#otp;cryingout

[jadisjavaisuncoeur]

screebbles & lkmyung

She was already slipping into her pants again, not giving him a look. This was how Chaerin was dealing with her existence. Taking too much of him at one time and diluating his presence during days and days and days until he would invite himself once again and she would find him, standing in the middle of memories that weren't his, to begin with.

« Can I stay for the night ? »

The hope in his voice burned her skin and she immediately got up and took a few step away from him. Turning around to look at him was impossible. The weight of his hope on her shoulders was blocking every moment. She couldn't move and breathing was hard, she started to suffocate, feeling claustrophobic.

Suddenly he was everywhere, invading each corner of her blank life and nothing was hers anymore, and he kept stealing stealing from her.

Never had he spent a night with her. She would give away her body and relishes his touch but vulnaribility of sleep was something else.

Hands soon gripped her wrists and she pulled away, but he kept her close, pulled her even closer until his torso was all against her naked back. She could feel his breathing against her cheek and she shivered.

« Chaerin. It's me. »

His tone was so obvious, she panicked a bit more. How his existence was supposed to be a valid reason, a valid explanation ? Yes, it was him, that was all the problem. It was Myungsoo in her bed and waiting for her after her shift at the bar, and talking her boss into giving her an early leave. It was him perfuming her clothes of faint paint smell and cold coffee. It was him stealing cigarettes and words from her mouth, as if he had nothing else to take away.

« It's me. » He repeated, hands joining on her stomach.

The most unexpected idea then came to her head and for the first time in ages, she wondered if she would ever carry a child. His hands on an empty stomach awakened desires she wanted to forget because it was Myungsoo, but her epiderm was replying to his skin and goosebumps rose everywhere on her arms.

Trembling hands, she barely touched his hands. Would she ever carry his child ?

The question brought its wave of pain, just as every time she thought of moving on, but the idea of a tiny being in her arms softened the blow. Every fiber of her being seemed to come alive for something else than pain or disgust or raw sexual craving. It seemed a spark of love echoed somewhere deep in her guts and her whole being was throwing itself at the warm reminding of what life intrisically was.

« Yes. You can stay. »

[jadisjavaisuncoeur]

ree1x1

Chaerin dropped her keys back in her pocket when she noticed the door was opened. It meant only one thing, Myungsoo had invited himself at her place once again when she was away. She didn't mind anymore. He ahd discovered so many boundaries and crossed them there was nothing of her breatheless life worth hiding from him. She just freely let him roam in her past as if it belonged to him more than to her. After numerous months, he was still a memory thief.

She took off her shoes and her coat before stepping into the small flat. She hardly looked at the pictures hanging on the wall, reminiscence of him and his reality in her life after he had disappeared.

The flat was quiet, which wasn't surprising. Myungsoo, for someone taking so much place, was strangely silent in the apocalypse he dragged around.

She found him sitting on his usual chair, slowly bringing to his mouth a piece of cake on his fork. She knew he was very aware of her presence, nevertheless he didn't glance at her a single time. There were days he couldn't get enough of her, touching and watching and listening and tasting. And other days when he seemed to need a moment, an instant to prepare himself at her existence. And it would take the longest time before she would dare living before he remembered she was real. After a handful of seconds, he finally found the courage to lift his eyes on her and she was part of the world again. She couldn't help but wondered if she used to have this spark of hope in her eyes after he died and she was still looking for him everywhere.

« I'm sorry, the bar got unexpectedly busy. » She apologized walking towards him. He just hummed in reply. She took his hand in hers and pushed it away so she could sit on his lap.

It was instantaneous, as if their bodies had known each other since the beginning. Naturally, his arm would wrap around her waist, his cheek resting against hers. She was drowning in a scent of cold coffee and artificial strawberry flavor and quiet quiet love.

She stole the fork from his hand and brought the piece of cake to her mouth. She hummed in appreciation, after all she was so hungry. He let her stole a few more before taking back his fork and feeding himself.

« My teacher liked the last photoshoot. » He nuzzled her neck and she shivered, exhaling a delighted sigh that was stuck in the back of her throat since the morning, as if waiting for him to escape, to be heard. « I don't get what is interesting in pictures of my naked back. » She replied, stealing some strawberry mousse with the tip of her finger and bringing it to her mouth. Several light kisses were planted on her neck and she could only drop her head to offer more skin. Greedy as always, wanting more, always more.

He didn't reply, eating the last piece of their dessert before she could steal it from him.

