"If any more fucking bandits try to run me through again, I will hunt them down in the Falkreath wilds and devour their hearts!"
Falco Spara didn't even look up from the book he was reading; he had just gotten to the spicy part of this historical Old Capennan monsterfucker romance, after having silently deducted points for every incorrect historical bit thus far. But only one person would walk into his office unannounced and ranting like a madman. "Jasper. How was Skyrim?"
Jasper Clark scowled deeply, their bushy eyebrows furrowing down over their grey eyes. "Bad. The answer is bad." They flopped down into the chair on the other side of Spara's desk and dramatically threw their arm over their eyes. "'Let's go hunting', Eola said. 'It'll be fun and easy', she said. We went into FIVE Nordic ruins! If I never see another draugr in my extensive life, it will still be too soon!"
Spara placed his bookmark into his book and stuffed it back into the drawer of his desk. He leaned forward over the desk and folded his hands together under his chin, propping himself up with his elbows so he could look at Jasper. "What in the name of Serra took you two into ruins to find bandits? Don't they usually stay in old forts?" Spara knew a lot more about Jasper and Eola's adventures than any other New Capennan did.
He knew what they did with bandits.
"As it turns out, when you start hunting down every bandit camp in Falkreath Hold and the Reach, bandits start to notice!" Jasper ranted. "We did finally find a group, but damn. I ended up fighting two Dragon Priests back to back!"
"I doubt they were much of a challenge for you," Spara chuckled, tucking his wings closer to himself. "And you haven't told me much about how skilled Eola is in combat, but given that you willingly associate with her..."
"Oh yeah, she's great in a fight," Jasper confirmed. They rubbed their face. "It wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep using frost magic. I hate the fucking cold."
Spara blinked a few times. "...Then why go to Skyrim?"
"Well, how else am I going to hang out with Eola?" Jasper had the gall to look at Spara like he was the crazy one here.
Spara shook his head. He should have known by now that he would never understand how Jasper's brain worked. He just appreciated the fact that they were...arguably...on his side. At least, they were until they got bored. Or until New Capenna collapsed as a society. Whichever came first. "I see," he said, even though he didn't really get it. "Well, next time you go, do tell her that I said hello."
"I will, boss," Jasper said, getting up from their chair. They were much calmer now than they had been when they walked in. "Anyway, figured I'd let you know that I was back in town and ready to get back to work." They were out the door before Spara could even verbally acknowledge what they said.
Spara sighed and dug his book back out from his desk drawer. "Serra, grant me patience..." he muttered under his breath as he opened the book back to where he had left off.