so i’ve been thinking about the story of pandurang and pundalik ever since @transgender-asshole and i had that conversation about selflessness (not sure if u remember that, but it’s been haunting me). how much is enough? how much must we give up or postpone until we can have what we want? and who’s to judge that?
because i tend to overthink a lot of things and so this is something i keep thinking about - we keep getting promised godhood or salvation or whatever it is that pundalik got, but i do not know if that’s what i want. and idk if i should be saved for what that.
while serving his parents may have been what he wanted in life, im not sure if i can do that, especially when my relationship with a good portion of my family is fraught due to being queer. so when i hear this story of selflessness all i can think is that they want me to hide until my parents are dead and then some, to save face for... not sure what. and why is it always me that needs to hide?
so far all the vibes i’ve gotten from the larger hindu community is that they’d rather have a dead child than a queer one, or a child that gives themself up for some greater good that we never seem to get closer to.