#or computer

[nightstorm02]

Bye Lena meme(gift)

Just a little gift I quickly made in like an hour for an amazing creator! For imjustalazycat on Tumblr Song: Bye Lena Problems by Wordplay Art: my art Charac...

(I feel like this is a shit post) Birthday gift for @imjustalazycat !!! Sorry I was late!

[astralplanesies]

incredibly personal thoughts about sir-kun tw: suicide, abuse, a lot of things

Nighteye saved my life. It seems hyperbolic to say that, but, when we met, I was incredibly depressed, and ass-deep in a toxic group of friends who sought, whether intentionally or not, to strip away everything that made me *me*. In the months I got closer to them, they gradually stripped away topics it was Okay for me to talk about until I was genuinely afraid to articulate anything about *anything* other than consoling them for their self-invented problems. I couldn’t even talk abut *food*. May life was a constant tiptoe around subjects that may or may not offend, with little notice as to what new things may offend. I had nightmares about it. I was trying to recover from a job that had destroyed me, left me forgetting who I was, and here, people I had given my entire heart were now trying to stop me from finally being who I am by way of censoring the topics deal and integral to me.

It was a bad time.

As this progressed, one of my friends (my computer *knows* and tried to autocorrect this to FIENDS lol) was vagueing about suicide. A lot. She always did a little, and so I was always concerned, and tried my hardest to help or at least put some brightness in her life, but she kept intentionally getting into fights and then curling up when there were consequences to these actions and cried about how they made her want to kill herself. Eventually she sent me, directly, a suicide note, so I sent the cops to her house. I know that’s not, like, the best thing to do, but what are you supposed to do when someone hundreds of miles away puts their life in your hands?

That didn’t go over well, OBVIOUSLY, and she returned home only to continue the same patterns of shaming me for talking about what I want to/disappearing for weeks at a time/suicide vagueing. Things got particularly bad again, and so, to distract myself, because, fuck, when you are constantly walking on eggshells and feel like you’ve been made responsible for someone else’s life, it sure does make you wanna die too, I decided to read this fucking anime x-men comic all of my friends were talking about. One of my dear friends who *didn’t* seek to clip my wings was teasing me with screencaps of this one no fun glasses guy, after all. that’s my fucking greatest weakness. Might as well meet him.

He was *definitely* my kind of guy, and I eagerly read on, only to learn of the tragic factors that made him who he was. When I learned of his past: deep emotional pain borne of trying to stop a loved one from letting themselves die, I wept. There he was: the fucking answer to my problem. While the person in my life seeking death was not, in any way, parallel to the nobility of allmight wanting  to carry on saving the day, no matter what it meant for the ticking time bomb of his life expectancy, it still resonated. Nighteye told me it was okay. It wasn’t my fault. I did the best I could. The kind of things he would have wanted to hear, but probably never would have accepted.

He carried me through the decline of that friendship. He helped me realize I deserved better. because of the INCREDIBLY SPECIFIC TIMING, what would have normally been an average husband crush became something visceral and real and heavy and all-encompassing. And now, he drives me to grow up, to expand my horizons and push myself further than I ever have.

[canadiangoober]

I will be offline for the next couple of days due to a concussion, doctors orders!

[dittolicous]

tried everything, tablet cursor still wont leave the side of the screen. guess i just wont bpther drawing. so much for that.

[wackyart]

Me: It's spring, time to go out and enjoy the sun and breathe some fresh air !😊🌿🌸🌺🌷🌼🌱 Also me: *spends the entire weekend inside, in the dark, writing over 25k words of pure smut, heavy angst and fanfics related to my SWTOR beans, with the "friends to lovers to ennemies" trope, the "betrayal" trope, the "best-friends to ennemies" trope, working on coffee only and 3 hours of sleep each night*

[soulsxng--a]

[noquirk-a]

i wanna make an info graphic 4 deck but i ALWAYS ALWAYS made them in school n u have no idea the amount of stress ive dealt w/