Under The Bodhi Tree

[underthebtree]

Will success and happiness find you?

So you have set you mind to make some sort of change?

You want your life to be different, so you have thought of the things that you could be, do and have?

You might have even set some intentions around all of this,

GREAT!!

Congratulations, you have actually done way more already that the average punter – choosing to live your life consciously and deliberately.  This is truly a wonderful journey that you are now on, one filled with creativity, wonder and MAGIC

Unless,

Unless?

Yes, unless you make the decision that you are going to bring awareness to HOW you are going to treat yourself on the journey towards your highest aspirations, because it is not only what you do, it’s also how you do it, that will make the difference to how you FEEL on your journey!!

When looking back on my life, I see that I have been very conscientious in the achievement of my goals, really if I haven’t achieved it its because I haven’t truly set my mind towards the realisation of the goal.  I don’t say this to impress you, but to give weight to what I am about to say…..

Despite achieving everything that I have set out to achieve, and more, this has not been the root cause of happiness. In fact, with increasing responsibilities and obligations, at times it has seemed like the root cause of my UNHAPPINESS!

It has not been kicking goals and box ticking that has allowed me to step into a life of ease and flow, where I truly get to live my passion and purpose,

No.

The single most important step towards happiness has been for me to consider the ESSENCE of what it is that I am aiming for – the goal within the goal, within the goal, within the goal.  Yes deep down the rabbit hole to the CORE of my being, there lies a true calling and reason for my being and doing

For me?

Why thank you for asking!!

For ME this is Freedom!

Freedom, period.  You could go on the say emotional freedom, freedom of expression, creative freedom, financial freedom – yes, I mean all of this and likely way more than I could possibly fully articulate.

It was only when I realised that it is my drive towards freedom that has been my main driver, the deep current that has shaped my decision making, even when I didn’t really know this to be the case, that I truly started to TRANSFORM my relationship with my aspirations,

And more importantly,

My relationship with MYSELF!!!

It was really only when I could fully embrace and accept that my main driver is freedom that I could truly begin to make the right decisions (for me) and change the single most important aspect of my experience:

My relationship with the NOW.

Where I could allow, rather than PUSH.

Where I could BE, rather than feel like I need to be doing all the time.

Where I could truly accept that everything really is perfect.

 The deeper currents of your being

We all have a deep current that is guiding each and every one of us, like the deep and unseen currents that drive the waters of the ocean around the globe.  At some point we have learned to SWIM AGAINST this current!? If you have ever tried to pit yourself against the ocean you just know who is going to win, and yet we so often do this with the deep currents of our lives.

Well surely it is obvious that you are making a rod for your own back!  Surely it is evident that it is in fact FUTILE – (please don’t make me use my Borg reference here to reinforce this point!!)

Ok, it has to happen

Resistance, is indeed futile!  And likely even more compelling to you might be the fact that it is PAINFUL and will contribute to the perpetuation of your unhappiness and dissatisfaction with your life,

No matter what you achieve,

No matter how successful you are in kicking those goals,

Until you begin to tune into the reason WHY you are doing all of these things, to recognise your own deep current that is the TRUE DRIVER of everything that you do, then life will only ever feel robotic and disconnected,

Because you are in fact robotic and disconnected!

Moving through life according to what you THINK is important, rather than truly acting on what IS important.

Remaining on automatic pilot, rather than tapping into your authentic self, which is the well-spring of joyful living.

You remain disconnected from yourself and that which matters MOST to you in your life, and THAT my friend is a TRAVESTY!  This is not something I want for you, because this kind of living is soulness and feels pointless, and there is just so much MORE to experience in life,

When you can appreciate what is truly driving you and using THIS as your decision making filter:  is this ultimately leading me towards freedom (insert your own value here!)?

Yes,

Or,

No.

Simple!

So if you have not done so already, please make the commitment to yourself to begin to tap into the DEEPER current that is driving you in your life – the ultimate reason why you do ANYTHING!  It is only then that you can start to make the right decisions (for you) and step into a life that is truly rewarding and a joy to behold. 

THIS is what I want for you, to be able to KNOW YOURSELF that much more such that you can set to work – the REAL WORK – that you are here to do.  To bring your unique self into the world more and more, such that you can shine like the star you were born to be!!

Many blessings and magic to you today

As always, remember that Bodhi starts with you

Toni-Anne

PS: How many times in your life have you had the chance to have a second bite at the carrot? cherry? or is it cake?  I don't know, but anyway, how many times do you get a second chance to take a lost OPPORTUNITY,

one that you just know you should have taken the first time,

that you then know you absolutely NEED to take if it were to be offered up again!!

Well this is EXACTLY the position you are in today - with the opportunity to jump into Your life, be design - our FREE WORKSHOP that offers up the framework for consciously and deliberately creating your fabulous and best life!

We got rained out yesterday and so completed only HALF of the workshop and so I am opening it up again to those who were kicking themselves for having missed it the first time!

If that was you, or if you are hearing about it now for the first time, make sure you don't miss this opportunity and jump on it today!

Click on the pic to come and play!

  PPS: Please share along if you would like to share the love!!!

  Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services. 

[underthebtree]

No thanks, but I will be over here if you want to come and play!!

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should

Just because you can doesn’t mean that you need to.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean that it is right?

Believing that you are letting other people down when you choose to focus on you is never easy.  Let’s be upfront with this and get that out of the way, right off the bat.  It is never easy and of course, if you are like me, then you want to be liked (or loved) by everyone!!! The trouble is, if you have your own goals, purpose, mission and you are making these your top priority, then at some point you will end up at a crossroads, where life is testing you.

Life will ask you, well what (or who) are you going to choose?

Do you choose to commit to your passion and purpose work?

Do you commit to taking the steps that will allow you to ultimately succeed in your chosen endeavour?

Do you commit to what YOU KNOW INSIDE OF YOU are your priorities?

Of course it sucks to disappoint people (if that's even what you are doing!), and of course if you had a choice that you would have unlimited time and energy to do everything fun and fabulous in your life, however the reality is that life will at some point ask you to choose. 

And the choice you will make will be absolutely determined by whether or not you BELIEVE that what you have committed to is worthwhile,

Whether you believe in yourself enough,

And whether or not you believe that you are IMPORTANT enough to be a priority in your own life!

End of story.  Because the reality is, unless you believe you are important enough, you will go on putting everyone else first, and yes they might go on to benefit from your contribution, and that is absolutely fabulous, but unless this action is in TOTAL ALIGNMENT with your goals too, then this WILL come at a cost to you and you will sacrifice the progression towards your own success.

There is no way around this – success means making  what appear to be difficult decisions.

However they are only difficult if you are

a)      Not clear on your ACTUAL goals and priorities

And

b)      You are not valuing yourself enough to actually see that your priorities matter !

 The hero's journey

If you are not prepared to be a fierce protector of your time, energy and resources,

If you are not valuing your time and energy expenditure,

If you are not single-minded in your focus,

Then this will absolutely reflect in the progression towards your goals; If you are unclear, wishy washy, and dithering, then this be directly reflected in your results,

And worse still

Life (and people) will not show you the respect and you deserve and are likely to treat you as the dithering mess that you are!!

If you are not valuing yourself enough to be the warrior protector of your goals, aspirations and dreams, then the reality is that your energy will be so diffused, your momentum compromised, your results can and will only ever be mediocre (if that!).

So yes, once committed to a path you absolutely MUST learn and practice discernment – for your own good, and the good of your hopes and dreams.  Your capacity to recognise the absolute HIGHEST and best use of your time to further the progression towards that which matters most is ESSENTIAL.

 Some Facts

You can’t do everything

You can’t be all things to all people

If you try, you will sacrifice relationships along the way – either relationships with others when you eventually get resentful and cranky OR with yourself when you run yourself down for not achieving what matters to you.

These are some of the realities of life – and likely one of the MAJOR reasons that people do not make consistent progression towards their goals – they compromise on what matters most! They convince themselves that compromise is a part of life, and that they should be flexible.

I call bullshit!

Yes, compromise is important – but you NEVER compromise on your purpose. Never.

There are some things about which you just cannot compromise – sure there can be some flexibility to make sure it is SUSTAINABLE progression

But COMPROMISE? No.

To quote Sunny: NEVERRRRRRRR!!!!

Laser focus. Steady and consistent progression. Discernment and preservation of your energy such that everything you have goes into the things that are the MOST important, and if you just know that something is going to take all you have and it is NOT one of your top priorities

IT JUST HAS TO BE A NO!

Hurt feelings, disappointments, maybe even conflict! This is all par for the course when you are living your purpose because there will come a time when you have to say no to things that look like opportunities but are just too costly, in terms of time and energy, to the ultimate realisation of your highest goals.

The people who understand this and support you in this will be your kind of people, because they are purpose driven too!! Those who do not support you, are not your kind of person, and they will just naturally fade away as you continue to evolve!

When you are living your purpose, people will want your energy and time, and that is wonderful!  You can just have your loving ‘no thanks’ all prepared, with the invitation that "I will be over here doing this fabulous thing if you want to come and play!!!"

As always, remember that Bodhi starts with you

Toni-Anne

PS: Have you heard about a FREE WORKSHOP coming up?  Ready to learn more about lifestyle design and living your purpose?  Clarity.  Mission. Purpose.  All working towards the happy life you so desire?

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  Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services. 

[underthebtree]

You say you want to be happy, but do you really??

This sounds like a ridiculous question, but it is not.  There really are people out there who are unwittingly committed to life of misery, or if not misery, then at least a ‘good enough’ kind of mediocrity. 

Or perhaps it is not even good enough, perhaps there is a certain amount of dissatisfaction, but it is not at the severity level that gives the rocket fuel to step into the unknown and to make that god awful – to be avoided at all costs – thing that we all know needs to happen, the thing that we will put it off for as long as possible.  You guessed it, that thing called

CHANGE!!!

It is so amazing to me how on the one hand we can ask for something – please let me be happy, wealthy, thin, fulfilled – and yet we will try to make this change from the very paradigm from which we the problem AROSE!  Effectively we are saying to the universe, please let me be happy but change nothing!!!

You might be subconsciously thinking:

Please let me be happy, and yet continue to put everyone and everything else first;

Please let me be happy, but continue to be a door mat;

Please let me be fulfilled but to never actually consider what I desire and NEED in order to bring this to fruition!

You may not actually say this, but you can guarantee that on some level you are acting and operating AS IF these things are true.  You don’t need to actually articulate this consciously in order for you to be playing this out as a truth, and subsequently getting the results in alignment with this!

This was so very obvious to me towards the end of last year, where I had stopped listening to what was fun and exciting, and had slipped back again into old habits of obligation.

Old habits that say:

I said I would, so I should

I don’t want to let people down,

I'm OK, I don't need anything, others are more important.

 And old habits of fear

What if I do what feels right, and I cease to be of significance,

What if I fail because I choose to listen to how I am feeling (tired, cranky, irritable!!)

What if I am really actually being LAZY!!!

 So pushing myself out of alignment and flow into that crazy, stressed out working mother role that was my role model growing up, seeing it but feeling absolutely at a loss as to what to do about it:

 I don’t want to give it up, but I also want to be happy!!!

So this begs the question, what did I see that I was having to give up?

What exactly did I see that I would have to SACRIFICE (and therefore I my mind not be happy) in order to be happy!!  You can see why this was a sticking point!

The sacrifice required in this case was, you may have guessed, was being all things to all people,

ISPO FACTO  (side note - yes my whole blogging career has been working up to the moment where I could slip this term in – I just love it)

Leaving nothing for me!!!

