Fair warning y'all. Below the cut is the crackiest piece of shit I have ever written, including the following pairings: Hartwin, Eggsy/Tilde, and HARRY HART X ELTON JOHN
Also I'm officially coining their ship name as Harlton and NO ONE CAN STOP ME
(light spoilers for tgc)
It's inevitable, really.
If you save the world... well, you know what that means.
It means, of course, that you end up in a committed and rather cutesy relationship with whomever it is you've saved.
Which is how Harry Hart finds himself shacking up with Elton John. As it turns out, 'back-stage pass' was somewhat... euphemistic.
Terribly predictable, if you ask him.
Less predictable is the night they host Eggsy and Tilde for dinner. It's unsurprising that the couples get on like a house on fire, given that each consists of one spy and one celebrity, both of whom are in entirely over their heads. It is surprising that Elton and Tilde happen to have something else in common.
Said commonality leads to a very large amount of liquor being poured down Eggsy's and Harry's respective throats, and the both of them being thrown in a closet and being told, in no uncertain terms, to either fuck it out of their systems or to pull their heads out of their arses and make a few grand declarations.
"I love you terribly," Tilde says, patting Eggsy on the cheek, "but you never wanted to be a prince."
With that, she closes the closet door, locks it, and gestures for Elton to pour her a drink.
Before a full minute has passed, the sound of desperate snogging drifts from the closet
"I think it's gonna be a long long time," Elton says sagely.
