spent hours today just pumping out resume and cover letters to any and all places just so I can make a god damn living.

Usually tumblr has been my comfort place but today when I logged on I realized thats not the case anymore. Theres no activity, theres no one interacting with me to make me feel like I should even bother coming back to roleplaying on here and not just that but...I just feel like tumblr is dead. I dont find myself looking at cute puppy dog pictures and smiling. I just look and see how dead all my blogs have gotten and I guess thats just triggered my depression a little more.

So I made the choice to write this to everyone. This month and last month I discovered myself more then I ever have in a whole entire year and I’m sure there are still things to discover but currently with how I am feeling and how things are looking for my so called ‘bright future’, I’ve realized there is no point in beating a dead horse.

Hence this post. I wanted to let whoever is still here, following these blogs still, that I am going to just disappear for as long as I possibly can. I’ve gotten more into cosplay and I’m enjoying making tiktoks a lot these days but I kind of wish I could still do something fun on tumblr but I know there is no point in that.

This post is also at its peak and its end now.

Thank you to everyone who has been there for me. I wish I could be there for everyone as well but this is the end of the road for me guys. Sorry if I have let anyone down, if I have hurt people or caused drama where not needed. My time on tumblr has ended up rough but I think its time that my journey on here comes to an end. No not life wise. I’ll still be kicking butt and taking name, I just won’t be on tumblr anymore.

At least I don’t think so. There is a chance I may make just one main blog there revolves around the things I love and I’ll probably just reblog stuff or idk something. But I have yet to come to that choice. Currently anyway.

But just thank you for those that did stick around and for the friends I have made and for the bridges I have rebuilt with some amazing people I had hurt in the past.

[sith-renegade]

// Ok a lil update, if you aren’t aware I live in Australia and where I live we are having an extremely bad covid out break to the point every person you know has it kind of situation.

So far I have avoided the ‘spicy cough’ virus but its that kind of situation where its bound to just get me in the end.

But I figured I would keep you guys updated with the fact that I am doing ok, I am managing, yes where I work I work with people who have covid, so how I haven’t gotten yet surprises even my friends. 

However I am ok and I’ll keep everyone updated with things. Also art is comign. lots of sketches, but its art... 

[scardnbroken]

// Well hello there. I believe you all deserve a bit of an update as to where I have been.

Firstly I needed to take a break because of old drama constantly following me no matter what blog I went to and I felt more and more anxious with that. But now I honestly cant give a fuck. If someone is shitty about something from the past, well they clearly need to grow the fuck up. I’m here to enjoy rping and having fun thats all.

Ontop of that I also had personal issues with my sibling, but thats now been resolved. My relationship I was in I ended due to that person become very clingy, manipulative and controling in a very subtle way and I needed out because it was affecting my health mostly due to them wanting me to change my diet to vegan which I just couldn’t do. My body literally can’t handle it due to the fact I do suffer from having low iron a lot. 

I also spent more time over on my Maul blog because I needed to breath a lot. I’ve gotten to the point I love asks and rping but I’m more focused on art these days. So if you want to see my art more often outside the far cry stuff then check out my art blog @stitches-hitches​

But I’m here to say hello again

[scardnbroken]

Lifes been real shit lately.  I got into a relationship which has been good but my shit sibling keeps trying to intervene and make me look like a jealous cunt. I have to go to psychologist because of this shit now because my sister has done so much fucking damage to me mentally that I am back feeling like I want to end this. I wish I could just go to Rook island and say fuck it all and never look back because at least there I can do anything I want, but here its like I’m a canary trapped in a fucking cage.

I wish I could talk more but got shit to deal with.

Thats all folks

[sith-renegade]

//Happy new year everyone. I’ve been awefully busy with this seasons holidays and havent had much time to draw or write but hopefully I’ll sort that out now with the new year.

I’m also working on my Bo Katan costume for the 501st so I may also end up getting a little side tracked sometimes this year as well.

But

HAPPY NEW YEAR, from the Sith Crime Lord Maul

[sith-renegade]

//WOW I just wanna say thanks for all the likes and reblogs on my recent Maul art.

It really means a lot to me and most of all it feels good to be drawing Maul once again. I found I was trying too hard to fit in with the ‘appealing styles’ where it comes to anime fanart.

But Maul just kinda feels natural and flows and I’m so happy everyone seems to like it so far. 

[sith-renegade]

// I have some Maul headcanons and theories that I’ve written up and I think I’ll try to finish them and post them up later throughout this week and probably today as well.

[sith-renegade]

Ok, we going to do a life update here since I realized my last post I had officially done was over 4 months back and was depressing as hell.

First of all, I got a new job and its going great. I’ve made some epic friends and I have also become much more confident in myself. I guess Im a bit of a Maul in a way haha.

Secondly, I did make a main blog for art stuff but it kind of died when I realized that being an artist on Tumblr wasn’t the best way. I didn’t get any recognition for my art and I struggled until I got into Twitter and got into the whole Jojo stuff but I found after I got into the anime cosplay stuff that the jojo fandom was toxic and the naruto stuff was...well some cosplayers or idolized fans of the animes were horrible disgusting people who shouldn’t exist.

Though my art is still going strong when I’m not binge watching stuff or making more armor or costumes. 

When it comes to the biggest part of my vent I have good news. I discovered I was bi, I also came to terms with that fact I’m demisexual and realized a former friend was deliberately making me uncomfortable. I ended that friendship and started to grow as my own self more and more rather then follow the ‘todays trend’ kind of life.

I had planned on disappearing but well...Thats hard to do when you make changes to be a person that simply wants to be different and not do the norm thing.

I’m not just ‘working on myself’ but rather I’m being myself and accepting my life problems for what they are rather then getting upset and wishing things were different.

I cant say its all been easy, being in toxic anime fandoms made me realize that the star wars fandom is nothing like them and again are a much more friendlier and comforting fandom in short.

Will I go back to rping? I’m not so sure about that. This blog may just end up as another star wars maul simping blog lol. Honestly though I still plan to do fanfics and stuff like that.

So to the people who have stalked my blogs after years of isolating myself from them. Please kindly grow up, grow a pair and build a bridge and move on. I’m not going to wither in the darkness, I’m going to be as awesome and epic as I can and just be who I am meant to be. A big star wars nerd simping for some corny villain with horns on his head.

That is all.