I was really being confronted with my tendency to put everyone else first:

Fearing what others think of me,

Wanting to be liked,

Bending over backwards to please others,

Subjugating my needs,

Trying to be a small and convenient as possible.

These are all things so deep within my conditioning so as to be all but invisible to me

AND

Are all things that are at the core of my own unhappiness!!

So in my endeavours to make myself happy by living my passion and purpose, but doing it from the old paradigm of 'everyone else is more important', you can see how this is like oil and water; like wrong ends of the magnet trying to connect but they JUST NEVER WILL!!!

It will just never work!

 So what to do when you are confronted with yourself?

What to do when you are confronted with your Gollum – the thing you cling to that is actually the very thing making you sick???

The answer is obvious when you are really honest with yourself and you finally admit that you will never be able to see the back of your own head!

ASK FOR HELP!!!

Of course you need to enlist someone who sits outside your paradigm – someone who can see the back of your head very clearly and report back on the birds nest that you may very well have going on there!!!

Of course that is the answer – is it a simple straight forward solution, RIGHT?  Well you would think so, BUT if once again your habit is to put everyone else first……

AGHHHH, does it ever end?

Well yes, I can and it does.  It really just takes the recognition of the pattern – ok I am expecting that I will do it all, no support, and just suffer the consequences.  But if you remember,

You do not exist in a vacuum

If you are depriving yourself of what you need then EVERYONE around you suffers!!

This is a truth and one that the self-sacrificing, subjugating part of you will try to hide from you.  It really hurts no one else, you might hear yourself say.

I call BULLSHIT

Of course it hurts others because

A)     You are not all that you can be for them – your light is dim and dull (or cranky and irritable as it will be when you are not taking care of yourself)

B)      And you are not all you can be for YOURSELF – your art and your magic WILL SUFFER and you will not feel that you are flourishing, because quite frankly, you are not!

So you can call bullshit on your own patterns, if you are truly committed to being HAPPY, because the reality is that if you are not fulfilled and happy now, then OF COURSE things need to change.

Of course they do, you just absolutely need to be clear that you are changing the right things!!  You can change the external things that you do but if you do them in the same way, that is from the same mindset and expectations, then you will only ever RECREATE what you have always had on the inside!!!

That is, your external world might LOOK different, but you will FEEL the same.

And if you want to feel happy, when you currently do not, then of course HOW you do things, and how you are treating yourself, will obviously need to change.

So having said all of that you are of course at a decision point,

TRULY decide that you are committed to your happiness, make a DECISION that you will commit to whatever change that this requires, and then take action,

OR

Stay the same.

Simple and elegant.

Neither is right or wrong- they are just your options.

I know the choice that I made, what will you decide for you?

Love and light, and as always

Remember that Bodhi starts with you

Toni-Anne

PS:  We have something BIG coming your way very soon - within the week in fact - and you are absolutely going to love this!!! So stay tuned and watch out for the Live-stream coming your way on Saturday where I will make the announcement!

PPS:  Please share along if you think others will benefit from our work here

PPS: Have you joined our community? In all the busyness of life, make sure that you never miss what we have going on my joining us today

  Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services. 

[underthebtree]

Take time to run your chaos or your chaos will run you

Toward the end of last year, I have to admit, was on the lam.

I was on the run.

I was in the wind!!!

Well that is what I like to tell myself as it sounds totally badass and it sounds far better than plain old disorganised!!!  But what was a reality, unbeknownst to me as I wasn’t paying attention, was that I was flagrantly and blatantly ignoring (from their perspective) the tax department

Gasp

Shock

Draw in breath now!

The audacity of it hey?  How very dare I! But to be honest, and this is the crazy part, is that I was just too busy creating my art and magic in the world to respond (actually even read) their increasingly demanding emails.

Seriously, I just don’t have time for that, so I tell myself.  Really it is just that I don’t want to HAVE to make time for that, I just don’t want to.  So yes, this is the tantrumming, three year old part of myself that says

But it's‘boring’

Do I have to?

 If I ignore it, then will it go away?

Well obviously the answer is no, and so what I finally read my emails thinking, gee I keep getting messages to check my emails maybe it’s important, only to realise I was about to be referred on to the debt collectors!!

Oopss!!

A bit of oversight one might think.

Now with my debt promptly paid, I can come back out of hiding and review what happened there, and basically it comes down to the question:

Are you making space and room for your art and magic AND taking care of the chaos of your day to day life?

For me this was a definite NO and this obviously needs to be reviewed otherwise I might very well be writing this from the slammer for tax evasion (sorry I was wielding my art and magic into the world your honour, sure hun, clink!!!).

Anyhoo, this does bring up the question of what to do with all the boring but essential stuff that is part of life, the have to’s that are a FACT ( albeit an unwelcome one), the chaos that needs to be managed otherwise it does come to rule you.  When it comes to the non-negotiables it comes down to two options:

Change your situation

OR

Change your attitude

So in this case I could either suck it up and just do it, knowing that this is what ALLOWS me the freedom to do what I want to do in the world (waa waa waa, first world problem, now just do it please madam)

OR

I could outsource – employ someone to do this for me, someone who’s magic IS to organise the unorganisable, someone who loves numbers and keeping the books all balancing and tidy.  Not my strength but I know there are people who just feel that this is the shiz and would eat up the opportunity to whip me into shape.

Obviously there is no getting around this, so these are the two options.

I COULD choose to get all sad and shameful about how crap I am at that stuff, how I SHOULD be more organised, how will I ever get anywhere when I can’t even do something as simple as pay my tax (or read an email) but I have ACCEPTED that this is not my strength, that there is EVERYTHING I would rather do than to sit down and make sure I am legit, and yet I also like to be on the right side of the law and certainly don’t like the idea of running away from the po po!!

The other MAJOR MOTIVATOR is that I just know that on a whole other level, that I cannot grow my business and life in the way that I want until this gets a bit more streamlined.  I need systems in place that support the administrative side of life as, although I resist it, I just LOVE to feel organised around this stuff.

It is a bit like the housework – love living I a clean house, hate housework.  What are my options, well hire a cleaner of course!!

So the realisation that by NOT attending to this side of life, by ignoring the chaos to the point where it was ruling me, that this limits my GROWTH, and more specifically my growth towards FREEDOM

Well now you are speaking my language as freedom is my number one value in every aspect of life

Time

Financial

Communication

Lifestyle

Health

This is my number one motivator and really you can’t have total chaos and freedom; chaos is just the right kind of crazy making that feels like an insanity all of it’s own.

 So my invitation to you is to consider:

Where in your life is your chaos running you?

Where is your chaos draining your energy and creating the rumblings (or shouts) of it’s own kind of insanity?

What needs your attention and now gets to be problem solved so that you can FREE UP your time and energy to work your magic in the world?

Simple, no complaining, just do it and free yourself up to focus on what REALLY matters to you, which can only happen when the ‘back-end’ is running smoothly!

From a very practical sense, always remember that Bodhi starts with you

Toni-Anne

PS: Something wonderful, this way comes!!!  A FREE WORKSHOP is heading your way soon and I just know that you are going to want this one, with lots of extra bonus goodies attached.  I am still working on what is going into this one but suffice it to say that it will set you up for

YOUR BEST YEAR YET!!!

If you haven't already subscribed, you can do so now and be the first on the list to be a part of this workshop

PS: Please share along if you know others who will benefit from our work here Under the Bodhi Tree

[underthebtree]

In trying to be everything to everyone, you end up being nothing to no one!

2017, what a year that was for me.  Launching my ‘bricks and mortar’ business, so I call it, into the online space.  A total novice, not really sure at all what I was doing.  Knowing that to really make a difference on the scale that is required for attitudes to shift towards anxiety and depression, this was absolutely my next step.

What I didn’t predict, and if you have read any of my former posts you will know that with any change you can always predict surprise and (hopefully) delight on your journey, was the metamorphosis I would now get to undergo as a result of my creating Under the Bodhi Tree.  What I could never have predicted, being totally naive to engaging in the online space in this way, was that I would now get to undergo a massive transformation and begin to share a message that is deeply needed, heart felt, and is my passion driven purpose work.

What I also could not have predicted was that the deep dive creative process would actually be a deep dive into my own conditioning and ways of being in the world – where I not only started to understand myself better but I started to understand my mission and purpose all the more.  This in itself has made my work to date totally worth it as I now better understand the things that have limited me, stunted my growth and progress, and stopped or at least slowed the message getting out there as I just know, deep in my bones, that it needs to.

You might ask then, what is the culmination of all of this work?  What is the upshot that has made all the sacrifice so worth it?

CLARITY!

With each and every blog post and course that I wrote and delivered in 2017, with every livestream that I did, I was gradually refining, honing and gaining a clarity that I WOULD NOT HAVE if I had have just sat around and waited for clarity to come to me.  It was the PROCESS of creating that has allowed for a new clarity to come to me along with the realisation that

If you try to be all things to all people, you end up being nothing to no one!

Now this seems harsh, but it is a truth because if you don’t have laser clarity around your message, your purpose and the magic that you are here to work in the world, then you will spread yourself too thin and inevitably weaken the message; a message that needs to be shouted so people will listen and hear, otherwise it turns into little whispers that get drowned out in this noisy world of ours.

So if this resonates with you, and you have read this far, then it is likely that you will want to stay tuned because the message coming through for 2018 is one of

Empowerment

Liberation

SELF-ACUTUALISATION of your potential

The obvious by-product being HAPPINESS!

This is weird for me to say, as this is what I have always believed and known to be my calling, from the very first time I read about Abraham Maslow and his hierarchy of needs, I just knew that my purpose here was to help people move beyond states of survival mode into the higher states of self-actualisation.  However it has never been as clear as it is now, and I can see how all the pieces of the puzzle fit together, including the 10 plus years working in a clinical setting where survival mode and a revolving door of un-wellness is perpetuated (and possibly enabled!).

I am feeling totally excited to bring you this updated and refined message and I genuinely thank you for joining me on this journey to every increasing clarity.  It has been humbling to see all the new faces that have joined our community, and to see very familiar faces return to me via the world wide web, this is truly a wonder of our age and one to be embraced!

Massive love and light to you as we step into the awesome opportunity that is 2018, I am ready to bring on the magic!

Remember, Bodhi starts with you

 Toni-Anne

PS: Have you joined our community? Massive excitement and transformation coming your way so jump on board now and be kept in the loop

[underthebtree]

Yesterday I had the experience of LOVE!

Have you ever had that experience of feeling that someone has gone into the darkest reaches of your thoughts, feelings and experience and read your mind?

Saying exactly the thing that you have been thinking, the very thing that nourishes you from the inside out?

Reflecting back to you all that feels good and RIGHT, and doing it with such grace and ease and POETRY that you instantly feel your soul jumping for joy as you just know that you have found a kindred spirit – you have found truth?

Well this happened yesterday, for me.  With all the writing, reflecting, journaling, meditating, praying, around this process of conditioning: how we are conditioned to believe in our worth, our capacity, our PLACE IN THE WORLD!  How this is just taken for granted, never questioned because it is

DEEP

In the blind spot

Such that you have to be an archaeologist/ miracle worker to reach some of the buried treasure that is there to be found - such that when it is found it does feel like a massive RELIEF – but it is also like YES I just knew that it was there!!

It was there all along but you just couldn’t see it because of how DEEPLY it was buried – yet on the other hand how it is HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT!!!

How sneakily this brainwashing happens in plain sight – like it has nothing to fear because we are all hypnotised – it can literally shake itself in front of us, taunting us, and we just cannot see it because of how NORMAL it all is!!

