Bromance on slippery ice
published 25. oct. 2014
Without close friends, the hero doesn't function. Both Patrick Thoresen and Mats Zuccarello Aasen hired a friend to avoid loneliness in Russia.
91 kg and 182 cm tall. Thoresen is a very tough and aggressive player. He blocks and works hard all over the ice. Gifted offensively as a scorer, but perhaps even more so as a playmaker. - KHL.ru, Russian website
He is called the "dragon from Hamar", Patrick Thoresen, known for brutal tackles on the ice.
"Bromance" (no. bromantikk): is used to describe an unusually close friendship between two heterosexual men. - Urban Dictionary
In 2009, he sits in the locker room in the Russian city of Ufa, surrounded by 20 Russians and Eastern Europeans. They laugh and pass around a cell phone with a text message. The cell phone is passed past him, but no one shows it to him. Patrick pays attention, but doesn’t understand anything. Everything is in Russian. He wants to ask, “What are you laughing at?” but by now he’s tired of asking.
The dragon is lonely.
– You feel left out because you don’t get to be part of what’s going on. No matter what it is, whether it’s gossip or a story about the girl one of the guys brought home this weekend. You’re not a part of it, says Patrick.
The locker room culture in ice hockey is something quite unique. Players can stay in the locker room for over an hour after practice just to chat. It used to be a big part of Patrick's life. It was in the locker room that he made new friends. The loss of the social side of his sport affected him deeply.
– I lost a part of me. It’s the locker room culture that I like about my sport. Without that time every day, I wasn’t part of anything. I was lonely. It wasn’t a good feeling. Sometimes he would poke a teammate and ask if he could explain what they were talking about, what was so funny. The teammate would explain briefly, but if Patrick wanted to follow the conversation further, he would have to ask again. He tried to get to know the others by asking them questions, but no one asked anything back.
– I was always the one who had to initiate all conversations. There is a limit to how often you can be bothered to ask.
From the wasteland of hockey
At the same time, the Russians made it very clear that he had a lot to prove. In 2009, there were no other Norwegians in Russian ice hockey. – They often said “what are you doing here?” and “hey hey, you need to calm down a bit now, you’re just a Norwegian”. They had never heard of a Norwegian being good at hockey.
The team Salavat Yulaev in the world's second toughest hockey league, the KHL, had taken a chance on a Norwegian player. In the Russian league they played hockey with finesse, it had to be beautiful to watch. The pressure to perform weighed heavily. He felt it was a matter of time before the club's owners would lose patience.
THE REBEL: The team Salavat Yulaev is named after a regional rebel hero. Photo: private, Kim Frydenberg
– They pay a lot for the players and expect us to deliver from day one. I managed to get a few points on the ice, so it went tolerably well. But I performed far from what I had hoped for. It wasn't good enough for the Russians either.
Almost every day started with long training sessions of up to three hours. While the others killed time in the locker room chatting, he had the choice between trying to hang out or going home. There he laid his exhausted body down on the sofa in an empty 150-square-meter apartment.
Ufa is closer to Kazakhstan than the capital Moscow. The city has a million inhabitants in the city center. For the residents, ice hockey was everything. Apart from the local team, there was nothing. At least for a Norwegian who didn't speak the language. Patrick passed the time by watching films and TV series. He often called home, to his friends and family in Norway. He would have to tell them how the Norwegian was doing on the border with Siberia. The pressure to perform and the feeling of loneliness was not easy to live with. The dream of a professional career hung so high. This would be a long season.
One evening he was talking to his childhood friend Kim Frydenberg. Patrick doesn't remember who first came up with the idea, but suddenly it was there. What if Kim just moved to Russia?
FOR NORWAY: Patrick Thoresen has played for the Norwegian national team. He is one of Norway's highest-paid athletes, with an income of 20 million kroner in 2012. Photo: Larsen, Håkon Mosvold / NTB scanpix
Intimate friends
For Patrick Thoresen, loneliness and the lack of a close friend became so great that he felt it was affecting his chance of success.
