So, I'm thinking about writing a one-shot based on something that happened between me, my toddler, and my dog today.
*I* think it would be hilarious.
Said toddler stole said dog's treats while my back was turned and proceeded to try to get him to do tricks. I, mistakenly, did not think said toddler could get the treats open so they are at reachable level. (Historically, said toddler has not had a high enough dexterity modifier to open the bag.)
By the time I realized what was happening, I try to call said dog saying and I quote:
"Pinky! They are *not* your Master. *I* am your Master, come here!"
(I can no longer remember what was in my hands so I couldn't get to them at that exact moment.)
My dog proceeds to COMPLETELY ignore me in favor of being hand fed a treat and being called a good boy by the toddler. Who is, at this point, looking me dead in the eyes as I'm trying to give them the "parent stare."
The look on my face was probably utterly hilarious because I wasn't entirely sure whether I should laugh or feel deep betrayal as my own child and my dog blatantly ignore my entire existence as though I have been swallowed into the background by some ghost concocted by Charles Dickens.
I finally free up my hands (I think I was making bacon on the stove?), hop over to them, and get the bag of dog treats away from my toddler.
Said toddler runs away squealing as said dog looks up at me.
I reply to said dog:
"I know. She invaded my home too. Biggest difference is, I invited her in. You had no choice."
Then, I proceeded to pat the side of said dog aaaaand ... rescued his food from being dumped into his water bowl as my human tornado decided to run rampant through my kitchen.
After some negotiations with Spouse Unit 1, the human tornado passed out for a much needed 3 hour nap. (Y'all remember Muffin and the coconuts, and the water in them? Yeah ... we were there. The coconuts had water in 'em.)
As an aside, before you ask, yes. My dog is named after Pinky from Pinky and the Brain. He certifiably has two only brain cells that he uses to remind me when I've left the stove and/or the oven on. Which, thanks to ADHD and parent-brain ... is a lot more often than I'd enjoy admitting. But, he's also the kindest little doggo you'd ever want to meet. He loves being pummeled by larger dogs and being used as a pillow by my toddler. Pinky is a certified good boy, and I'll hear no arguments to the contrary. (Even when he doesn't listen and pees on the rug by our front door which drives me crazy. He really only does it when it gets below zero, and I suppose I can't really blame him for that.)
So, do I think I should be concerned that my toddler and my dog are scheming to take over the world?
Nah. They'd probably be better than what we've got going for us right now. So, I'm not too concerned.
Gotta love them. Dog and toddler, they're both nuts. But, ya gotta love 'em.
Anyway, if y'all ever wanted a glimpse into what my circus is like, this is it. I have all the charisma of a wet cat. But, I am, according to Squish, my toddler, "silly" and "my friend."
So, I guess that's gotta count for something?