So how it this all done? This brainwashing that is hiding in plain sight?  The conditioning that is so damaging because it creates and maintains power structures between the ‘have’s’ and the ‘have nots’; the conditioning that is so toxic because ultimately it is internalised and we DO IT TO OURSELVES so it becomes self-perpetuating!?

Well really it is a new consciousness – a new way of looking at the world that brings an awareness to the self and how it sits in relationship to everything in and around it,

Drawing attention to the singular ‘I’ that we have all been lead to believe is there, removing or blinding us to the collective ‘we’,

Blinding us to crucial conversations about the SELF that in fact ARISES in a very specific CONTEXT, such that whether you feel

Empowered

Worthy

ENOUGH

is determined by the context within which you find your SELF!  The reality is that the self, who you know yourself to BE, is actually born out of relationship – it is a relational self - there is in fact no singular, separate I that we have all been indoctrinated to believe.  No.  The self is relational

The relational ‘I’,

And to truly begin to be aware of this gives birth to a whole different way of being in the world where power structures begin to dissolve, where you can see that things arise in CONTEXT and makes sense given your ENVIRONMENT and how you speak to yourself.  It is a new level of consciousness

RELATIONAL CONSCIOUSNESS

So what does this all mean?  It means that you cannot separate yourself from your environment, nor can you separate your identity, who you know yourself to be, from your experiences – the self does and only ever will, arise in context.

The reason WHY this is so difficult to see and appreciate is that the way in which the we maintain this belief that we are separate is through LANGUAGE – the English language itself, and how it uses the concept of I, and how this separates us from our environment and LITERALLY robs us of our agency, our capacity to act in our own best interests.  Language will tell us 

I am confident

I am powerful

I am successful

OR NOT

And if you perceive yourself to be none of these things, it will tell you that this is BECAUSE you are none of these things – how the English language is used will tell you that your character traits are YOURS - fixed and stable - you either have them or you don’t.  Rather than these self-concepts arising within a context BECAUSE of the experiences that you have had – it is actually an EMERGING self – one that is constantly being created and re-created!!

This is why people get so tripped up when they have experiences that result in actions that they perceive our out of character - their actions fly in the face of who they BELIEVE they are – the concept of self was falsely fixed within them – I am confident – rather than arising and emerging from the context

This confidence that I felt,

This loss of confidence which I experience now,

If I were to regain a sense of confidence, what would need to be happening?!

This places confidence in the middle of the conversation NOT THE SELF!! The self is being constantly shaped and evolved throughout the lifespan, for good or ill, and this is dependent on the experiences you have and the context within which you find yourself.  The traits that you have thought are fixed, are JUST NOT, they are in a state of flux.  So if you are on the side of the powerful – confident, strong, successful – well this is BECAUSE the environment supports you to feel this way – possibly you have taken action to ensure that that

“This confidence that I experience is well supported and maintained “

"When my confidence is undermined, I will consider and question what needs to happen so that it can be regained – if confidence were to return, what would be happening that is different from right now?"

This again places confidence in the middle of the conversation, and it becomes something that we can have agency around – it is something that we can now work with!!  This removes the power structure around the have’s and the have nots – making it such that this is something that we can all experience given the right LANGUAGE around it, and an entirely difference CONSCIOUSNESS of the relational self.

This in part goes a long way to understand the concept of LEARNED HELPLESSNESS – where someone is put in a situation where they cannot escape the damaging circumstances, they will come to the belief that they are helpless, nothing can be done here.  If the damage is being done by the very language that you speak and how this maintains ‘power over’ type relationships, then of course there is no escape!!

You ultimately become the victim and the perpetrator!!

So the only real option is to bring an enquiring mind to how you have been taught to think about yourself and the 'I', and whether this is one of empowerment (or not!),

This relates to Carol Dweck’s research around the growth mindset,

It relates to Dan Seigal’s research around the ‘relational brain’,

Yes.

But most importantly in places LANGAUGE, and how we use it, as the mechanism by which things can and will change for you – in the now – as you begin to see how your use of language to SEPARATE the self only serves to disempower you, and offers up an beautiful alternative where growth and the evolvement of the self is entirely possible!!  Through the relational 'I':

where the confidence, happiness, joy that you seek arises under specific circumstances, where you know you have agency and the capacity to evolve the self and your ideas about your capacities

What would you need to see happening for this confidence, happiness, joy to return to you?

Remember, Bodhi starts with you

 Toni-Anne

PS: If you love what you have read, please pass it along - it is always appreciated!

PPS:  Have you joined our community?  Why not join us today!!

  Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services. 

[underthebtree]

Learning, growing, EXPANDING!!

How often have you felt frustrated with yourself with the knowledge that you are not achieving all that you think you should or could?

How often have you looked at the changes you plan to make and thought that it should be EASY to make the change you so desire, to EXPAND yourself and your life, only to find that it is so much more difficult that you expected?

Maybe you have made the attempts to move in your desired direction, only to be tripped up and somehow you have fallen back into old habits?

This is such a well-trodden path – the process of changing habits that leads to feelings of failure, disheartenment and DISILLUSIONMENT!! Where you might give up because it has seemingly not worked, where you take this as evidence that you have not done it right and perhaps that you are not meant to have it at all!!

If you were to really look at it and question what has happened, why your attempts may not have resulted in the desired outcome, you could ask:

What were you expecting of yourself around this change, and is this even reasonable?

Have you really given yourself everything that you would need to succeed?

Are you taking yourself and your desired outcomes SERIOUSLY!!!

Do you really think that the goal or intention is important enough FOR YOU such that you will move heaven and earth to make it happen, regardless of what needs to change around you to support you?  Because we all like to think that we live in a vacuum – what we decide to do for US is only going to impact us – but this is not true at all!! When you decide to make a change it is both reasonable and necessary to think about the CONTEXT within which the change is being made and think about

Who else might be impacted by the change AND how can you muster up their SUPPORT for you to make this change?

What roles do you play or expectations do you have that might sneak in and try to stop you or sabotage your attempts?

AND how might these need to be adapted to your new intentions such that you are ULTIMATELY SUPPORTED to make the change, by you and others?

What do you REALLY NEED, both internal and external resources, to make the change and make it stick!!

Because it is quite possible that your expectations are unrealistic, that you expect that you can do it all yourself and that nothing and no-one else needs to change around you to support this NEXT LEVEL YOU, and this is just not the case!

It is an energy thing – if you are in expansion and those around you are either staying the same (OR god forbid – CONTRACTING!!!), then your energy levels will no longer be compatible.  Furthermore, if you expect NOTHING to change either within our outside of yourself, then you have missed the point entirely because when you set your intention to achieve a goal, what you are INVITING IN is change!!

You will change,

Those around you will also now get to change,

Your environment will also CHANGE,

As you open up to new people, possibilities and experiences – EXPANSION!!!

But it is funny how so often an intention is set to achieve a goal, with the underlying desire that NOTHING CHANGE, no one notices, or that no one is apparently inconvenienced – it is the quiet, apologetic movement towards your goals with the hope that no ripples will be created that impact others and your world!

However, when you begin to take action towards ANYTHING NEW, the ripple effect starts in motion!  The only thing you need to decide is, when you start to receive push back or the notifications that this is the NEXT THING you now get to change – will you heed the call and give yourself what you need to be able to continue on your path,

Or will the push back, maybe even the tidal wave that is the response to your little ripple, be the very thing that sets you back to your old normal?!

Because with any stone dropped in the pond, there will be a ripple effect – your change WILL create further changes with your AND in the external world!  If you hold on to outdated, preconceived notions of how things ARE and SHOULD BE, then it will be a tough road for you AND you may very well give up on your hopes, dreams, desires and LIFE PURPOSE!

So with any change you could ask yourself – are you really prepared to give yourself what you need to succeed?  Whatever that is for you – and you may not be aware of exactly what this is at the beginning, but it will be absolutely made APPARENT to you as you begin to progress.

Your job is to be alert to the signals that things are not working and that perhaps your environment needs to change to come up to SUPPORT YOU:

This is entirely reasonable – as a growth oriented person it is totally reasonable to expect others to love and support your intentions and goals.

This is entirely necessary – otherwise you will feel like you are pushing shit up hill, making the attainment of your goals aversive rather than exciting, invigorating and INSPIRING!!!

It is entirely POSSIBLE – when you have the right people around you who believe you are worthy of support and love, then they will OF COURSE move heaven and earth to give you what you need,

BECAUSE they understand the FUNDAMENTAL REALITY that we are all connected – your happiness is their happiness and vice versa!!  So of course it is possible to have people support you, to have LIFE support you, and for things to change for the better, FOR EVERYONE. 

So you could begin to question – are you ready, willing and able to give yourself what you need in order to achieve all that you desire – whatever support you need, whatever change that needs to be made, no matter who else might be impacted - can you begin to give yourself what you need to ensure that you are supported to make your desires a reality?   

This is the true test that will let you know whether or not you are ready to make the change to achieve the goals you think you want!

As always, remember that Bodhi starts with YOU

 Toni-Anne

  PS: Just a little hint of what is to come - VERY SOON - that will take your 2018 to a whole new level of you being you!! If you have felt shackled and bound and you are ready to give yourself that you need to succeed - to really step into your potential - then you are going to absolutely WANT THIS!! Must have - no more skimping on that which is most important - no! If you know it is time to take action and stop treating your dreams and aspirations - what is MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU - like some sort of hobby then stay tuned - I am super excited to bring this to you very soon!!!

Remember, the rising tide raises all ships - the only question you have to answer is - are you ready to begin to rise with me?

Do you really want this change for YOURSELF?

It is time, are you with me?

Stay tuned!!

PPS:  Please share along if this has resonated with you!!

PPS: Have you joined our community? Join now to be kept in the loop 

Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services. 

[underthebtree]

Are you apologetically fitting in your most important work into the slices of time carved out of the bare bones of what is left, after everyone else has picked over the carcass?

I think we all tend to live with a dichotomy within us; the person we think we are, would like to be, and the person we actually are on the inside!  The person that we actually are is often so shrowded in shame and guilt that it never sees the light of day – we just never really want to take it out of the closet and give it a run because these are all the parts that we have been told:

You can’t

You shouldn’t

This is not right/ good/ proper.

I think we all live with this dichotomy and along with this comes conflict arising out of the incongruence- on some level you know that who you are and how you are on the outside is not really who you are on the inside.  This creates conflict and the dishonesty with yourself can be palpable – both to yourself and to others!

In recent weeks there has been a call to action – to stand up and take a look at what you really want in your life and to really commit to taking action,

And while this is an important call – the most important call because it comes from your soul – I wonder if you have actually heeded this call or have you just let it slip through to the keeper, BECAUSE there is a lot of stuff that this call might have to get through in order for you to be able to really hear it clearly

Honestly

Truly!

And even when you think you might have heard it clearly, there is always more – deeper layers where you realise that you have not been completely honest with yourself

Deeper layers where you are SCARED to truly go after what you want because you have been told, in one way or another, that it is not right to even want this in the first place! That you continue to tell yourself that going after what you want MUST come with a sacrifice to others and is therefore not worth it because others ‘should’ always come first.  That you put your dreams on hold or agree to go at a snails pace so as to not inconvenience anyone – God forbid anyone else be put out by you doing what is MOST important to you!

No.

So you agree, within yourself, that you are the one to make the sacrifice,

You agree that you will not put anyone else out – even if they will ultimately benefit from what you achieve,

You agree to not be too aspiring because that is not ladylike – that is not how it is done!

And there it is – the reality of what has inspired the writing over the last few weeks, and perhaps longer:

What does it take to be a modern woman with aspirations and dreams? 