Loneliness is regularly called the new epidemic in the media, but according to the Central Bureau of Statistics (Statistisk Sentralbyrå), it is trending in a completely different and surprising direction.
In the last 20 to 30 years, more Norwegians have gained close friends. In the 80s, one in four Norwegians answered that they lacked a confidante. In recent surveys, only five percent answer the same.
At the same time, the number of Norwegians who say they are suffering from loneliness has remained very stable. Despite the fact that more people are getting divorced and more people are living alone than before.
– The biggest change in recent years is clearly that more people have close friends, says researcher Anders Barstad at the Central Bureau of Statistics. The Central Bureau of Statistics (SSB) conducts research on Norwegians' social habits and contact in the Living Conditions Survey.
– In addition, people place more importance on the quality of their friendships. More people have friends they say they can tell everything to, or would trust in a crisis.
The less stable family relationships and the loss of the traditional extended family are the reason why many fear that more people will become lonely. At the same time, Norwegians have proven themselves good at adapting. The fact that friendship has become more important for Norwegians is part of the adaptation, researchers believe.
– Friendship is more flexible and fits better into our new everyday life. Friends are something you choose, while family is something you are assigned. It fits better into our individual focused society.
For Patrick Thoresen, it was actually the family that made him become friends with Kim Frydenberg. Patrick and Kim's parents were also best friends.
Kim to the rescue
Patrick Thoresen never shys away from a fight, and he's a devil at stealing pucks in the KHL. No one can question his work ethic or intensity. Theleafsnation.com, Canadian webpage
They have known each other since they were in diapers. Even when Patrick and his family moved from Oslo to Hamar, the two families would continue to spend their summers and Easter holidays together. There was no one but Kim Frydenberg who could have put their entire life in Oslo on hold to help Patrick.
– Patrick is my best friend. Someone I can tell anything, someone I trust one hundred percent. He is funny and a cool guy I laugh a lot with, says Kim.
UFA: The town had a restaurant that the friends often went to. Here is Kim Frydenberg with Monica and Patrick Thoresen, and their son Fabian. Photo: private
The plan was for him to move to Ufa for a month and see how things went. It became clear pretty early on that Kim couldn’t go anywhere.
Kim became Patrick’s “plus one.” At team dinners, the other players brought their wives, but Kim sat next to Patrick.
“As soon as Kim was there, something happened. I got a kind of spark, I became a happier man,” says Patrick. He can’t put his finger on what it was, but he had someone waiting for him at home. Someone he could have dinner and lunch with. Someone he could talk to about the other players on the team, because Kim was the only one of his friends who knew who the other players were.
I got a new spark and became a happier person. I had someone to talk to about things that annoyed me. Patrick Thoresen
With a buddy in his corner, it was easier to get to know others. He didn't have to be entertained all the time, or have all conversations translated into English.
– It's easier to get more people into your group of friends when there are two of you than when there is one. I relaxed more. I think it made it easier for others to relate to me too.
On the ice, Patrick started scoring goals and racking up points for the team. Better results on the ice also meant that he encountered more positivity in the locker room and among the owners. Since hockey means so much to the residents, he got the people of Ufa on his side as well.
A paid friend
It was clear that this could not cost Kim anything, the guy who had put his life on hold and been there for Patrick. The financial arrangement was not formalized in any contract, but functioned based on trust.
Kim was compensated nicely. We worked it out in a way that both of us were happy with, and felt this was a good deal. Patrick Thoresen
– I had a kind of sock drawer with cash in it, which Kim could use as much of as he needed. He is a smart man too, and knew where the line was. That is why there was never a problem.
The agreement was that Kim would get paid at the end of his stay, "compensation", they called it. An allowance to make up for the fact that Kim would not have the opportunity to save money or start his own career. In addition, Patrick paid all the plane tickets for Kim. Every other week, Patrick played an away game. He could be away for a week at a time. Kim would either stayed in Ufa on his own, or would go home to Norway.
But a new and unexpected problem arose.
