May 13, 2018
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"That was the last conversation you ever had with your sister."
Oh.... oh Nick........
Goodbye teacher, my friend Time to go, heart is pounding Sour candy on lips Clenching to fight back tears Goodbye teacher, my friend Thank you. Courage, please.
A music video about the experience of watching yourself move through phases of your own life—or about looking back at the moments in which you unknowingly did so—in which that experience is transmitted by leveraging the shared cultural knowledge of the body of work of the artist performing the song. We all have our "Pon Pon Pon," and we all move up through our "Fashion Monster" to our "Furisodation"—and then beyond. What these signposts mean to you is yours; my short-knee phase arguably only ended five years ago. Tell me Kyary doesn't operate on #levels and ruin outright my estimation of your opinions.
TWO THINGS THAT UPSET ME THE MOST
ALL THE REST OF THE AVATARS
BO'S HEART BREAKING OVER ESKA
I know nobody'll read this but I don't really care...
I don't care if anyone reads this or not. I just need to vent.
I haven't seen my father since I was 2 years old. Needless to say, I don't even remember him. Not that we'd even want it, but he hasn't paid child support since 1998. And yet, he still somehow has joint custody of me.
I'm now 14 years, 6 months and 24 days old. My mom just asked me if she'd be okay with her taking him to court so that she could get full custody of me. She doesn't think he deserves to even have it on paper that he's in my life-- I agree. She also said that to do that, her boyfriend may have to adopt me. I'm fine with that, Dan's been in my life since I was 8 years old.
Now, here's the kicker. I never gave Jay --my "father"-- a second thought before the 8th grade. That's when I started to imagine what would happen. Say he came to my school or showed up at my house. I know my entire family would probably band together to kick his ass. I'd probably help them. But then I thought, well what if I didn't. What if I let him into my life.
This year started something strange for me. I don't know how you can have 2 emotions in direct contradiction to each other going on in your body at the same time, but I do. I hate him SO much. I hate I'm with everything I have. But I also want him. I have 4 father figures who love me with everything they have and yet I ache for my real one. I feel guilty, but I need him. I feel like there's a gap that'll always be inside me because he wasn't there. Because he didn't want to be there.
I just... All I am is a little girl who wants her daddy. But I hate him too. I'm going to tell my mom that she should take him to court. I don't want a man who makes me feel like this having any right to me whatsoever. But if I have to see him. If I have to talk to him or if he talks to me, I'll break down. I know that I will. And I'm scared. But I have to do it. I can't let him have any right to me or to my feelings or to my life.
He'll always be responsible for that gap inside of me. But I can't let him have the power to make it worse. If I do talk to him, though. I need to get up the courage to ask him one thing. I have to... Why didn't he want me?