With a conditioning that has the deepest of roots around how intelligent you are allowed to be, how successful, how aspiring, and whether it is OK to put these things ahead of other seemingly more ladylike priorities –

Being the helpmate

Being the one that supports

Being the one that is always considered last

The one that ultimately does what can only be defined as the ‘shit bits’ – the bits that no one else wants to do – as these things are still seemingly the domain of women – even if they are self-appointed responsibilities and roles. To be subservient, subjugated, apologetic and passive – especially when it comes to going after what matters most TO YOU!!

Yes there are a variety of things that are important in a balanced life.  However, for me it has become glaringly obvious that what I have been putting on the back burner, what I have been subjugating so that I can do all the ‘shit bits’ because I have absorbed this to be my role, really what gets put on hold is the work that my heart and soul is calling me to do!

I have been treating my highest goals as a hobby – something that I fit in around everything else that is apparently more important!

Then questioning why I am so exhausted

Questioning why I feel unappreciated

Questioning why I feel so damn frustrated!

When all the time it has been me putting what I WANT MOST on the bottom of the pile, that then has to get done at the most ungodly hours of the day, otherwise I would never get to it.

Not because other hours of the day wouldn’t work – of course they would,

But I have made it impossible to work because I had set it up that way – if others get all of my time while they are awake, then I will sacrifice my own sleeping hours so that I can get to me!  Apologetically fitting in the most important work into the slices of time carved out of the bare bones of what is left after everyone else has picked over the carcass!!

Hmmm, pretty grimm picture!

So why the apology?

Why the subjugation?

Why would I not consider what I have to do in the world as equally important?

Why would I expect to fit what I want in around others, not expect to have a helpmate while expecting myself to be exactly that for others – why would I not expect reciprocity?!

Even when I have a ready, able and WILLING helpmate - I still hold on to the bullshit story that to be valid, I must do it all!  It has to be me, and if I accept help then of course I must feel guilty as fuck about it, because I have broken my own rules!!

The song ‘What it feels like for a girl’ by Madonna really does sum this up around the ongoing perception that women remain, to this day, perceived to be inferior, even by themselves:

Strong inside but you don’t know it

Good little girls, they never show it

When you open up your mouth to speak

Could you be a little weak

This is not something that you even have to learn directly, it is absorbed through osmosis, and then there is compliance – automatic compliance because this is how you should be as a girl/ woman – this is what it means to be a woman.

And this perception of inferiority – that women have a second class role to play –means that they do not follow their own passions with the same vim and vigour as they would if their perception and expectation was that of FAIRNESS!

Is it fair that women would subjugate their own needs, feelings, opinions, hopes and dreams so as to appear feminine, be lady like, function in a relationship and raise families?

Is it fair that women continue to perceive their role to be in the home and live with the fear that it will DAMAGE their children/ relationships/ homes if they were to be fully passionate, badass creatives, leaders, visionaries, entrepreneurs??

Yes the feminist movement has created to space for CHOICE, but women remain shackled by the conditioning  - what they believe they are worth, what they believe they are good for, what the perceive to be their role!

And women keep each other small by back biting, bitching and running off with the smack talk about other women, particularly those who are aspiring, creating and actualizing their talents in the world – because this is what is TRUE, RIGHT and REAL!

This is what all women have available to them when the break out of the 1950’s housewife mold with which they continue to bind themselves with!  And don’t be fooled by how it looks on the surface – you too might have convinced yourself that you are independent, because you go to work, are financially contributing, have your own friends and life – it has nothing to do with this, and everything to do with the question as to whether you feel like you can 

ACTUALISE YOUR FULL POTENTIAL – without scaring the fuck out of everyone around you!

To FULLY be you - to the best of your ability and with what you have in front of you,

To truly bring the full force of YOU into the world,

Unapologetically bringing your talents, abilities and strengths into the world without asking PERMISSION from anyone!!

Or are you busying yourself with the shit bits that you tell yourself need to get done before you can truly live your dreams?  Do you hide behind the security of playing a certain role, the one that you think you should play but it comes at a price – your happiness really being the first casualty of the war!

And if you cannot answer yes, of course you are bringing the full force of you amazingness into the world, you feel strong, empowered, and unapologetically you, then it is likely that you are bound by the conditioning that tells you that you shouldn’t!!

And this is a travesty

I believe it is wrong

And I believe that this is the silent killer of hopes and dreams – complacency around the feminist movement –the MISCONCEPTION that the job of the feminist movement is now done because women now have a choice,

Big fucking whoop if you never actualize this choice because you continue to believe the bullshit around what it means to be a woman

Less than

Not good enough

Second class

Subjugated

Until the internal shackles are broken, we are still chained to the 1950’s or worse – where women are chattels and objects with no opinions worth mentioning or valuing!  Until this changes internally for women, where women expect more from THEMSELVES and are prepared to stand up and take it, unapologetically, the job is NOT DONE!

And women wonder why they are anxious and depressed – why they fall into the worry well!  If you are not actualising your talents and abilities because you downgrade them YOURSELF, of course you are going to suffer for this insult to your own sensibilities!

It really does become a call for ‘wake up, or die’!  Wake up and take action, allow your soul’s purpose to flourish, or at least to have some light and breath, or you will wither away into nothingness, all because of a role you have played perfectly, but one that was WRONG and never actually served YOU in the first place!

Rant over

Go and have a great day, and remember that this is NOT just a post for women – it will take everyone to change the inequity and to create a playground that is FAIR and FUN – for everyone

Love and light

As always, Bodhi starts with you

 Toni-Anne

PS: Just a little hint of what is to come - VERY SOON - that will take your 2018 to a whole new level of you being you!!  If you have felt shackled and bound and you are ready to cut the crap and really step into your potential - then you are going to absolutely going to WANT THIS!! Must have - no more skimping on that which is most important - no!  If you know it is time to take action and stop treating your dreams and aspirations - what is MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU - like some sort of hobby then stay tuned - I am super excited to bring this to you very soon!!!

Remember, the rising tide raises all ships - the only question you have to answer is - are you ready to begin to rise with me?

Do you really want this change for YOURSELF?

It is time, are you with me?

Stay tuned for more deets soon.

 PPS:  Please share along if you have benefited and would love others to share the love!

 Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services. 

[underthebtree]

To boldly go, where you have not gone before!

Have you ever wondered about this thing inside of you, this block that you know is there, but you just can’t quite put your finger on it?  The thing that holds you back, has always held you back – makes you feel small, insignificant, and just plain old unimportant, but you just can’t seem to ‘figure out’ what the hell it is?

It is so deeply ingrained so as to be all but invisible, but you just know it is there!

The kind of block that arises from your earliest conditioning – your deepest learnings - the kind of conditioning that is so hard to see that you nearly miss it, the type of conditioning that tells you what you are worth; the type of conditioning that you just go along with because you just don’t know any better – it is how it is, how it has always been, seemingly how it will always be.  It is in your blind spot such that you might sense something is there, but you just can’t put your finger on what it is!

You sense that it is there, and you notice symptoms -  but you also might notice a deep dark voice inside that tells you NO, you are worth so much more than what you have been giving yourself!

You are worth so much more than how you have been treating yourself;

You are worth so much more that you have been allowing others to treat you;

And yet, you have gone along with it, why?  Because you didn’t know any better?  Because this is what you were told, in one way or another - this is what you are worth?  This is what you are ‘good for’; this is who and how you are (or should be)!  And if this is not you, and you do want more for yourself, then you assume that OBVIOUSLY there must be something wrong with this, right!? Perhaps something wrong with you?

There can’t possibly be anything wrong with what you have been told about you, or what you have concluded and decided about yourself; that couldn’t possibly be wrong, right!?

This is the grey area – are you crazy to believe that you could possibly be worth more than you have been led to believe?  Is it ludicrous that you could possibly ask for more, expect more from yourself, others and life, and to actually go after it?  And this is where you are at the point of processing out some of the deepest and darkest corners of your conditioning –

and it is confusing,

it can be ugly,

and it can be really PAINFUL – as you begin to realise the LIMITATIONS that you have placed on yourself – the restrictions that you have absorbed along the way that keep you tied to mediocrity!

Why would ANYONE choose go there if it is so ugly and painful?  Who would anyone want to question what they have always believed to be true?  Why would anyone want to shine the light on any of this and bring up the painful truth about how ultimately it is you;

YOU, that it is you limiting you.

You telling yourself that you are no good, not worth it, have to settle for second best, to play second, third, fourth fiddle!?

It is you that does this to yourself, and then you might find yourself complaining about how you are unappreciated and devalued, and you might feel the intense frustration of bottled up potential that wants to burst out into the world.  You might feel resentful towards others who you see as limiting you, but it is not others who are actually limiting you – not really.  Only you can do that, only you, and others might be a messenger to help reflect back what you are really doing to yourself – the messenger that COULD help you to look inwards to find the truth within:

That you have hog tied yourself with your expectations, rules, beliefs and decisions that will only ever limit you and ENSURE that you NEVER reach your potential – you have been told something about yourself and you have BELIEVED IT, hook, line and sinker!

So what happens then?

Well quite frankly, you scare people!  All that bottled up rage and resentment is scary as fuck – and that is just down right unpleasant to be around, and no one needs that, especially not you!  So this is where it becomes YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to truly live in alignment with your purpose – do everyone a favour and just admit it

You have plans

You have dreams

You have aspirations

And you need the time, energy and resources to go after them. Period. End of story!!  Others will thank you for it when you become a hell of a lot easier to live with, because the by-product of you being as honest with yourself as you need to be and taking aligned action – is HAPPINESS. The kind of happiness that is a pleasure to be around because it shines from the inside out, from the well spring of the life well lived.

Yes, you are human,

You may not always get it right,

But when you just KNOW that things need to change, you finally listen to the inner workings that tell you it is now time to STEP UP into a more actualised version of yourself, then it is your responsibility to do this, to heed the call.  Make the necessary changes that give you what you need in terms of time, space and resources to do what matters most, to your heart and soul.  Only you can give this to yourself, and others will thank you for it, as this kind of honesty does feel like a breath of fresh air,

To be true to you,

To be authentic,

To be totally honest about what you need and want,

And to have the courage to go after this with everything you have, to claim it as your birthright!

To STOP treating your soul’s purpose as some sort of hobby that you can fit around all of the other bits and pieces that you have in your life.

Because it is your birthright – the culmination of everything that is uniquely you, and to bring that out into the world – is a beautiful thing and some would say the VERY REASON that you were born in the first place!  The very reason that you have experienced all that you have, and found yourself here now, with all of your experiences, knowledge and yes, your PAIN – as this is where the magic happens – through GROWTH.  We only learn and become ANYONE when we have experienced pain – that then gets to be transmuted into pure magic, if you so choose.

And the choice remains yours – with the choice really being to deep dive into the conditioning, to see what is there, and to make a decision to begin to understand yourself  that much better – making any decision that is made with this new knowledge a CONSCIOUS DECSION, and any action taken as a result of the new decisions becoming DELIBERATE ACTION!

And this choice is available in any one moment, and if you miss one, there will always be another.  So stop scaring the hell out of people with your bottled up rage, anger, resentment and just be honest with yourself that you want more.  It is ok,

Permission to ask for more, granted!!

There is no shame is admitting that you want more for yourself – it is perfectly normal to have ASPIRATIONS and to want to stand out – to stand out as uniquely you.  This is fine, and in fact this is more than fine – it is exactly how it is MEANT TO BE!

