#paingoes

[whumpawaydarling]

how tall is calyx

5 foot nothing ☹️

[inhurtandincomfort]

16, 18 and 22 for jowan

Thanks for the ask! From this ask game

16. What makes them like someone instantly?

My instinct is to say expressing any interest in his work. That is true, he will like you immediately. But I want to delve a little deeper and say taking any interest in him at all. He's had people be interested in his work; but he's never had anyone interested in him. Well, except one girl when he was a teenager but he blew that because he doesn't know how to exist outside of the lab 🤷‍♀️

Anyone trying to get to know him as a person... he wouldn't know what to say, but he'd appreciate it. Gives him something to think about.

18. What period of history would they most like to live in?

Hmm. Honestly the era of the Industrial Revolution is pretty perfect for him haha. If I were to choose another... it would have the be the Scientific Revolution (1543–1687). So many new ideas laid out in this time, he'd have a field day

As far as fantasy-timeline goes, honestly he's in the best time for himself. Although, perhaps he'd have fared better in the days of early civilisation, then there wouldn't be nearly so much pressure on him lol

22. How do they feel about their upbringing?

Ah, Jowan. King of Repression. He who makes it a point to never be alone with his thoughts. How does he feel about his upbringing.

Under cut bc getting long and also tw for Jowan's backstory. Child abuse. Torture. The whole shebang. You get it by now

Okay, pre-Jowan fic, he never thought much of it. It was rough, at times. He had mixed feelings about his Father; on the one hand he was strict and impossible to please. Jowan's not sure he's ever seen the man so much as twitch his lips. Still, despite acknowledging some of the difficulties Jowan's never considered it abuse. He wasn't abused, he was treated differently from other children because he was better than them, and it helped him reach his full potential.

Enter the Jowan fic, and the Byheldymine.

Jowan repressed that memory. Either simply thinking it wasn't as bad as it really was, or repressing it entirely, I'm not sure, but either way he never had that categorised as... he wouldn't say it was right, but he wouldn't say it was abuse. That's such a strong word, and Jowan is far too well-adjusted. Children who were abused don't grow up to be as intelligent and put together as he is. "Abuse" is 5 or 6 emaciated children sharing one room living in their own filth because their parents prefer to spend time with drugs or alcohol then with their own kids.

But when he was poisoned with Byheldymine again as an adult, it all came flooding back.

He tries to justify it. Tries to find some excuse for it.

He can't.

Jowan can't even try and claim it had scientific value, because it didn't. The effects of Byheldymine are well documented. His Father simply let his rage get the better of him. It was probably less that Jowan had seen something he shouldn't (shortly after he introduced Jowan to his projects anyway-) and more that Jowan had simply disobeyed him.

I definitely want to explore this in a fic at some point, because I think this is a crucial turning point in how Jowan thinks of his Father and subsequently his upbringing. He never could say he loved his Father, he simply wasn't a lovable man and he never tried to make Jowan love him. He didn't care if Jowan hated him so long as the work was done. Family relations weren't important. But after this is when Jowan starts thinking.

His Father wasn't a nice man, Jowan knew that. He was stern and cold and scary, but Jowan didn't necessarily think he was wrong, just... unlikable. But that day was different. That day was inexcusable.

In conclusion, for the most part Jowan thinks it was necessary hardship to bring out the best in him. It takes a long time for him to begin to think of things in a different light, and he probably needs to talk to people to help him realise that no, none of it was normal or okay.

[yet-how-they-creep]

whats the dnd campaign about :0 also what do you rp

OMG DND QUESTION

HELL YEAH

It will be a sci-fi campaign, based on a probably insane mixture of a couple of movies and TV-shows (so far I have the Men in Black movies, and Star Trek that I'm drawing inspiration from)

I'm super excited about it, because even though I do play DnD, I'm not a fan of fantasy settings, so I'm living the dream with aliens and spaceships and conspiracy theories

And it's going to be set on Earth, specifically in New York in the early 90s

And the rp I have going, is with one of my best friends, who will be in the campaign and we're creating a backstory for their character

Also because the rest of the group doesn't know what whump is, we can have fun in the rp

[inhurtandincomfort]

!!! do you have any hot takes about whump? overrated or underrated tropes?

