Congratulations on making it this far. There was a time when you were afraid of your future.
I hope by now that you’re on less meds or in remission. Or maybe by now, they’ve found the cure for lupus. If it hasn’t happened, please don’t worry—just keep fighting. You’ve been through worse.
I’m hoping that you’ve written that book by now. The one you’re always talking to Hubbs about. The one that’s hiding in the back of your brain. The one that you’re afraid to write because you don’t want to scare people, or hurt people you know, and because you don’t want people to feel sorry for you.
You’ve always known that writing makes you happy. It’s the one thing that makes you feel free.
Future self, I hope that you’ve traveled to all the places that you’ve wanted to. I hope that you’ve seen the ruins of Pompeii, that you’ve danced in Spain, that you’ve taken that picture in front of the Vatican for your mom, and that you and Hubbs have taken a ride in a gondola in Venice.
Of course, you will always call San Francisco your home.
Please have a proper house by now, preferably in Potrero Hill. Also, I hope it has a yard and lots of bookshelves.
I also hope, future self, that you have children playing in that yard. They might not be your birth children but I’m sure you and Hubbs love them with all your heart. And if you’ve given birth to them, I’m sure that you’re thanking God for this miracle.
Also, please future self, kiss your husband everyday. Tell him thank you for making you laugh, for making you feel beautiful, and for no matter what always believing in you.
If he’s made Again into a television series like he’s wanted then make sure to whisper “thank you” in his ear as you watch your story come to life onscreen. Hubbs has always believed in your writing. He’s laughed with your characters, teared up during the sad parts, and has always told you that you write “kick ass daughters”.
I also hope, future self, that every now and then—you stop to take a deep breath and just relax.
Like you’ve heard once, “Everything will be alright in the end, and if it’s not alright then it’s not the end”.
