#pampered.start

[okbastian-blog]

text → all contacts

bastian: so my cousin and this girl i met last night are both named laura. guess which one i just texted a dick pic to

bastian: can't wait till our next family reunion :))

[odettedotorg-blog]

have you got any idea how terrifying cats are? they carry around this parasite called toxoplasma that alters the behaviour of rodents, right, which not only makes rats want to fuck 'em, but it makes the rat vulnerable to the cat seeing as how it isn’t afraid of it, and the cat then decides to eat it. cats basically carry around a zombie parasite that makes rats completely lose their fuckin' cool and I just don’t wanna be around when they take over the world.

[calvinxreid-blog]

“Touch my shit again and you won’t have any hands to touch anything with.“ Calvin spat. “Not even your-fucking-self.” He pulls his book out of arms reach from the other, gripping against himself. “Now what the fuck can I help you with?”

[tbhramona]

since time is a made up concept and no new year can actually change your outlook on life, i’m gonna not make resolutions and instead continue to live how i’ve been living

[nolanhalm-blog]

text ✉ all contacts

Nolan: listen

Nolan: i know i gave one of you the keys to my maserati last night

Nolan: please return them asap

[eveleighwillows-blog]

“Ah, it’s not that I don’t value you as a customer and everything but I have a couple people waiting and I’m about to get off work so I’d like to get this done as soon as I can. What were you after?”

[gtgsoph]

so, i was at this cute little coffee shop earlier today and this random that was in line ahead of me starting talking about how his life was falling apart or some shit. like, honey... i do not care in the slightest. go find a fucking therapist cause i sure as hell wasn’t listening over the sound of my name being called so i could get my macchiato.