#pathetic stuff

[midirecovery]

Well. We had a fun evening together and goofed around and I looked cute and even had strangers stop and tell me how pretty I was and still - bf and I just watched star wars and did not have sex, despite me even mentioning i was horny lmao. I'm starting to wonder if he's even sexually attracted to me anymore. I know he's depressed but it's really bumming me out and I'm so pent up. Can't help but think about how he used to pull at me and undress me all the time. Now I basically have to beg for it. Doesn't feel good folks 🫡

[avaischaotic]

Reading on how Seth Rogen was censored 😑

[tenthdocter]

Fuck me! They made hard work of that! But I guess this is just our level now unfortunately 🤷🏽‍♂️ but hey a win is a very rare miracle nowadays so I'll take it lol!

[nagashika]

fuck everything

i still cant fucking understand... did i do something wrong? wasn’t i mature enough? was it bc i can’t afford many things? .... i cant even cry, im just sad and.... 

i should have not became so attached.. and dedicate her all these nice songs.... 

why these things happen every single time i feel like everything is alright? crap... 

for the love of god, please dont hate me.... everythine i see your name online i fight the urge to talk to you because it seems you didn’t want to keep talking after we broke up... i cant figure out the ways you said you were being harmful to me, tbh i think that is complete bullshit... i wanted you to be sincere with me, to talk about what was happening, but you didnt wanted to.... im sorry if i ever hurt you by not being able to be physically there.... im sorry if i ever made a mistake, or if i couldnt fullfill your expectations.... im sorry you had to keep up with my dysphoria and gender issues.... 

shit, i miss you so much... i miss you so fucking much

[astraltus]

I feel like my brain is just literally dissolving day by day. Every time I wake up my entire body just feels stiff and heavy no matter how well I slept. My head always feels hollow. My thinking is so fogged over constantly and it makes it so hard to stay focused on the simplest thing or talk to people and comprehend the conversation fully.

I don’t know how I survived having a job for 6 months. I really don’t. Quitting was regrettable but I’m also glad I don’t have to be in public all the time anymore. But since then.. it’s like it became harder to do those things. I leave the house about once a week, sometimes once every two weeks. I don’t go outside for more than 2 minutes to take out the trash the few times that I do. When I do go into public now I sweat buckets and rub my hands all over my neck and wring my clothes out of anxiety. I bet I look stupid.

My refusal to drive more is upsetting my parents. Actually everything I do is upsetting my parents but I just don’t know what to do. I feel so empty and weak and fatigued every waking moment. I’ve tried therapists, anti-Ds, other things but it’s no different. I just don’t feel truly present in reality 95% of the time. My emotions and reactions to things don’t make sense to me. My avoidance of things I actually enjoy also doesn’t make sense to me. The only thing that makes sense to me is that I’m fucking depressed as shit and I wish I could go back and cut the start of all this off at the source. My head hurts.

[madmanswords]

I have an interview Thursday for a job I don’t want because all of the jobs I do want don’t want me.

This job search makes me feel like such a useless human being. Like, I can’t get any job that I’d find even remotely fulfilling. Maybe this is the universe telling me that I’m not allowed to be happy.

Like, I applied for a “taste taster” position because it would be stupid, but at least I’d be tasting stuff, so that’s something. And they said that position is filled, offering me a job filling bags with coffee. But a job’s a job, right.

I just want to be an editor.

At least I’ll be able to think about the fact that my play is being put on. I wonder who the director will be. 

[emailwizard]

It's mine and Jessi's 3 year friendaversary and i had a breakdown earlier and apparently this is the first time she's seen me cry. She said I was always so put together, she didn't know I got like this.

[igooutwalkingaftermidnight]

i just wanna fuck yano like i;m TIRED of being a virgin. all i've ever done is kissed a guy (hardly) and a girl (long story) but like???? i'm 18 yano ppl my age have sex all the time and i can't even land a boyfriend what the fuck is wrong with me. i'm going to be in college this time next year like if i don't get a boyfriend by then i'm done i'm out goodbyE