« You don't get either how very fascinating every atom of you is either. »

[jadisjavaisuncoeur]

ree1x1

When Chaerin had wanted to shove her hands down the pockets of her coat, he had had to feel it coming because, before she could comprehend it, his hand had already been around her fingers, and suddenly they had been walking holding to each other's hand in the street. Physical contact between them was never casual. Their skins touching, somehow, always took some sort of symbolism she wasn't always sure to like. But at this moment, at this very moment, it had something so purely natural, she hadn't flinched away.

It was the most normal and, somehow, cliché date she had ever been on, including when she had been on dates with him, and it surprised her Myungsoo had this in him. She sort of had always expected him to leave out of daily life, out of normal. And that fact that date had been so normal had made it so unexpected, and in the end, he still had her surprised. Not even would she have guessed what this night would be about.

So it had been a old movie in a open theater while eating fast food. They had spent the whole night sitting in his only half-comfortable car, watching a only half-interesting movie they both half already knew and they had only half grazed each other's hand. She had been living an old movie about a stereotyped teenage girl all night and it had made her own feelings sort of fictionnal. The normal tension in her stomach at his skin against her and the normal wondering if he would kiss her soon, the strangled words whispered between two dialogues and all the meningful silents she couldn't translate in words.

And now, after he had parked the car in front of her well too known from the both of us apartment, and now he was walking her to her door as a perfect (and normal) gentleman would do, she understood what books meant when they talked about butterflies in the stomach. There was so many butterflies she wondered if maybe they would fly her away from him by accident. She started to type her code to open the door of the building, kind of expecting for him to come in with her but his free hand he stopped her.

Their eyes met and they stayed silent. At least in words. Her heart was beating too loud and she was sure her breathe was currently creating the wind which was ruffling his hair. The butterflies couldn't be controlled and she stupidly wondered if her hands were sweating. Probably.

« I had a wonderful night. » He declared lightly, not even leaning towards her and she just nodded. Maybe he had smoething to ask her. Maybe another photoshoot idea, maybe an exhibition he wanted to take her to watch with him. Anything, as always, could leave the pretty lips of his and she was jsut hoping he would shut up and kiss her instead. She wanted her teenage movie to end well.

And it did.

Suddenly, his hands weren't anymore holding hers but cupping her face and his lips descended on hers and she gasped, more pleased than surprised. It wasn't possessive, it wasn't conquering or dominating. It was soft and shy and movie-like. It was like hitting a pillow gently with the palm of the hand to make it puffier. It was tasting honey from the tips of the fingers. It was a hint of mint in flowery perfume.

And it was all hers.

[jadisjavaisuncoeur]

✰ [ myungchae ]

✰: My muse invites your muse to dance to Christmas songs.

Convincing him to go at her sister’s for Christmas had been actually easier than she thought. She didn’t think he didn’t like her sister, but somehow she had troubles to think that he might like someone who was not her. Sometimes, it seemed like humankind was a bother he wasn’t agreeing on carrying and would just ignore until better days came. But when he accepted to spend Christmas at her sister’s, she had felt to utterly contempt with her life. As if things were finally in good places after a tornado destroying every bit of her.

Harin was lively and chatty and everything her older sister wasn’t. Her husband as well had an easy smile, only widening when his eyes fell on Harin’s round belly, protecting a son he was about to have. So when they had arrived to their house, with the couple of presents and layers of clothes because of the ehavy snow falling, she hadn’t been surprised to hear joyful Christmas song and be blinded by the lights and candles settled everywhere around the house, even in the toilets. They had eaten enough to survive until New Year’s Eve and Myungsoo had hardly let go of her hand during the whole night.

It hadn’t mattered they ere a quiet couple, Harin and her husband had put naturally and happily the right atmosphere for a Christmas day, gently bickering about the baby’s name and smiling at each other all the time. Now, they had both disappeared into the kitchen for the dessert and Chaerin dropped her head on Myungsoo’s shoulder. Quiet. He was caressing the back of her hand with his thumb. « Dance with me. » He asked lowly.

Startled, she looked at him. He didn’t fell embarrassed, he never did, he jsut stared right back at her. It was a soft and slow Christmas song playing, and Chaerin felt like she could enjoy swaying at its rhythm. So she nodded her agreement. He tightened his gri on her hand and got her up. She chuckled lightly, feeling shy. He walked near the Christmas tree, where they had actually some room to dance. He settled his free hand on her hips and she delicately put hers on his shoulder. And then, with a grace she sometimes forgot Myungsoo had, he got her swaying around, his fingers like feathers on her body, leading her with such tenderness, she wondered how she hadn’t fall apart yet.