So have at it, permission to ask for more, permission to go after what you want, permission to let go of a past that no longer serves you, GRANTED!

As always,

Remember that Bodhi starts with you!

Toni-Anne

  PS: If you love what you have read please share along, it is always appreciated!

PPS:  Have you joined our community?  Join us today and receive our weekly Sunday Inspiration - our weekly newsletter that will train your mind towards positivity as a habit!

 Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services. 

   Toni-Anne

[underthebtree]

Do you hear the call of the 'next level' you?

Are you proud of the actions you have taken this year?

Have you been moving towards that which you value most highly?

Are you happy with the results of your actions from this year?

Do you feel like you are working towards your major life goals?

Have you started to think about your direction for next year?

About this time of year, some people will start to do a yearly review, considering how the year has progressed, what worked, what didn’t, what is important for next year, what has ceased to be important and can now be eliminated or stopped, and then to start to plan for next year. 

Are someone who wants more out of life, a dreamer, a driven, conscious CREATOR, someone with ASPIRATIONS for yourself, your family and your community,

And I do hope that this is you because:

"If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got!"

Unknown

Now is the time to begin to do a year review, and further to this, to do a life review – how this year fits into the scheme of your whole life, and what impact does this have on your decision making moving forward.  I am sure that for some, things have happened that were outside of your control that really put a spanner in the works.  For others it may really have been a year of kicking goals and moving powerfully forward.  For others still maybe it was a bit more like groundhog day, where things really didn’t change much – and you now see that as a BIG PROBLEM!!

Whatever it is for you, the reality is that the review is a CRITICAL step in creating a conscious life that is deliberately moving you in a direction that is VALUED.  So often we fall into the trap of doing what is in the slipstream – what comes most easily – and the result is nothing surer than a gradual erosion of your passion, drive and enthusiasm as your hopes and dreams for the future dim and fade. 

Most people avoid operating at the edge of their comfort zone as this is where the adrenaline starts to pump – it feels scary, unknown, UNCERTAIN – but this is where the magic happens – this is where a life that is truly worth living is created! 

Nothing good, vibrant and alive comes from operating within your comfort zone.

Living really starts at the edge, or just beyond the edge, of your comfort zone!

It really is the life half lived when the comfort zone is the boundary condition of your experience.  Even more importantly it is essential to know that comfort zones only ever SHRINK – the more you avoid operating outside of them the more difficult it is to face your fears!!

So if you think you can wait until you feel more ready,

If you think you can wait until you have more courage,

If you think you can wait until the fear dissipates,

Then, sorry to say, but you have misunderstood the workings of the comfort zone!!  The comfort zone is like the over protective parent who does not let you face ANY DANGER thinking that this is in your best interests.  The well-intentioned, but misguided parent, who never wants you to get hurt or feel pain so they never let you do anything that might be a risk. 

This is a failure to understand that this is where real life actually occurs – where true LIVING actually happens – where the magic happens  - because you are truly living as you are meant to – as an innovator, a CREATOR of the life of your choosing.  This looks different for everyone, and so no one can tell you what this looks like.  No one can tell you what is right and wrong for you, and therefore no one can make the decisions for you that will get you there, only you can do this.

And you may not always get it right,

SO WHAT!!

You may make mistakes,

SO WHAT!?

It may take you longer than you would like to get there,

SO WHAT?

If you are living a life of passion and purpose, then the journey is the real reward.  Being able to live in alignment with your values, every single day, is a reward in and of itself.  Your values really just being the compass bearing pointing you towards your true north, the achievements along the way being points at which you may celebrate, and keep on going!! There is a never ‘getting there’ when it comes to the purpose driven life – there is only ever the next step, the next level!!

And this is exciting because you never really know what is possible, you may only ever see the next step, which is ENOUGH!!!

It is enough provided that the next level is motivating enough for you so that you begin to take UNCOMFORTABLE ACTION!  

It is enough, provided that you have made the next level so damn enticing that you will move heaven and earth to get yourself there, because it will not always be comfortable, and in fact discomfort will most certainly be part of it,

So you best learn how to tolerate this so you can live the life that is calling you!!

Because it DOES stop many, the question is, will it stop you?

If it has stopped you in the past, why not do the year review and then make your future planning something so vivid, real and ENTICING that you will not be able to stop yourself from taking action - you simply MUST get moving towards your highest calling and goals.  Set yourself up for success this time - make it a MUST HAVE such that you will absolutely take the action required because that next level is AMAZING, the discomfort totally worth it.

Remember, Bodhi starts with you

Toni-Anne

PS: Please share this along if it has helped you, share the love!!  It is always appreciated.

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  Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services. 

[underthebtree]

What the fuck, surely this CAN'T be my life!!!

Inner conflict

Inner turmoil

The battle within yourself between what you think is good/ bad, right/ wrong.

How this internal battle is waged, sometimes for your whole life, under the surface, just outside of your awareness, that causes so much pain and angst; AMBIVALENCE prevails – you are convinced on some level that you want something, need something, must have it – but then you are all too aware of the costs!  So what do you notice

INDECISION,

Sitting on the fence,

Self-judgement or criticism about your lack of action in your desired area,

And the excruciating awareness that what you truly desire is slipping away from you, or at least you are not moving in the direction that you truly desire, and you just know that, deep down if you were to be really honest with yourself

YOU ARE CREATING THE WRONG LIFE!!!!!

All coming from where?  Your expectations around what you should be doing? Your ideas about how things are done – properly! Your preconceived ideas about what is RIGHT?  What it means to be GOOD?

So often we sacrifice ourselves, our true hopes and dreams – the heart’s desire – all because we BELIEVE that it is in conflict with something else, perhaps something else that we have learned is right or is more important (than YOU). So this creates a conflict, the minute you want to do something for yourself, something that you have learned is not OK because it relates to what you really want and perhaps you have learned that this is

Selfish

Unlady like/ Unmanly

Wrong or bad in some way

Everyone and everything else is really more important, right?

And so your only alternative is to turn away from what is most important to you OR hog tie yourself by NOT going after it with the full gusto and enthusiasm that you truly desire! The result?

Self-Sabotage

Mixed results

Feelings of failure

And ongoing feelings of frustration, fatigue and PAIN

Because the heart wants what the heart wants, no matter what you have learned about it, no matter how wrong, selfish, bad it might seem – we are only truly happy when we are living FULLY In alignment with our values.  So if you have conflicting values, or your values conflict with what you THINK you should want – then WATCH OUT – you are about to hit sabotage town!

This is SOOOOOOO important because it is like one part of you is that enthusiastic puppy who has not been to the beach in weeks, champing at the bit to get going - YESSSSSS let me at it, this is the BEST!!!! Yet the other part is like the dog who just does not want to go for the walk, YOU CAN’T MAKE ME – pulling stubbornly on the lead, digging the heels in and basically sitting on the ground and being that dead weight

You, will not being going anywhere my friend!!

So, for things to be moving forward swimmingly, everyone needs to be on the bus – your values need to be aligned and ANYTHING that conflicts with this – your beliefs, rules, assumptions and expectations ALLLLL need to be in alignment, otherwise

You will sabotage the shit out of your dreams and then, probably worst of all

You will ASSUME that this means that you are not meant to have it – you will take this as EVIDENCE that this is not for you because you have this inner conflict and self-sabotage! You will take all of this to mean you are not meant to have it and give right the fuck up, and THEN

Sadness

Hopelessness

Depression

Yes, it will feel like the life half lived and it will be painful – WHY? Just because YOU give up on it, does not mean that your SOUL does.  Deep down you hear the call, know that your desires are there knocking and patiently waiting for you to realise that yes, THIS REALLY IS IT

No matter what others say

No matter even what YOU say

Even if it is not seemingly a REAL THING

Even if you just made it right up – if you have thought of it, conceived of it, planned for it in ANY WAY – it is a real thing.  And it would seem that it works a bit like this:

Until you get over the hurdle that is right in front of you, right now, life will  not give you anything else!!

Nope. NUDDING! (NT slang for nothing!!).

Until you get past this hurdle, move past the ways in which you sabotage yourself, how you undermine your own progress, how you stop yourself from achieving the next step for you, life will deny you of ANYTHING else worth writing home about.  And so then you will feel sorry for yourself because it will feel like your life sucks, and it probably WILL because you are not actually doing what you are meant to be doing.

You ignore the deep call, you don’t really put in the work you are meant to, you decide to wash the dishes because that is EASY rather than take the first step on your CRUSADE, the one that makes your life interesting, fabulous and MEANINGFUL!

So yes, it will feel like your life sucks, because it is not really the life that you are meant to be living.  Effectively you are living the wrong life, maybe not a bad life in the scheme of things, perhaps you see that it could be worse, but have you asked:

Is it possible that it could be a WHOLE LOT BETTER – if you would just stop and listen and take the RIGHT kind of action – the action that is truly, madly, deeply your NEXT STEP?!!

So what is it for you,

And when do you think you will do it?

Because putting it off until tomorrow or considering it a ‘later in life’ type dream is a HABIT not a reality.  This is a thinking habit that sabotages success and will ENSURE that you never achieve what you truly know is within your heart, because tomorrow type thinking will only stop when you DECIDE that it stops, and when you DECIDE to take action TODAY!

Remember, Bodhi starts with you (today!!)

 Toni-Anne

PS: Have you joined our community?  Sign up today to be part of the magic!

  PPS: Please share along if you love what you have read and want others to benefit too!!

 Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services. 

[underthebtree]

You CAN have it all, right now!

This morning, deciding to sleep in for a change having a bit of extra support at home, I am once again hit with the simplicity of the idea that you can have it all now!! You can have it all right now, when you decide to shift your focus to make it SIMPLE and to invite little bits of the life you desire into your day EVERY DAY! Which can happen today, and even right now.

This does not have to be a total transformation of your life overnight for it to be valid, true, right and real;  waiting for the miracle to arise where your life is EXACTLY the way you want it to be so often gets in the way, as this is NOT HOW IT WORKS! 

We so often look at others, who may be experiencing what is an end product, and say that this is what you want for yourself.  However, what do you know of the journey that got them to where they are today?  What do you know of the journey and the PROCESS that underpins what you might perceive to be success?

If you knew that they had experienced sacrifice, death of loved ones, pain, heart ache, trauma, blood sweat and tears, would you covet THAT aspect of the journey?  And more importantly, would you be prepared yourself to make the commitment to persist, no matter what the circumstances, so as to achieve your ultimate goal?

Although hardship is part of the journey towards success, much of the hardship that is created arises at our own hands – by either wanting the wrong things OR resisting what is your ultimate good.  If your journey towards success is one that feels arduous, painful and just down right difficult, you could ask – ARE YOU EVEN MOVING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION!?

You could also ask, are you inadvertently creating more of the same because you are doing it in EXACTLY the same way that you always have?  This is so often the case, we make massive changes that are a huge investment both in terms of time, energy and money and then go on to create the EXACT SOME THING!! 

Why?

Because you thought that by changing your circumstances that YOU would change?

It is only when you change things INTERNALLY – we change our whole approach to life and to relating to ourselves that things actually start to change.

Nothing changes unless you do – and so all of your efforts to change your circumstances will come to nothing unless you change your mindset –getting clear on what you want SPECIFICALLY, changing how you treat yourself, changing what you expect of yourself and life, changing what you are prepared to do day by day, but more importantly HOW YOU DO IT!

If you approach the thing in the same pressure minded, obligation type way – should, ought to, have to, MUST occupy your thinking – then THIS is what you are creating, no matter how different it might look on the surface – it will end up FEELING THE SAME on the inside.

Which is what really counts, does it not?

