The graceful sweep of pale trees and elven towers stood beside the sun’s half-hidden disk. Motionless air stewed in the aroma of warm ocean salt and algae.
Seo-yun’s glazed stare drifted with the rapid glimmer of the sea. His eyes were lost on the pink horizon. They were tired. Blank. And his paws were empty. Not even a box of lures sat at his side.
He didn’t seem to notice the blase-faced gunslinger strutting closer, or the footsteps creaking the wharf’s shallow planks. Oshiban took a casual swig from his cask of scotch and grinned down at him. “Hey hey, if it isn’t my favorite wharf bum!” His nose crinkled at Seo-yun’s familiar fish stench, apparently tolerating it. “I thought you and Naggy McBonenag were all fixed up? I asked if you struck back out with the Tarts and heard you were a no-show. Weren’t you going to--woah,” he stopped. “Woah. Back up. This can’t be what I’m seeing, right?” Oshiban veered his head, searching every feasible angle of the water. All he saw was a pair of fuzzy feet dangling over the wharf. “You’re not fishing? The hell’s the matter, you sick or something?”
Seo-yun said nothing.
“...Oh,” he sighed, rolling his eyes with a jaded frown. “Let me guess. You heard about the barbecued Kaldorei-kabobs? Is that 500 gold to Mr. Il’vineen or am I way off?”
A low huff of air fled his nose.
“Listen, I hate those freakin’ fairy snobs, but even I think that was pretty messed up. Not to mention that World Tree’s literally toast and that’ll probably bite us all in the ass later. But hey. Only one crazy bitch made that call. No one else has changed, yanno? I mean, okay. Not even Saurfang stopped her, but just goes to show. We’re all out for our own backs. That’s how it is.”
The pandaren finally spared him a side-glance.
“There he is. Here, you need this more than me.” He offered his flask.
Seo-yun hesitated... then grabbed it and threw back his head. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug--
Oshiban snatched it back, “Hey, that’s enough! That 12-year stuff isn’t cheap. And you know you’re not supposed to chug it like that, right?”
With his paw still in mid-air, his eyes bubbled sadly at its sudden lack of booze.
“...Fuck. That’s just not fair. How does a guy this shabby figure out a way to look that adorable? Fine, take it.”
--Grab! Glug, glug, glug, glug... Seo-yun pulled his head upright once he’d drained the cask of its last drop. He seemed a little more content. Somewhat.
“Look,” Oshiban slid to a seat beside him. “That edge queen’s always been bad news. Nothing has to be different. It’s not like you’ve ever actually joined the Horde army and have to stand by all the Warchief’s shitty decisions. You can still go out and be our resident lawn sprinkler, rock some piano, make a shaman-y slip-and-slide for the kids... I mean, yanno. August gets pretty bad.”
“...Noodles ‘n’ seafood.”
He blinked at him, startled to hear his voice. “Uhhh. You asking to order out? If that’s the case my vote is on Troll cajun. I had noodles last night.”
Seo-yun handed back Oshiban’s flask and finally turned to face him. His eyes brimmed with a sudden heartfelt tension. “Noodles ‘n’ seafood. Ya wanna know what got me into th’ Horde? That’s it. Left Northrend, reunited with my ol’ family, saved ‘em from the Sha, and didn’t know where to go. So I started that Tuskarr-Pandaren restaurant ya liked. Needed a venue. Was hard to find space after everyone ‘n’ their gramma was inspired to cook 'cause o’ Pandaria. Stormwind, full. Darnassus, full. Ironforge, full. Orgrimmar, full. Undercity made me barf. Silvermoon had a space. Set up shop, kicked ass, then went outta business after a year ‘cause the guy who took over cut too many corners. Fished, sailed around, and joined the Tarts. That’s it. That’s how I joined the Horde. Inspired yet?”
Oshiban stared at him in awe, his jaw unashamedly ajar, as Seo-yun actually continued making a long-winded speech.
