Risotto Nero driving headcanons:
• He’s never having a good time, when he’s in a car.
• But when he’s in the car, he’s driving. He won’t even indulge any backtalk, he’s driving the car and that’s final.
• It makes him feel, as if he can control the fate of everyone in the car.
• There will be no music playing in the car, nor will there be any loud talk. If you dare start an argument, he will give you a warning glare through the mirror. If you ignore it, he will pull over and start yelling at you.
• He drives carefully and slowly, much to the dismay of a couple of La Squadra members (Prosciutto and Ghiaccio especially).
• He gets road rage but internalises it. You’ll just see his face darken more and more. The reason he gets road rage is due to other peoples reckless driving. He doesn’t honk, doesn’t swear, he just simmers internally.
• That is until you are confronted with a drunk driver. Then he starts angrily mumbling profanities under his breath.
• He has once watched a drunk driver pull over at the gas station and followed them there. No one in La Squadra questioned him as he got out, followed the driver to the bathroom and then returned with blood on his hands. None dared, due to the dangerous look on his face.
• If he had a sip of something alcoholic, he’s taking public transport.
• If he relapses, La Squadra is forced to take public transportation when on a mission with him. Have you ever seen assassins on a bus? Yeah, no. It looks ridiculous.
Unbeknownst to La Squadra, all of these behaviours stem from his cousin’s death.
• He’s not having a fun time, because he was in the car with his cousin.
• His cousin was driving and swerved in the last moment, so the drunk driver, who had come out of nowhere, hit only him and not a younger Risotto too. Risotto wants to be the only casualty, should an accident happen.
• He couldn’t control fate then, but now he maybe can.
• He needs to remain alert. While his cousin was a very safe driver and would never have gotten into an accident, Risotto wants to make extra sure he and anyone else in the car is safe. Risotto feels that hyper vigilance can save him, even from an act of human stupidity. Should you disrupt his concentration, you endanger yourself and everyone in the car.
• He’s in constant survival mode once he enters the car.
• Reckless drivers endanger other people’s lives. He cannot handle the thought that one of these drivers might kill someone like his cousin. But a honk might jump-scare other drivers and cause an accident anyway. Also swearing never solved anything.
• If you get drunk and get behind a wheel, you have no respect for human lives and in Risotto’s eyes, you are the same bastard who murdered his cousin.
• He can’t drive a car drunk and he can’t get into one with you driving.