The Thing About Heartbreak
The thing about heartbreak is that is creeps up on you. It crawls up your spine as you’re in the shower It hides in your sheets as you go to bed It swims through your veins like a winter chill You never know how much you'd miss someone until they're no longer there Or they're there , but not there. No longer present in the way they use to be. You encounters become shorter and like cold winter days You hurry away to the comforts of a warmer place, a warmer time .. And the messages that once casually popped up on your phone are no longer there And you find yourself constantly checking the "time" without knowing why But beneath it all you know the lie .. You don't know you're heartbroken until you find yourself taking different paths to avoid the ones that once kept you hooked. You convince yourself it's a change of scenery That you wanted sometime new But you know that when your muscles jerk you into the direction that leads you to them your heart starts to race You find the quick escape to the next turn that won't have you confront your vulnerability. The vulnerability you carefully gave away, like the notes you'd draft to your crush in middle grade Drafts after drafts Yet you wonder "Will they even like me back" And like the cruel turnout of middle school crushes They don't. But even in middle school heartbreaks weren't as cruel because they didn't leave you wondering if what you had was a false reality sugar coated with unspoken hope for maybe something more. Or they do, but then "you're just a friend" So you carry that label with you And wear it on your sleeve like its a big deal Because what other "friend" gets the benefit of lounging around together In the intimacy of each other's warm glances and secret touches That tell a story much more nuanced than what the naked eye can perceive. But it turns out "friend" isn't synonymous with the illustrious world you built around your secret weekend encounters. And it got you thinking "am I going crazy" Because what's worst "looking jealous or crazy... Jealous or crazy..." .. It turns out You don't know your heartbroken until you run into them and instead of seeing them you see yourself reflected in their eyes raw. bare. naked. A motherless creature looking for warmth in places that aren't warm to you. .. You were never suppose to be that open with them You were never suppose to let them in But that's the thing it happens when you don't even see it coming in the same way the moon sometimes creeps up by the sun in broad daylight, There you were. . Uncovered. Your heart an open door, unguarded. But you didn't know, until you felt the cold breeze bite your ankles as you swore you dressed warm enough for the weather. (s.g)
