the most unlikely place. Oliver **Kaiden
Kaiden didn't know what he was doing, he didn't know much of anything anymore. The sun had already set leaving him sat in the darkness. He probably should have gone up to bed but he just needed some time to think, some time to himself and so that's how he found himself here. Sat crossed legged on the concrete in the back garden, fresh angry red scratches visible on his arms due to the fact he was still in a tank top. It didn't matter anyway, all that could be seen was the dim glow of lights from the house and the orange glow of the end of his cigarette every time he took a slow drag.
Oliver hadn't been outside in days. That suited him just fine, he freckled badly whenever he was outside for too long. Still though, he could only be locked up for so long without going a bit stir crazy. It was night now and without the threat of a burn Oliver could step outside, stretch his legs a bit, before going back to writing lyrics and generally hating himself. Immediately after stepping outside, barefoot because he couldn't be bothered to lace up his boots he lit up. Just a cigarette tonight, it was just something to do with his hands so that he wouldn't fidget for his phone. He could relax best this way - knowing he was destroying himself in even in some small way. He started pacing outside, moving around and taking deep drags through his cigarette. As we went to turn toward the entrance, halfway done his first Cig, his eyes caught on another glowing ember, much like the one that blazed at the end of his mouth. "Hey!" He called out,not thinking before he did so. "Nice night eh!" Oliver started walking towards the member, hoping it was someone who could stand him. He was sorely mistaken when he saw it was the Neon-haired Kaide. him and the british boy had butted heads right after meeting each other. "Hey, have fun tonight?" Even though he didn't exactly like the boy it didn't mean he was totally insensitive, he knew he had preformed at the Roxy tonight, it was surprising he was here instead of at some backstage orgy. "Aren't you supposed to occupied with groupies at this point?"
He looked up, eyes beyond bloodshot and his cheeks tear stained. It took a minute, his eyes adjusting to the dark and to actually be able to see through the veil of tears he'd created for him to see who it was. Once he realized it was Oliver he was quick enough to wipe his face, he was pretty sure the boy would love to kick him when he was down and that's something he couldn't do right now, not without Kaiden not being able to fight the urge to grab him and slam him against the wall until he was unconscious. "Please Oliver, please don't start right now" was all he could say, his voice weak and broken. He couldn't care less about tonight's show or groupies or even music right now if he tried. He wanted to give up, to pack up and runaway again. That's what he was good at, getting away to places no one knew his name and nobody knew how toxic he was to be around.
Oliver could recognize that look, of being defeated and sad and wanting to run away. He didn't know if it felt exactly the same for Kaiden, didn't know what caused it, but he had seen himself look the exactly the same in the mirror. "Yeah..I ..okay." he dropped his cigarettes, stepping on it with his barefoot out of habit. "Dammit," he cursed, wiping it on the grass beside so that the burn wouldn't hurt as bad. Taking quick steps he left the garden, going for the kitchen which was thankfully on the same floor. Three minutes later he was back out in the garden, glass in hand. He took quick steps toward Kaiden, not looking up from his feet. He didn't want to step on that cigarette again and cause another burn. He reached the other fairly quickly and shoved his arm forward awkwardly, not knowing what to say other than to offer what he had. "I got you some water," he said, feeling dumb as he was just stating the obvious, "and a chocolate bar." he held both out, still not looking up at Kaiden. "I just thought...it would make you feel better,"
Once Oliver walked away, Kaiden assumed that'd be that. Oliver was in a non annoying mood or felt bad for him or already on his way shouting through the house that 'Kaiden Marx is actually crying'. That wasn't the case though, as the shorter boy returned moments later and handing him a drink. Kaiden wanted to make a snide comment, anything to bring Oliver down to feel as shit as he did but he didn't. He stayed silent, the sobs that had been ripping out of him for the last few hours seemed to have stripped his throat completely and he couldn't. He took the water, gulping it down quickly . "You don't have to worry too much about me anymore" Kaiden said, placing the glass down next to him as a few more tears fell free. "I'll be gone by morning, " He wanted nothing more than to die, to die in the most painful way possible like he deserved. If he was gone he couldn't destroy other people, he couldn't poison everything he touched anymore.
