VERY CURSED one sided Obisheev Au where Palpatine actually has a crush on Obi-Wan and everything he does is an attempt to win him over because the more sithly you are, the worse you are at flirting apparently.
CURSED AF, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Battle of naboo: get Obi-Wan to come see his planet
Send maul to kill Qui-Gon: get him alone/kill the competition
Throw maul to the garbage planet: punishment for attacking his future boyf
Getting close to Anakin: if we're both his father figures then the next natural step is for him to bring his father figures together (this backfires horribly)
Attempt to kill Padmé: destroy the competition/get my favorite jedi on the path to finding the army i made for him and also lead him to dooku, his fave grandpa who will definitely convince him to join my side
Mandalore plot arc: defame and destroy the competition (satine)
Rako hardeen arc: get him to rescue me so I can be his damsel in distress
Kill Savage and beat up maul: STOP ATTACKING MY JEDI HE'S MINE but maul can live bc he killed the competition i failed to kill earlier
Beginning of RotS: same as rako hardeen
"Leave him": so I can have grievous pick him up and take him captive for me since I'm desperate at this point nothing else has worked
Turn Anakin: look he'll follow this kid anywhere apparently I guess if I turn Anakin to the dark side maybe he'll join us too and we can raise our fucked up son together
Death star: please come and do something about this Obi-Wan I don't know where you are
Have Luke kill Vader: Luke is all I have left of my bae after you killed him you overgrown robot child
There's more I could add but I hate this and it lives rent free in my head so add more if you like but I just wanted to eject this from my brainspace asap.
