Maybe you’re right
Prev:
[UTMV Comics]

seen from France

seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Egypt
seen from United States

seen from Türkiye

seen from Türkiye

seen from United States
seen from Germany

seen from Austria
seen from Japan
seen from China
seen from Russia
seen from Switzerland
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Germany

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
Maybe you’re right
Prev:
[UTMV Comics]
Being a fictive is like. What if you were famous but nobody recognized you but everyone thinks your trauma is really funny to joke about or they treat you like a little meow meow that can do no wrong (even if you did do so many things wrong and you're wracked with guilt) or they treat you like trash or a sex object but nobody wants to treat the you you like a human being and if you open up about how the battle with the evil wizard was actually pretty harrowing or you wake up thinking about the killing game you were trapped in or that you were assaulted or you had to kill someone or lots of people or that when you close your eyes you relive your death sometimes everyone treats it like a fun little joke or like you're an idiot for being affected by something that didn't happen to the body you're in now.
And you're just expected to rawdog that shit. And sometimes even you treat your own past like a funny little joke until things get too real and you have a war flashback in your bedroom despite the fact that this body has never been to war, and then you just. Have to confide in the few people that will take it seriously.
Yeah anyway we're definitely not angry about the fact that we can't talk about our own pasts in therapy how are you guys
"I'm like, I've been feeling like this type of way, but I never knew or was surrounded by it. So I hopped on Google and did my research. I [realized] there are other people that feel how I felt, but I just never knew the word for it," he tells PEOPLE. [...] [Jordan's] first day on testosterone was in May 2018, when he was around 27. He was "happy" finally undergoing treatment, but one day, he was shot out of prejudice. Jordan claims he was shot during a DJ gig shortly after beginning his transition. The incident started with the alleged shooter being "aggressive" toward Jordan about his new pronouns and ended with that same person shooting Jordan in the neck and back after Jordan attempted to defuse an "altercation" between the person with the gun and a minor. "They were like, 'We'll show you what it's like to be a man,' " he claims. The gunman fled, and Jordan never heard from him again, but the violence made Jordan "scared." He tried to go about his life until one day he had a "mental breakdown," he says. He lost everything — his apartment, his jobs — and pawned his jewelry just to get his car back. He even considered ending his own life, but with resilience, he didn't let any of that, he says, "deter me from the finish line." In March 2019, Jordan legally changed his name and gender marker, and after six months of hormone therapy and working through his trauma, he decided it was time for top surgery. A part of masculinizing procedures, top surgery involves the removal of breast tissue to create a chest that's male-like in appearance. Jordan had this done that same year, two days short of his one-year anniversary on testosterone, and he recovered in his car for months without a place to permanently stay. "I got a lot of scrutiny on the internet, especially where I live [people made comments like] 'I feel grossed out looking at you like this,' and I said, 'Well, this is the new me.' " [...] One of the many things Jordan is open about regarding his transition is his sex life. He knew the reality of altering his genitals was a game of "Russian roulette," but he remembered thinking, "I'd rather look and present [as male] even if I can't feel at all." He explains that each time he's undergone a stage of bottom surgery, it'd take time for the nerves to regenerate and for Jordan to feel any sensation, which he says at first felt like hitting a funny bone. "It can get discouraging along the way." Despite this and the adversity he first experienced, Jordan says his family — including his mom and sisters — and girlfriend have been nothing but supportive about his transition. "When I got the first stage [of his bottom surgery], my mom came to the hospital with a 'It's a Boy' balloon," he shares. "Now," adds Jordan, "I want to gain a little more weight, tone myself up, build my confidence and continue to share my story to help other people [understand the transgender community]."
from After Being Shot amid His Transition, He Continued His Journey of Gender-Affirming Plastic Surgery
HALF MAN Episode 4
Kind of confused by the hate episode 2 of TVL is getting. I sort of found the amount of flashbacks we get appropriate, and I think they hit on a lot of points that one would need to gleam context.
I think the problem is we're comparing this to a book, which is a drastically different storytelling device. Even then, I believe someone counted that Lestat's time in Auvergne was summarized into 15 pages. Of course, in those 15 pages we gleam more of an insight about his mental state, because that's the vehicle books use to drive home their story points. It's also different for someone to tell their story versus write it.
For example, I don't really feel we NEEDED the entire fight with the wolves. I know that's not a popular opinion...but I think if everyone got a gritty play-by-play where a dog is murdered, a horse is gutted, and Lestat fights eight wolves, they'd also be none too happy about it, and it would take up a LOT of the episode. Meanwhile, the result is exactly the same, which is what we were shown. The impact of the event with the wolves is more important to Lestat's story than immediate action of the fight.
To me, seeing Lestat AFTER the fight, on the ground, with the exposition that he was refusing to eat, drink, or be tended to, punched me in the gut way more than seeing him fight the wolves would have done. Much like how we didn't need to see every single moment of abuse Lestat endures with his family. It would honestly be a miserable viewing experience, and we already KNOW much of it. We know Lestat's family took him from the monastery, we knew back in season 1 that there were beatings and starvations, we witness the aftermath of him trying to escape with the theater troupe with exposition via dialogue about what happened, to SHOW all of that would have been a lot.
