Title: "Government Cheese" Year: 2000 Pairings: Xena/Ares, Xena/Gabrielle, other misc. Genre: Crack, Uber Original Author: Jade Site name found on: Unknown, Jade's personal site Way back machine link: https://web.archive.org/web/20010908115141/http://www.crosswinds.net/~khindin/fiction/cheese.html Any notes: Jade was, in my opinion, the top crack fic writer in the Xena fandom. I couldn't breath while reading her stories, I was laughing so hard. I loved them so much I printed them out, sometimes a few times, in the world's tiniest print to save on ink and paper, and shoved them all in a binder to take with me to read at school like an absolute menace. Sometimes my friends would read them with me and they never had any idea what was going on but they still laughed. Jade is a classic, and her work is too hard to find these days which is criminal. Thank you for all the brilliance, Jade!! <3
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PREVIEW:
"A knock on their cheap, wooden, vandalized door woke them from their five day binge of alcohol, drugs and Jerry Springer.
Ares was the first occupant of the house to wake up. Untangling his legs and arms from Xena's, he worked himself free of a satin comforter that one of them had unknowingly covered them up in. Standing up and almost tripping over a vodka bottle, he swore loudly and opened the door.
Oh no. Hera and Zeus? What did he do to deserve a visit from them both?
"What do you two want?" he yelled, not at all happy with them just 'dropping in'.
"We came to visit you, dear. You really should be more appreciative. We don't visit all our kids, you know. Ask Hercules," Hera said. "Not that I consider that little asshole 'ours'," she whispered to Zeus.
Spotting a huddled form on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket like a baked potato on a grill, Hera narrowed her bright green eyes. Grabbing a peacock feather out of her purse, she threw it at Xena.
Ares caught it in his fist. "What did you think you were doing?"
"You're still with her?"
"Shut up, Mother."
"Boy, don't speak to your mother like that!" Zeus bellowed from across the room.
"I just did." Ares said, knowing he was acting nothing more than a petulant child, but he couldn't stop himself when his parents were around.
Xena looked at them from her spot within the blankets. Yawning widely, she said, "Do you think you guys could keep it down? I mean, we didn't go to sleep until eight o'clock this morning and I'm really tired."
"It's five in the afternoon!" Zeus said angrily, trying to quell his urge to throw a lightning bolt at her.
"I work third shift," Xena whined, pulling the covers up over her head.
"You don't have a job!" Zeus said, as he aimed a thunderbolt at the pile of blankets and fired."
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[[Read the complete story at the link top of post!]]