“Family’s everythin’ to me. But my family’s never been the Horde. Thought th’ feud between Alliance and Horde was dumb since day one. Been as neutral as they come. But I’ve been throwin’ myself around battlefields just tryin’ to make sure none o’ my friends die. I’m tired! And hungry! Well, I’m always hungry, but I’m tired! Now everyone wants me fightin’ again because the Alliance are angry that the Horde attacked because they’re angry the Alliance attacked because the Horde did this and the Alliance did-- it’s so confusing!!” his graveled voice cried, the rims of his eyes reddening with tears. “I can’t keep track an’ I don’t care! Got called a hypocrite ‘cause I’m not ‘treatin’ the Horde like my family,’ but the Horde never were. Got friends in all kinds o’ factions! All I wanna care about is what to do fer my next show and whether ‘r not my friends ‘n’ family’re okay. Those’re my people. Are a bunch of ‘em suddenly not if I don’t wanna fight fer the Horde? Why can’t I stick by them without havin’ to die fer a war that even I know is stupid?!”
Once the initial shock had passed, Oshiban’s gaze fell to the lapping tide. A small, grim smile tugged his mouth. He looked back up. “Hey. Uh. I’m really bad at this advice thing, but I do have something to say. Seo-yun, you’re naive, slow, have rose-colored glasses super-glued to your fur, and you’re so stupid you make kobolds look like gnomish physics professors. But you’re among the few people I’ve ever met that I actually like. You know why?”
Seo-yun sniffled and wiped his nose.
“You have something that, like, 98% of people on this rock either don’t have, or lie about having. You have a heart of actual gold. You’re like... one of those small boys in Winter’s Veil specials that Greatfather Winter sits on his lap before he says ‘once upon a time.’ Or a giant puppy. You don’t have a cruel or deceitful bone in your body and you’re too dumb to manipulate anyone. You’re insanely loyal to people who don’t deserve it, and that’s exactly why they call you a hypocrite. They know the loyalty you have to your families, and they wish they had the balls. Projection’s a bitch.” Oshiban scoffed, “Hell... even I’m jealous. But that’s probably because, honestly? It’d be nice to have a family at all. I learned kinda quick that life’s too full of back-stabbing bastards to really have anything like that.” He shrugged, “That’s life.
“Anyway, I sorta... I wish I could protect that wildly misguided innocence you have. I wish I could stop your heart from growing up. If there were more of you I’d be out of a job, but it’s kinda nice to know that people like you exist. So if you don’t wanna fight for the Horde because the Horde isn’t your family? Then don’t. Don’t listen to those assbags. Grab your keyboard and sing on your neutral fence. Throw waterpark buckets all over people as a Moa’ki guy who’s just keeping his friends alive, not a Horde guy. Who cares? You and me are gonna be rolling in it anyway.”
Confused, Seo-yun knitted his forehead, waiting for him to elaborate.
“I’m gonna make big bucks takin’ out bad guys for the Horde. You, however, won’t just have plenty of work as a healer. You’re the piano guy. That’s why people are gonna need you more than they’ll ever need me.” Oshiban smiled.
Seo-yun’s eyes glinted with a touched warmth. He returned it. “Thanks, man.” With a leathery shuffle against wood, he turned back to admire the sea.
“So uh, you know I got lots of contacts in the spa industry you’re... you’re sure you don’t wanna do anything about that fish smell situation?”
Select a single gif depicting a secret your character has that few, if any, know. Give zero explanation, be mysterious. Please tag me so I can read them. Here we go!
Screw it. I’m gonna save Safrona a tag-induced headache and just get ‘em all over with. xD
Man, not even a San’layn from Murder Row would wanna screw in this room, Oshiban managed to not groan aloud, his cheek shoved mundanely into his fist.
It was suffocating in its professionalism. The walls were lined with bookshelves, the long carpet had never seen a duster in its life, and not even a painting hung on the wall behind the desk. Even the man reciting the will had the monotone of an obligatory math teacher.
After several minutes, a “To Mister Oshiban Il’vineen” suddenly perked his slender ears. “...who helped me obtain enough money to keep my orphanage running and assured the futures of countless children...”
He grinned. ‘Obtain.’ What a gracious pronunciation of the word ‘scheme.’ Although, perhaps that was a rare thing he’d done right in his life, by mere association or not.
