For Lovers Who Hesitate⠀🪐⠀LHS
The three times Heeseung revealed his heart to you and the one time you actually noticed.
or ⠀Something about Heeseung saying he’s not good at talking about or showing his feelings, so he does it through small gestures that may seem mundane to an onlooker, yet hold a lot of meaning for him.
part 3 of 4
part 1 ⠀ part 2
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pairing⠀non-idol!heeseung x reader
wc⠀2.2k
contains⠀fluff, slow burn, friends to lovers ??, shy heeseung and oblivious reader
listen to ⠀jannabi - for lovers who hesitate
a/n⠀i genuinely reach some kind of flowstate when i write after midnight … so enjoy ! if you can recognize the show that i’m referring to in this, you’ll get a cookie ~ again, let me know if you’d like to be tagged in the fourth and final part ♡
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🕯️⠀The Third Time
“This is definitely at the top of my bucketlist.”
You sat on the floor in front of the dark grey couch, your back resting lightly against the edge of the rather firm cushion. In an attempt to get as comfortable as possible on the carpet, which covered the majority of the living room, you had pulled your knees up in front of you. Your feet rested just in front of the coffee table, on which empty takeout containers were stacked unevenly, the faint scent of soy sauce still lingering in the air.
In an attempt to convey your thoughts in a more sincere manner, you clasp your hands in front of your chin, staring at the TV screen on the wall for a second longer. The show you’d been watching was paused mid-frame, the characters frozen in an elaborate setting that had urged you to share your thoughts, which you were still busy gathering as you let your eyes dart across the room.
Heeseung was never one for interior design. Many corners in his home had been scarcely filled, many surfaces empty, many shelves either not decorated at all or loaded with random items he posited there once, just to forget about them - fully built Lego sets, a pair of sunglasses you’d never seen him wear, his three separate gaming keyboards … you name it.
Yet over time, with more and more friends setting foot in his four walls, the space became rather lived in. With various pillows scattered across the couch, wall shelves filled with small gifts and cherished memories, magazines strewn across the living room table, and a TV cabinet filled with different controllers and some sought after vintage games, Heeseung’s living quarters started to feel more and more homey.
Especially at times like these, after the sun had already set and the main source of light was the warm glow of the lamp standing in the corner, the room was filled with a cozy and serene atmosphere. The boy’s most recent prized possessions were some led strips, which were cleverly hidden behind the cabinets. Their colourful shine added at least a bit more life to the otherwise black and white interior of the room, which you appreciated more than you had first expected.
“Being an empress?” Your wandering gaze was pulled to the man sitting next to you as he let out a small chuckle along with his comment. “I think you were born a little too late for that.” His tone was warm, yet slightly sarcastic as his eyes met yours with an intrigued glance, his eyebrows raised ever so slightly.
Heeseung was sitting to your left, having settled comfortably on the rug next to you - however his focus seemed to be less on the paused TV show in front of you, and much more on your figure. He was turned sideways, his right arm resting on the couch cushions as one of his legs was folded beneath him, the other sprawled out to the side, causing half of it to disappear underneath the low coffee table.
The space between you was the same as always - maybe an arm’s length, your bodies not touching but not sitting on opposite sides of the carpet either. If you wanted to, you could easily reach up and place your hand on Heeseung’s shoulder - or move that one strand of hair out of his face that somehow kept falling over his eyes, no matter how often the boy brushed it back.
This wasn’t the first time that it was just the two of you hanging out in his space.
The first time you had entered his apartment, you were sandwiched between your friends, holding a few boxes of chinese takeout. Heeseung’s apartment wasn’t huge, yet his big and open living area offered just the right amount of space for late night group hangouts.
But as the weeks went by, these small get-togethers thinned out bit by bit. People started leaving earlier, or stopped showing up altogether. Plans made in the group chat shifted from ‘everyone’ to ‘just the few people who are available’, until the conversation eventually moved to Heeseung’s and your private chat altogether. Until it had become this - just you and him, spending lazy evenings on his couch, showing each other shows that one couldn’t believe the other hadn’t seen yet.
“No- That’s not what I mean.” Your gaze continued to roam around, exploring every crevice of the space around you like you had hidden your thoughts in there earlier and were now trying to dig them back up.
“Wearing such a beautiful Romantic or even Victorian gown, surrounded by the stunning architecture of a baroque palace.” You pointed towards the screen in front of you, which was displaying an extravagant frame focusing on two characters in the midst of a large, beautifully adorned hall. “Look, imagine waltzing around such a gorgeous ballroom, arm in arm with your loved one, your lavish dress flowing with your movements as you twirl and turn with such practiced ease-”
You let your voice fade out at the end of your sentence, leaning forward in fascination as you brought your knees down and opted to cross your legs in front of you instead. “I mean, there has to be a place that offers an experience like this, no? It has to exist - somewhere in Europe, surely.”
Turning your head, you look at Heeseung for an answer, knowing all too well that he wouldn’t be able to provide one. Still, you kept your big eyes set on his figure that was lounging comfortably against his couch. Heeseung always seemed the most at ease when he was in his own space, existing just like this - his figure clad in wide sweatpants, a simple T-shirt and a checkered flannel he had thrown on just moments before you had entered his apartment.
“I don’t know what you’re looking at me for,” Heeseung let out a giggle as he lifted both of his hands next to his head, clearly amused by your thought process, “I have no idea.” His eyes crinkled slightly as he moved them towards the TV, then back to you. You mirrored his actions, a small chuckle escaping your lips as you lean your back against the couch cushions once more.