Oliver squatted down, so that he was looking up at the older boy. He had read once that looking down on people made them look like shit, and Kaiden looked like he already felt bad enough. He watched as Kaiden cried, wanting to wipe the tears from his cheeks out of instinct. He remembered when he had to comfort his sister, how hard she had cried, and tried to remember anything he had said which had made her stop feeling so horrible. "I wasn't worried about you, why are you leaving? Did the show go badly? It'll get better," Oliver couldnt help but worry about his own show if someone who seemed as confident as Kaiden had been reduced to tears
"Can you just sit down like a normal person already?" He snapped, taking a deep breath as he had to once again. "The show was amazing, fantastic..the best thing I've ever done in my life.." He remembered reading that Oliver's show was on Friday, and he didn't want him thinking this was about the show. As much as he disliked the boy, he didn't want to psych him out and have him mess up. "You'll love it. I was planning on coming, the second I saw that The All American Rejects and Second Hand Serenade were on your set list." Kaiden was rambling, trying to say anything and everything to just stop his brain from thinking for a few seconds.
Oliver plopped down on his ass, still looking up at Kaiden as he did so. He did well with commands, even if they were snapped at him. He wouldn't hold it against Kaiden, the boy was obviously having a rough time. "I'm glad it was a good time, doesn't explain why you're so upset though." He pointed this out, feeling slightly dickish as he did. Obviously Kaiden didn't want to talk about it if he was getting off track. "Aw thats nice, you don't have to though," He didn't think the other boy was being exactly truthful, he hadn't been nice and wouldn't go to a show if the artist who was preforming had been a dick. Thats why he had attended Kaiden's Roxy performance after all. "Yeah, want me to get you another drink?"
"my sister tried to kill herself" That was it, he just came out with it, blunt as ever. He lay down, resting his head in Oliver's lap without even bothering to ask permission. Maybe it would be easier, telling Oliver who would hate him again tomorrow than telling Adrian or Phoenix or anyone who actually cared. "Overdose" He closed his eyes tight, trying to fight off the fresh set off tears threatening to spill over. "Even wrote about me in her suicide note, isn't that fucking wonderful" it was too late the tears were falling again and he felt like he could throw up any second. "It's all my fucking fault, I destroy anything I'm close to, drag it down to my pathetic level until it's just as weak and broken as me!"
"Oh," Oliver choked out, blinking fast himself as he tried to understand what was going on. He was well acquainted with suicide. He had attempted it three times before, only the first time had he written a letter. "I'm so sorry." He ran a hand through Kaiden's hair, petting it down one way. He knew that this comforted him a great deal, so much so that he did it to himself when he started to breakdown. "Hey..don't blame yourself..not everything revolves around you." He said it in a harsh tone, but was trying to be comforting, maybe by telling him this he would calm down a bit. "If she tried to kill herself it wasn't because of you..she probably had her own issues, which she dealt with in her own way....It's gonna be okay...I'm sure you're parents will get her help."
"She called me out Oliver, for leaving her nothing about our parents or bullies or...It was me, it was me she felt the need to put down as an actual reason. I don't think everything revolves around me but being so fucking toxic that my baby sister blames me for a suicide attempt, yeah, that stings so i'm sorry i'm a little bit fucking upset." He sat upright, fist clenched as he fought the urge to relieve his stress by using Oliver as a personal punching bag. He knew he was a fucking idiot, talking to Oliver about his problems of all people. He just needed something, someone..he needed Adrian but things were so different since he left him that that wasn't an option. He considered going to Phoenix but that idea seemed just as bad.
"Do you think you should go see her then?" Oliver jolted himself when Kaiden shot up, spine straightening up as he did so. "I didn't..I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that, I didn't understand," Oliver was attempting to be as placating as possible, and not to upset Kaiden more. He was obviously failing and he couldn't help but feel worse for it. "I'm so sorry Kaiden...I don't know what to tell you.." Oliver confessed this feeling as if he had daggers in his stomach, to counter act that he immediatly lit up again. He needed to smoke to feel less like shit.
"How do i do that? Walk in like 'hey I'm sorry that I left you for a year and a half because i can't stand being around you but I heard you attempted suicide?'" He laughed dryly shaking his head as he copied Oliver's actions, withdrawing another cigarette from the pack, once he lit it he watched the flame dance for a minute, longing to press the red hot metal into his skin. He knew he couldn't do that with Oliver infront of him so he pocketed the lighter silently. "I love her I do" He sobbed. "I just watch her, with her loving mum and dad who are actually hers and it makes me sick, because I'll never have it. I got out of there because I was sending myself insane with this desperate need to fit in when I never would and if I didn't get out I'd be where she was now, I didn't think it was such a selfish decision when I made it.."
