For Lovers Who Hesitate⠀🪐⠀LHS
The three times Heeseung revealed his heart to you and the one time you actually noticed.
or ⠀Something about Heeseung saying he’s not good at talking about or showing his feelings, so he does it through small gestures that may seem mundane to an onlooker, yet hold a lot of meaning for him.
part 1 of 4
part 2⠀part 3
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pairing⠀non-idol!heeseung x reader
wc⠀2k
contains⠀fluff, slow burn, friends to lovers ??, shy heeseung and oblivious reader
listen to ⠀jannabi - for lovers who hesitate
a/n ⠀i finally overcame my fear of posting on tumblr ! actually, some time ago, i used to blog on a different community, but since it got shut down for good recently, i figured i could share my writing here instead ~ so, please look out for more content of mine … also, english is not my first language, so bare with me ♡
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☕⠀The First Time
“Text me when you get home,” you had called out as your friends were shuffling through the doorway.
Overlapping goodbyes and well-wishes continued to reach your ears as you followed them swiftly out onto the sidewalk. The scene in front of you was faintly illuminated by the flickering street lamps and the string lights strung across some shop windows. No matter how much the cool air dared to waft into the crevices of your jacket, the view of this old part of town lit up so warmly against the dark blue sky made a familiar warmth bloom in your chest.
You had spent the entire afternoon at this cozy coffee shop across the town, catching up with some people you hadn’t seen in far too long. Some you knew from your school days, a few you met at this language course you’ve been taking over the past year, and others were simply friends of friends. Heeseung was one of the latter - a friend of a friend.
You’d hung out only a handful of times, and always surrounded by your mutual friends, but those few instances were enough to make you feel comfortable around each other. Well, you had to admit, it was difficult not to feel comfortable around someone as warm-hearted as Heeseung.
Around his friends, he was silly - always the first one to offer a witty comment or make the room burst into laughter with his intentionally bad jokes. But his soul also carried a rather gentle side. You could see it in the way his eyes would crinkle ever so slightly when he saw a cute dog run by, the way he would be the first one to stand when an elderly couple got onto the bus, or the way he wordlessly held the door open for you - just like he did mere seconds ago.
The coffee shop had smelled like burnt espresso and something sweet you couldn’t quite place your finger on. Cinnamon, maybe – the kind of scent that clung to your clothes even after you had stepped outside into the cool air. In spite of your jacket pulled up beneath your chin, you could feel the chill in the nightly breeze as you stepped onto the sidewalk. Winter was long over, but evenings like this made it seem like spring hadn’t quite arrived just yet.
“I’ll see you next week then,” your friend uttered into your ear as you embraced each other one more time, referring to your shared Tuesday evening class. They, too, then turned their back to you before joining the others, who had already put a few meters of distance between themselves and the now empty coffee shop to your left. A few more waves were shared, your friends’ laughter trailing behind them as they wandered down the street, before you turned towards the other person left on the sidewalk with you.
Heeseung’s gaze had already settled on your smaller figure, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jean jacket in an attempt to keep warm. You mirrored his gaze for a moment, mustering his face. His sharp features were softened by the warm light of the street lamp beside you, illuminating his expression just enough for you to take note of the expectant look he was regarding you with.
Offering him a small smile, you mirrored his stance by shoving your hands into the pockets of your coat as well. He must’ve taken note of your action as he let out a small chuckle, glancing down briefly before meeting your eyes again, a familiar and benign shimmer in his brown orbs. “Let’s go then,” he started, “before you miss your bus.”
You nodded, humming in agreement, and taking a few steps in the opposite direction of your friends, who had now fully left your earshot. Heeseung comfortably fell into step beside you, the quiet crunch of your shoes against the pavement the only sound emitting from the pair of you for a moment - though it was barely loud enough to cover the occasional humming of cars rushing past only a few streets away.
Streetlights flickered overhead, their uneven glow painting patches on the otherwise dark sidewalk, while every other window you passed by lit up the right side of your face gently. On your left, Heeseung matched your pace, walking leisurely between yourself and the empty street.
Your shoulders were far from touching, yet his stride left him just close enough to glance at your face every now and then and make out the content expression you carried. It was as if this space between you had been measured long ago and found to be just right.
Small comments drifted between the two of you, light and for the most part unimportant. “The new coffee shop down that road”--you let out, gesturing vaguely toward an alleyway on the other side of the street as you were walking past it–”apparently has some of the best matcha lattes in town.” Your voice was barely loud enough to float over the night air, yet the man next to you caught your words with ease.
He tilted his head slightly, his gaze following your gesture as he let out a low hum to showcase his intrigue. “Maybe we should try it sometime,” he murmured, his voice casual, and his eyes not daring to lock with yours, instead finding the geometrical pattern of the sidewalk in front of him a more interesting sight.