The unconventional arrangement at home attracted attention among the Russian giants on the team. Russia is a country that has passed laws against saying anything positive about homosexuality. And now the Norwegian player had got a male roommate.
It didn't take long for suspicion to spread in the dressing room.
– They didn't quite understand this whole thing about Kim staying at my house. They asked about it many times. At first I didn't understand what they meant. "He's my friend, should he stay at a hotel? That's not possible," I replied.
Kim never got to hear the questions, but caught on to some of the commotion.
– I remember sitting at the table at a team dinner. There was someone sitting further away and giving some very strange looks, says Kim.
Patrick had to explain it in plain language.
– I had to repeat it many times, that "we like ladies. We're not lovers, we're just friends. Kim is just going to keep me company and we're going to have a great time together." It took a long time for them to let go of that suspicion.
MATS AND GLENN: Glenn Jensen is a reserve goalkeeper at Vålerenga. In 2012, he went to a small town in Russia to be a 'full-time buddy'. He was supposed to keep Mats Zuccarello Aasen company.
«Zucca» and Glenn
While Patrick was experiencing success in Russia, his national team colleague Mats Zuccarello Aasen was starting to get restless in the NHL. He didn't get the trust he needed at the New York Rangers. He was moved around and wasn't guaranteed a spot on the team.
If I feel good off the ice, I play better on the ice. That's why I asked Glenn if he wanted to come with me. Mats Zuccarello Aasen
The NHL is considered the toughest league in the world. He knew that there would be opportunities for him in the Russian league. Several teams in the KHL had expressed their interest. Since Mats knew Patrick from the Norwegian national team, he turned to him for advice.
– Just come to Russia, said Patrick.
– But you'll make it easier for yourself if you bring a friend.
Mats didn't have to think long about who it would be. He called Glenn Jensen before he even had a concrete offer on the table. “You have to come, Glenn. You know that, right?”, said Mats.
– He knew I couldn't say no, says Glenn.
The reserve goalie at the Vålerenga ice hockey club loves hockey. When the season in the US had ended and the player sales were underway, the offer came from Metallurg Magnitogorsk. Mats knew nothing about the place when he said yes to the club, but he knew that Glenn would join him.
"BROMANTIKK": Comes from the English word "bromance". It refers to a close friendship between men. Photo: private
In the summer of 2012, Mats moved to the small industrial town of Magnitogorsk. Before the season started, the team had to go through a break-in phase with a crazy training schedule. That month, Mats lived alone. He mostly didn’t move outside of the ice hockey rink, the apartment building, and the only store selling imported food. The products there were the only ones with labels he could recognize.
– I had a lot of time to myself. It was good to have a friend down there, says Mats.
Glenn packed up his study books from BI and got on the plane. It landed in the middle of the night. He had to wait until dawn before he could see what he had said yes to.
Small and tired
Magnitogorsk, a small and tired town. Every evening the city is blanketed in a thick fog from factory chimneys. Glenn borrows something from foreign correspondent Hans Wilhelm Steinfeld when describing the place
– Magnitogorsk, an industrial city at the foot of the Ural Mountains. In southern Siberia, almost on the border with Kazakhstan. It’s a long way from home.
When it got light, he wanted to explore the city. Despite everything he had heard about Russia, reality came as a shock. The apartment blocks were tall, gray concrete blocks in long rows. Buildings and facades marked by the fact that no one had had the money to repair what was broken.
– They looked like they had been built sometime in the 1930s and hadn’t been touched since. People were carrying worn-out sofas down and sitting on the lawn outside our building and drinking. Usually in the middle of the day.
The sofa-sitters were drunk and thirsty. Every day they called out to the two Norwegians, asking if they could maybe get some money for beer. While Glenn felt like he was living in some kind of fairytale, Mats was focused on ice hockey.
– Glenn got to know the city better in a week than I did in the first month. But that's how he is. I have no idea how he does it! says Mats.
Glenn had always been the one in the friendgroup in Norway that the boys relied on whenever they needed social flair. Whenever they tried to get girls to their table on a patio, Glenn was the one sent to the front.