You might even go so far as to say – I don’t really care WHAT it looks like, so long as I FEEL whatever it is.  For me it is

FREEDOM,

FLEXIBILITY,

CHOICE

FUN!!!

This is what drives me – and yet I still find myself doing things in ways that are just NOT FUN and do not help me to feel FREE.  These are old, deep roots that seem to bury themselves deep into the centre of the earth – and yet here I am, redirecting these old habits, one root at a time.

And my expectation?  

That with every root that has been redirected, that the semblance of a slip-stream is being created.  That with every action that I take that FEELS FREE, EASY and FUN – that I am moving in EXACTLY THE RIGHT DIRECTION.  Anytime, that it does not feel easy and in flow, one might say that I have wasted my time because it is not my highest value and is therefore not leading me towards my ultimate good!

So what does this look like?  Tuning in and asking myself, in any given moment, am I living in alignment with my highest values? And if not, how could I change things up such that it does feel more free, easy and FUN!?  As this is the space that I want to occupy more and more, these are the states that I am cultivating EVERY SINGLE TIME I occupy those specific states, SO

With anything that feels like an obligation

With anything that feels like a drain or not in ease and flow

I most certainly now get to focus on CHANGING THINGS UP in these areas – this needs attention! NOW!   It needs to be recognised that how you feel when you go about your daily activities is not only determining how you go about your day today, but determines what you are creating for yourself in the future!  Even if what you THINK you are doing is moving in the right direction, if you feel like shit while you are doing it – then this is IMPORTANT!  It needs attention!

So what can you do today to allow yourself to occupy the states that you so crave?

If you believed that these states are available to you RIGHT NOW – how would you change things such that you COULD start to feel them right now?

Want more fun?  How could you change things to feel more fun?

Want more energy?  What do you now get to change to make this a reality?

Want more freedom?  How do you keep yourself bound and chained IN THE NOW such that you feel like a prisoner of your circumstances?

This is all available now, and with a few tweaks  you could start to give yourself PERMISSION to have some of it right now, today!!

And this is then what starts to magnetise more and more good to you – you can start to EXPAND on this more and more – where you might start with 5 minutes today, and then 1 hour next week!  Because you know just how good it feels to begin to give yourself these things, and just how necessary it is to really step into the life that you are creating for yourself.

So why not give it a go today?  What could you give yourself today, to begin to occupy the states that you so desire – if you really believed that you could have it all, right now, if you just chose to do things a little bit differently, what could change for you?

Remember, Bodhi starts with you!!

 Toni-Anne

  PS: Have you joined our community yet?  Join us today and receive your free gift LOVE YOUR WAY HAPPY - 30 days of inspiration and strategy for you to begin to cultivate a life of your choosing!

 PPS:  Please share along if there are others that you think would benefit from this little pep talk!!

  Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services. 

[underthebtree]

You are nothing special!

You, my ‘friend’, are nothing special.

This was the thought that flashed through my mind as my eyes brushed over the mirror one day. Probably not much different from any other day, except this day I actually caught the thought.  I then had a thought about the thought (yes, thinking about thinking IS A THING!)

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT?

Where the fuck did that idea come from?

How long has that been there?

And what kind of mess has this uninvited houseguest been making in my spare room?!

It had not occurred to me before, that this was actually what I had been saying to myself, and at that point, the ‘who do you think you are’ thought started to make a whole lot more sense!! As of course, if you are nothing special, ANY TIME you want to do something cool, exciting, out of the box, the ‘who do you think you are thought’ will be somewhere close to the surface ready to undermine your efforts and sap you of any enthusiasm you might have had

Keeping you in your box

Keeping you small

Keeping you stifled and silenced!

Well I did happen to catch it that day, and I realised that this thought was, lets just say, PRETTY UNHELPFUL! And I began to wonder as to it’s origins; where might such a thought come from?

Well to be honest, such thoughts have always been with me – there has been a lot of trying to get along and look normal, all the while carrying feelings of unworthiness and deep shame at my perceived inadequacies.  In addition to this, I was convinced that I somehow had caused it, that I deserved it – convinced all that was bad about me was my fault.   I must have caused all of this to happen, and so this is only right that I should feel pain, this is your due.  The self-punishment and criticism is how it should be, or needs to be – this is what will correct the error that is you!

Criticism will fix you;

this is what you need to be good and whole, making you what you should be.

Which is what exactly?

Right

True

Perfect?

How you are meant to be? Pretty unspecific, hey – so how will you ever know if you get there? How will you ever know when you are good enough? How will you ever know when enough is enough and you can just be?

It is such a painful place to be, wanting so much to be loved and then being put in a situation where this will never happen, because the inner critic denies you of the capacity to ever feel good about yourself – ever - this is by design;

It denies you the capacity to ever know your true worth – to see you as an individual with thoughts, feelings, desires that are your own – they are valid and worthwhile, even if they are in conflict with the powers that be; even if that power is the voice in your own head!

It denies you of really ever being your true self –this is always, and will only ever be, not good enough;  And yet, all of this is so invisible – the cogs turning behind the scenes.  Where your beliefs about yourself and the world are totally distorted  – and they are distorted to the point of ultimate dysfunction, but this is all hidden under the surface, and so all you see is the dysfunction, which is of course very visible, and then you only have yourself to blame (or so the critic will tell you!).

Because all of this behaviour seems so bad because it is disconnected from the source.  So self-hatred is a natural option really, self-criticism the most natural relationship to have with yourself, because you don’t look, feel and act in the ways that you would like – but you are just not sure why you have become this mutant version of yourself on the inside! Why you feel so fucked up - so this must never be released or shown to the outside world – not ever.

Just cover up the mutant, distorted version of yourself with the trappings of normality and just HOPE TO HELL no one notices – just try to act normal and hope no one sees – because if they guess that this is what you really think, they too will see you as the person who is less than, deserving of abuse, rejection, scorn:

 Oh you are the bad one

Got it, because no one gets abused unless they deserve it right?  No one gets criticised unless they deserve it, needed it somehow, right? And so this is the inner narrative that hides the wounds and the scars made at the hands of the inner critic, in deep, deep shame, feeling like this is what was deserved, and so truth will never see the light of day.  Not ever.

No one ever wants people to know that this is their experience, because like me, they have convinced themselves that they deserve it and it is only right – and no one wants for others to know, just how bad they really are on the inside!!

Which is of course a myth, but the inner critic will change how you see yourself and it will tell you the story of how shit you are, really because others have treated you badly.  It will tell you that you are nothing, because this is how others treat you and how you treat yourself.  It will tell you that you are worthless, because this is what you are told, in one way or another – no one with true worth would be abused, criticised and neglected right?

And so it all stays inside, rotting you from the inside.  Literally eating away at you from the inside, having no release because deep shame will tell you to hide it and to tell no one, in case they then see it too and start to treat you badly.

But the truth is, they do see it –

in how you treat yourself,

in how you behave,

in how you allow others to treat you,

in how you treat others,

they do see it – it is obvious from how you hold yourself, how you breathe, how you relate to the world, how you walk through the world, beaten, broken, SAD!!!!

Like the emperor and his new clothes, you were always naked, you just did not realise it!

And so it is, and so it goes, and the cycle is maintained as others do what they do and live up to your expectations of how you expect to be treated – like shit?  Well here you go then! It is unpleasant and you would hope for different, but this is how it is – no matter how you try to hide it, it is visible and others (including life) will respond!

 Until when?

Until there is a deep healing that takes place – one where the very foundations of who you see yourself to be is challenged – where you see that being deprived of feeling good about yourself – in any way – is a form of abuse and/ or neglect; whether this is an active, overt attempt or a seemingly benign lack of attention to detail.  The most basic thing we need in order to get along in the world is a solid sense of who we are and to know we have value.  If this is missing then your job is not done!!

This is hard to say, as so often this crucial fact in missed and minimised – oh it’s not so bad, it means well, really the criticism is helpful, it motivates me!  But to say this absolutely and categorically undermines the fact that living without feelings of worth is EXCRUTIATING!!  And for this to go on, day in and day out, is literally hell of earth, and to not know that this is NOT THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE, is soul destroying. To walk around with the narrative that you don’t have worth, are inadequate, defective, less than – is so painful that it is hard to imagine anything worse really!!

As this is isolating,

Excludes you from the pack,

Means certain rejection and abandonment if others ever find out,

Means that life is lived in FEAR!!! Constant fear. And this is hell on earth. And is the life half lived. And perhaps it is the life less than half lived! So deep is the pain. So deep is the shame.

And so it is hard to imagine a worse thing to do yourself, either deliberately or as an oversight! It is just not good enough.

So why am I writing this? Why am I even saying any of this?  This is certainly the dark side!!

Because it is coming out, because it is there, it is there to be said.  It is my experience, and perhaps you can relate to it in some way.  Perhaps you can relate to it in some small way and

maybe it might make a difference!

Maybe, that by hearing this, you too might be able to catch the thoughts; to catch the thoughts of the inner critic – the one that runs you down and tells you that you are nothing special.  Perhaps you too might be able to start to hear just how badly you are treating yourself, and PERHAPS you might even get to a place where you too might say

This is no way to be treated!!

THIS IS JUST NOT FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH! 

Maybe you might raise your expectations and begin to question how it is that you came to think this way about yourself, and decide to commit to a change.  To question what your other options ARE if you no longer want to be treating yourself like shit anymore.  Maybe this can give you permission to begin to explore the deeper layers – the hurt, shame and pain caused by the inner critic.

And you might begin to wonder what life would be like, if you could no longer be harassed by the words of such an awful housemate – EVICTION NOTICED SERVED MY FRIEND!  You might wonder what is possible when you return to rock solid self-belief because you are no longer undermining yourself with all the crap that the inner critic throws up to you day by day! 

You might wonder what it feels like to open up to love – both self-love AND the love coming from others.  How might it feel to be properly supported and to allow others into your heart space!? To feel connected because you are open to the knowledge that you are worth it! You are open to the awareness that you are worthwhile and good enough, exactly as you are.

 What might happen then? 

What would be possible for you then? To begin to change your relationship with yourself on a fundamental level, only you can do this, this is your MOST important work, before anything else really.  This is your only job – to have the courage to face the parts of you that have been bullying you, criticising you, and running you down your whole life, and getting up the gumption to tell them to leave!

Maybe this is you chance to finally be HAPPY.  Maybe happiness comes when you learn to really connect with yourself in new and more supportive ways.

Self-love can be right around the corner, and not in a narcissistic type way, but in a deep, heart felt way that connects you with your true self.  This is where you CAN bring your light into the world, and this is where you CAN start to see that you are genuinely special.

Where you can hear that voice tell you, you are not that special, and you can say, well quite frankly I DISAGREE!!  I am something AMAZING!

And so it is.

Remember that Bodhi starts with you!

PS: If you want some help to tackle the inner critic, to finally begin to treat yourself with the love and respect you deserve, contact me to discuss your options!

[email protected]

PPS: Please share along if you think others would benefit from reading this post!  It is always appreicated!!

Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services. 

[underthebtree]

The truth about addiction - and it may not be what you think!

This is a post that feels like it could go anywhere, so pre-warning!!  It is one of those times when you think that something should be very straight-forward, but is actually multi-faceted, deep-seated and complicated. This is why I love psychology so much, you are always surprised (and eventually) delighted by what is found, released and transformed into new ways of being in the world that are EMPOWERING and CONSCIOUS rather than reactive and repetitive!

So I encourage you to bear with me, while we take what may be a winding road, once again down the rabbit hole!

The topic? Addiction

Addiction to what?