"It's not selfish to want to take care of yourself." Oliver said, throwing in his two cents but not saying anything else. He didn't want to offend the other boy to bad. He had already done enough as it was. "Are, you gonna be okay? For tonight? " Oliver asked one more time, knowing he wouldn't be able to leave Kaiden alone when he was this torn up. Maybe he could get one of Kaiden's friend's attention, they would be better at the whole comforting thing anyway.
Kaiden has started off desperate to be alone but now that he'd had company, the thought scared him again. Alone was not something he wanted. "C-can I ask something weird?" He whispered, looking up at Oliver, his look in his eyes was the picture of innocence. "Please stay with me for tonight, just for tonight" He practically begged the other boy, curling back up in his lap as if he'd already made up his mind.
"Yeah, yeah totally. Just...how about not in the Garden? You can come to my room...we can watch Spirited Away, its a great film," One of Oliver's favourite, and still in the DVD player if he remembered correctly. That's all that Oliver had been doing the last few days, writing songs and watching Studio Ghibli films. "It's not weird," he pet through Kaiden's hair again. "I just hope your hair doesn't keep me up is all,"
"Why would my hair keep you up? Kaiden ask, confusion clear on his features as he looked up at the boy. "And I've never heard of that films, which gives me the impression it isn't a good film?" He remained in the boys lap for a few minutes, trying to focus on the calm he was starting to feel. The tears had began to stop and it was a start at least. "If it's an awful film I'll just freeze to death in the garden honestly" His voice was smoother now, showing he was beginning to calm
"Because its so bright," Oliver explained, smiling a bit at his own dumb joke as he continued to comb his fingers through Kaiden's hair. "Hey, no, its amazing." Oliver defended, frowning down at the boy in his lap. "Look, we don't have to watch anything but Spirited Away is amazing and something everyone should see in their life... you'll eat your words if you watch it." His hand continued on down Kaiden's neck onto his back, more rubbing small circles than petting fingers through his hair at this point. Oliver took one final drag of his Cigarette and dropped it on the ground, not making the mistake of stepping on it this time. "Sleep always makes everything better anyway,"
"It's been six days since I last slept at all" Kaiden chuckled. "I normally just go and go until I pass out, not voluntarily of course but my body doesn't seem to agree with sleep much, well it does when I'm snuggled up with...someone but lying their alone at night just kills me" He admitted, he felt so exposed right now, so weak and small, like a bug just waiting to be crushed. "We'll watch it, whatever"
"I mean..." Oliver couldn't really relate he had slept alone his whole life. Even when he had girlfriends they had their own specific sides of the bed. He'd never really cuddled with anyone other than his sister. "You could...snuggle with me..I guess?" Oliver offered this, feeling unsure down to his bones. He didn't want this to get out, that he was all cuddled up in bed with another guy, but his desire to help someone who was so obviously hurting was stronger. "C'mon get up," Oliver started pushing on Kaiden's back softly. "My Room's a fucking a mess, don't expect to much," he offered up, eternally grateful that he had the mind to hide his razors before coming out to the garden. No one needed to know that.
Kaiden reluctantly stood up, his thoughts drifted to the fact Oliver would now be able to see him properly, or more importantly the fresh cuts on his arms. He folding his arms over his chest in a desperate attempt to hide it. "Look, you don't have to snuggle with me Oliver" He said with an eye roll. "If the thought of being cuddled up with guy puts you on edge I'll just curl up on the other side of the bed, alright?