– He makes new friends just by going to the store. I'm more withdrawn perhaps. I like to be social and be the center of attention among friends, but with people I don't know I get a little shy, says Mats.
The two got to know two Canadian players on the team. Sometimes friends also came to visit from Norway. Otherwise it was just Glenn and Mats. The city had three restaurants with English menus, and they rotated between the three. Other than that, their time went to TV games, TV series, movies, and betting. On the bookshelf were eight seasons of "One Tree Hill," a television series about coming-of-age drama and teenage angst. They have seen every episode.
– It was sad when we saw the last episode and knew it was over. Really sad, actually. The series had become an important part of our lives for a while, says Mats, only partly ironically.
THE STAR: Mats Zuccarello Aasen is one of Norway's biggest sports stars, playing for the New York Rangers. He recently signed a new one-year contract and is starting a new season. Photo: HÖÖK, PONTUS / NTB SCANPIX
Bus trip to trouble
Even for the social butterfly Glenn, it was tough living in a country where no one spoke a language he could understand. He experienced Russians as not very open, mostly concerned with their own interests. He had a soul-setting encounter with the language barrier on a bus trip along the Ural Mountains.
Mats' team was going to play a game in the neighboring town. A bus full of Metallurg fans was going to the game, and the manager asked if Glenn wanted to join.
“The local game was a hate match,” says Glenn. That's why it was a little extra interesting.
– How far is it? I asked. “Only three hours or something,” Mats replied. So I said yes, Glenn says.
It would turn out to be the longest 8.5 hours of his life.
A group of happy Russian fans had noticed that he was friends with Mats. They wanted to chat a bit with the Norwegian, in Russian. Glenn could only nod and smile, the fans did not give up. He had to wait for them to realize that he wasn’t going to learn Russian during the bus ride. It would be a long time before he attended another away game.
"PROFESSIONAL BUDDY": Kim Frydenberg brought Glenn Jensen into the VIP box when Patrick and Mats played together on the ice in 2012. Mats played for Salavat Yulaev, while Patrick had moved on to SKA St. Petersburg. Photo: private
Mats says they could sometimes hate each other, but Glenn can't remember them ever arguing. Except for every time Mats cheated to win a bet.
– We know each other so well that I can recognise him by his mood. We understand when we should step aside and stuff like that, so it went really well, says Glenn.
– Glenn and I can be together for a whole day without talking. That's how you know we're good buddies. If we had to entertain each other all the time, it would have been too tiring. It wouldn't have worked, says Mats.
Mats won't say anything about how the finances worked. He jokes that Glenn had to make do with room and board.
What would it have been like without Glenn?
– I do better on the ice when I'm having a good time off it too, says Mats.
Back to New York
Success in Russia at this point in his career was so important for future opportunities that Mats could hardly have moved there without Glenn. The one season in Metallurg Magnitogorsk gave him so much playing time that he became a better player.
– It was very important to have a friend with me. Glenn was the perfect friend to have. I really appreciate that, says Mats.
After the season, he signed for the New York Rangers again. He moved back to the big city and had a fantastic season. It ended with him receiving an honorary award for being the player who contributed that little bit extra to the team. “He’s a small man, with a big game,” said the policeman who presented the award.
– I’ve tried to tell Glenn, but maybe I don't say it often enough. That I’m very happy he came with me.
Norway suddenly became interested in hockey when Mats helped take the team to the playoffs in the American league. Now he has signed a new one-year contract with the Rangers and is starting the season.
Glenn came with him in the beginning, but now lives in Oslo where he is a reserve goalie for Vålerenga.
– It has been fun to be part of Mats' career, he includes his friends a lot and we feel like we are part of the journey.
You have followed Mats since you played hockey together. Have you ever wished it was you on the ice?
– I realized early on that Mats was a better player than me. It's not something I'm bitter about. I'm just happy for Mats.
THE DRAGON: - I came from Storhamar Dragons. That's why I was called the Dragon by friends, says Patrick Thoresen. He is known for brutal tackles on the ice, but in private he is a family man. PHOTOS courtesy of Viasat.
