Doubting Online Love. Park Wonbin
Part 2: What Is Wonbin Doing?
coldonlinebestfriend!wonbin x obsessiveonlinebestfriend!reader, reader is neutral gender. Story based on a real situation.
What Wonbin is the thing that anchors you, the memories that keep you tethered to him even when the silence feels like a weight. You remember how it started last year, the initial spark of excitement when you first crossed paths. He was your first Korean friend, and you, joyful and passionned by his country and culture, jumped at him first seen.
you were building a bridge. when you first showed him you could read hangul, his reaction wasn't just polite, it was genuine, impressed, and a little bit bewildered. that admiration in his voice and texts because your favorite sound and words. over the months, you got so good that sometimes he'd pause in the middle of a call, genuinely shocked, asking if you’d been hiding korean blood this whole time.
it was endearing, the way he'd light up. he is and always has been a whirlwind of energy. He’s the type of guy who turns a boring tuesday into a show, sending voice notes of himself singing off-key, or "dancing" through frantic text descriptions that make you snort into your pillow at three in the morning.
And then there was the song.
you think back to that day, the way your heart nearly stopped when he sent that audio file. he had spent weeks secretly learning your language, stumbling over the phonetics just to sing something that felt like home to you. when you heard his voice, soft and earnest, navigating the unfamiliar vowels, you were a goner. that was the moment the "online friend" label started to feel like a flimsy shield against the avalanche of feelings that hit you.
you sit there in the dark, scrolling through those old, cherished voice notes, hearing his laugh echo in your ears. it’s hard to reconcile that version of him with the one who leaves you on read for a day while he's out living a different life.
The uncertainty is a slow acting poison, and lately, you've been drinking it by the gallon.
For the past month, the rhythm has been broken. Wonbin isn't just ignoring you, he's migrating. you see the signs: the "last active" status on the app you share is becoming erratic, or worse, he isn't there at all. You know he’s online elsewhere, locked away in some digital pocket you don't have the key to. You feel like a sentry guarding an empty palace, watching the king slip out through a side door to join a party you aren't invited to.
it drives you out of your mind. you find yourself staring at your phone, visualizing him in a different chat, an app you've stopped using a while ago, a place where he's likely being just as funny, just as charming, and just as "himself" with someone else.
Who is it?
The question isn't just curiosity anymore, it’s an obsession. Is it someone he met through his other friends? Someone who speaks his language naturally, without the need for the bridge you painstakingly built? You find yourself crafting scenarios in your head, picturing the way he probably yaps to this mystery person, the way he likely sings for them, the way he makes them feel like the only one in the world.
Fuck, it's unhealthy. you're aware, in the rational part of your brain that’s rapidly losing ground, that this is a descent into toxicity. You shouldn't care this much. You shouldn't be feeling this suffocating need to audit his life, to monitor his digital footprint, to possess the knowledge of every conversation he’s having. But you want it. you want it so badly it makes your chest ache. You want to see the names, read the messages, and know exactly how his attention is being divided.
your heart does that familiar, traitorous stutter the moment his name flashes across your screen. the air in your room seems to vanish, sucked out by the sheer gravity of his notification. you stare at it, a tiny, digital ghost that has the power to either save or destroy your night.
"Mhm. I didn't do much today. I haven't eaten either. My room's a mess but I'm too lazy to do anything right now."
the words are cold, routine, and painfully shallow. It’s the same script he’s been reciting for weeks, a list of minor, mundane grievances that ask for nothing but your validation. he doesn't ask about your day. he doesn't acknowledge the note you posted. he doesn't even sound like the boy who learned a whole song in your language just to hear you smile.
your thumbs hover over the glass, trembling with the weight of everything you're holding back. you could type it. You could pour it all out, the months of waiting, the obsession, the fear that you've been replaced by a ghost in another app, the realization that he is the last man you ever wanted to need.
but you know exactly how that goes. if you get too real, if you pierce through his carefully curated layer of "random" and "silly," he'll do what he always does: he'll pull back. he'll become a black hole of silence until you get scared enough to revert to the easy, breezy version of yourself that he finds palatable.
you feel the frustration clawing at your throat. It’s a suffocating cycle. you are so deeply in love with a man who is currently presenting you with the most boring version of his life, demanding that you play the role of the attentive, supportive, invisible friend.
you take a deep, shaky breath, fighting the urge to shatter the dynamic once and for all. you want to be his priority, his secret, his everything, but for now, you just feel like his captive.
