#p.o.t.s.

[wyrmoftheweb]

love it when i forget i have pots so i try to get out of bed fast because i'm full of enthusiasm for the coming day and my body is like Hello Sir Would You Like A Taste Of Some "The Floor?"

[zealousjay]

I just have to get through this afternoon. I just have to get through this day. This week. This month. This year. I just have to get through GED testing. I just have to get through this infusion. I just have to get through this fainting spell, this flare. I just have to get through college. Then I can get a job again. I just have to make it to September when I move out. I just have to wait a couple years and I can get married. I just have to get through Japanese. I just have to push through this week of camp. And then I’ll be okay. I’m constantly waiting and pushing through with no end or goal in sight. I’m directionless and exhausted and confused and I don’t know how to get the help I feel like I need. Once I get through one phase it’s just on to the next. I’m not living. I’m not existing. I’m going down the path that’s expected of me without fulfilling my full potential or enjoying the little things. I just need to get through class, and then I can go lay down. I just need to get through this bought of clouding of consciousness and then I can write again. Or plan out the future. Or finally do X that’s I’ve been wanting to do for years. Once a month, maybe once a term if I’m being honest, I have a day or two or three where I feel great. Energized. Ready to go, feeling good about the future. And then it’s gone and I’m waiting for the next time I feel that OK. I just have to get through this car trip. I just have to get through dinner with my family. I’m happy sometimes. Usually while with my friends. But I never feel good about tomorrow, or the next day. My future appears cloudy, just like my past and present, full of “maybes” and “only ifs.” When you become debilitatingly ill at the age of 13, unable to go to school or play your instrument anymore, you cling onto the hope that doctors give you that around the age of 20-21 you’ll be better. Then you’re 18 and researching your disorders more and learn that all research shows that no patients report a full recovery. Many still live altered lives, struggling to work or take care of their kids. Most experience some of the symptoms that can be managed okay with special care and weird diets. You learn this and you start to give up. You appear to be hopeful and optimistic but on the inside you’re falling apart. You feel broken. Nothing ever gets better. You’re not living a full life. You can’t get past your own internalized ableism. You can’t keep up. I can’t keep up. I’m tired. I want to stop. I don’t want to exist like this anymore.

[pots-gif]

My doctors in Germany don’t even know what POTS means and I have yet to find one who is really interested in listening and helping me. I’m so exhausted. The blatant ableism I have to deal with every day is just too much at the moment.

[phoenixdown-and-fairydust]

Oops, I think someone called an ambulance for me after a P.O.T.S. swoon at the grocery store, and I just walked out as the ambulance pulled in. To be fair I did get back up, hadn't had a full faint, explained my situation and I'd be fine as I chugged an electrolyte drink, I'm used to this, especially in summer and on low iron days. I had no idea anyone called.

Also further more, all being taken to the ER would do is waste 4-6 hours of my night when I have work in the morning, only for er staff to tell me they don't know why I had dizziness and a swoon episode. I do. It's because I have P.O.T.S, of course my levels are normal after resting while I wait 5 hours to be seen for 5 minutes.

[sourtomatola]

Betrayal is looking closer at the lable of the bullion you've been using for your morning soup to help regulate your P.O.T.S. to find out its reduced sodium bullion

I'm devastated and full of a understanding of the harsh world where I live in

[phoenixdown-and-fairydust]

Weeee, the Probably P.O.T.S. goes

[junosartsthetic]

Rant ahead.

Wow today is kind of the worst. My P.O.T.S. hasn’t gotten any better so I’m still constantly dizzy and lightheaded, I can’t even drive because of it, and also I’m gonna have to quit my job because I can’t just keep calling off. Also school is frustrating because I feel like I can’t focus with my head constantly spinning. Sorry for the rant but also I’m so miserable.

[gabrielislovegabrielislife]

me: *has p.o.t.s.

my parents: Lest keep the house 60 degrees or lower :)

me constantly: