#panic panic panic

[binacolumn]

Hi scaranation are you still alive?? It's been real quiet lately..

[dharmaavocado]

Tonight's goals:

Eat my succulent chicken udon soup dinner

Watch some columbo and construct an elaborate au in my head of a queer version of columbo (it is the same as regular columbo only either columbo has a husband or columbo and his wife are t4t)

Finish this 5 au fact fill omg why is this one taking so long

Figure out which one I am filling next

Realize the year is half gone and I have barely started @rcmclachlan's fth fill

Panic

Ice cream

Bed

[bucketsfullofyou]

YALL DANNY KNOWS ABOUT TTS WHY ARE WE RELEVANT

[s0l4rst4rz]

EVERYBODY ACT NONCHALANT MY BF SAID HE WILL MAKE AN ACC HERE TO FOLLOW ME AND IF THIS DOES INDEED HAPPEN WE ALL ACT CHILL AND CALM AND EVERYTHING OKAY ?? OKAY .

[m3-kk]

Fuuuuuuck

I gotta teach a class

😭😭😭

I signed up for this

I gotta teach a 5th grade class

Someone make me stumble and break my toe I’m not readyyyy

Ergh

Jdimqjsidkwwmsnwkqk

[miasmaghoul]

GHOST IN ONE WEEK AH FUCK

[sae-something]

cant sleep & spiralling rambling

Slept for maybe 2 hours and then woke up around 2am and now I'm stuck in a panic cycle of hazy fantasies of losing A and howling at her and screaming at her and it's like my whole body is feeling the loss and the only thing that helps pull me out is pain.

I don't want pain. I want soft. But I'm so alone. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to sleep. Brain keeps going down the same spirals and at this point the only sense making conclusion is that A is getting burnt out and she will abandon me and it will be my fault and then I'll be alone and lost and I don't want a new therapist and then nothing will ever get better than it is now and it's like being torn into pieces and what the fuck went wrong that all this is happening. How is this happening. This can't be happening.

I keep going over the math - she took 2 weeks off in June, 2 in July (though maybe 1,5 if she manages to fit me in the week where she forgot me), 1 in August, 2 in September. First I feel the rage, how can she do this to me, how can she believe those leftover weeks can somehow be actual therapy?! This woman is taking more vacation in 4 months than most people get in a whole year. Then the terror settles in. This HAS to mean something is wrong. So wrong. She's gonna drop me

panic panic panic panic

pain

five hours til my alarm

I don't know what to do