"I'll snuggle with you. Don't worry dude, I was just wondering if I had jizz stains on my mattress. You're in luck," He lied easily, wondering how he seemed so transparent to the other boy. He worked so hard on keeping a good image, he had obviously let something show through his face. Looking up his eyes did catch on the cuts on the other boys arm, his eyes had adjusted to the dim light and so while they didn't stand out angry and red as they probably were they were noticeable. At least to Oliver they were. He kept his face impassive though, standing up beside Kaiden and pretending he hadn't seen anything. "C'mon, lets go before you faint on me and everyone thinks I like..roofied you." he was talking to keep his head off of what he had seen as he set off across the grass. Should he say anything? It wasn't his place, it would be very much like the pot calling the kettle black..maybe he could say something that wouldn't hurt though. Something that was..helpful and good, how he would be wanted to be dealt with. "Uh.." he muttered mostly to himself. "There's ba...hurry up," he cut himself off at the last second, looking over his shoulder at the other by as he entered the house. "I dont wanna lose you, big house an all.."
Kaiden followed after the boy, rolling his eyes. His limit for staying up so far had been eight days, and if supernatural was anything to go on apparently ten days was as long as you could go without dying. He walked a few steps behind Oliver, biting down on his lip and keeping his arms folded tightly. "What floor is your room on?" He questioned, watching Oliver walk and following behind him, he felt a bit like a lost puppy right now, latching onto the first person who offered some affection and comfort. "Why are you being nice to me?" The words had escaped before his mind registered them but it was a question he'd been wondering about. He'd only been here a week and it seemed like Oliver loved to make his life hell already.
"I can't hold a grudge very well." Oliver explained even though the opposite was true, he was great at holding things against people. He hadn't forgot a single face of any of his bullies, he really just didn't want Kaiden to feel like he was alone though. He felt like that a lot and other than falling off the boat and being easy to wind up Kaiden didn't seem to have anything really horrible about him. He didn't kill puppies or anything fucked up like that. So while Oliver could say that, all of that and tell Kaiden how he felt about the whole situation he thought this was easier, a small lie that would make Kaiden feel like he wasn't being pitied simply empathized with. "Third," He said shortly after, taking the stairs as he always did, looking back every few seconds to make sure Kaiden hadn't fallen down. He made up his mind to give the boy a few bandaids when he got to his room. maybe.
Kaiden nodded in response, not having the energy to say anything else. He was craving a red bull but it wasn't worth sneaking into his bedroom just to grab a few cans so he suffered in silence as he followed behind Oliver. The relief once they finally stopped on the third floor was unreal and Kaiden took a deep breath. "Oliver?" He said quietly, biting down on his lip hard enough that it drew blood. He didn't say the words often and he rarely meant them but right now he did. "Thank you for this"
"Yeah, of course dude. No problem. We'll just have a totally girly sleepover. Maybe with drugs." Oliver was kidding but as he said it he wondered if he had anything out. He usually put all that stuff with his razors and scalpel so it should be fine, not that it didn't look like Kaiden would be too offended. Oliver took quick steps to his room, looking back after opening his door at the other boy. "Dude, don't do that." He said, nodding his head towards the others lips, he didn't know if he could touch yet considering Kaiden hadn't forcefully plopped himself in Oliver's lap. 'Welcome to mi casa," Oliver pushed open the door as he entered, walking towards the bed and looking it over. Everything looked good, his Violin was even put away. Did he clean when he was on cocaine?
Entering the room had Kaiden on high alert, he looked round. It was bad that Kaiden's brain worked in a way that the first thing he did when he entered the room was look for every possible hide away spot available. He took a breath, perching on the end of Oliver's bed and wiping the blood away quickly with his thumb. "'m sorry." He mumbled like a child who'd just been scolded.
"It's fine." Oliver assured him, pulling back the blankets and pointing at Kaiden's shoes. "Take those off before you get in." He reminded, baring a stark resemblance to his mother when she would get home after a long shift. "Wa-.." he remembered suddenly that he needed to grab bandages, going over to his underwear drawer he grabbed a few. "Here...for your arms..and lip I guess." He didn't want to say much else as he left the bandaids beside Kaiden and went over to the other side of the room, setting the movie up to play through at low brightness and low volume. He hoped he hadn't just royally fucked up.
Kaiden froze instantly, mind racing as he watched Oliver's every move, eyes glancing back to the band aids every few seconds. There was no point denying it, once Oliver spotted them it's too late to try cover it up. He nodded, taking them and covering the cuts one by one. He turned his attention back to Oliver before kicking off his shoes. "On a scale of 1 - 10, how comfortable with your sexuality are you, aka can I strip down to my boxers so I'm not sleeping in skinny jeans?" Kaiden said, the jeans already rubbing his skin the wrong way after the hours of wearing them on and off stage.