« You are very beautiful tonight. Happiness suits you, maybe more than I do. » He whispered in her ear, his hand slipping on the small of her back. She laughed quietly at his words, dropping his hand to wrapped both of her arms around his neck. « Sadly you don’t have a camera. » She teased lightly. He grumbled something but got cut by a ‘click’ they both knew very well.

« You’re both so cute. » Harin squealed, before smooching both of their faces together. Chaerin had an embarrassed laugh and stepped away. « Let’s go eat this dessert you sound so proud of. »

[jadisjavaisuncoeur]

She was caressing the picture with the tips of her fingers. This day was a bad day. She had woken up and had remembered how he had smelled in the morning. She had had to run to the toilets to throw up everything she had. Except the pain. The pain had stayed and she should have known. It was, in the end, the only thing that had stayed with her since he had left. As long as she was in pain, he hadn't totally disappeared. But she remembered so well his mother telling her, begging her. « Let him go, Chaerin. » But she hadn't found the courage. She was still keeping him so close to her heart that she couldn't breathe normally, because his shadow was taking too much place in the hollow of her ribcage. Had she ever been anything than his ? Not that she could remember.

When Myungsoo came for their weekly shoots of pictures, it had become worse. The hatred for herself, but for him as well, who was always pushing her to live, to enjoy. Who was obvious of the pain letting her go, of her letting go of him along. But she couldn't. Had she ever been anything than his ? So she had told Myungsoo that that day, she couldn't. And all the other days. That she needed to stop. « To stop before- » but she dan't finished her sentence. She had tried to close the door but he had forced his way to her place. And his presence in his absence ripped her heart open, making her crying tears of blood.

« Before what, Chaerin ? » Myungsoo had hissed. And she had grabbed the picture. « Before what ? » He insisted. He was so quick, she didn't realize what was happening only when he had snatched the picture out of her hands. It felt like he had just crushed her heart and she gasped, painfully. He stared, with so much envy, so much anger at the picture, she knew what was going to happen. She knew and she was so scared to be right she hadn't moved. But then it was too late. Swiftly, guiltlessly, he ripped the picture in two and then in four and again and again and again.

She couldn't breathe. She couldn't understand that reality. It didn't even hurt because it didn't make sense. What just happened couldn't be real. He, who just happened in her life, who had no importance in her life or whatsoever, didn't just take away, once again, her memories. He hadn't stolen once again the tools of her pain, the tools to reach him.

He settled the pieces of her heart on the table. « He's dead. Let's move on. »

Never had anyone been so raw with her, so oblivious to her helplessness and pain. And the pain came, rushing all at once. So huge, so gigantic, she thought her body couldn't carry it all. She thought she would explode because of the pressure. She still couldn't breathe. Still couldn't think. « Get out. » She whispered. These two words seemed enough to make him realize what he had done and for the slightest second and the first time since she had met him, he had hesitated. « Chaerin- » She stomped towards him and, without even thinking about it, her hand was already violently in contact with his face. The loud sound of the slap seemed to echo between them. « Get out ! » She yelled, hysterical. « Out ! Out ! » And he was staying there, dumbfounded. Her hand reached his face one again and this time, it seemed to awaken him. He stumbled back and suddenly walked away.

She stayed there, staring where he had been standing a second ago. He was only a ghost now, the ghost of someone who nearly became important, too important. Someone who had stolen from her too much to be forgiven. Someone who hadn't been giving enough not to be forsaken. She crumbled to the floor. And she still had no tears to shed. Her cheeks were burning and she had no tears to shed.

ree1x1

[jadisjavaisuncoeur]

Her feet swinging in the void, she was reading the daily news, sipping a very strong and black coffee. Myungsoo obviously had made it. She used to hate black coffee but since a few weeks, strong coffee meant Myungsoo and it had started to have a better taste. A taste of growing affection. « Wasn't that my cup ? » He asked quietly as he came back to the kitchen. She had no idea where he had been but in truth, it must have been his cup. « Well, it's my place so I guess it's my cup. » She replied calmly, flipping a page of the newspaper. « Is that so. » He let out, queietly. She hummed, not even glancing up.