“...I bestow 1 million gold from my account, a lifetime supply of queso cheese, ice cream, and corn chips from my factory, and my smaller Eversong estate with a pool. Which, I'm sure to his delight, is lined with melted-snack proof material and has a deep end.”
Oshiban made no effort to hide the joy exploding through his veins. His eyes bulged with daydreams pumping through his imagination at 50 scenes a second, the corner of his opened mouth glistening with the threat of unashamed drool. He snapped out of it-- “All RIGHT! I mean, uh. It’s what he would have wanted.”
“However, if the following condition is not met, it will be forfeit to an auction Mr. Il'vineen is uninvited to.”
He sank in his chair. Of course.
“The condition is: he must, by whatever means necessary, ensure that my imbecile, drug-addled foster child - Valthrien ‘Tweak’ Bannerstealer - not die in the coming war. It would destroy my sister's heart. Should Oshiban fail to protect Tweak, you can kiss that ridiculous queso-pool idea goodbye and prepare for me to haunt every nightmare until your end."
A nonchalant smirk slithered its rightful place back onto Oshiban’s lips. “Hey, I mean how bad can the guy be?”
Writer's choice of character(s): 🔥: What’s a place that left them motivated in some fashion? ✨: What motivates them? Is it a deep rooted passion/motivation, or is it something they struggle with from time to time?
🔥: Qaradoc
There is a cemetery in Flintshire, (a small section of Gilneas), where Qaradoc firmly determined his future career. As a teenager, he attended the burial of his best friend. He died of a genetic defect.
The friend’s mother was a dwarf and his father a human. Though they loved their son dearly, they wished they had spoken with someone who could have cautioned them about their offspring’s potential complications.
Qaradoc long contemplated the idea of counseling future parents through both scientific and magical means. Yet it was watching the casket lowering into the ground that gave him the kick he needed. To this day, a photo of his late friend always sits on his desk.
✨ Oshiban
Self-preservation, greed, and a good laugh. Oshiban is a very driven man. He was raised to believe that opportunism is survival. Look out for number one, watch your back, and claw your way up - or wither in the dust. As a sarcastic wisecracker who perceives his world as a cold shark tank, amusement and humor are things he relies on to keep himself together. (Though he also depends on his ability to go on an opinionated stand-up-comedy-esque rant about whatever comes up.)
Motivating himself to seize whatever can benefit him is a deep-seated defense mechanism. He doesn’t fear short-term failures, but long-term failure terrifies him. His nightmare is realized when people reflect on his life and conclude with the word “loser.” This is combined with his fear of facing himself. So long as he’s distracted, his demons can’t challenge a confrontation.
Special thanks to @unabashedrebel for the tag. :>
Norm the Genie
This is, by far, Oshiban’s biggest inspiration. Although they’re both self-serving and opportunistic, Ban is basically the not-so-evil version of Norm, while still retaining his blase, laid back, been-around-the-world-twice-PS-the-T-shirt-sucks demeanor. This genie is where Ban gets his wisecracking charm and unflattering/affectionate nicknames. Norm MacDonald (the voice actor) is also his face and voice claim.
Randal Graves
Another big one. Randal is the nonchalant “hold my beer I got this” that I draw inspiration from, and yet another casual, self serving character who spouts constant witticisms. This is also where I get ideas for Oshiban’s tendency to go on long, pointless, yet oddly entertaining tangents. They also both hesitate to genuinely trust other people, but are fiercely loyal friends if you manage it.
Jeff Winger
This guy came a bit later, but I saw the similarities pretty quick. Aside from all the stuff already mentioned above, Jeff’s charismatic, he knows how to persuade, he wings it without a problem (yeah, haha), and his brand of wit is both jaded and creatively descriptive. This is also a guy who has trust issues and will stab people he doesn’t care about in the back, but deep down he just wants someone to care about him. And he’s good to his friends.
Bill Cipher
If you were ever wondering what Oshiban would be if he were evil, insane, and more energetic, here’s your answer. Always using humor, even in the midst of horror. Their remarks are strikingly similar, too.
Noah
This character has even less energy than Oshiban most of the time, and Oshiban knows how to talk to girls. Other than that, the two are probably related. He’d be proud to have this kid as his nephew.
