Obscure Medical Conditions From Which I Suffer
When I get sick, it never makes sense. All my illnesses are completely inexplicable: medical professionals have no idea what causes them. Worst of all, no doctors have been able to provide treatment for any of my various unique health issues. These are just a few of them:
1) burrataphilia: Characterized by breaking into uncontrollable, joy-filled laughter at the first bite of a dish that prominently features burrata, this sickness makes dining at Osteria Mozza a very problematic endeavor. My burrataphilia kicks in especially violently when tasting the Osteria's Burrata With Bacon.
2) hollowaycardioitis: This is a very strange disease in which my heart inflames whiles beating quickly and irregularly whenever confronted with either a still or moving image of Josh Holloway. The severity of the reaction varies, but the worst episode occurred while watching the episode of LOST in which Sawyer read WATERSHIP DOWN.
3) internetaplegia: Possibly the worst of all my ailments, this happens on a near-daily basis when I sit down at the computer, start browsing the World Wide Web, and subsequently find myself paralyzed and unable to move from my location. Even when there are things I desperately want to do and places I desperately want to go, I remain movement-impaired.
If anyone else has also been plagued by these very specific medical conditions and has had any success with helpful treatments, please, please share. I'm suffering.