#oreorambles

[or3orambles]

I was watching a humanization video of the tadc characters by SonaDrawzStuffYT(follow her on YouTube she's great) and she mentioned something about Jax being a streamer and like. I see it.

THINK ABOUT IT, HE'S FUNNY AND PEOPLE WOULD SO WATCH HIM. I KNOW I WOULD... It must feels like something he'd enjoy 😭🙏

[oreoambitions]

Not to be thirsty on main but are you single oreo? And if you are, are you open for dating?

Anon, let me open this message by saying that I am so hecking impressed that you sent an anon to check in and ask before shooting your shot?? And then let me tell you a story.

Lately I have been carrying a lot of pens with me for work (I swear this is going to be relevant in a moment). Think 5-7 pens. Sharpies, writing pens, a couple colors of dry erase marker. Anything you might need on short notice in a commercial kitchen. But it's been cold, so I've been shoving them into the pockets of my jeans so that I can wear my fleece instead of my apron when the store isn't open.

Today was one such cold day, but I nevertheless took my 10min break outside in the wind because I was sleepy and I thought the chill would wake me up. I took my planner with me because I had it in my head that I was going to plan out my tasks for after work instead of scrolling Twitter (spoiler: no). After 10min of messing around on my phone and staring blankly at my planner I got up to go back to work, and on my way back inside I saw someone chatting with the property manager. She caught my eye because it's Gay Disaster season I guess, and because she had somehow managed to dress in a way that was both classy AND practical. And then, in a stroke of unfortunate coincidence, or perhaps at the behest of a particularly mischievous deity, she happened to glance at me.

Anon, I was so startled by the sudden eye contact that I fumbled and dropped my planner. Now, this in and of itself is not particularly out of the ordinary, but when I bent over to retreive it I also managed to somehow dislodge all of the pens that were in my pocket. ALL. Of the pens.

So I did what any person would do and I crouched down to gather them all back up, whereupon there was a loud RIP which may as well have been audible all the way in Nevada, and that is how I tore a fist size hole in the crotch of my pants. Right there in front of God and everybody. At the beginning of a 7hr shift.

Anyway, I figure this is as good an anecdote as any to demonstrate that I am in fact a sleep deprived and constantly exasperated walking disaster maintaining an ongoing feud with gravity, but if after reading all that you still feel inclined to shoot your shot, then yes I am single and open to dating, so by all means slide into my DMs.

[or3orambles]

When like characters a lot, whether it's for a fandom or is it my ocs, have two moods:

"That's my baby, find hurt them:["

and

"Fuck yeah, SUFFER!"

That's it. No in-between. This is literally theft only way to describe it.

And that's how I feel with Pomni and Jax. I love them both, but while I want no harm to Pomni, I want all harm to Jax. Him causing mischief is funny.... but so is his suffering. I crave it.

[oreoambitions]

Millennials, how are we feeling about having successfully transitioned from being hated by boomers to being hated by zoomers

[oreoambitions]

Housemate is incredibly drunk and just lining various bottles of alcohol up on the table in front of me while singing operatically about how I should get on her level

[oreoambitions]

This is 100% a first world problem, but someday I'd like to be a part of a social group where I can put on the kind of music I like to listen to without immediate negative reactions from my peers. It would just be nice.

[oreoambitions]

Re: your response to that anon: I didn't watch your stream but I'm interested in your thoughts on how the top/bottom dynamic is written, if you care to repeat them in writing. I've heard a few other people on here hint at similar reservations about it being used as a cheap shorthand for traditional gender roles in queer relationships and curious if that's also your take on it.

Hoo boy I hope you’re ready for a novel because I started typing this out and then I discovered that I had a lot of thoughts.

I've definitely heard people say that top/bottom dynamics are shorthand for traditional gender roles, especially when it's expressed as top = the person who wears the strap. That isn't the primary source of my discomfort with the trope - is it a trope can I call it that - but I do think it's a reasonable thing to be critical of. The key things that make me uncomfortable with the way I've seen top/bottom dynamic written are its implications about identity, rigidity, and reciprocity.

First, I see a lot of folks associating sexual roles with physical traits. This feels to me like an evolution of the butch/femme dynamic that people tossed around a lot when I was a teenager. One physically powerful gay + one physically demure gay = the standard lesbian couple. Sound familiar? It feels like we've taken everything that was problematic about sorting the wlw community into butch and femme** and put new labels on it. You don't have to have short hair and a truck for people to call you a top on TikTok -- you just have to have muscles and a decent smirk. But I think we misstep when we make assumptions about someone's sexual role based on how physically intimidating or masculine presenting they are or are not. I've known some women who made me look like an idiot child in the weight room and who preferred to take a less dominant role in the bedroom. The two are frankly not related.

I also see a lot of folks associating sexual roles with character traits. If a character takes a less dominant role in the bedroom, we tend to infantilize them outside of the bedroom: they must be struggling with mental health, struggling with self love or self confidence, indulging in self destructive behavior, etc. Or vice versa! If a character is struggling with those things, they must be a bottom. If a character is confident and capable outside of the bedroom then they must take a more dominant role inside the bedroom. This is a huge misstep. Folks who are capable and confident in their daily lives can have all kinds of insecurities or hangups in the bedroom or just flat prefer to take a less dominant role, and folks who feel out of control and insecure in their daily lives may relish the control they feel in sexual encounters. You just. Cannot assume someone's sexual role based on their character traits.

It matters that in fandom we assign or assume sexual roles based on physical or character traits because fandom is a place where a lot of folks, especially queer folks, begin to learn about and explore their own sexual identities. If you see that folks generally assume that someone who looks like you or acts like you must prefer a role in the bedroom that you don't prefer, how would that make you feel? Would it make you feel uncomfortable dressing in particular clothing or pursuing particular hobbies if it meant that other wlw you met were immediately making an assumption about your sexual role - and perhaps their compatibility with you based on that assumption? Because it certainly made me feel that way.

Then there is the matter of rigidity in sexual roles. It is my impression that many folks have a general preference about whether they would prefer to be more or less dominant in the bedroom and I've absolutely been with some folks who were more interested in giving or more interested in receiving most of the time. But listen, human beings are not static creatures, and our needs change from day to day and even hour to hour. Sexual roles are not rigid, and it seems unhealthy and strange to me to suggest that someone has to pick their role in a binary sexual dynamic and then stick to it, at least within a given relationship. When we make sexual roles an identity we make it more difficult for folks to communicate what they want or need in an intimate moment, especially if what they want or need is contrary to the expectations of the sexual role they've been sorted into.

Finally, what's up with the weird reciprocity expectations in top/bottom dynamics as written in fandom? My fellow gays, if someone just gave you the absolute best night of your life and you do not at least offer to return the favor, you are doing your partner a disservice. It seems super strange to me to expect one person in a sexual relationship to do all of the giving all of the time. 100% some folks prefer not to be on the receiving end of sexual attention but that's a very individual thing and should not be an expectation we make about folks who choose to be more dominant in the bedroom. Sometimes tops also like to get railed. Thank you for coming to my ted talk. ** If you personally identify as butch or femme I support the hell out of you and the labels you have adopted for yourself! What I am specifically talking about here is people putting those labels on folks without asking, or assuming that all wlw must fit into one category for the other.

[oreoambitions]

It is such a huge goddamn relief to see a doctor whose approach is "I don't know what's wrong but we are going to figure it out" instead of, "I don't know what's wrong so I guess you'll just have to live with it."