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Why is it so hard to think of what to say here. I’m trying to find the balance. I want this to be a placeholder for my photographs that I take as well as something I can look back on can see what I was going through at the time. So not just a placeholder for photos but also memories and my mental state. So a diary of sorts I guess.

The problem that comes up is I don’t live that interesting of a life. Really only consists of two things: work and home. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, I pretty much am at work until roughly 5 or so. Then I go home and veg out till I decide it is a reasonable time to go to bed. That being said, it can be hard to come up with things to talk about. There just is not much there. Or at least not enough to really write a post about. I will try anyway.

As this is an outlet let be talk about something I’ve been thinking about for awhile. I wish I could snap my fingers and be comfortable with people. That I could turn my introversion on and off like a switch. I never noticed or didn’t care to notice, just how much I let it impact me. There have been so many instances that I wish that I wasn’t so introverted and could say some things that I would really like to say. It never lets me though. There are few people who I can totally let all guards down around. With them, it took awhile to get there. It just takes me time, sometimes I feel like to much time, to really open up and feel comfortable with people.

That being said it explains why most of my photography is either various animals I have in my life or buildings/nature. No human interaction involved there. I really enjoyed being able to take these photos. Just wandering the backyard and getting to look at it through the lens of my camera. Though my ‘models’ were not the most cooperative I was able to get a few good shots in.

Life, in general, is good at the moment. Some worries that had popped of a couple of weeks ago, lessened recently. Allowing my brain to take a slight break. There still is a lot going on but some of the bigger worries are calmed now. As I’ve said before I sometimes wonder if I’m doing this whole thing right. ‘Thing’ can mean so many things at this point.

I wouldn’t say I’ve lived a sheltered life, but that my priorities have not really matched up with others my age. So that can leave a lot of things left undone. Hanging out with friends and building those relationships and working on school have always taken the bulk of my attention. Chock introversion in the mix and you can see where I am going.

This can leave me fumbling in certain situations. Mostly because I honestly don’t know how to react or what to say. I feel like this year has made this pop up a whole lot more than it has in the past. But it is moments like these that have me questioning if I’m doing things right. I’m trying the best I can, but there is always that part of me that worries that others think or if I’m doing something wrong.

Honestly, photography is one of the few places where those issues don’t seem to bother me that much. I can just be behind my camera and capture the world around me. It can be freeing. I am going to try and pick it back up more consistently. Which I already have. I’ve taken more pictures in the last few months than I have in a year or two. These last few months have been really nice in being able to have that hobby back.

I want to start one of the 30-day challenges just to make me pick it up and find something that fits that topic. So I will hopefully have more pictures to show soon. Not sure how often I will post them. Probably not every day. I know myself to well to try and do that. I may try every week or two. Maybe that time span will also help me with having things to say in the posts.

Placeholder Why is it so hard to think of what to say here. I'm trying to find the balance.

#Diary #Introversion #Life #Outside Shots #Pets #photography #Placeholder #Project 365