Best case, a concussion
18 seconds before the final whistle, Patrick Thoresen attacked captain Alexei Morozov's head. The national team captain has suffered a concussion or worse. We are waiting to get a diagnosis. KHL.ru
Patrick Thoresen has shaved off the blond curls that made fans sometimes call him a jeans model. Now he has a three-day beard, but two-day hair.
– Kim and Glenn have something in common. They are both put together in such a way that they always fit into an environment. They adapt to their surroundings very easily.
When the Russians got to know Kim, they quickly took him into the warmth. He became part of the "family". The radar-couple established some new routines. Every time Patrick had played a match, they went to their favorite restaurant Larouche, run by the Frenchman Sebastian. He became a friend who sat down at the table after the guests had left.
Patrick always ordered the same thing. Pepper steak.
Well, that pepper steak is the best I've ever eaten! And I've eaten a lot of pepper steak, in a lot of restaurants over the years, says Patrick.
– It's not that we did a whole lot together, we just hung out and relaxed. Talking about everything and nothing. About the people back home or the Russians on the team.
Back home in Norway lived his wife Monica with their two children, aged six and four. Patrick and Monica have been together since they were teenagers. Some evenings, after a little more beer than pepper steak, Patrick could find his phone and call home, choked with tears.
– Leaving the kids and Monica is the hardest thing I've ever done. I missed two years of a pretty fun phase with the kids, I would never do that again. At the same time, I felt like I was sacrificing it to secure our future together, says Patrick.
His career in Russia took off. He won the league twice with Salavat Yulaev and became the first Norwegian to call himself a Russian champion. The newspapers wrote that Patrick started his first season with a weak game and few points. He ended the season by setting several records in the KHL.
Off the ice, his days were pretty similar. He had several hours of training in the morning. The rest of the day was mostly about recovering, and not provoking his aching muscles too much. So he often opted for movies or TV on the couch. Together with Kim.
– He was a kind of househusband,* says Patrick and laughs.
Kim ended up being a househusband in Ufa for almost two years.
Thoresen has been a revelation for the Russian league. He wins duels like a machine over there... Someone needs to bring the electric Norwegian back to Canada! Theleafsnation.com
To pay a friend
At the same time, Patrick became perhaps Norway's highest-paid athlete, with an income of 20 million kroner in 2012. After Kim moved back to Norway, he was paid for his stay in Russia. But neither of them will go into more detail about the agreement.
– What I can say is that he received a nice compensation. I don’t want to go into that, but we solved it in such a way that both were satisfied. Both felt it was a good deal, says Patrick.
After two seasons at the club, Patrick could choose where he wanted to go. Both Moscow and St. Petersburg were possible options, Patrick chose the latter. The family has now moved to Russia. He has become a household name in Russia and his face is on big posters around the city. He credits Kim for that.
– The Russian league is tough. If you don’t deliver, you don’t get many new chances. I had few goals before Kim came to Russia. The question is how long the Russians would have been patient with me if I hadn’t started scoring, says Patrick.
– I usually say that this was something we achieved together. I delivered on the ice, and we had fun off the ice. He helped keep my spirits up, says Patrick.
Kim is grateful, but doesn’t completely agree.
– That's a cool thing for him to say. He's said it to me several times too, but I think he would have been able to achieve it regardless, says Kim.
– He's the kind of guy who grits his teeth and works his way through it. So I don't want to take any of the credit away from him.
Glenn Jensen lived with Mats Zuccarello Aasen for eight months. After the season ended, Mats went back to New York, and Glenn joined him there. Mats claims Glenn didn't get paid at all, but jokes about it.
– No, he didn't get anything. That's just how I am. He got room and board, that's enough, says Mats.
– Do you have to ask about that at all? confronts Glenn.
– I joined to help Mats. He had a unique opportunity. There was never any question of me not helping him.
Foto: Runa Victoria Engen
link to article
*Norwegian: husfar, literally translates to "housefather".