Well let’s keep that open because there are likely things that you are addicted to that you are not even aware exist yet!  Sounds weird right, how could I not know that I was addicted?

Well we all have a picture of what an addict looks like – and you might ride along beside them on your high-horse proclaiming puritanical virtues of clean living; however anything that you do repeatedly, by habit, that you suffer from if you attempt to stop doing it, that is actually masking something deeper; it serves a purpose, contributes to your functioning in some way (even if it does have side effects) COULD be called an addiction.

So it could be that you are addicted to all the normal things

Alcohol

Cigarettes or other drugs

Television

Coffee

Sex

Work

These could certainly be your addiction of choice, however, it is equally likely that you could be addicted to

Negativity

Emotional drama

Self-denial and sacrifice

Your thinking/ model of the world

Bad relationships

OVER STIMULATION!!

And it is this last one that has just come to bite me and so I will talk about this one – and I do think this is one that is actually so common that is has become the norm – silently slipping into the modern way of being such that it is there, unnoticed BUT oh so damaging BECAUSE with overstimulation

What goes up simply MUST come down,

And we wonder why Depression is on the rise; in fact on its way to holding the highest burden of disease in 2030;

We wonder why feelings of chronic fatigue plague so many, and is in fact a diagnosis in and of itself!

We wonder why there are feelings of disconnection, sadness, restlessness and BOREDOM when there are moments to spare, that are so aversive, one simply MUST do something about it!

But this crash is so often NOT connected to the days, weeks, months, YEARS of over stimulation that preceded it!

And this is what has surprised me, with my own coffee addiction – I had NEVER actually looked below the belly of the beast EVER – to actually see what was underneath the consumption of what I BELIEVED was a benign substance; that what is actually at the heart of the issues is my deeper addiction to OVERSTIMULATION!

Finding it incredibly difficult to just be; wanting to be ON all the time,

Feeling dull and frustrated whiling away the hours WITHOUT coffee.

Feeling like a raw nerve – reactive, cranky, DEPRESSED

Just being out right BORED without the coffee buzzing!!

Because I had consumed the substance since I was a pre-adolescent, I did not realise that it was, in fact, keeping my nervous system on a high-rev and leaving my vulnerable to both an energetic and a mood crash somewhere down the track!

Now you could say, that for something that has been around for so long, OF COURSE there would be some sort of detox,

Sure I was expecting that.

What I was not expecting was all of the above, where LIFE ITSELF seemed 'less than' without it! Without revving at the 100 miles an hour, I certainly did not feel high-vibe, which is the state I like to occupy

BUT

Of course the vibe would only last as long as the coffee!! And it is only in recent weeks – since I have been confronting this aspect of myself have I realised that ultimately this coffee addiction speaks to a different addiction underneath

OVERSTIMULATION

And this is where, for me, it gets interesting – where you can know something on one level but until you are hit right between the eyes with it YOURSELF, it is not TRUE knowing – it is information but not knowledge!

It is not a deep embodiment of truth.

And this truth?

Is that I have always seen a connection between anxiety and depression – what goes up, must come down!  And while these conditions are complex, and I do not claim to speak for every and all situations in which anxiety and depression arise,

but I do believe that this connection is COMMON ENOUGH that it is likely that you will relate to it in some way,

And it is this – that your nervous system is designed to be in homeostasis – balance – switch on to respond to stress, demands, challenge; switch off to rest, digest and repair.

Beautiful

Simple

Elegant really.

But along comes the human brain that says, no thanks I want to be high-vibe all the time (well that’s what mine says anyway!!).  I dislike, find aversive, reject times where this is not the case and then I desire to ‘pump up the jam’ (omg, sorry about that early 90’s dance music reference!!).

And so, deep down, the use of a stimulant such as coffee has really only been a way to avoid being in the present moment, as it IS right now, as I am right now

And trust me – it is NOT CONVENIENT to be tired when you have shit to do!

When you want to be ON to entertain and be there for others

When there are expectations to meet, schedules to live by, round pegs to fit in square holes.

No, that is not convenient AT ALL, and so a stimulant is the order of the day!

To keep up,

To meet expectations,

To function as you think you SHOULD,

To keep on 'doing', when what you REALLY NEED is to

Rest

Digest (food AND life!)

Repair

What is really called for is to DARE TO REST

And yes it does feel like a dare, in this day and age where we are SO overstimulated, so inundated with information, and just MORE OF EVERYTHING

That to switch off DOES feel daring

To allow yourself what you NEED does feel risky – what if you miss out on something!

What if it doesn’t all get done?

What if something (god forbid) happens WITHOUT YOU BEING PRESENT!!

The horror of it all.

We just know so much more about each other’s lives and what is happening out there, what is POSSIBLE, that FOMO (fear of missing out) is likely at record heights in modern times.  It may be happening, but whether or not it is possible is highly questionable BECAUSE there is only one of you, AND your energetic resources are FINITE

Sure your energy can be improved;

Sure you can actively pursue the lifestyle that increases your capacity;

But even with the healthiest of lifestyle, DISCERNMENT is still required, which means tuning in to your body, mind and emotional system and making decisions based on how things are going FOR YOU at the time, which at times DOES mean

Confronting the rollercoaster of over-stimulation/ exhaustion cycle – possible fuelled and enabled by addiction to stimulants and depressants (coffee and alcohol as 2 examples!!)

AND

to really examine the anxiety/depression combo deal that is so prevalent in today’s society!

And this may very well mean, breaking the cycle at the root cause by

DARING TO REST!

To catch the upward cycle when it begins, and deciding to do things differently this time – to allow your nervous system the rest that it needs; tuning in to YOUR NEEDS and giving yourself the much needed down time

Catch it at the whispers, before it turns into the shouts that can lead you directly into a depression.

So, there it is, what feels like quite the meander, quite the winding road towards quite a simple concept

Homeostasis

Balance

Rest

Fuelled by a decision to give up on the addiction to coffee, underpinned by the ACTUAL addiction to over stimulation, at the heart of the matter!

Can you really allow yourself to switch off to all the things that leave you overstimulated, depleted, exhausted and truly, deeply allow yourself to REST?

Deep within the nervous system, to truly switch off the things that leave you feeling overstimulated and exhausted, even if just for periods throughout the day, which means

Thoughts

Feelings

Relationships

HABITS

And to give your nervous system the BEST CHANCE of giving you the energy you so crave – by letting it do it’s job of maintaining balance of energy output and rest.

Which does feel like quite the dare,

Are you willing to give it a try?

 Remember that Bodhi starts with you

 Toni-Anne

PS: If you love what you have read and want to know more, please follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Tumblr.  You can also decide to join our community here Under the Bodhi Tree!

  PPS: Please share along if you think others might benefit from what you have read!  Share the love:) 

 Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services. 

[underthebtree]

The good, the bad and the desperate!

You have an intention.

You have a goal.

You have SOMETHING that you want for yourself, something MORE.

This is my assumption, as otherwise you would not have found yourself within my community!

You know that you want MORE for yourself, whatever that is;

The relationship

The career

The money

The health/ body/ weight

The car, house, location

The LIFESTYLE

You have certain things that you want for yourself, great!  You are a mover, shaker, GROWTH ORIENTED PERSON.  Congratulations!! So am I, we are alike you and me.

And yet, being growth oriented does kinda suck at times

And specifically in the time that I call

THE MEANTIME!!

The meantime between conception of an idea – something exciting, awesome, AMAZING that you just know, now that you have conceived of it, you simply MUST HAVE!!

This now just HAS to be your life

And then you hit that frustrating inevitable place

The waiting place

The holding space

The meantime.

If you have read this far, then congratulations!  Many people would have bailed at the mention of desperation – no one likes to admit that this is something that they might experience.

This is a vulnerable feeling

One that you are likely to want to push away

Reject

Ignore

But you do so at your own peril, really, and if you have set a course towards something that you truly want, desire, must have, and start to take action, you will inevitable be confronted by

THE UNIVERSAL TIMELINE

Which is totally separate from the timeline that we, as merely conceivers of ideas, typically operate on!!

And so one feeling that seems to be inevitable when you have charted the course, set sail and begun to navigate through rocky waters are feelings of

DESPERATION!

You will only need to think back to being a child, impatiently enduring an interminable road trip, when you exclaimed

ARE WE THERE YET!!

For the love of god, are we not there YET!?

And so up pop feelings of desperation – feelings that take you outside of the present moment, outside of what is happening now, sinking deeply into frustration at the current state of affairs that involves the seeming UNREALISATION of the dreams that you conceived of (from a universal timeline perspective), 5 minutes ago!!

Now you might balk at this and say, NO I have ALWAYS wanted this, but I would challenge you to question yourself on this

You may have wanted this, needed this, craved for this your WHOLE LIFE, but have you really been brave enough to ask for

SPECIFICALLY

What it is that you want,

and then to take VERY SPECIFIC action in this direction,

CONSISTENTLY!

So often we are unclear, even with ourselves, with what it is that we want SPECIFICALLY, and then become frustrated and desperate when it is not realised.  Once you finally do get to be really specific, it does feel like it has been around FOREVER, and it might have been as a

vague,

ephemeral,

whisper,

that then gets forgotten and NO SPECIFIC ACTION is taken in alignment with the goal

OR

You get bogged down in feelings of desperation, hopelessness, sadness and convince yourself that it is never going to happen and so, like touching the hot element, you don’t really want to ‘go there’ again!!

On some level  you are convinced that unless you get this thing, this thing in THIS specific way, on your specific timeline, that things will NOT be ok – that YOU will not be ok!

You are convinced on some level that things are not ok as they are now, which absolutely shuts you down in the now, meaning that you simply CANNOT be

Creative

Problem solving

Solution focussed

Happy

GRATEFUL

in the now – and so this is the very antithesis to the achievement of your goals! And even if you do manage to inevitably slog your way to the achievement of said goal, you will be so damned miserable once you get there you could ask

WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL OF THAT!???

So if you were to be truly honest with yourself, and to acknowledge that you are feeling desperate to achieve or have your goals, plans, dreams realised NOW, then this is something that you can address right now

While you endure the meantime

And more than just enduring, you may even open to to making that meantime as good as it possibly can be, because you can give yourself what you are actually NEEDING, right now, even though you have not achieved your goal or outcome.

This is possible now, when you focus on your mindset and DECIDE to make indulgence in self-pity, negativity, and rumination something that you will no longer ACCEPT as part of your coping style.

You can notice that you have fallen prey to this way of coping

The surrender

The giving in

The hopelessness

Prompting the feelings of desperation and thoughts of unfairness.  Sure, PLEASE acknowledge they are there so you can then DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT this time,

So you can move back into action

Move back into problem solving mode

Learn what your current circumstances are offering you, so you can be wiser, stronger, MORE RESILIENT!

This too is possible when you move from the EFFECT side of the equation (things happen to me) to the CAUSE side (I can influence my own destiny!).

It is not so much the issue that you might experience feelings of desperation, but that you DECIDE that you will NOT stay there – you make the decision that you will not indulge these feelings when they arise – you will take ownership and MOVE ON from these states by tuning in to what you are NEEDING NOW, and noticing what you have available now, and then

Taking ALIGNED ACTION on what is in front of you.

That is it

Keep putting one foot in front of the other, pointing in the direction of your desired outcome, and working through the points at which these feelings of desperation and unfairness are triggered!

If you want to achieve your desired outcome, then this is your option, your CHOICE.

As really, everyone has a meantime, and it might seem like your meantime has been forever, but be as honest with yourself about this as possible as it is ONLY when you get REALLY SPECIFIC and then take consistent aligned action will you actually realise any goal or outcome worth writing home about!