The show establishes the dynamic Lestat grew up in brilliantly in those flashbacks, and with added details via dialogue and voice over, we get the full picture. We see Lestat at different ages to reveal a pattern (his brothers tormenting him over his stutter as a child, the fact Lestat wasn't sure of his goodness, then him as a teenager unable to escape, then as an adult who has clearly been beaten down, but desperately wants to prove himself). One of my favorite lines of dialogue in the flashback sequences is when Lestat is snapping at his brother about how his two brothers and his father enforce that they should live, "Love nothing, do nothing, change nothing." It practically tells you what you need to know about the dynamic in the house. That, and you get a window into the passion that I was so drawn to in the books (I have written multiple posts about relating to how Lestat's abuse was handled, and how he constantly fought back), he refuses to back down to his father, even though he knows he'll be attacked. Then, when he reaches for his mother, she's escaped in her own way, a book in her hands, as though she might as well be in another world.
I doubt this is the last we'll see of Lestat's upbringing, but it gives us a LOT of context. I also like that they all happen around a dinner table, especially since Lestat's rant towards Paul happened at a family dinner, which ties together one of the numerous threads for why Lestat was triggered so badly in that specific moment.
Gabrielle and Lestat had nothing except each other. Lestat mentions how his father squandered her dreams and wasted her intelligence, how she paid a midwife so she could not be raped into another pregnancy, and it establishes both her fondness and cruelty with regards to Lestat. Something meaningful to me is how Lestat described his father as humiliating his mother with these pregnancies, and this wording is powerful. Pregnancy and assault were ways he controlled, punished, and humiliated her, her sons being a constant reminder as they mock and chastise her. Then she has Lestat, who she sees as a reflection of herself, but whom she establishes total control over, as this control was taken from her. Lestat is not just a reflection; he's an extension of her. She was dying, so he must die, too. Because she had nothing, Lestat was expected to be her everything. Her lover, her hunter, her source of comfort, and even herself. Lestat points his gun at his brother when he insults their mother, a smug smile on his face as he's entirely quiet, feeling a surge of power within him, only for his mother to hit his gun back down to the table, and for him to look like a young boy once again, sad he didn't please her. He was willing to risk death just to prove himself to her. As such, you can understand why he clings to her, why he turned her, why she can manipulate him the way she does.
Lestat does not allow his wounds to be tended to until Gabrielle comes and deems them worthy of healing.
We get both the reasons for why Gabrielle is the way she is with the horror of what she's done as a result. This culminates in the extremely controversial decision to have Lestat and Gabrielle kill their family. We're shown Lestat insisting they go back to the tower, his back initially turned to the bloodshed his mother is causing, much like his back is turned to the evidence of the murders behind him as he plays the piano. To the ugliness of what she can be. She then insists they return to kill the family, we see Gabrielle kill the majority of them, and then rest easy after, fast asleep, satisfied. Meanwhile Lestat lies awake, eyes wide in horror as he listens to the screams of the children. The cost of having his mother close to him - the guilt and shame attached to what her presence forces him to do.
All of this is brilliantly interwoven with our main plot. With Lestat hiding the fact Gabrielle is his mother, insisting they stop the sexual aspect of their relationship, constantly checking if she's abandoned him, etc. You even have him admitting to her that he told Louis she'd died, and that the peasants got revenge on their family. Shame and regret are what Lestat is burdened with by having Gabrielle's presence, but being alone is even worse.
Gabrielle is unable to meaningfully revisit the past with Lestat, and doesn't challenge her intentions, and goes as far as trying to change the narration of his own past to match her story. You then have Louis and Lestat meet, Lestat throw the book at Louis, and Louis actually process Lestat's true feelings, reciting that the book "hurt" Lestat to Daniel. Gabrielle photographs Louis, and reveals a shallow read of their entire situation, further illustrating the intimacy Lestat shared with Louis versus what he has with her. Louis actually reads Lestat's feelings and emotions; Gabrielle instead writes his story as a twin of her own. (I also would love to write a post about how well episode 2 showed the complexity of Louis' situation. His entire world was flipped on its head, he finally got answers that were hidden from him, only to have his agency revoked when Daniel published the book after Louis set the laptop on fire. Louis' own story was manipulated thrice, and he has to navigate that while also addressing Lestat's own feelings about it). Lestat's own flaws, his breakdowns and miscommunications with Louis, are brilliantly explored by what we see play out on our screen.
Also, I thought the wigs were funny. I think Lestat purposefully remembered his brothers with the worst hair imaginable, and I kind of love that LOL.
#spot the difference
“They talk to me about civilization, and I see the greed and the lies of the colonizer who cries out when he himself is touched.” — Discourse on Colonialism (1950), Aimé Césaire (Insp.)
"Pours you a drink with one hand, judges you with the other if you take it...I gave that fuck pieces of my soul, Adriana. You know what he said to me? He said I should have a fucking drink!"
day twenty-eight of @may-lancholy - manipulation