i didn’t even realize it was TDOV until sort of too late. last year i was in rough shape and said i hoped i’d be better this year... but this year is even worse.
i miss all my friends’ great selfies from the last two years, because I really enjoyed TDOV as not just a way to make cis people recognize us, but as a celebration among ourselves to revel in being bright and vivid individuals who deserve to be visible and celebrated. this year it feels like my entire dash is “i’m trans, please help me, i am in the following awful circumstance and it’s hopeless”. it’s tragic and it feels so deeply sad. i wish i could donate to everyone, but i’m on the verge of putting up my own donation page and have no money to spare.
in a month i can find out whether and when i’ll have surgery, and hopefully by september I’ll have it and it’ll be done, and about 20 years of hating this one part of my body can be over. i’ve pinned a lot of hopes on how i’ll feel about myself afterwards, but at least i’ll be able to cross one thing off the list.
i’m in a really bad place right now, so I guess i’m just going to spend this TDOV wishing the same thing I did last year. i want to be there for TDOV ‘18, and i want to post pictures and feel like i’m celebrating something again.