She didn't hear him coming but suddenly his hands where on her thighs and his lips on her neck. She gasped and nearly dropped her cup. For once, there was no teasing, no foreplay. She didn't even fathom his fingers on her skin, they were already on her crotch, rubbing her clit over the material of her panties. She gasped once again and this time, dropped the cup. She hardly gave it a glance. Her hands, now free, found their way to his hair and gripped it, scratching his scalp.

Swiftly, he removed her panties and his hands were back all over her. Without the layer of tissue, his touching was ever more precise. She felt how wet she was. Some aprt in her mind tried to take the control back, tried to tell her it was stupid to melt so easily at his touch. But then, he grazed her opening and all she could do was shift her hips forward to lead his fingers in hers. « You're my girl right ? » It was unexpected but she didn't care. She wanted it all, right now. She didn't mind giving in this time, she didn't want to fight for power. She wanted to get off, roughly here on the counter of her kitchen. « Y-Yes. » She agreed, expecting an immediate reward. But he was still teasing, only his mouth kissing its way down. She moaned to hurry him and she felt his hand tightening its grip on her thigh.

His head, then, stopped between her legs and as he spoke a few words, her whole body tightened at the air caressing her damp intimacy. « Say it. » She was panting. She didn't care about how short it took him to get her all worked up, she didn't care about the smirk she could here in his voice and she didn't care about her needy moans. « I'm... I'm your girl. » She let out, like a sigh of relief, as if she had been carrying these words for long.

This time, the reward came. And so did she, shortly afterwards.

ree1x1

[jadisjavaisuncoeur]

"Don't touch me."

lkmyung

She pinched lightly one of the chords of her guitar. How long had it been since the last she played it ? The few notes escaping the chords didn't see to make Myungsoo flinch. For the last couple of hours, he had been quite interested in that painting of his, leaving Chaerin to her own ways of entertainment. But what she wanted was him. She was rarely clingy but she never really had a reason to. It always had been him wrapping his arms around her waist and giving her all of his focus. She never had to ask for it.

Good-naturedly, her hands started to move on the instrument. Quietly, a very well-known melody bloomed in the middle of the room, revealing her skill. It didn't seem to be enough. She pinched the chord harder. She wasn't apologizing for her existence anymore, she was assuming her desire for his attention. Only thing he did was too hide some apple green to the painting.

Heart beating violently against her ribcage, she opened her mouth and so lowly she doubted anyone but her was hearing, she started to sing. Playing an instrument was already something. An enormous step in her way to feeling better. But her voice, her who had been quite for so long, it was a gift to him she could only offer once. Never again he would hear her singing for the first time. This was it. Total abandon to his eyes and being. And it was with relief she saw his eyes staring at her.

The song died with the last few notes. She couldn't remember whay was the song about. Probably a love song, something that had nothing to do with them, but a romantic and heart-warming little thing. Like his eyes on her. He settled his paintbrushes on a piece of furniture. His eyes were saying so much and yet the silent of the room caught her breathe. He walked towards her. He was about to cup her hands but mischeviously, she eluded his embrace.

« Don't touch me. You have paint all over your hands. » She didn't mind, not really. She was getting her revenge on him for ignoring her for so long. Of forgetting she was the priority, the greedy little girl. Myungsoo felt the playful mood and took another step towards her, eyes on fire. She slided beside his arm and ran to his room. She could hear he was close behind, maybe he was even letting her flee. It seemed unlikely that his long limbs weren't able to keep her prisoner against his ribcage. She reached the door and in a fluent move, which actually had him surprised, she leaped easily over his bed. Facing each other, loud beating heart, they stared at each other. « You know, I've been watching you the whole time, don't you ? » He admitted. She raised a doubtful eyebrow. « You look so evidently... Out of the world when you're upset. I wanted a taste of heaven. »

Only him to pop up with such sentences. « I don't believe you. » She replied with a fake suspicioin tone in her voice. « Nevermind. You are trapped. » She looked around. He was right. She had the back on a wall and there was little chance she would have the time to leap over the bed once again without getting caught by his awaiting hands. During her realization, he didn't hesitated a second. Before she realized it, he was there and his hands were all over her face and hair and arm, leaving joyful traces of their existence on her skin, colorful paths for sinners.

[jadisjavaisuncoeur]

lkmyung [x]

« I need you to look at me. Not through your lense, Myungsoo. With your eyes. I want you to see all of me. Because your mere existence gave me a reason to try to live again and I need to be yours as well. A reason to start feeling again. Feeling raw and painful. Without lense to keep the pain away. I want you to elt me hurt you, like you hurt me. »