DVD Review: Shark Bait
Shark Bait collects six schlocky shark movies - Swamp Shark (2011), Ghost Shark (2013), Zombie Shark (2015), Ozark Sharks (2016), Mississippi River Sharks (2017), and Santa Jaws (2018) - along with a bonus alligator flick - Alligator Alley (2013) - for good measure. The fin-tastic DVD set is available now from Mill Creek Entertainment in celebration of Shark Week.
Although Mill Creek presents the features in no discernible order, I opted to view them in chronological order to see if there were any patterns or growth over the seven years spanned. They're all cheesy, but it's interesting to see which of the movies embrace their inherent absurdity, which makes them easier to swallow. Case in point: Sharknado became a cultural phenomenon because it went all-in on the concept.
In viewing all seven of the movies over a short span of time, the formula is apparent. A cast with a couple of celebrities past their prime and a bunch of wooden, inexperienced actors play one-dimensional characters that spout unnatural dialogue (usually with an obligatory Jaws reference) in between animal attacks accomplished with laughable CGI.
Another fascinating fact is that a mere two directors are responsible for all seven movies. Griff Furst (Lake Placid 3) was in the director's chair for Swamp Shark, Ghost Shark, and Alligator Alley, while Misty Talley helmed the other four. I imagine making these movies is good fun, although it likely becomes tedious after a few. But their work was clearly successful enough to warrant repeat hirings, so more power to them.
Swamp Shark is an example of a pre-Sharknado creature feature that takes itself far too seriously. An animal smuggler accidentally releases a rare shark with a virtually impenetrable exoskeleton into a Louisiana river. Despite the swampland being infested with the added threat of alligators, the opportunity for shark vs. gator action is sadly missed. While the shark is predominately created with crummy CGI, a couple of shots admirably utilize a good, old-fashioned rubber head.
Kristy Swanson (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) toplines the film as the person tasked with stopping the flesh-hungry shark before it wreaks havoc at the annual Gator Fest. The cast also includes Robert Davi (The Goonies), D.B. Sweeney (Spawn), and Baseball Hall of Famer Wade Boggs. After years of independent and made-for-television work, Swamp Shark cinematographer Lorenzo Senatore recently shot the new Hellboy.
Ghost Shark is a strong contender for the most entertaining movie in the set. It starts with a practical, fake great white in the prologue until it's killed, after which point it becomes the titular, translucent Ghost Shark. It can materialize in any water, and its appearances become increasingly more outrageous, from the ocean and a swimming pool to water pipes and a slip and slide. I won't give away the most ludicrous highlight, but it's a rare unforgettable moment in a Syfy movie.
Levity is key, which is why the last act becomes more tiresome when it focuses on the why and the how, although I appreciate that its mythology is taken seriously despite the silly premise. Mackenzie Rosman (7th Heaven) stars as a girl with a personal vendetta against the specter. Richard Moll (House) brings surprising nuance to the role of the alcoholic lighthouse keeper with a dark past. Thomas Francis Murphy (The Walking Dead) plays the small town’s sheriff.
Zombie Shark (also known as Shark Island) finds a shark - named Bruce, of course - escaping from the scientific facility in which it was the subject of experimentation. It proceeds to find food on the shore of a nearby, secluded island. The shark spreads its undead virus to other sharks and, eventually, to humans. There's no shortage of voracious fish action, including a first victim that caught me off guard; a rarity in these oft-predictable films.
Cassie Steele (Degrassi: The Next Generation) stars as one of four friends on the quaint island for a getaway, and Jason London (Dazed and Confused) co-stars as the facility's head of security hunting down the shark. Although not a "name" actor, Roger J. Timber provides solid comedic relief as an islander who serves as host to the guests.
Ozark Sharks follows a family's long-weekend trip to an Arkansas cabin that holds a special place in the grandmother's heart, only to find that bull sharks have invaded the nearby lake. This happens while the town is gearing up for a big firework festival. Much like Zombie Shark, the first kill is a welcome surprise, but the film culminates with an unnecessarily melodramatic finale.
Allisyn Ashley Arm (A.P. Bio) stars as the angst-ridden lead who becomes the final girl of sorts. Thomas Francis Murphy is back, this time playing the soothsaying owner of the local bait shop. He owns an arsenal of homemade weaponry that adds a dash of fun to the bland proceedings, including a giant air canon, an oar turned into a high-voltage cattle prod, a double-bladed katana, and a crossbow that shoots dear antlers.
Santa Jaws not only has the best title, but it may very well be the strongest effort in the set. Although it lacks the star power of the other movies, it offers a radical deviation from the creature feature formula; it's a coming-of-age movie. When a dorky teen boy receives a magic pen that turns its drawings into a reality, he uses it on his comic book, Santa Jaws. Soon there's a killer shark with glowing, red eyes, a candy cane horn, and a Santa hat on its dorsal fin targeting his family amidst their Christmas gathering.
The result is something like Jaws meets Krampus by way of Ruby Sparks, if it were produced by the Hallmark Channel. Shark excitement takes a backseat in this one, and there’s a whole lot of unintentional camp present, but the youth-driven approach to the material is a breath of fresh air. With no hackneyed military or science roles, the characters feel more natural and developed.
Though not quite as far a deviation as Santa Jaws, Mississippi River Sharks spices things up a clever meta element. Jason London plays a fictionalized version of himself, the star of the Shark Bite franchise. He's the celebrity guest at a podunk town's fishing competition, and his inflated ego leads him to believe that he's the most qualified person to save the day when sharks start attacking. Unlike his blase role in Zombie Shark, London lights up the screen in this supporting role.
The real hero is Cassie Steele's Tara, but it's Dean J. West (The Hunt) who shines when London is absent. In the comedic role of Tara's friend, Wyatt, he's an overzealous Shark Bite fanboy who relishes the opportunity to live out his favorite movie... even if he doesn't know what he's doing. A brief cameo from Jeremy London (Mallrats) - Jason's twin brother - furthers the meta aspect.
Alligator Alley is included as a bonus film. Thomas Francis Murphy plays another pivotal role, this time as a bayou redneck who brews chemically-enhanced moonshine. He dumps a string of bad batches into the river, mutating the local alligator population to the point where they can shoot spikes from their tails. He has a long-standing family feud with another local Cajun family, with two star-crossed lovers - one played by Jordan Hinson (Eureka) - caught in the middle, but they must band together to stop the gators.
The first half of the film is a bit dull, as you're essentially waiting for all of these annoying characters to get eaten, but the pacing picks up when concept that can only be described as weregators is introduced. The left-field plot point is so preposterous that it makes the film vastly more interesting. And maybe it's because I had just watched six shark movies and water is hard to animate, but the CGI isn't half bad considering the time and budget.
Shark Bait crams all seven films onto two discs. Compression is apparent in every movie (particularly with murky underwater footage, for whatever reason), and of course there are no special features, but it still beats watching them with Syfy's incessant commercial interruptions. Each one clocks in at under 90 minutes, so even the poorly-paced movies - of which there are several - are over before you know it.
Although far from high art, the best films in the collection - Santa Jaws, Ghost Shark, and Mississippi River Sharks - subvert expectations by mixing up the trite formula, and they don't shy away from levity. If you're lamenting the lack of a new Sharknado film this year - the franchise concluded with its sixth installment last year - fill the shark-sized gap in your heart with the Shark Bait collection.
Shark Bait is available now on DVD via Mill Creek Entertainment.
