Professor (Sigma x Reader) Chapter 3
The air was beginning to get crisp against your skin. Fall had quickly approached, meaning you only had a couple more months until winter. There were ten more weeks until winter break, so ten more weeks until your music project was due...Three weeks until your first presentation in social psychology, three days to complete a seven page essay in personality psychology, and you had a speech to give in your abnormal psychology class today. Your least stressful class right now is your music conducting class. The teacher there was rather nice and did more showing videos and checking to see if you were taking good notes.
Oddly enough, Professor de Kuiper was one of the most sympathetic people you had met. He made sure all of his students were okay and did everything he could to help. He had noticed you looking rather stressed as time progressed and offered to help you in the library with whatever class you need help with. Best he could at least. You let him help too. Just, not with your music. You didn't really want him to know you were planning to major in music as well as psychology. Mostly because you had been told most of your life that your dream to be a music major was pointless and you'd never get anywhere with a degree like that.
"Are you alright Miss (L/n)?" The familiar voice of your professor snapped you out of your thoughts.
"Yeah. Just, working really hard to finish this up." You told him, reviewing your speech once more. "You'd think it would be easier to memorize this since I wrote it but I keep finding things that need fixed so I almost start from square one over and over."
The two of you sat in the library, reviewing your speech for next period. It was a well written speech but you weren't confident in it. It always seemed like something was incorrect or inaccurate. That was just your thinking though. You couldn't help but think everything you did wasn't going to get you a passing grade. You were confident you would fail.
"I've told you, (y/n), the speech is fine. I've read it over twice today. Even the grammar is practically perfect." He assured you. "Just, say it to me."
You shook your head. "No, I can't. It's not okay. I-I have to change the ending again."
He placed a hand on your shoulder. "(Y/n). It's fine."
You stared at your professor for a hot minute. He seemed to be rather sincere about this, as he always was. You always doubted yourself and your abilities though. It wasn't like you could help it though.
"Say it. I'll follow along."
You took a breath, deciding not to argue with him. He always won anyway. How he managed to win, you had no idea. You knew almost every psychological trick to win and yet, he still always got to your head.
"O-Okay professor." You half whisper, taking another breath before starting to state, word for word, was was written down on your paper.
God it hurt to do this. It brought back memories from your middle school years; back when your father made you do this all the time. He knew he was doing wrong to you. He knew he was beating you and leaving marks. He would make you write stories to tell. You'd sit in the living room, citing word for word what you had written on a piece of paper. The story you would tell any and every student and staff member to cross your path. If you messed up, you had to add more to it. Not because he wanted you to, but because you would have to now explain the new cut or bruise on your body.
You didn't register the tears. You were too focused on getting this done that you hadn't noticed them sliding down your face. Your professor had though. He didn't say anything, pretending he was still following along. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't concerned. This isn't the first time you've broken down over something like this. Frankly, you break down over the simplest of things. He's seen you silently cry when you get an answer wrong in class, as if it were the end of the world.
It wasn't until you finished that you felt the wetness on your cheeks. You quickly wiped the tears in a poor attempt to hide the fact that you were crying. The last thing you wanted to do was explain to the school guidance counselor what was wrong. You knew that's where he would send you if he felt something was up.
"See? I told you, it's fine." He suddenly said, pretending he hadn't noticed your crying. "I wish I could be there to see you do this but I've got some work to attend to."
You gave an understanding nod. You had been asking him if he could attend when you gave the speech for a couple weeks now. You noticed you did better when he was around, most likely because you knew he wasn't judging you over anything. He knew you were just a student trying to get by.
"You'll do great though." He shot you a smile before looking to his watch. "I best get going. Five minutes until this period ends."
You nodded again, gathering your things for your next class. You felt so unprepared. You'd gone over everything so many times, and yet, you felt as if you'd never even started. Nerves. It had to be nerves. But you shouldn't be this nervous. He's gone. He can't hurt you if you mess up. Not anymore...
"Going first is Miss (Y/n)."
Those were the only words you could register as you made your way to the front of the class. After that, you only heard her voice. You couldn't make out words, just her voice. Your heart raced. The words I'm not ready repeated in your mind. You were going to mess up. You knew it. Everyone would see and hate you. They'd smack you in the back of the head and tell you how much of an idiot you were for not stating word for word what you had written. You knew it.