"Uh,"He paused for an awkwardly long second before coughing and going back to the DVD player. Fiddling with things he doesn't need to be fiddled with. "It's fine, however your comfortable dude." He couldn't turn back around though, he felt like even in the low light Kaiden would see that his cheeks were flushed beyond belief. It took a few seconds of rubbing at his own seat pants, on his thighs so that the pain calmed him down, before his blush was gone. "You gonna spoon me? How's this gonna work?" Oliver asked, walking up to the bed, eyebrows raised as if he hadn't just died in the corner. He noticed the Kaidens arm was banadged and pushed the trash off the bed, smiling a bit to himself.
Kaiden didn't have to be told twice, lying back on the bed and breathing in to unbutton his jeans, pushing them off on sitting up to fold them, placing them on the floor neatly with his shoes on top. Oliver's room looked clean and he didn't want to mess that up. "I mean, however, how do you normally sleep?" he questioned, starting to clamber under the soft blankets eagerly. "If you lie on your back, i'll just sort of rest on you, if you lie on your side we can spoon. However you want. Personally I find it comfiest to lie on someones chest with their arms around me" He chuckled lightly to himself at the fact he felt like he was currently teaching the other boy how to cuddle.
Oliver felt his cheeks pink up as Kaiden undressed, looking away as he did. Maybe this was too much? What if someone found out? No..No...he couldn't overthink, Kaiden obviously needed someone.."Yeah i can hold...you."Oliver didn't think he could be more awkward if he tried so after running a hand through his hair he lay down,opening his arms as if getting ready to receive a huge burden. "I'm ready," he said, trying to keep the dramatic tone out of his voice. This was not the time to be dramatic, or for any of his dumb jokes.
Kaiden shifted closer to the boy, resting his head on his chest and getting comfy, he took a deep breath. The second he felt the warmth of a body he felt safe, a feeling he could never feel without someone by his side. He clung to Oliver, much like a baby koala might and closed his eyes, listening to the movie Oliver had put on even though he wasn't really paying attention.
"You good?" Oliver questioned, looking down at Kaiden, feeling a bit awkward and not knowing how the other was comfortable. "Its that like a...regular thing for you or...just tonight? They have a lot of good therapists in La.." He hoped he wasn't overstepping bounds but left like it was kinda of his duty, know that he knew. He would spit in the face of anyone who said this to him but Kaiden wasn't him so it was worth a shot. "I mean..if not you could like..just come here and chill when you feel like crap...that would be fine,"
"Yeah I'm good" Kaiden nodded, trying to enjoy the unfamiliar warmth. "First time in a year and four months" He whispered, he hadn't done it since before he'd packed up and left, that was the whole point of leaving. He got away from the things that dragged him down so low that hurting himself seemed like the only temporary escape from his thoughts. "I wouldn't extend open invitations to me" he chuckled,"you'll have me sneaking in your bed when you're half asleep to cuddle most nights now"
"That's fine, as long as you don't..like advertise that we sleep together on a regular basis..I have enough of a hard time keeping gay rumors at bay without people knowing I have a same-sex cuddle buddy." Oliver stroked a hand through Kaiden's hair again, finding it more calming to him that it probably was for Kaiden himself. "You're not toxic by the way. You should go to sleep now though,"
Kaiden raised an eyebrow, personally gay rumors wouldn't bother him. He doubted they would even if he was straight because who cares anymore? It was Oliver's decision and his life though, so he nodded, he couldn't do anything but respect his decision. "I am" He mumbled. "I'll destroy everything eventually," His voice was already becoming softer a sleepier, it was shocking how something as simple as a pair of arms around him could send Kaiden to sleep when nothing else could.
"Yes, go to sleep little neon caterpillar," Oliver could go for a nap as well, maybe it was the body heat or that he was tired from overthinking so many things in such a short period of time. "Everyone dies eventually, so does it all even really matter, just go to sleep buddy," He didn't know when Kaiden became buddy but he accepted it. Being needed was nice. Oliver started to drift off, fingers weaved through his hair.
"Night" He murmured softly, he started to think trying to decide what to do, if he should go home or stay but he realized after a moment or two, that that didn't have to be decided right now. That was his last thought before he finally fell asleep for the first time in days.
