Did you notice that you have been triggered? Question: is this an inconvenience or an opportunity?
So yesterday’s blog put forward a series of questions intended to begin to prompt your thinking about you and your life, and to question how (or if) you are really showing up – are you underestimating yourself and playing small, or are you stepping into a life that is one that you really want and CHOOSE to live? The questions are intended to prompt your thinking about whether there are talents and abilities that are THERE to be ACTUALISED, and to question if you are giving yourself permission to tune into them and bring them into the world. The questions are intended to spark the fire inside of you so you can begin to step out of complacency and into your power.
When you begin to get CURIOUS about yourself, your habits and patterns, and your direction in life, and you begin to ask yourself some provocative QUESTIONS it is easy to get triggered. Although this is the exact intention behind the questioning – to begin to stir things up to make a change – it is easy to get a bit lost in it all and to get caught up in the REACTION rather than to be CURIOUS about the reaction.
The questioning can make you feel a bit uncertain and destabilised as you are no longer just accepting your beliefs and thoughts to be FACTS and your reality to be a GIVEN. This can then leave you feel overwhelmed as you start wondering WHAT is there, how MUCH is there, how much WORK you will need to do etc. or you might feel scared as you start to contemplate changing life long habits that are likely there for good reasons (we only ever do what works on some level). You might even feel angry, at yourself and/ or the questions!
Inconvenience or Opportunity?
It is easy to get a bit lost in the reaction and the thoughts and feelings that arise. However this could also be considered a great time to GET CURIOUS about the REACTION. When you are triggered, your thoughts and feelings are right there on the SURFACE of your awareness just waiting to be understood and worked through. This is when you are MOST LIKELY to be able to make powerful and positive change in your life and so it COULD be a time when you see the OPPORTUNITY to notice, observe and get INTERESTED in the reaction itself.
So if this WAS you after reading yesterday’s blog, your first opportunity could be that of CONGRATULATING yourself for being curious enough to begin to question and have a look ‘under the hood’. Like the archaeologist who has been digging and digging and then finally found the fossil, this could be a EUREKA moment! Ohhh, what is this? A reaction, what do we have here then!?
You could congratulate yourself for being BRAVE enough to ‘poke the pain points’, as this is when you are in the best position to better understand yourself and how you are engaging with circumstances and events in your wider life. It is said, how you do one thing, is how you do everything! This means that it is likely, and in fact probable, that your reaction to the questions reflects a broader style of reacting, being an active demonstration of your habitual patterns of relating to the world. This is a wonderful reflection of how you typically react to LIFE and this is absolutely worthwhile understanding, especially if it was a reaction you could do without!
Remember, that it would not have been triggered if it was not THERE to be triggered and it is likely that it has been limiting you on an unconscious level. Now that it is near the surface – GREAT! – we now have the opportunity to make it more of a conscious pattern, and with this awareness you can begin to have more CHOICE around it such that it can finally stop LIMITING you!!
General doubt and Nay-saying
Self-criticism and self-blame
Helplessness/ hopelessness
are all common and worthwhile exploring!
So what are your options?
Firstly it is important to STOP and NOTICE that you have been triggered and to congratulate yourself for being courageous enough to be questioning in the first place.
Next step, you could STOP and begin to OBSERVE YOUR REACTIONS, the specific
Thoughts – what you are saying to yourself
And behaviours of habit – what you typically DO once you have been triggered;
You could question what is happening for you, and bring a curious and open mind to what you are experiencing NOW, as a result of asking these provocative questions.
When you are triggered in this way your threat response system has been activated because you are bumping up against the boundaries of your model of the world – the boundaries of the KNOWN - and contemplating the UNKNOWN. This is a time when you are MOST vulnerable to the nervous systems most basic default positions. You are likely to revert to:
Fight - get angry and lash out (blame/ labelling/ projecting).
Flight – start to worry and avoid (self-doubt/ uncertainty/ overwhelm).
Freeze - ruminate and withdraw (self-blame/ self-criticism).
So you could begin to ask
Am I responding with a fight, flight or freeze response?
Where or when else in my life do I respond like this?
In what ways does this style of reaction help me?
In what ways does this reaction limit me?
If I were to bring my awareness to the reaction itself, what are my alternatives? What options do I have available other than fight, flight or freeze? What could I DO instead that would be most HELPFUL?
What MUST I be automatically ASSUMING (about myself, life or relationships) to have even had this specific reaction in the first place?
What must I believe about myself to have had this threat response reaction?
How could this explain my reaction, and what are my alternatives?
If you were to OBSERVE this part of the reaction – your assumptions and beliefs – what change could arise for you? What difference would it make if you did not JUST ACCEPT these thoughts to be true, right and real, and that they have in fact now been activated so you can begin to change them?
Remember, this is a great time to practice self-compassion (this is HARD and I need to go easy on myself) and self-kindness (of course I want the best for myself, go me for even asking the questions!).
Using your emotional radar as a guide
It is always important to remember that when you are doing this internal work, there will ALWAYS be more under the surface. This is absolutely fine and it is NOT a barrier to well-being and ever increasing good. No way. All we are working towards is to ‘lower the waterline on the iceberg’ with the knowledge that there will always be more that you don’t know, than what you do. That is fine and normal and you would not want to ‘know it all’, nor do you have to either.
What IS important though is that if you are experiencing areas of your life in which you feel frustrated unhappy, apathetic or disconnected – that you COULD CHOOSE to look at these areas and WONDER if you are accepting a reality that is not actually one that suits you. If there are areas in your life in which you feel fulfilled, happy and actualised then you are likely doing all you can in these areas and that is to be CELEBRATED. However, if you are feeling frustrated and on some level you just know that there is more you could be doing, expressing or being, then this IS an OPPORTUNITY to get CURIOUS!!
So take some time to contemplate the questions and begin to better understand your reactivity, and perhaps start to gain some insight into the boundaries of your model of the world!
Remember that Bodhi starts with YOU
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Disclaimer: This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy. This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one. If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services.