You start to type, your fingers moving automatically, betraying your own heart.
"You should really eat something, Wonbin. And maybe clean up a little, you'll feel better."
it's safe. it's boring. it's exactly what he wants you to say. and as you hit send, you feel the familiar, sickening ache of settling for less than you deserve, just to keep him in your line of sight for one more day.
the tap-tap-tap of your finger against the screen is the only sound in your room, a frantic heartbeat of digital betrayal. you've bypassed your own boundaries, sacrificed your peace of mind, and reinstalled the one app that always leaves you feeling like an outsider.
you find his profile. online.
the familiar little green light feels like a neon sign pointing to your own inadequacy. you click into the server, your pulse thrumming in your throat, and there it is, the confirmation of your worst, most agonizing fear. he's in a voice channel.
you hover over the icon, your thumb hovering over the "join" button, but you don't need to click it to know what you'll hear. you can see the names of the people already in the room. they are faces from your past, people you once called friends, people you burned bridges with for reasons that now feel both justified and incredibly lonely.
And there is Wonbin. Right in the middle of them.
You can almost hear the cadence of his voice—that specific, melodic "yapping" that used to be reserved exclusively for your ears. he's laughing. it's a bright, unguarded sound that vibrates through your headphones, a sound that says he isn't lonely, he isn't lazy, and he certainly isn't "sadly sitting in a messy room" like he told you ten minutes ago. he is vibrant, he is connected, and he is elsewhere.
"I should've stayed clueless," you whisper to the empty air, your voice sounding thin and defeated.
the weight of the realization hits you like a physical force. it wasn't that he was busy. it wasn't that he was "too lazy" to eat or clean. it was that he was choosing. Every single day, he was actively choosing that place where you don't belong, surrounded by people who don't know you, and certainly don't care about you.
the screen glows, casting shadows that make your room feel colder than it actually is. You realize now that the "mixed signals" weren't accidental, they were a buffer. he didn't want to lose you, but he didn't want you enough to bring you into this part of his world. You were his secret, his private entertainment, a digital comfort object he could pick up and put down whenever it suited his mood.
you sit there in the dark, watching the little volume bars on the screen jump and jitter as he speaks. he sounds so happy. He sounds so complete without you. and the cruelest part is that you’re still sitting here, watching, obsessed, and completely unable to look away.
you've sacrificed your dignity, your sleep, and your sanity just to watch him enjoy the life he’s built behind your back.
the screen burns with the finality of that "read" receipt. it's a sharp, jagged punctuation mark at the end of your short lived rebellion.
your hands are shaking, a cocktail of adrenaline and toxic humiliation coursing through you. you didn't just step over the line, you leapt over it, fueled by the agonizing sight of him laughing in that voice chat. you had hoped, deep down in the most desperate corner of your heart, that he would panic. that he would apologize, explain, or, God forbid, admit that he was hiding there to escape something.
"Is that why you were so offline in Instagram? You made new friends?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"Who are all those people you're vocal chatting with?"
"They are just people. Why does it bother you so much?"
the question echoes in your mind, stripped of any warmth. to him, your pain is just a nuisance, a glitch in his user experience. you sit in the dark, the glow of your phone illuminating the tears you refuse to let fall. you feel small, insignificant. all the hours you spent learning his language, all the times you were his only audience, all the nights you put your own life on hold to be his digital shadow, it all feels like a transaction where he took everything and left you with nothing.
you stare at the chat window. you want to keep typing, to spill your guts, to tell him that he is the last man you ever wanted to need, that he is the air you breathe, that he is the reason your reality is so hollow. you want to scream at him for the "I love you" he dropped months ago like a casual afterthought, a promise that he clearly never intended to keep.
but you don't. You feel paralyzed.
because you know that if you send one more word, you'll be proving his point. you'll be the clingy, obsessed girl who can't handle him having a life, and he will just retreat further into that other world, the one where he is happy and you are irrelevant.
"Nevermind. Do you what you want."
you look at the "read" status, then at your own reflection in the blacked out screen. you look tired. You look like someone who has been fighting a war that only one person is playing.
You turned your phone off and stared at the ceiling until you drift off to sleep.
