INTP, in high school. For most of my school years, I haven't participated much outside of academics. This year, I decided to change that and participate as much as I can, and I have. But now these commitments are draining. My performance in academics has slightly gone down, as a result of procrastination and overconfidence. I daydream a lot and wish I could turn back time to use my time wisely. I get berated by my parents for my repeated bad decisions. This is making me very stressed. What to do
There are many reasons why it's good to get involved in extracurricular activities. However, they shouldn't take away from what should be your main focus: academic achievement. You should only take on as much as you can handle without overwhelming yourself. Psychological well-being hinges on creating a healthy work-life balance. If you've taken on too much, it's time to scale back, by giving up some activities that are less important. Reorganize your life by prioritizing better.
I want to thank you for your help. I am an INFP, and I feel that my life has improved greatly. I would like to ask, do you have any more book recommendations on improving Te? The latest I have read was "Organizational Skills (Career Skills Library)", which was recommended on this blog. I look forward to improving myself further :))
I'm glad to hear of your progress. I generally do not recommend that people try to develop the inferior function. If you feel that improving your organization skill has helped with Te related problems, that's good, but it's important to note that they are two separate things (i.e. cognitive skill versus cognitive processing, respectively). Your question is too vague, so it's not clear what exactly it is you're trying to do and why.
Self-improvement should include systematically assessing your shortcomings and using healthy ways to address them. The book you mentioned is an introductory book that does a good job of breaking the subject down into its basic parts. I suggest you review each section to see which aspects of organization skill you struggle the most with exactly. Drilling down on the specifics of your shortcomings will point you toward which books to read next. If the topic you're after isn't included on my resources list, ask me again, but armed with more specifics about what exact skills you're wanting to improve and/or which Te shortcomings you're trying to address.
Hi mbti-notes! I’m an INFJ, and one goal I have been working towards is avoiding procrastination (and by extension, becoming more aware of the underlying emotions that cause it). Despite desiring to better myself, however, I cannot seem to stick to a routine (e.g. planning out tasks in advance). Consequently, I quickly fall back into my old habits and allow emotions to take over. How can INFJs (and N’s in general) successfully stick to routines in order to achieve goals like these?
The internet is full of tips and instructions about how to organize life more effectively. You can create the best plan ever on paper but still have difficulty with follow through. It is not really a matter of N or S. Even SJs have difficulty sticking with plans because they also have emotional problems.
You say you can’t stick to a routine and then fall back into old habits and emotions take over. That’s backwards. You’ve confused cause and effect. The reason people can’t stick to a plan is because they have not resolved the emotional problem that makes them resistant. It seems that you’re not aware of the emotional problem until the end, when it’s too late and emotions have escalated and taken over. Where is the beginning of that chain of emotions? You say you’re working on being more aware of the underlying emotions that cause procrastination... and then you proceed to mention nothing about it. But that is precisely what needs to be examined.
Failure is opportunity to become self-aware. Dig deeper when you falter. Ask yourself why you are so resistant to following the routine. What exactly happens in your mind at that moment you make the decision to abandon your plan? Until you’re able to provide an honest and detailed account of what happens, you won’t understand the problem at all.
Generally speaking, mature Ni doms aren’t prone to procrastination because they are heavily invested in reaching their aspirations, so Ni vision is motivation enough. Is there a Ni problem that you need to address, in terms of whether you’re really as devoted to your goal as you believe? Do you really care about your future self? Be honest. If you don’t care, why set goals? If you do care, why don’t your choices reflect it?
Hello!! I hope this question isn't too generic or vague but I could really use some advice.. I'm an INFP (f, 17yo) and I've recently been struggling a lot with organization and discipline, to the point where I can't even follow a schedule, and it's becoming a real problem bc it's very hard for me to get work done. I am thus aware that I should really use Te more, but I don't want to force it and cause it to develop in an unhealthy way. Do you have any advice about healthy ways to work on using my inferior function more??
It’s not about using Te more. Using your inferior function is very tiring and sometimes dangerous, if you don’t know what you’re doing. I don’t recommend it. You need to develop a routine, schedule, or plan that is realistic, i.e., a good fit for your strengths, weaknesses, and limitations -> Si development. Don’t aim for some twisted idea of the “perfect” organization strategy, rather, your perspective should be that some progress is better than no progress. NPs often want to advance in huge leaps and bounds but, in reality, long term progress is better assured through small incremental steps. It’s fine to pick up effective organization skills and strategies from various outside sources, but you have to personalize that advice to make it work for you and accommodate your ups and downs. Trying to force yourself into a mold that’s not a good fit for you is precisely what drains your motivation, because it amounts to Fi suppression. Remember: Fi first.
INFJ. People often joke that you can only do two of the following three options: study/work, have a social life or be healthy (e.g. sleep, exercise regularly etc). In my case, back in high school, I used to only have a few friends, but I had time to sleep and study side interests like MBTI, the Tudor family, writing and drawing. Now that I'm in college, my intellectual interests have been sidelined because of the college workload and my efforts to broaden my social circle. (1/3)
[con’t: I’m happy, but I’m also frustrated bc of that. And people say things will only get worse when I get a job or find a partner… However, you seem to be someone who’s managed to do all three activities, in particular to study for its own sake regularly, so, can you give any tips for me to do so, both introverted (e.g. aligning activities you chose to prioritize with your purpose in life while accepting concessions and limitations) and extraverted (e.g. what concessions did you make, how did you balance all those needs, how did your priorities change according to your purpose and to each stage of life)? I don’t have problems with procrastination and time management and I think I’m fairly organized, but I’m not finding time (and sometimes energy, lol).]
