Not super relevant just yet, but I thought I’d put out a feeler.
I don’t have high hopes, given the volume and the… hmm, shall we say, niche pairing, but. Does anyone feel like selling their soul beta reading an absolute beast of a DekuMight fic? If so, please DM me.
Currently sitting at 10/23 chapters, 145k. (You thought I was kidding about the volume? I wasn’t. I’ve been tackling this monster for over a year and the end is still far away.) I’m devoting December to do a first round of edits, and then the first half will theoretically be ready for proofing.
Summary, content warnings – do read them, this has some heavy stuff! – and excerpts under the cut.
I’m an ESL writer so I always feel more confident when a native speaker checks my SPaG. (That said, I’m going to start publishing this eventually whether someone volunteers or not :D)
Tags: Underage, Drama, Angst, Romance, Slow Burn, Age Difference, Cross-Generation Relationship, Student-Teacher Relationship, Awkward Crush, Pining, Dubious Morality, Bad and Questionable Decisions, Touch-Starved, Guilt, Self-Esteem Issues, Mental Health Issues, Body Dysmorphia, Medical Conditions, Chronic Illness, Inko is a Badass Mom, Endeavor’s A+ Parenting, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Friendship, Queerplatonic Relationship, Missing Scenes, Canon Compliant until the end of the Remedial Course Arc, (just y’know - with romance and smutty bits), Adolescent Sexuality, Sexual Tension, Awkward Sexual Situations, First Time, Dom/Sub Undertones, Dubious Consent as in: Izuku is 16 when he starts having a sex life, he may or may not be below the age of consent in your eyes depending on where you’re from, and Toshinori is pushed far beyond his comfort zone, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat
Summary:
If Izuku hadn’t fallen in love, they would still orbit around each other. They would have gone on growing closer as mentor and protégé, confidants, friends; the easy bond between them brimming with trust, care and devotion. With time, Izuku might have come to view him as a parental figure.
But Izuku fell in love.
And so he tugs on that bond – not to pull him in by force, but to show him that he is wanted.
The bond twists out of shape, and the earth keeps turning anyway.
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Experts from various chapters that I think show their dynamic and the general feel of the story pretty well:
“See, this kind of thinking is exactly why I fiercely believe that you’ll be a much better Hero than I ever was.” All Might smiles, and finally it’s something genuine and soft. “Fifteen years from now on, people won’t even remember All Might anymore, his deeds forgotten after the stunning brilliance that is his successor.”
Izuku shakes his head. “That’s not happening. You are a legend! People look up to you, respect you, love you! You’ve inspired entire generatio–”
“Ah, but it’s not really me they love. It’s the Hero I created. The Symbol of Peace, the Pillar of Hope… They have no idea ‘All Might’ is just a front for a pitiful man who has no idea what he’s doing most of the time and commits mistakes left and right.” He pointedly raises a brow. “Like not realizing his precious student is ready to self-destruct to make him proud, for example.”
“People would feel the same way about you even if they knew the truth,” Izuku insists, ignoring the quip. “Maybe they’d be shocked at first, but it would pass. I’m sure of it. And even if you’ve made mistakes, that doesn’t negate all the good you’ve done as a Hero. Saying ‘it’s not me, it’s the Hero I created’… that’s so stupid! There’s only one you! It’s not like– it’s not like you’ve tricked people!”
“I did trick them. I’ve never been completely honest, always presented a front. What they love is the idea of All Might – the idea of someone good and righteous and infallible. Not the sad, sick old man hiding behind it. And I can understand why. I mean…” He gestures at himself with a smile that’s more like an embarrassed grimace. Izuku would claw it off his face if he could. “The real me is hardly the hope-inspiring beacon of light they expect the No. 1 Hero to be. One day soon, the truth will come out, and believe me, kid, no one will claim to love All Might after.”
Izuku is speechless. His throat is tight, his chest is hot… His core feels bruised.
He hates this. He hates, hates, hates it when All Might gets like this. A part of him wants to cry. Another wants to grab the man and shake him until he sees sense.
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It’s his fault, isn’t it. Surely, there had been signs. Red flags. Looking back, he can spot them now… But Toshinori was so delighted to have made such an intimate connection, so relieved to have someone accept him fully that he didn’t stop to think about the potential consequences. Someone his age shouldn’t have been so eager to become friends with a teenager, let alone one who thought of him as an idol. He should have realized earlier that what they had going on wasn’t proper.
Was he so desperate for companionship that he forced it on the boy? Was it his neediness that led Midoriya to warp their connection into something it’s not, something it cannot be?
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I love you so much, Izuku thinks with despair. Whenever I see you walk by in U.A., my throat constricts. At this point, I’ll need a heart transplant by the time I’m twenty because it’s constantly on the verge of bursting and that can’t be healthy.
The other day, I dreamt about a villain who had the ability to age people up or down. She used it for evil things – turning her enemies into fragile old people or helpless babies. I knew it was bad, but I approached her and begged her to age me up anyway, even at the cost of losing decades of my life. The scariest part of this is that even after I woke up, I wasn’t convinced I wouldn’t do the same in real life.
They say first loves rarely last. That they are sweet and innocent. But that can’t be right, because what I feel is harsh and painful, and I don’t see how it would be possible to feel more. If this monstrous thing in my chest is just a “fleeting, gentle first love”, then surely the all-encompassing true love people speak of would actually kill me?
I love you, and I wish I could show that without hurting you.
I wish. I wish. I wish. Getting to know you, receiving your trust and friendship, being allowed to study at U.A… I should be the happiest I’ve ever been. But I just keep wishing for what-ifs.
The one thing I don’t wish for is for these feelings to go away. Despite everything, I don’t regret being in love with you.
How nice it would be, if I could tell you these things out loud. If you’d be embarrassed and flattered and maybe just a little bit happy instead of fearful and worried.
Izuku swallows around the lump in his throat and doesn’t say a word.
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The beeping has him stressed out and sweating within seconds. Then the line clicks, and Toshinori stops breathing.
“Hey.”
He’s never heard Midoriya sound so small and shy. He’s always been larger than life, brighter than a supernova.
Toshinori swallows before confessing, “I don’t know what to do. How to handle this.”
A sigh on the other end of the line. “That makes two of us.”
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Alternate summary: troubled “crippling self-esteem issues, my old friend” area man and besotted “horny on main” teen try to figure their shit out across 300k or more, panic only for about 80% of that