 Remember that Bodhi starts with you!

Toni-Anne

PS: If you love what you have read, please share it along so others can benefit too!!

PPS: Have you joined our community?  Why not sign up today and receive LOVE YOUR WAY HAPPY as my free gift to say THANK YOU

 Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services. 

[underthebtree]

Being a psychologist has ruined me!!

It is so amazing to me, always, that when you start a journey with one thing in mind, how you will inevitably receive things along the way that are unexpected

Some of these changes will delight you

So will not!

But you can never tell what it is all going to be when you start, there is literally no predicting what is going to happen – you can make educated guesses – but you can never be sure!

You can never be certain.

It has been said that the map is NOT the territory.

Equally the brochure is NOT the place, and if you have done any travelling you may have indeed heard the odd tourist exclaim

This was NOT IN THE BROCHURE!!!

You might have even said this yourself – as you expected one thing, and got quite another hitting a road block, detour or major diversion!

Something that just came up, that could not have been planned for, but which may surprise and delight you, or disappoint the hell out of you as it was NOT what you expected.

 Always learning!

As much as I know this, it still continues to surprise me, and no less so than in recent years as I left my psychology practice to have children and entered what I now call ‘the real world’!!!

I had grandiose plans for what this was going to look like – a brand new phase of my life, new opportunity for connections and relationships, happy days hanging out, playing my children, discussing the deep issues of life with other mothers with whom I was traversing this major life change

I was optimistic

I was excited

I was delusional!!

As this certainly has not been my experience, not by any stretch of the imagination!

I am sure that the reasons for this are myriad, complex and multi-faceted but in recent reflections I have come to point the finger at one primary cause:

Being a psychologist has ruined me!!

It really has ruined me in so many ways, but the most pressing, the most obvious has come up very recently

As I have once again been triggered by the mothering set

Once again been triggered by the parenting ‘experts’

Once again, been triggered as fuck to the point where the only option is transmutation, transformation, renunciation of the whole previous  4 years of my life

As I have seen reality

Seen things clearly for the first time

Seen ‘the real world’ and the true depth (or lack there of) that seems to characteristic those who have not committed to a personal growth journey!

OR those who have committed to a personal growth journey but who cling to dogma, ideas and specific ways of doing things such that it is completely DEVOID of human connection, love, support

Lets just call it devoid of humanness!!

And so now, being the blamer that I am, I have to blame something, and I choose psychology!

That’s easy and convenient right!?

But it is true. 

Working and studying psychology for 10 years prior to having children, and committing myself to a personal growth journey for decades more, has completely ruined me; making it IMPOSSIBLE for me to tolerate

Superficiality

Tokenism

A lack of true connection

Basically I cannot tolerate BULLSHIT!

It is now evident to me that there is a fuck load of bullshit out there that can leave people feeling (and me included in this set!)

Isolated

Disconnected

Disenfranchised

And basically just not good enough

And so although I smelled a rat, but could hardly believe it when I came to the full realisation that there are so many people out there who really just don’t give a shit about others, not really, not deeply, not authentically!

And yes I have talked about this before, it does appear to be the theme for the week, but it is IMPORTANT!

Because as social creatures, we have a social brain, and if you surround yourself with people who say one thing and do another this is very fucking confusing!!

And when there is confusion, you will return to your default position, whatever that is for you

Defectiveness

Unworthiness

Inadequacy

Failure

And so it needs to be talked about – it needs to be made very very clear that not everyone will have your best interest at heart – not matter what they SAY

It only matters WHAT THEY DO

And how you FEEL!

Behaviour is ALWAYS the best indicator of whether or not someone gives a fuck about you or not, and if their behaviour says they don’t, then words are wind!

Words will not make up for the behaviour that gives you the clear message that you are just not that important, just not that relevant, just not at all significant.

 So psychology has ruined me

Because I can no longer tolerate the bullshit and just get along!

I can’t just tow the party line and pretend all is well

I can’t just keep my mouth shut (evidently!) and continue to tolerate ANYTHING that is less that ideal

And so, with that said, forgiveness practiced, the next step?

RENUNCIATION!

Renouncing circumstances are less than ideal

Renouncing relationships that no longer serve

Renouncing all the internal workings that would tell me to remain in a situation that is, lets face it, SHIT!

No matter the sugar coating, shit is shit!

So yes, what I have embodied and come to expect, through my practice and the epically awesome connections, deep conversations, and true and meaningful reflections on the things that ACTUALLY MATTER in life

I just cannot tolerate any and all of the above.

It is just no longer me, as there was a time when I would have stuck it out

There was a time where I would have assumed it was me

There was a time I would have tried harder to make up for perceived inadequacies

But not any more, I am totally ruined in my capacity to walk through the world in this way! And as much as this has led to disappointment, the motherhood journey is NOT what I had expected, it is also liberating!

To know that I no longer have to just put up and shut up

To know that I can say, this is shit, and get the fuck out of there!

To know that I am not bound, internally or externally, to ANYTHING less than the BEST!

So yes, here it is, renunciation of anything less than ideal, anything less that the best, be gone!

Be off with you,

BE GONE!

And so it is, with an invitation for you to do the exact same:)

 Remember that Bodhi starts with you!

Toni-Anne

 PS: If you would like to know more about how I can help you step into your power and renounce that which no longer serves, contact me!

[email protected]

PPS:  I have a major announcement coming VERY SOON!! After spending the last week releasing, letting go, renouncing and INVITING IN totally new circumstances - it has arrived - and I have been given an amazing, lets call it a divine download, about my next step and where this train is a'goin!  I am totally humbled, excited and a little trepidatious, but it is EXACTLY right, and the culmination of my life's journey - leading me to here, right now and it is HUGE - far bigger than I had even imagined when kicking this whole thing off!

I know I won't be doing it alone, and I am putting it out there, that this is something that I will need help with from an amazing community of change and difference makers!!

So strap your seat belt on because it is soon to be announced, and it may involve and include you, if this is your thing!!

One cure for a disconnected world:)

 Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services. 

[underthebtree]

When will you cut the crap and step into what you truly deserve?

I have always been giver.  Someone to think more about others than myself.  So it is no surprise I guess that I find myself working in one of the helping professions, focussing on helping others and feeling that this plays to my strengths

Because it did

And it does!

And yet, within all of that, there are certainly downsides to this particular personality trait.  What is helpful in one setting, can wreak havoc in others!!  Especially when there are no boundaries around it, with the focus being solely on others, with no consideration for the self, leaving you feeling

Ignored

Resentful

Invisible!

And how this can maintain your presence in situations that reinforce these aspects of you – where you just know that others do not consider your

Worth

Contribution

Presence

In the way that you would like, and yet you stay!

And this does not even have to be outright, overt rejection of you – it can be more of a sleeping, seemingly benign, DISREGARD that

You are there

That you are important

That you MATTER!

And so, one might ask – why would you stay?  If the circumstances do not support you fully to be who you are, that those in your life do not fully acknowledge and LOVE you

Then why would you stay?

What is in it for you, other than playing a role around what you are expecting of yourself – even if others NEVER ACTUALLY EVEN NOTICE!

Your efforts

Your presence

YOU actually become invisible – there is just not that reciprocal energy coming your way such that your very existence feels invalidated, leaving you feeling

Worthless

Insignificant

Like you just DON’T MATTER!

But this is not a reflection of reality, it is a reflection of what you are expecting – what you are expecting of yourself and how you are allowing others to treat you!

 So when does this stop?

As much as it is nice to think that at some point, others will wake up and FINALLY recognise your presence and fully appreciate your efforts

If there is NO EVIDENCE to support this could be true – then you are likely pissing in the wind!

And what for?

What are you really there for?

If others do not even notice, and you end up feeling invisible – what keeps you there?

What are you hoping will change?

Are you hoping that eventually you will be noticed?  They will see that you have value?

Trying to prove that you have worth and that they will eventually see this to be true?

Well, this is not how it works!  If they have not realised that you have worth by now, then it is not likely to happen.

Not without some significant changes from within,

And by this I mean from within YOU – as always, nothing changes unless you do!!

So if there is self-worth in question – that you are concerned that others in your life do not appreciate you as you would like - then this falls squarely on your shoulders to do something about it!

As in reality, although it seems benign – to be ignored is one of the most damaging things that can happen in a relationship!

The negation energy is just as powerful and damaging as outright abuse – and if you remain in these circumstances then the inevitable result is that you feel

Worthless

Inadequate

Invisible!

then is no way to treat yourself!  And the reality is that you could just change your circumstances, but unless there is an internal shift that says

No

This is not good enough

 I deserve better than this!

Then there will be a pattern repeat BECAUSE, if this is you, and you are like me, then you will ALWAYS give others the benefit of the doubt, which means that you will

ALWAYS blame yourself when things don’t work out – if you have not been noticed, supported or LOVED in the way that you need

Then the urge is to assume that you just have not done enough

That they could not possibly be at fault

That maybe if you just tried HARDER then you could just MAKE it work, right?

Well NO!  There is a cold hard reality that needs to be shared, and it is this:

Some people are just selfish arseholes!

Yep, that is a fact!

And no amount of schmoozing, trick turning or hoop jumping is going to change this!

You might think that you could do more; you might think to give them the benefit of the doubt; you might think that this is the high road.

And sometimes it might be

But if you have tried over, and over, and OVER – at some point you might want to get the message that

You are just not that important TO THEM!

Not that you are not important;

Not that you don’t have anything to offer;

Not that you are not AMAZING!

But that certain people in your life may just not appreciate this to be the fact that it is, and the sooner you decide that YOU ARE WORTH MORE

The sooner things can change for you!

An internal shift is required to finally take the step to forgive and the RELEASE the people and circumstances that no longer serve you, and the move on to bigger and better things

More fulfilling relationships

Happier times

A life that actually supports the whole of you FULLY!

Not some half arsed kind of token support, but actual support that resonates on a heart and soul level – and you will KNOW this kind of support by how it FEELS!!

If feels nice to be around,

You feel seen and heard,

You want more of this in your life,

And, this is a totally new songline that you could choose to follow – to be lead by - if you want to change your life!

No thanks to the shit-bits that you might have accepted, tolerated or fought to try and change so that it could match up to what you truly, deep down, know that you need and deserve.

The fight that is really an internal battle that can change when you choose this to be the case. and do an epic cull of all that does not serve you;

Regardless of who you perceive might get hurt,

Regardless of the narrative that might tell you that you will be alone forever,

Regardless of the narrative that tells you that you need to fix this to really get the lesson.

No, sometimes the best and only truly effective decision is to forgive, release and walk away!

And in the walking away, you step into something that is truly different – something that is so much more nourishing on a heart and soul level because you DECIDE TO ACCEPT NOTHING LESS!

So it is up to you, the decisions and choices that you make, that could allow you to really step out of what no longer serves you, into a totally different future, where it IS possible for your needs to be met fully.

Accept nothing but the best, and this is what will be provided.

And so it is!

 Remember, that Bodhi starts with you

Toni-Anne

 PS: If this post has resonated with you, and you would like to know how to step into a life where you actually consider your own needs then contact me to discuss how I can help

[email protected]

 PPS: Please share along if this has resonated with you and you would like for others to benefit too! If you have not joined our community you can do this now

 Disclaimer:  This information is in no way intended to replace psychological treatment should you be suffering from clinical depression and anxiety and be in need of personalised, individual therapy.  This information can be used as an adjunct to your therapy and you can feel free to raise it with your therapist should you have one.  If you are in any way suicidal, please contact your therapist or emergency support services.