The action made you subconsciously interpret his words as a mere passing suggestion, brushing it off as a comment made simply out of kindness. Your eyes remained on his figure for barely a second more before drifting back onto the street in front of you.
“We’ll see if we can even get a table.” Chuckling lightly, you adjusted the strap of your bag. Your voice drifted off slightly, your following comment being more of a spoken thought rather than fuel to a fruitful conversation: “I’ve heard it’s always packed…” Out of the corner of your eye you could make out Heeseung nodding. Quiet, but attentive.
Although the boy was ever so jolly when surrounded by his friends, whenever it was just the two of you Heeseung seemed rather reserved - though more so in his words than his actions. When you threw out small comments like you did just now, he always made sure to let you know he was listening. Interested hums or nods of agreement appeared almost intuitively.
Many of his movements seemed instinctive - so casual, that you didn’t even take note of them in a conscious manner. Like the way he subtly shifted closer to the edge of the sidewalk as you were bidding farewell to your friends to ensure he would be shielding you from where the pavement met the road on your short walk to the bus stop.
Rounding the corner onto a slightly busier street, your gaze caught the illuminated sign of the bus stop, now only a few meters away. A modest metal bench, its blue paint chipped at the corners, sat underneath the dimly glowing sign as it was flickering slightly against the backdrop of the dark buildings behind it.
Your steps slowly came to a halt, Heeseung still standing between you and the wide street, fishing his phone out of his back pocket. He took a glance at the time as his bright phone screen caused his eyes to narrow slightly.
“Your bus should be here any minute now,” he voiced before raising his gaze to meet yours, his phone screen fading into darkness as he lowered his hand. You turned your body slightly, searching for an electronic timetable just below the bright sign, but being disappointed in your search. It seemed that this part of town hadn’t gotten a taste of the new and convenient bus stop electronics. So, you angled your body back towards Heeseung.
“Yours is only a few minutes after mine, right?” you recalled the conversation you had at the coffee shop earlier. You were met with a nod as Heeseung shot you a small smile, his lips pursing during the action. A shiver ran down your spine, though you weren’t sure if it was from the cool breeze or the way you felt bad for letting him wait for his bus all on his own. “Are you sure? I mean, you don’t have to wait with me if there’s another bus you–”
He interrupted your words gently by shaking his head with underlying confidence. “It’s fine. Really, I don’t mind,” he reassured you, his tone light, like this was the easiest decision he ever had to make. His posture relaxed, his hands slipping back into the pockets of his jacket as he kept his gaze on your features.
A frown appeared on your face, unhappy with the situation but without a plausible way of changing it. You knew he would be fine - the wait for his bus was barely five minutes long - but you still couldn’t shake the uncomfortable feeling in your stomach.
With a pensive look your eyes flickered to the road behind Heeseung, before being dragged back to his features when a low chuckle escaped him. “You’re not leaving me behind,” he replied unassumingly to the thoughts you hadn’t even voiced yet. He did this often - keeping his steady gaze on you as your thoughts wandered off, your mind too busy to notice his attentive stance. His reaction always seemed so effortless, accompanied by a genuine smile or a small laugh, leaving a soothing feeling in your chest.
A small smile tugged at your lips as this reassuring feeling washed up in you once more, though you didn’t have much time to take it in. The distant roar of an approaching engine grew louder and louder by the second, the headlights of the bus causing harsh shadows to fall behind the pair of you.
“Text me when you get home?” You pulled up the strap of your bag once more, keeping your eyes on Heeseung as you took a step towards the edge of the sidewalk. The man nodded, his eyes briefly looking you up and down before returning to your expectant orbs. “Yeah.” His gaze remained steady, a look in his eyes that you could not read. “You too.”
The bus rolled up to the curb beside you, its doors unfolding with a mechanical sigh. Yet you lingered for just a second longer, taking in Heeseung’s familiar stance in front of you - hands in his pockets, his shoulders relaxed, head slightly bowed, and his eyes still set on you. There was something in the way he stood, something so unwavering and natural, that made you feel unusually safe for no reason at all.
Tearing your gaze from him you turned around, stepped onto the bus, and made your way down the aisle. The bus was almost empty, plenty of seats still up for the taking, yet your pursuit of a perfect space was cut short when the vehicle pulled off with a quick jerk. Falling into the first best seat, you barely caught Heeseung’s figure still standing on the sidewalk before quickly losing sight of him.
Heeseung stayed where you had left him, the faint yellow glow of the streetlamps illuminating his surroundings. He didn’t dare to move until your bus was completely out of sight, until it turned a corner and its red taillights were gone behind some dark building. Then, and only then did he turn and begin walking back the way you two had come - around the corner and toward the now quiet stretch of road that your friends had wandered down earlier.
He wasn’t planning on taking the next bus. In fact, he lived on the opposite side of the town from you, just a few blocks away from that dainty coffee shop. It was quicker for him to just walk home.
But you didn’t need to know that.
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