hi, I actively identify as asexual and have a boyfriend. He's one of my best friends and sometimes I think about whether my feelings for him are actually just a very intimate platonic love or if it's actual romantic attraction. I've driven myself to panic attacks when I'll grow distant from my friends while I try to think about it. I feel horrible during those times & get so confused. Can you help me determine the line between romantic attraction and intimate platonic attraction? (#panicked ace)
That line is different for just about everyone. I'd suggest thinking about how you feel towards very close friends or family members. Think about that for a while to help you figure out what your personal sense of deep platonic love feels like. Then compare that to how you feel towards your boyfriend.
I'd also ask--does it matter? You can certainly love your boyfriend even if you don't feel romantic attraction towards him. You can do romantic things with him. You can define yourselves as being in a romantic relationship. If you feel platonic love instead of romantic attraction towards him, it doesn't make your relationship any less valid in any way, at all.
-Filbert