#160
"Bruce," Steve gasped, bursting into his lab.
Bruce jumped, hard, both his feet leaving the ground as he spun to face him. There was a green tinge around his eyes and nose for a moment. His chest heaved from the fright, and the more understanding that filled Bruce's face, the more frustration joined it. He didn't normally have to warn people not to freak him out more than once after they learned about the Hulk, after all.
Steve took a moment to feel sorry, because he really hadn't meant to startle him. Then he charged onward, taking a step further into the lab. "Bruce, please tell me how I fucked up."
"...Besides the obvious?" Bruce asked, waving a hand back and forth between them.
Steve thrust his phone out at him. "Please. He sent me a frown and I don't know what I did wrong."
Bruce's eyes crossed as Steve shoved the screen closer to his face. "...You responded to a text simply consisting of an eggplant and a donut with 'no, thank you?'" He looked up at Steve, unable to help a frown of his own. "You know what the eggplant is supposed to signify, right?"
Steve hesitated. But then, Bruce didn't look flustered, so. "A dick?"
"Okay, so you got that part right," Bruce offered after a surprised pause.
"The donut threw me off. I've never seen the donut before," Steve admitted. He paused, then corrected, "I've never seen it with the eggplant. He usually texts me that one while I'm on my morning runs to get donuts on my way home."
"Maybe he sent the donut by mistake," Bruce offered.
Steve looked at his phone screen and sighed, brows furrowing together. "I know Tony makes fun of me for typing things up, but at least it doesn't leave room for miscommunication like emoji." Bruce grimaced, and Steve caught it before he could school his face back. He huffed, feeling a little embarrassed. "What?"
"Text communication has its own hurdles," Bruce began. He said it very diplomatically. It was the same tone he'd used in previous situations when Steve had unknowingly put his foot in it, and he felt like the guillotine was about to come down on him. "Tony asked what you liked in a date and you said you really liked the ones Natasha had brought you with the goat cheese and the bacon."
"That's because I couldn't believe he was asking me out via text," Steve exclaimed defensively.
Bruce blinked at him, unimpressed. "That's because you weren't getting the hint when he asked you out in person, Steve."
"HUH," Steve bellowed.
Bruce's phone pinged before he could continue. He pulled his phone out as if Steve did not fully intend to interrogate him about his apparent previous obliviousness. "I hate it here," he sighed.
Steve snatched the phone out of his hand. It was from Tony.
Who says no to sex and donuts?! 😠
"Fucking infuriating," Steve said, then turned to storm upstairs. "Don't bother us for like twelve hours."
"Give me back my phone," Bruce barked, and Steve wasn't stupid enough to try him, so he scuttled back to hand it over to him.