Ooh... I'm not sure you know, I try not to get involve in any drama haha

I think pet whump is overrated. I especially think the kind of whumpee that's all meek and cute and with no personality other than being desperate to please "master" is overrated. (note that I have generally enjoyed all of this at some point, but well, I still have opinions and being overrated doesn't mean I dislike it!)

I think BBU is very overrated. No shade but it generally does nothing for me. It's a fun idea, and whilst I may play around with something similar at some point, I'll make my own rules and systems.

Finally I also think scary caretakers are overrated. Idk it's just not my thing lol, I prefer strong, protective whumpees with a soft caretaker, like there's just something about wanting to protect someone, but being unable to.

For underrated, though growing in popularity I still think messy recoveries and difficult whumpees are underrated! I want more unhealthy coping mechanisms, lashing out at people who care, whumpees who are having such a hard time they are on the verge of pushing people away entirely and being left alone... Yes please <3

Semi-hot take., or maybe am ice cold take idk, but I think we as a community sometimes care too much about what other people think of us. We feel the need to sanitise ourselves, even changing our vocabulary so we're not "cringe". I don't care about being palatable to outsiders. I don't want to be too palatable, of course I want to welcome new people but I also like this small community we've built, and I don't want to become mainstream, you know?

People worry about whump being wrong or immoral, and I know some people do feel ashamed, and I'm lucky that I've never felt that way. Still, if someone says the whump community is immoral, I truthfully don't care. I cannot claim to be perfect, but I am secure enough in myself to know that I'm a good person, regardless of my taste in fiction. I don't feel the need to defend myself when a random tumblr user claims we're cringe or freaks lmao.

[whumpawaydarling]

5 and 23 for amor vincit omnia pleaseeeee :)

these are. alia thesee are such good choices for avo i feel dizzy

5. Whumper, why did you choose whumpee? Whumpee, would you choose whumper if you had the choice?

K grins, looks over at Calyx. "I had a feeling about them. I would've dropped them a long time ago if they weren't as fun as I predicted, but I am rarely wrong about these things. I pick my toys well, what can I say?"

Calyx looks very, very sad when they hear her answer. To answer their question, they just shake their head no. They can speak, but they don't. There's nothing to say.

(fun fact: their answer will change one day ^^)

23. What triggers whumper?

She frowns. "Nothing. Disobedience." She sits up straighter in her chair. "No, actually. Being underestimated. Don't think for a moment that I'm not ten steps ahead. Oh, it would -" she laughs, and there's danger in it. "It would really piss me off if anyone thought they could get one up on me."

[inhurtandincomfort]

💖🐇🦄 for eldwin :0 ?

Thank you for the ask!!

From this ask game

💖What’s something they like about themselves? Can be a physical feature, a personality trait, anything about them. 

This was surprisingly hard! I kept thinking of things - he likes his strength, but it's cracking. Since he was a child he's always prided himself on his independence, reliant on no one but himself except ah, he's losing that too. Confidence? Turned to ash.

He likes his adaptability. He's pretty resourceful and is willing to take risks, both things that have served him well over the years. No matter what life throws at him, he always finds a way to survive.

He also values his loyalty, which has not served him so well.

🐇Do they have any pets? Do they want any?

I haven't written it yet, but he will get a cat at some point. Haven't decided what kind. I'm thinking a scruffy, tough street cat that looks like it's lived 50 years and hates everyone but him. I think that would be a good boost to his ego lol.

🦄Do you have any AUs for your OC? What AU would be interesting to explore?

Nothing written, but I've had in my mind an AU where he takes over as the leader of the Black Syndicate, and how his current-timeline self would react to it. (hint: he'd be horrified.) While his current self has been known to enjoy inflicting violence from time to time, it' more of a... coping mechanism of sorts. Taking out his frustrations on people who deserve it or just people he hates. That way he can convince himself he's not a bad person. That he's not like them. He expressly dislikes harming innocents even if he'll do it anyway for the job.

