When you thought of being with me, did you ever know I was actually pretty romantic? Did you know that I once thrived off love? That once I would sacrifice it all, including myself just to make the other one happy? I always dreamed of a perfect romance, one where the highs make me feel it, and the lows are felt but the love is still there. Don’t you know how numb I am? Did you know that I used to spoil someone I loved rotten, to only realize it was in vain and that I should only give out as much as I get back? Did you know that this love feeling waivers because of becoming so emotionally scattered? I had a wholesome ground once, and level footing. I don’t know how to crawl off the ground that’s become quicksand underneath me, where I constantly feel like I am trying desperately not to sink. Was it my fault we are this way? Did I let too many people around me that it clouded your judgement? Man, this really brings me sinking down. I want to feel it again, a roller-coaster of emotions, the humps and the satisfaction knowing it’s all for something. I can’t blame you, things haven’t been so good for me, I know you can’t fix it for me, I just wish...what I see in romances, the one’s I used to watch all the time, that I wish I could have that. I wish I could feel like myself again, but I feel like I’ve been stuck for so very long. Since my Dad passed away I have felt so entirely lost. Too many changes in my life for the past two years, too many sudden, too many dramatic, too many painful, I wish I could just feel love around me.