Your breath caught in your throat as another thought rushed to the front of your mind, eager to escape. “You know, I love all the subtle juxtapositioning in this show,” you let out, gesturing vaguely toward the TV and then somewhere else entirely. “The way her life before and after the marriage is portrayed with such stark contrasts, so many metaphors… Like all the open fields and forests turn into enclosed, rigid spaces within the castle walls.”
Sometimes you surprised even yourself with how eloquent you were able to express yourself when speaking about something that intrigued you, that you had spent hours mulling over in your head out of awe or pure fascination. If you were with any other friend of yours, you would’ve kept these thoughts to yourself, afraid of boring them or stealing their precious time. But Heeseung always listened.
You could feel his gaze on you as your words tumbled over each other, excitement bubbling up inside of you. Animatedly, you brought your hands up to gesture at nothing in particular before resting them on your lap again, your eyes drifting around the room the way they always did when you were rambling about your favourite subjects. The messy bookshelf across the room, the window that mirrored back your own reflection, the chopsticks that laid disregarded on the coffee table. Anywhere but him.
Every now and then, Heeseung hummed softly in agreement, reminding you that he was still there, still listening attentively. His small sounds anchored you, reassured you that he didn’t mind your elaborate descriptions and interpretations.
You’ve always felt comfortable around Heeseung, his presence in your space oddly calming yet endearing at the same time - close, warm, and solid as he was sitting next to you like this, in a manner you had experienced a handful of times before. Sometimes he talked and you listened, sometimes you talked and he listened. Sometimes neither of you spoke, focusing on whatever show you were drawn to instead, or simply bathing in the pleasant silence.
You liked sitting here. Liked that he never rushed you or scrambled to fill every silence himself. Liked that you could just exist in each other’s spaces.
A cool draft slipped into the room through some small crevice, brushing against your skin. You couldn’t pinpoint where it had come from exactly, yet it caused a small shiver to run down your spine. Subconsciously, you tugged the sleeves of your thin sweater down over your hands as you continued your chatter, unfazed.
“It’s just so well done, so well thought-out, I could-”
Mid-sentence, your words stopped short as you noticed something warm settling over your lap, covering your crossed legs and your hands which were resting absently in your sleeves.
You blinked, momentarily confused as your gaze fell downwards. A checkered flannel enveloped your lower half gently, a flannel that seemed weirdly familiar to you.
Slowly, you lifted your gaze to the boy sitting next to you, mustering his figure. Heeseung’s arms were bare now, the flannel gone from where it had been draped around his shoulders earlier. You hadn’t heard him move, hadn’t noticed him taking it off, even, too engulfed in your own theories and thoughts about this TV show you so adore.
Blinking again, your gaze met his brown orbs, which were looking at you intently. Composed and with an underlying confidence, like he wasn’t trying to gauge your reaction. He just looked at you - eyes soft, mouth curved into the smallest smile, like he’d found something so amusing and captivating, he couldn’t tear his eyes from it even if he tried.
You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. No matter how hard you tried to form a sensible remark, your brain was seemingly wiped clear of all thoughts, as all you could do was stare at the boy next to you, an unreadable expression on your face. The words you’d been so eager to share just seconds ago had slipped away, leaving only the weight of the flannel draped across your lap and the warmth of his attention engulfing you.
It’s not the action itself that stole all the words from the tip of your tongue. Heeseung had always been ever so thoughtful, had always treated you kindly - holding doors open for you, handing you your favourite snacks - these small, selfless efforts of his were nothing new.
It’s the way he did it - so instinctively, like it was the only plausible thing to do in that given moment, followed by the tranquil and satisfied look in his eyes as his gaze never left your figure. He moved with such certainty, like he had done this a million times before, when in reality this bordered a line you had yet to cross.
The room somehow felt smaller, as if the usually carefully measured space between you had quietly narrowed without your permission.You became acutely aware of how close he really was, of his woody scent that had always been floating around his apartment, yet was enveloping you from all sides now. Unable to tear your gaze from him, you could hear your heartbeat thrumming in your ears, almost scared that he would eventually hear it, too.
At your silence, Heeseung let out a gentle giggle, lifting one hand to gesture vaguely in your direction. “Go on,” he said, voice warm, encouraging. The gentle grin stayed on his lips, as if he hadn’t just knocked the air out of your lungs.
To be honest, the show itself had lost his attention somewhere around the second episode, but you hadn’t.
He had paid much more attention to your sometimes snarky, sometimes dreamy comments than to any remarks made by the characters on the screen. Even as you were sharing your anecdotes with him, he could barely recognise the scenes you were referring to.
Instead, he found much more interest in the way your face shifted as you spoke so animatedly, the way your brows drew together and your head tilted ever so slightly when you foraged for just the right words. The way your voice softened when you spoke about details that mattered most to you, your hand moving to cover your heart in order to express the sincere nature of your words.
His hums, his nods that he felt you weren’t even noticing, were all carefully timed as he made sure to not interrupt you mid-sentence. Vigilantly, his gaze stayed on your figure, never even drifting to the illuminated TV screen or his phone. He instantly noticed the shiver running through you, moving to rid himself of his flannel before he could question his actions.
There was no conscious decision behind it, no pause to weigh whether he should or shouldn’t. He just did.
And for the first time since you’d started talking, sitting there with your eyes locked and a thousand emotions swirling behind them, you had no idea what would happen next.
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💌⠀@akaania @en-chantedtomeetyou @f-nari @faeriwonz @yjwluvs
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