However in this AU he has fully embraced his cruelty, thrown away all morality to keep himself on top. This would be a world where he has fully given himself up to Alistair's guidance - been properly educated, learned, well, how to do business of all kinds. Probably killed Clyde on Alistair's own orders, there is no way he could be the boss with Clyde left alive. That's about the only good thing that comes of this AU lol.

Maybe he even killed Alistair too, when he didn't need him anymore. He didn't go through all that just to be someone else's pawn.

...But, his friendly pact-mate Vor'gol is still around and Eldwin can't get rid of him. So he's effectively handed the country over to a daemon lord, and will subsequently cause a divine war between gods and infernal, where the middle-world (aka earth) suffers the consequences. Good job dude. He probably doesn't care though. He's alright.

He wouldn't need a living weapon of his own as he's still just as powerful, even more so with the added influence - but perhaps he'd keep someone around anyway to do the work that's beneath him. Or just someone to play with. Now he understands the thrill of having someone entirely under your control.

Or maybe I'll just do a coffee shop AU... that could be nice...

[inhurtandincomfort]

4 + 11 + 22 for jowan ?

Thanks for the ask! :D From this ask game

[4] How physically and emotionally affectionate they are?

When it comes to affection, Jowan is just kind of... mimicking what he's seen and read. He doesn't hug people, that's too much touching, but he will- he pats people on the head honestly. It's a bit condescending, especially as it means they're probably confined to a chair or bed otherwise he wouldn't be able to reach. Pat on the head, the shoulder, just a little gentle touch.

Emotionally again, he's just parroting what he knows he should. Maybe the sentiment is real, maybe, but the words are not. He's just saying what people should say, without giving any thought as to what his own words would be.

[11] What are small things that make them happy?

A bright summer's day, seeing an array of colourful flowers and creatures he doesn't often see. He forgets how nice being outside in a quiet place is. He really doesn't spare any time for anything outside of his work, and I don't think he realises how detrimental that is to him. I think he'd really like to just... relax somewhere, with a sweet coffee, a gentle record playing in the background. Watching butterflies, hearing the bird song. Something to make him feel connected to the world. Make him feel alive.

[22] Do they have nightmares, and if yes, when did they start and what are they usually about?

He does, since he was a kid. They usually have something to do with being abandoned, or alone. He might be in a crowd of people but fully invisible to everyone, like he's not even there. Sometimes he's a child, chained up in a busy place but no matter how he's pleading, no one notices.

He might be stranded in the middle of an open area but no matter where or how far he goes the scenery never changes, and he never comes across another soul.

Occasionally he sees his father, the disappointment in his eyes as he sternly lectures him for being so childish, for not having accomplished anything, I knew you'd never amount to anything, ashamed to call you my son-

Sometimes, just sometime, he sees his mother. He never sees her face, he doesn't know what she looks like. But he knows her name, and he's always desperate to see her but she turns him away. She doesn't want to know him.

[whumpawaydarling]

Have you ever been terrified? Of what? What's the worst pain you've ever been in?

for k and calyx plsssss :)

good questions....

Have you ever been terrified? Of what?

C: ... yeah? I feel like I've been scared for the past six months straight. K: (grinning) Of what, Calyx? C: (deadpan) I wonder. (then, quieter.) I think... maybe it's silly. But I was really scared at home. It was harder at home. When I kept - you know. Having nightmares and seeing her and stuff. That was... really scary. (they sigh, and speak to K without looking at her.) I'm not even going to bother asking you. K: Good.

ooc: i mean obviously k has had moments of terror but they were all a long long time ago. and they often instantaneously shifted to anger

What's the worst pain you've ever been in?

Calyx grimaces and looks at their scars, as if considering the visual element will help them decide. C: The barbed wire was bad, but I really - don't like that... spell. (they're quiet for a moment.) Worst? Fuck. Maybe being outside. That really wasn't good. K: ... K: You aren't getting an answer from me.

ooc: hers is her neck brand :)