You took a breath and did your best to stop yourself from shaking. You felt the tears in your eyes and forced them back. You couldn't do this but...you had to. You promised Professor de Kuiper you wouldn't back down and you'd stay strong.
You looked up from the ground, heart stopping for a hot second. Sitting in the front row near the door...he was there! He said he wouldn't be there but he was! Your muscles relaxed just a bit, staring right at him. He looked eager to hear your speech, despite having heart it over and over again. So you began to speak. You began to say what you had written, word for word. Your only flaw; you never took your eyes off him. You were afraid what would happen if you looked away.Â
You couldn't believe this was happening. You thought today would be normal. Guess not. You see, after giving your speech, you were asked to gather your things and go with Professor de Kuiper. You weren't sure what was going on.
"Don't look so tense. You aren't in trouble." He suddenly told you. You looked to your professor. He stood at least two feet taller than you so you didn't bother trying to look all the way up. "I just want to talk."
Your heart dropped. No. He was going to get information out of you and send you to the counselor and everything would just get worse! You'd surely be killed for this! You wanted to stop ant just turn around right then and there but your legs kept walking beside him. Why couldn't you stop?
Eventually, you two made it to his office, located near his desk. Inside was really nice, everything being well organized and very clean. There were two doors. One leading to the classroom, the other to his lab. The window on the door to his lab was covered though. In front of his desk was a small sofa, decorated with a couple pillows.
"Sit." He told you, closing the door.
You didn't hesitate. Your father was only a little taller than you and did so much to hurt you. God only knows what could happen if you did something to enrage your professor...
He walked to his desk and sat down, letting out a sigh. "Just know, no matter what you tell me, I will not tell anyone else. Even if I think I need to, I won't."
You've heard that one before.
"But I need to know if you're okay. I've noticed you break easily under the slightest amounts of pressure and tend to stray from befriending any of the students. You socially distance yourself from everyone."
You looked down, trying so hard not to cry. You knew you weren't okay and you knew you couldn't keep saying you were okay much longer. Your body trembled, your mind now flooded with everything. It will never end. You'll never get out.
That was all your managed to get out before your emotions took over. Tears poured from your eyes like waterfalls and you struggled to hold in the sobs. You heard him get up and walk to the spot beside you.
"Take your time." He said softly.
You couldn't hold it in anymore. The years of pain. The years of helplessness. The years of torture. You practically screamed, tears coming out faster than before. You didn't realize it at the time, but you had thrown yourself right into your professor, hugging him tight while you sobbed into his chest. Your sobs were muffled, but your trembling body told him this would last a while. He gently wrapped his arms around you, rubbing your back as he hushed you. In all his years of teaching, he'd never seen a student break down like this. You looked at if your world was collapsing. It broke his heart. An all A student, top of the class, never turns anything in late, never late to class, always over prepared, and yet, so broken.
It took nearly half an hour for you to calm down enough to talk. The tears didn't stop though. They kept coming. You hiccuped as you tried to catch your breath. Your professor handed you a box of tissues before getting up and grabbing a water bottle from the mini fridge under his desk. He knew you'd need it.
"If you need a Tylenol or Ibuprofen let me know." He said as he handed you the water.
You nodded, opening the bottle and taking a sip. You had never realized how broken you really were until now. Had you really been hurt that bad? So bad that you were breaking down in front of your prof-
"Oh my God I'm so sorry!" You suddenly yelped, seeing you had soaked the front of his shirt.
He shook his head. "Don't worry about it. You needed to let that out."
You looked down. It felt so nice to be held when you were crying. You felt human. You couldn't remember the last time someone gave you a hug. Had you ever even gotten one? Hesitantly, you reached for another hug, a small smile appearing on your face when he accepted. You felt safe. God you couldn't remember the last time you felt safe.
"I've been abused for as long as I can remember." You whispered. "I can't remember the last time I've felt a hug...Let alone this safe..."
"It's alright. I understand."
"Please, call me Siebren."
"S-Siebren...If I tell you what happened...You won't tell anyone?"
You shifted so you weren't hugging him anymore. You wiped your eyes, sitting straight up as you did your best to catch your breath.
"It all started when mom passed away..."