Contrary to what people try to sell you, you can’t “have it all”. Prioritizing well in life necessitates making trade-offs. If you can’t accept the reality of that, you’re being naive and perhaps too idealistic. Keep in mind that college is a unique period of life that tends to be exceptionally busy, so you can’t really expect to live a perfectly well-rounded life and also excel academically.
Your type is a simple guide that informs you about what’s important to you and where your priorities should lie. E.g. If you’re Introverted, you’ll need to take sufficient time for yourself and there’s nothing wrong with that, but the trade-off is that you’ll lose time for other things; taken to extremes, things go wrong when you neglect important things in the world. If you’re an Intuitive, you’ll need to have some intellectual and/or spiritually meaningful pursuits and there’s nothing wrong with that, but the trade-off is that you’ll be prone to feeling dissatisfied with the status quo; taken to extremes, things go wrong when you’re unable to develop good ideas and successfully put them into practice, possibly endangering your financial/material security. If you’re a Feeler, you’ll need to take good care of your emotional well-being and there’s nothing wrong with that, but the trade-off is that you’ll be less efficient; taken to extremes, things go wrong when your feelings prompt you to make bad decisions. If you’re a Judger, you’ll need a sense of structure and control and there’s nothing wrong with that, but the trade-off is that you’ll have a harder time relaxing and adapting to change; taken to extremes, things go wrong when there’s no meaningful purpose driving your controlling activity.
If everything is a trade-off, then the important question to ask is whether you trade-off too much for too little. Many people “prioritize” according to old habits and how they feel in the moment. They aren’t aware that they’re “losing” in the trade-off rather than “winning”. And when their needs remain unsatisfied, they blame something else for getting in the way (e.g. “work was too busy”) or they try to rationalize that they didn’t want that thing anyway (e.g. ”I’d rather entertain myself than go through all the trouble of meeting new people”). Be aware of the trade-offs you’re making - are they really in your favor? If work is too busy for you to make time for proper self-care, do you really come out better? If you can’t be bothered to nurture a good social support network and suffer chronic loneliness, do you really come out better?
Despite my many flaws, one thing I’ve always been good at is listening to my needs. Maybe it was because I was forced to be quite self-sufficient from a young age and I was taught that I should be the best person to take care of myself. This doesn’t mean that I’ve always made the right decisions (I’ve made plenty of duds and continue to), but it means that I always know exactly why I made them. I made my trade-offs consciously and there’s no room to feel unhappy about it because they were fully my responsibility. I have no one and nothing to blame for my life being what it is now. When you take full responsibility for the decisions you make, you can still go wrong, but you’re responsible for correcting course whenever necessary. That’s what I do. I keep correcting course whenever my needs get even slightly out of balance.
It’s not very hard to prioritize when you’re in touch with your needs, assuming that you know the difference between a “need” and a “want”. Dysfunction and discontent creep in when people:
confuse needs and wants (greedy)
don’t know what their needs are (low self-awareness)
aren’t willing to admit their needs (denial)
don’t feel deserving of having their needs met (low self-worth)
are too anxious/insecure about getting needs met (impulsive)
choose the wrong methods to satisfy their needs (unwise)
It is up to every individual to prioritize their needs and choose the best methods of meeting them. Do you know the difference between your needs and wants? Are you aware of all of your needs? Do you care for them adequately? Do you know the best methods of satisfying them? I can’t tell people how to live (and I don’t want to); every person has their own unique challenges to face in life. The only thing I can do is remind you of the bigger picture, to remind you to reflect on whether you’re living your life consciously in terms of giving proper care to all the things that require your attention.
Do you have tips on productivity and time management?
1) Emotional Intelligence: Much time is wasted because people are driven by emotional whims and impulses into doing unproductive things.
2) Prioritize: If you always know what’s most/more important, you set priorities properly, and you plan and schedule properly.
3) Organize: Your physical environment should be set up to allow you to carry out your tasks efficiently. Remove obstacles and distractions. Develop good organization habits by getting tips from someone who is a skilled organizer.
4) Rewards: Set up a reward system for staying on track in order to create better work-life balance. Life is not only about being productive.
5) Self-Respect: If you love something, you act in its best interest. Remedy low self-esteem, low self-worth, or low self-confidence through facing up to flaws/shortcomings. Gradually improve by tackling problems one by one.
I'm an artist and an infp and I find that I have a problem with generating 50 different projects I want to draw or write or world build, but it ends up crippling me and I don't draw anything as a result. I have a map I need to draw, info sheets, characters and more but @_@ my brain is going to explode, it's too much! Any advice for how I can kick my own ass and actually finishing my half-baked projects? My poor self-esteem (especially with writing) plays a big part in this too.
Learn to prioritize. Not everything is equally important, equally pressing, or equally worthy of attention/effort. Unless a project is an utter lost cause, work on follow through instead of leaving tasks unfinished. You describe overindulgence of Ne and not enough Si and Te, so develop those functions, see the Type Development and Learning/Study sections.
