@osumaki asked:
why is this so important to you?
Naruto is thirteen years old.
The day before he leaves with Jiraya is cloudy and cold. Few people are out on the streets, those that are rush by with their heads ducked and their necks and faces wrapped in scarves. The weather makes strangers of neighbors, and Kakashi keeps his hands tucked into his pockets and his shoulders slumped easily as he leads Naruto toward their mutual destination: the memorial stone.
The boy has been somewhat subdued since Sasuke's disappearance, but Kakashi can't blame him for it-- he's hardly been himself either, not that there are many left alive to know him well enough to tell. His own failures at the Chuunin exams and before weigh heavily on Kakashi's mind, and though Naruto's body had healed quickly, it's clear that he's... changed. He seems tired.
Perhaps that diminished air is what drives Kakashi toward this madness. They stand at the memorial stone in silence for a long time, Kakashi with his hands tucked in his pockets and his gaze fixed on the polished face of the rock and the names etched there, right next to the training ground he'd laid claim to with the team a year ago. Naruto, to his credit, lasts much longer in fidgeting silence than Kakashi thought he might. Fidgeting and furtive glances towards Kakashi turn slowly into more thoughtful, grim looks, and finally after what may have been a few minutes and may have been a few hours, Naruto asks him a simple question: why is this so important to you?
Kakashi considers lying to him. He considers asking him what it is that makes him think this place, this quiet, the two of them here together might be important, but he isn't in the mood for a game or a teachable moment, and he thinks Naruto might just leave if he pushes on him too far, and he won't get to say what he thinks he needs to say.
Not that what he needs to say is enough, or much at all. Not that he even needs to say it, but some mad, thrashing part of him wants to spill it all onto the ground between them like black bile and blood, wants to tell Naruto exactly how much he's failed, how much Naruto has been failed. Hiruzen is dead, and though the edict of silence around Naruto's parentage is still in effect, Naruto will be leaving the village with Jiraya in the morning for training, and Sakura is starting her internship under Tsunade, and Sasuke is long gone and Kakashi will be fading back into the shadows of ANBU for back-to-back assignments, scrounging for small truths he'll never be able to use.
But the gag order will remain unbroken, because Kakashi doesn't think he could stand if Naruto turned confused, hurt eyes on him this cold afternoon. Another stunning moment of cowardice and selfishness from the great copy nin Kakashi-- let Jiraya be the one to tell him. Someone who knew Minato longer, who has more of a claim on him than his surviving bratty student.
He sighs. Naruto starts, and Kakashi realizes he hasn't answered the question, has let the silence stretch far too long.
"My team," Kakashi starts, and then pauses again. He doesn't look at Naruto, despite knowing he suddenly has the boy's undivided attention. Instead he stares at the memorial stone, and after a moment he reaches out and points out the name: Uchiha Obito. The next name: Nohara Rin. "During the war. We were kids."
He points out Minato's name. "Our sensei. During..." He doesn't look at Naruto's face, because he isn't sure what he'll find there. The cold stone has already numbed his fingers, and he tucks them back into his pockets. Pointing out Kushina's name would be... he can almost feel her shrieking at him, but more than that he can feel the ANBU lingering in the trees, watching.
"I've had a long career, Naruto," he tips his head toward the stone, but he doesn't point out any names. "I have a lot of friends on there. But I told... I told someone very special that he would see the future with me. I'm glad he got to see you, kid. You're worth knowing."
It feels lame, like there's something dead gripping him and speaking for him. But the words have dried up, and Naruto should be out saying goodbye to his friends, and not getting battered by the cold wind and Kakashi's dead.
I got real cold / And I grabbed my coat / And I saw that the ringing was coming from your throat / What are you saying anyway?
